Return to Me

  Chapter Nine

  Paige woke feeling better than she could remember feeling in a long time. Years, probably, she reflected, indulging in a languid full body stretch. Shafts of early morning sunlight filtered through the thin sheer curtains that hung at her windows in place of the dusty old brocade drapery that had probably been original to the house, much like the old lead paint that had been long since remedied.

  She was alone in the bedroom, alone in the house too, probably. Silence reigned in the halls and the only sounds she could make out were the whirring of the ceiling fan overhead and the faint song of the birds outside her window as they went about their daily business. 'Business' was something Paige knew she ought to be attending to, but the lure of a quiet space and two pillows propped beneath her head was simply too powerful a force to resist.

  Two pillows. She felt a smile play at the corners of her lips. She had always preferred two pillows over one when she slept, one pillow tucked ever so slightly below the other. She was surprised that Guy had remembered her saying so; especially after so many years. They had never actually done any sleeping together, which made the act all the more remarkable. He had taken the time to tuck the top sheet around her, as well, before covering her with a blanket. Another personal preference, albeit one she couldn’t remember ever mentioning to Guy. She let her eyes close, pulled the covers a little closer, and replayed the night in her blissfully contented mind. Her face heated at the memory of what he had done to her-what they had done together. It was everything she could’ve asked for and more. He was she could have-and had-hoped for. True, she still couldn’t wrap her head around his chosen occupation. A cop, she marveled. Who would have ever figured Guy, the original bad boy, would grow up and pursue a career in law enforcement. Certainly not her and she’d have bet an entire weeks pay that the city of Helena had been equally shocked by his one-eighty. The boy who had once taken a bat to an entire neighborhoods trash cans and mailboxes was not only serving and protecting the same community he’d once terrorized, but he was driving a cop car that he hadn’t had to steal. That particular memory brought a grin to Paige’s lips. Yes, times had certainly changed, and in more ways than one, for it looked as though she and Guy had just reconnected in a big way. She wished he would have stayed with her the entire night, woken up beside her. There was so much she wanted to say to him now. Then again, Erik was due back this morning; Guy probably hadn’t wanted to risk a scene that surely would have proven ugly and awkward, if not outright violent.

  Paige cringed, her afterglow effectively shattered. Erik would be livid when he found out what she had done. He’d never liked Guy, or trusted him, for that matter. Things weren’t any different now. If anything, the situation had only worsened over the years. Erik was more inclined to excuse what he viewed as ‘Paige’s moment of temporary idiocy’, given that she had been a teenage girl when she’d last dated Guy. But he wouldn’t be so forgiving in his assessment of her choice now. Well, she vowed, swinging slim legs over the edge of the bed and rising from its comfort, Guy had changed-a lot-and obviously for the better. Erik was just going to have to learn to accept that fact. And if he couldn’t, well, that was just too bad, because it really wasn’t up to him.

  She took the time for an unhurried shower, gleefully wringing every last drop from the modern, updated water heater and shrieking when the spray turned cold. Lotion was another luxury she allowed herself this fine morning. In New York, not much of anything was slow and languid, at least not in the morning. Paige was enjoying the change of pace immensely, falling little by little into slower, less urgent habits that had lay dormant over the past several years. God, but she’d nearly forgotten what it was like not to have to scurry and rush at the crack of dawn. Here, she was on vacation, albeit a working one. Here, there were no masses gathered in the streets, no trains to catch. In Montana she drove a car and wasn’t forced to adhere to deadlines and schedules and planning. In New York, she was forever mapping not only her days, but her routines, calculating the time and factoring in allowances for the traffic, be it foot or taxi or subway.

  The silence was another pleasant fact of her old stomping ground and one which she intended to enjoy to her hearts content. There was still noise, of course. Everyplace had its own soundtrack. But she much preferred the country flavor of wind and weather and nature to cacophony of voices that were a constant backdrop in larger cities.

  The people, she mused, applying chocolate brown liner to her eyes with a practiced hand, were the one thing she truly did miss about New York, even if she sometimes wished they were a little quieter as they went about their day. The multitude of people, the sheer number, made her feel safe. Erik had thought her crazy when she’d confessed that little bit to him a few months after they had first moved to the city. He walked around with a perpetual case of heartburn over the possibility that Paige could get mugged at any given time, even though no one they knew had actually ever been mugged. There’s a first time for everything, Erik-Mr. Adventure himself-go figure-was ever fond of repeating to her, and Paige supposed that was true enough. Still, she found large groups of people to be reassuring, at least in big cities. Here in her home town, everyone knew her and so crowds made her feel more like a bug under a microscope, an object on display when she much preferred anonymity.

  Paige wrapped an oversized towel around her and secured it under her arm before heading down the stairs in search of a sign of life. A quick perusal of the house revealed that the situation was as she suspected-she was alone in the house.

  “Huh.” Her normally smooth brow creased as she stood in the center of the living room with her hands on her hips. Heading back upstairs, she made quick work of dressing in yoga pants and a lime green tank top with white ribbing at the top and bottom, throwing on some lip gloss and snatching her cell phone from her discarded purse before bouncing back into the front room.

  She perched on one of the high back chairs that graced the room and punched in Guys’ number, listening as the line rang once, twice, three times.

  “Hello?” A sleepy voice came through on the line.

  “Hailey?” I’ll kill him.

  “Who is this?” Her old friend sounded more alert in an instant.

  “It’s Paige. Where’s Guy?” She demanded.

  “He’s sleeping. Why?” Hailey snapped.

  “Well,” She began in a thoroughly irate tone, only to pause as Erik walked through the front door with a cup of take-out coffee in each hand.

  “I-“ She began again, as a terrible thought began to take shape in her mind.

  “Paige.” Erik murmured, standing stock still in the entryway. His eyes met hers.

  “Hailey. Has Guy left the house since last night?” She asked without breaking eye contact with Erik.

  “Not that it’s any business of yours, but Guy spent the night right here in his own bed last night. Why?” She sounded more curious than angry now.

  “Thanks, bye.” Paige murmured, snapping the phone closed and swallowing against the sudden dryness in her throat.

  “Paige…” Erik set down the cardboard drink holder and held a hand out to her, pleading for an understanding that he wasn’t entirely sure he deserved.

  “It was you, wasn’t it?” She whispered.

  “Last night?”

  “Yes.”

  “Yes.” He confirmed with a nod, still watching her carefully.

  “Why?” She uttered the one word that delved straight to the crux of the matter, the only question that really mattered right then.

  “Because I love you-“

  “Oh don’t give me that!” She exploded, throwing her arms up in frustration. “Don’t you dare do this to me.”

  “I do, I always have.”

  “Erik you can’t just…just do this to me. You lied to me.” She murmured, struggling to absorb what she could plainly see. “You’re not gay.”

  “No, I’m not gay.”

  “Were you? I mean, have you eve
r been…”

  “No.” He said after several long, tense moments.

  “I see.” She exhaled before turning on her heel and stomping past him toward the kitchen.

  “No, you don’t.”

  “Hmm. Well it looks pretty obvious to me, Erik. You’ve been lying to me for years about your sexual orientation. And last night you-you-seduced me, and let me think I was making love to another man. And now-“ She paused, taking a breath and feeling like she was on the verge of hyperventilating. “What the hell, Erik.” She swore vehemently, years of memory playing through her mind in a big, humiliating slideshow. The things she had said and done in front of this man…Paige cringed before turning her back on him.

  “Don’t turn away from me. I’m in love with you.” He insisted. “I know you don’t want to hear that, but I am and I was all those years ago, the night I told you I was gay. I was going to tell you how I felt about you, and then you dropped that bombshell about Denmari’s mob associations and I knew I had to do something or end up forced away from you. So I pretended to be gay, yes, but I did it to protect you, mostly.”

  “You did it for yourself.” She scoffed, raking him with a lethal gaze.

  "Fine," He sighed after several long, tense moments, "I can’t talk to you when you're like this anyway. I'll be back tonight and then we are going to talk-about everything."

  "No," She told him without bothering to turn around, her stance remaining rigid. "I'll call you if and when I decide that we should talk. Now get out.”

  “No, we’re going to talk. Tonight.” His voice was quiet but firm.

  “What part of leave don’t you get?” She yelled, placing both hands on his chest and shoving for all she was worth. In a move that she wouldn’t have thought herself capable of, she managed to catch Erik off-guard. He shoulder hit the wall and Paige’s eyes widened briefly in surprise as he righted himself with a vehement curse.

  "Stop it!" He exploded. "You can’t just shut me out of your life as easily as you just shoved me into that wall-which is something I highly suggest you don’t try again. Ever." The warning was deceptively soft spoken. Like a panther, he looked dark and lean and lethal.

  "Take your warnings and shove them up your ass." She spun around and extended one arm toward the door. "And while you're at it shove the rest of yourself out the door. What don’t you get about me not wanting to talk to you? In fact, I don’t want anything from you at all." Which may or may not have been the truth; she was honest enough with herself to grudgingly acknowledge the fact that she was still too angry to admit to Erik.

  Then again, screw it-who set him to judge her character? It wasn’t as if she owed him her undying honesty. Not after the years long wool he had pulled over her eyes. "Get out," She repeated the terse order one final time and prayed he gave up being argumentative and just followed the command, for now at least.

  She would deal with later when it came. For now, she avoided looking him in the eye. The intensity she found in their blue depths was disconcerting.

  "Damn it, Paige." He swore, shaking his head and marching to the door, flinging it open with what Paige could only assume was pent up rage and frustration.

  Cold, clean night air washed into the kitchen and she greedily drank it in, welcoming the frigid winter offering. "Goodbye Erik." She managed, pressing her back to the wall by the shiny chrome sink and daring a final glance at his retreating form.

  "I told you I'll be back tonight."

  "I don’t want you back here."

  "Funny but you didn’t find my presence so repulsive last night." His boots crunched over frost that had accumulated on the threshold to form a thin crusty layer. He was leaving.

  "Because I thought you were Guy!"

  The instant the heated words left her lips, Paige knew she had gone too far. What on Earth had possessed her to say such a thing? She knew a moments dread when he stopped just past the doorframe, in the act of closing the door behind himself, and slowly turned. His eyes honed in on her pale face, narrowing when the full impact of her admission registered. A muscle ticked dangerously in his jaw, and Paige recognized her own harsh statement for what it was-the final blow to his already wounded pride.

  Not that she necessarily felt obligated to feel overly concerned with his masculine ego. Still...the hastily blurted statement had cut him deep, that much she could see. And she hadn’t meant her scathing comment the way he'd obviously received it. She hadn’t meant...

  "Erik I'm sorry." She wet her lips. "I didn’t mean it like that."

  "I don’t know about you," He ground out, slamming the door and stalking over to where Paige stood clutching the sink. "But I for one am sick to death of hearing about that son of a bitch! You want him? Fine. He can have you. I am done. Do you hear me Paige? I'm done."

  She jumped when his hand slammed onto the counter a foot away from her. He's all you've ever given a damn about anyway, though for the life of me I’ve never understood why."

  "Now wait just a minute," She broke in, chagrined despite the wary way she was now watching Erik.

  "No, you wait! I've got something else to say to you, beyond the obvious need to point out that you're in love with an ass that couldn’t care less about you. He forgot about you in high school and he's forgotten about you now-this time with the help of your old best friend."

  "How kind of you to point that out.” Her lips thinned.

  "And another thing," He pressed on, moving to stand directly in front of her, his mouth inches from her own. "Before you paint me to be the bad guy who lied to you all of these years, know this-I've turned my entire life upside down and inside out for you Paige. My family thinks I’m gay, for Christ’s sake. Do you even know what that's been like for me? The entire city of Helena thinks I'm gay." He bellowed.

  "And just how in the hell is that my fault?" She shouted right back, anger taking the place of apprehension.

  "You know what? It’s not your fault at all. It’s mine, for being dumb enough to want to protect you. And for being foolish enough to love you in the first place." He finished on a bitter note.

  "I never asked you to love me." Her voice shook.

  "No, you didn’t, did you?" He regarded her in silence. "You’ve never been able to see past Guy, have you? And you've never stopped trying to punish the world for what Denmari did to you."

  "You don’t know what you're talking about." She scoffed, tossing his earlier words back at him with an angry shake of her head.

  "Oh, yes I do." He whispered vehemently. "Did you know that after you left that summer, I was called 'queer' and 'faggot' for months?"

  Paige pressed her lips together but remained silent in the face of his tirade. Words hard as stone fell around her, some more uncomfortable than others. Combined with his uncharacteristic anger, it was enough to serve the dual purpose of diffusing her own rage and throwing her decidedly off balance. She had seen him angry before, but never in their long acquaintance had she been on the receiving end of his cold rage.

  "Do you know how many times my car-and my parents’ house-was vandalized after I 'came out'? Did you ever bother to ask? Did you ever give a damn about anyone else other than yourself?" He demanded when still she remained silent. "Forget it," He muttered without missing a beat, "I'm out of here."

  Paige winced as the door slammed violently behind the man who had been the only constant in her world for as long as she could remember. All that was left to do was breathe; breathe and grit her teeth against the pain and the tears and the sickening sense that something had just been irrevocably, totally, and completely broken.