Saving Grace

  She interpreted his blasphemy to mean she'd won. "Thank you," she whispered. "I knew you could be reasonable."

  She was so relieved she collapsed back into her chair. The men all sat down again.

  "We'll follow your suggestion," Gabriel announced.

  "It's a mean one, but fair." Keith sounded as though he was praising his mistress.

  "Mean?" She didn't think Keith was making any sense. The sparkle in Gabriel's eyes didn't make sense either. Was he happy he'd lost the argument?

  She glanced over to see how Father MacKechnie was reacting. He should have been smiling over the victory. He wasn't though. He was looking worried again.

  Her guard was immediately back up. "Keith, exactly what do you think is mean-hearted?"

  "It's a clever plan, m'lady, mean or not," Calum said.

  "What plan?"

  "The one you just gave us," he answered. "Don't you remember?"

  "She does have trouble remembering," Keith remarked. "She can't seem to keep her days straight. Why, even now she's wearing the wrong plaid."

  "Will someone please explain my plan to me?"

  "We're going to blind him."

  Keith gave her the atrocious news. A round of grunts followed.

  She jumped to her feet again. The men all immediately joined her.

  "I've a plan to tie m'lady to her chair," Auggie muttered. "I'm getting weary of sitting and standing every other minute."

  Johanna was getting a pounding headache. Her patience had been all used up. She ordered the men to sit down in a near roar.

  She realized she'd shouted, of course, and immediately tried to calm herself. Reason, she thought to herself, aye, she would reason with the savages.

  "Men, there is always more than one way into a keep," she began, her voice hoarse with control.

  "M'lady," Keith interrupted. "We've been over that before. Don't you have it straight in your head yet? We've got us a back door and a front…"

  "Do be quiet!" Johanna ordered in another shout. She threaded her fingers through her hair and lowered her voice when she continued. "You make me want to scream! God's truth, you do!"

  "You are screaming, m'lady," Lindsay pointed out.

  She took a deep breath. By God, she would make them listen to reason or die trying. Surely a few of them realized how sinful their idea was. It was up to her to convince the others. They were members of her clan, after all, and, therefore, her responsibility.

  "Heaven help me," she whispered.

  "What did she say?" Lindsay asked.

  "I cannot believe you would consider blinding the poor man," she cried out.

  "You gave us the idea, m'lady."

  "Keith, if I had a bowl handy, I swear I would…"

  "You're getting your mistress riled up," Auggie warned.

  She turned to her husband. "No one's going to blind the man. I won't hear of it. When I said there was more than one way into the keep, I was giving the men a lesson and I-dear God, Keith, if you try to instruct me again about the number of entrances I swear I will throw something at you-what I mean to say, husband… Oh, Lord, now I've lost my thought."

  "You were trying to remember how to get into the keep," Bryan reminded her.

  "I was not," she snapped. "I was giving you a lesson, you daft men. There's more than one way to skin a fish, you see; and if you don't want the noser to see the cave, then you simply blindfold him when you take him there."

  "We don't skin our fish here," Lindsay said. "We eat them whole."

  She wanted to kill the soldier. She glared him into silence instead.

  "You're getting her upset," Auggie shouted. "It ain't good, given her illness. Make your apology, boy," he ordered.

  "Gabriel, I want your word you won't harm the noser," Johanna demanded.

  Her husband was frowning at her. Lindsay was stammering out his apology, Keith thought it necessary to go over the number of entrances to the keep one last time, and Calum was wondering aloud if the English skinned their fish before they ate them. He believed they were ignorant enough to follow such a practice.

  "Shouldn't m'lady be wearing our colors today?" Michael, the youngest of the Maclaurin soldiers, had only just noticed the breach.

  Keith nodded. He sounded resigned when he said, "She should."

  "Auggie, what the hell did you mean when you said my wife was ailing?"

  "She fainted this afternoon, Laird," Auggie explained. "Went down like a corpse, she did."

  Gabriel's roar echoed throughout the hall. Everyone immediately fell silent.

  Two months ago, such behavior would have sent her running. Aye, she would have been terrified. She'd come a long way, she thought to herself, for Gabriel's fury merely irritated her now.

  Her ears were ringing from his bellow. She covered them with her hands and glared at her husband. "Must you do that?" she asked.

  He ignored her rebuke. "You actually fainted? You weren't pretending this time?"

  She didn't answer him. "Why does everyone have to shout all the time? I'm warning you now, men," she added as she scanned her audience. "When my mama comes here, no one's going to speak above a respectable whisper."

  The men didn't agree with her dictate fast enough. "Do you understand me?" she asked in a fair bellow of her own.

  The soldiers nodded in unison. She let out a very unladylike grunt of satisfaction. Then she caught Father MacKechnie's smile. Her attention was turned, of course, because she couldn't imagine what he found so amusing. She had to think about his odd behavior for a second or two.

  Gabriel wasn't going to be ignored. "Answer me, damn it."

  He was determined to gain a proper explanation. Her shoulders slumped. She pictured herself in bed for the next five or six months and grimaced in reaction.

  She guessed she'd better try to placate him. He was her husband, after all, and he seemed to be very distressed over her possible illness.

  "It isn't at all what it seems to be," she said. "I'm not sick."

  "Did you or did you not faint?"

  The chair flew backward when Gabriel stood up. He loomed over her like the avenging archangel she'd likened him to in her fantasies, and Lord, he was magnificent. He leaned down until his face was just inches away from hers, obviously intent on intimidating her into answering him.

  She reached up and placed her hand on the side of his face. "Promise me you won't harm the noser, then I'll explain what happened."

  He caught hold of her hand before replying. "I'm not in the mood to negotiate, wife. What reason would you have to pretend to faint in front of Auggie?"

  "It weren't a pretense, Laird. I'd be knowing the difference."

  "I'll be happy to discuss this matter in privacy with you," Johanna whispered.

  "I took her over to Glynis to gain some advice," Auggie announced.

  "Does our laird think she pretended to faint last night?" Bryan asked.

  "She's mean enough to try to trick us," Lindsay commented.

  Calum was in agreement with the Maclaurin. "Aye, she is mean enough."

  Johanna was aghast by the men's insults against her character. She jerked her hand away from her husband's hold and turned to the soldiers.

  "How can you say I'm mean?" she cried out.

  "'Cause you are, m'lady," Bryan cheerfully told her.

  She turned back to Gabriel. She fully expected him to come to her defense.

  He fully expected her to tell him what the hell was the matter with her.

  "Gabriel, how can you allow your men to defame me?"

  "It's a compliment they're giving you, damn it. You will give me your full attention. When I ask a question, I expect to have it answered."

  "Yes, of course you do," she agreed, trying to soothe him. "It's just that now isn't the time…" Her mind was still focused on the soldiers' opinion of her. "I cannot believe you think I'm mean!" she cried out.

  "You killed our pet and three others," Calum reminded her.

  "That was necessary,
not mean."

  "You came up with the plan to blind the noser," Keith said.

  "Blindfold him," she corrected.

  "You put an arrow in the MacInnes soldier. That was damned mean, m'lady."

  "I'd do it again," she announced. She wasn't about to pretend she was sorry she'd injured the soldier. He had meant to kick Clare MacKay, and she couldn't let that happen.

  "Aye, you would do it again," Keith agreed. "And that's the reason we're all thinking you're a mean one, m'lady. It's an honor to have you for our mistress."

  Grunts of approval followed Keith's compliment. Johanna became flustered. She brushed her hair back over her shoulders in an attempt to act as though she hadn't been overly affected by Keith's remarks. "I suppose it's all right for you to call me mean, men, but you won't be saying such things in front of my mama. She wouldn't understand."

  "Johanna!"

  Gabriel shouted her name. She decided he'd run out of patience. He had waited a long while to get her full attention. She turned back to her husband and smiled up at him. "Did you want something, m'lord?" His eyelid twitched. He'd used up all his patience all right. Johanna braced herself and then blurted out, "I didn't pretend to faint the first time and I did faint again this afternoon. However," she quickly added before he could start in bellowing again, "I'm really not sick. Glynis explained what was wrong with me."

  "You're going to bed."

  "I knew you would overreact!" she cried out. He took hold of her hand and turned to drag her across the hall. She wasn't being very cooperative. She kept trying to pull away. "How long must I stay in bed?"

  "Until you've recovered from whatever it is ailing you," he commanded. "Damn it, I knew you weren't strong enough to last a full year."

  Her gasp filled the hall. She'd taken grave exception to his remark. The soldiers were all watching, of course, and when they heard their laird's comment and his wife's reaction, they smiled in unison.

  "If you believed I was such a weakling, you shouldn't have married me."

  He grinned. She jerked her hand away from his and backed up a space before he could catch hold of her again.

  "I'm wagering she's about to get mean again," Lindsay said.

  Father MacKechnie shook his head. "Not with our laird," he told the soldier. "She's partial to the MacBain."

  "She doesn't look partial to him now," Bryan said. "Her scowl's every bit as set as his is."

  Johanna wasn't paying any attention to the soldiers' mutterings. Her concentration was centered on her stubborn husband. "You're sorry you married me, aren't you?"

  He didn't answer her fast enough. "You only married me to get the land, and after I'm dead and gone, you'll have to remember to marry a big giant of a woman, preferably one who can belch as loud as any of your men."

  The look on his face gave her pause.

  "You will not die."

  He'd whispered his command in a harsh voice filled with anguish. She was stunned. Gabriel sounded terrified.

  "I will not lose you."

  "No, you will not lose me."

  She walked forward and took hold of his hand. Tears filled her eyes as she stared up at the wonderful man trying to glare some sense into her.

  He loved her. He hadn't given her the words yet, but the proof was there in his eyes. Johanna felt overwhelmed.

  They went up the steps leading to the entrance together. She could feel him shaking. She didn't want him to worry any longer, and so she stopped at the foot of the stairs leading up to the bedchambers and turned to her husband.

  The men were all craning their necks to see what was happening, but they were too far away to hear the conversation.

  "Gabriel, do you remember my concern before we were married?"

  "You had too many concerns for me to keep track of, wife. Don't push my hands away. I'm going to carry you upstairs. Don't you realize you could break your neck if you fainted while trying to climb these steep steps? You may not be worried about your welfare, but I sure as hell am."

  He knew he was wearing his heart on his sleeve. He didn't like feeling this vulnerable. "What will your mother say when she arrives and finds her daughter dead?" he muttered.

  She smiled. "Mama's going to like you, Gabriel."

  Her husband looked exasperated. He lifted her into his arms. She immediately kissed him.

  "You're still going to bed," he announced.

  "On the night after we were married, I told you I was barren."

  "No, you didn't. Nicholas told me."

  She nodded. "On our wedding night, I'm certain I mentioned it."

  He nodded. "Yes, you did," he said. "Several times in fact."

  He started up the steps. She rested her head against his shoulder. Her fingers were fully occupied stroking the back of his neck.

  She wondered if their baby would have her husband's coloring. She thought she might like to have a little girl, then decided she would be just as happy with a boy.

  "I'm not," she whispered with a sigh.

  She waited for him to understand. He didn't say anything until they reached their bedchamber.

  "Did you hear what I just said? I'm not," she repeated.

  "You're not what?"

  "I'm not barren."

  He opened the door but hesitated at the threshold. His gaze was fully directed on his wife. He slowly lowered her to the floor. "Do you honestly believe it matters to me? You and Alex are all the family I want. I don't need another child. Damn it, woman, haven't you realized yet how much I… you mean more to…"

  Hell, he was rambling like an old woman. He motioned for her to go inside. "Warriors do not concern themselves with matters of love," he muttered.

  He looked miserable. She didn't smile. She knew he didn't like telling her what he was feeling.

  It was a trait they both shared, she realized.

  "Gabriel…"

  "I don't ever want you to bring up the fact that you're barren, Johanna. Now quit fretting."

  She strolled into their chamber. "You may not need another child, m'lord, but I do declare in six or seven months you're going to be getting one."

  He didn't understand. He shook his head. She nodded. "We're going to have a baby."

  For the first time in his life, Gabriel MacBain was rendered speechless. His wife believed that was a most appropriate reaction.

  They had, after all, just been given a miracle.

  Chapter 16

  "You're certain?"

  Gabriel whispered his question so his son wouldn't wake up. Alex was sleeping on a mat across the chamber. Only the top of his head was visible above the mound of covers Johanna felt he needed to stay warm.

  She and her husband were in bed. Gabriel held Johanna in his arms. She was so relieved he was finally reacting, she let out a little sigh. She'd given Gabriel her good news over an hour ago, then waited for him to tell her how happy she'd made him. He hadn't said a word until now.

  "I have all the symptoms," she whispered back. "I was disbelieving at first, of course, because I thought I was barren for a very long while. Are you happy about the baby, Gabriel?"

  "Yes."

  She sighed again. It was too dark in the chamber to see his face, but she guessed he was smiling.

  "Glynis told me a woman can be barren with one man and fertile with another. Do you know what that means?"

  "What?"

  "Men can be barren, too."

  He laughed. She hushed him so he wouldn't wake Alex. "Your first husband obviously was," he said.

  "Why does that please you?"

  "He was a bastard."

  She couldn't fault his reasoning. "Why don't men acknowledge that they could be the barren ones in a marriage?"

  "Such an admission would wound their pride, I suppose. It's easier to blame the women. It isn't right, just easier."

  She let out a loud, lusty yawn. Gabriel was stroking her back. The caress made her sleepy. He asked her something, but she was too tired to answer him. She closed her eyes an
d was dead to the world a minute later.

  Gabriel didn't fall asleep for another hour. He held Johanna close and thought about the baby. He should have wanted a boy as his first choice, for a man couldn't have enough sons to help with the building of an empire, but he really hoped for a baby girl. She would have blue eyes and yellow hair, like her mother, and if God was willing to recreate perfection, his daughter would be every bit as sassy.

  He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

  Laird MacBain told his clan about the baby the following morning. Johanna stood next to her husband on the top step outside the doors. Alex stood next to her. Both the Maclaurins and the MacBains cheered the news. Johanna and Gabriel had already told Alex. The little boy didn't seem overly interested about a new brother or sister, and his lack of interest convinced his parents he was feeling secure.

  He could barely stand still during the announcement. His father had promised to take him riding, and to a four-year-old, a minute of waiting seemed to feel as long as an hour.

  After Gabriel dismissed the well-wishers, Johanna turned to Calum and Keith.

  "I've come up with several names I'd like to…"

  "Good God, lass, you can't tell us the baby's name," Keith blurted out.

  The Maclaurin soldier was horrified by her ignorance. Didn't she realize the bairn's name should never, ever be told to another person before the baptism? As soon as he was able to stop sputtering, he asked her just that question. She told him she guessed she didn't realize.

  "I was never concerned about the traditions regarding babies," she explained.

  "What is that, m'lady?" Calum asked. "Most married women are careful to follow every tradition."

  "I thought I was barren."

  "You're not," Keith remarked.

  She smiled. "No, I'm not," she agreed.

  "We'll have to do our best to instruct you, then, on the importance of the name you select."

  "A man's name is far more important than just a name," Calum announced.

  Before she could ask what in heaven's name he meant by that statement, Keith turned her attention. "If another person has knowledge of the name before the christening, he could use it to work magic on the babe."

  Calum nodded agreement.

  Johanna could tell from their serious expressions they weren't jesting with her. They really believed their nonsense. "Is this tradition or superstition you're giving me?" she asked.