Frolic of His Own

  She cleared her throat at last, squaring her shoulders back straightening up and clearing her throat sharply as though the deep breath she took were his by some sort of contagion to straighten him up clearing his throat for the words to free them from a spell driven, finally, to break it weakly with her own, to say —Oscar, it’s all history now. It’s all just, history.

  —I’ve been lied to all my life.

  —Oscar? You know that place I went to first up on the highway where they have this urgent medical care in these empty storefronts? and that brought his eyes up warily —you know what I just thought of?

  —I don’t need urgent med . . .

  —No I don’t mean that, there’s this new place right next to it like a pet store where they have birds and canaries and these different kind of fish for the home aquarium the sign says, you want to go up there and see?

  He stared at her there for a moment, and then —I’m going to have a nap. I’m going into the library and have a nap.

  —Have you eaten anything Oscar? or some soup? but he was past them, —Lily where are you going.

  —I’m going up there anyway.

  —Well get some milk and some butter while you’re out will you? Lily? are you all right? Don’t you want me to . . .

  —No I’m okay. I just thought maybe this will get his mind off things, you know? and she caught up the coat plunging up the hall, out into the winds wild with rapine from a look at her out there blonde hair flying, skirts branches boughs flung high and wide with no more malice than purpose till they seemed to discover the house itself and join forces to summon sheets of rain descending with a vengeance blowing the pathetic fallacy to shreds for anyone cowered inside fighting to be delivered from things nothing could be done about in sleep or in doing something that something could be done about like the dishes in the kitchen sink and opening a can of soup over the moaning hinges of a loosened shutter and the clatter of a door banging somewhere, of heels down the bare hall and —It’s me.

  —My God. You’re soaked.

  —What do you expect? She held up a glassine envelope, —look.

  —What is it, I don’t see anything.

  —It’s these guppies, they’re real tiny so that’s why they’re only fifteen cents apiece so I got ten of them.

  —My God.

  —Well I mean anyway it’s a start, isn’t it? and minutes later she was back dripping fistfuls of yellowed water sprite, sodden Ludwigia and despondent fronds of Spatterdock across the kitchen floor, couldn’t she do all this somewhere else? get rid of it in the bathroom? as a bucket of algae tinted water came by, just flush it down the toilet? rerouting those that followed past the door of the library where he finally appeared standing there watching them pass as a diverting eye witness episode of flood relief wedged between those of a more intimate nature on the evening news until she set one down at his feet with —you want to help me, Oscar?

  —And Lily? from the kitchen, —the milk? and the butter? But she’d forgot them on this consuming mission to get his mind off things and was there another pail someplace? as the bucket brigade came about with each fresh gallon bearing a new lease of life for the goggling eyed tenants where their gigantic new landlord grudgingly restored the basic services of light and aeration, pH balance, filtration and an agreeable temperature sprinkled with krill and daphnia floating down upon them like the manna in the wilderness till another trip up the highway brought in a cohort of discus gleaming turquoise and red and cobalt blue bearing down like the Egyptians before green seafans, shaving brush and a fresh canopy of water sprite beckoned the promised land right down ten centuries to a Crusaders’ castle lofting its plastic battlements among the brown flecked young leaves of the Amazon swordplant —so they can hide in there if they want, isn’t it cute?

  Cute or not, —God knows whether it’s getting his mind off things I mean he wanders around the house as though he hasn’t got one left, ask him a question and he simply mumbles. Something in the paper this morning I thought would amuse him about that revolting Senator Bilk’s campaign seeking the support of the Gay Alliance when that story of his adventure with the transvestite came out? and that Iowa congressman who joined him trying to impeach Father resigning from the House over charges that he’s actually illiterate, can’t write anything but his name and reads at the second grade level while his loyal staff have carried him through seven straight terms before anyone noticed so he’s setting himself up as a political consultant my God how Harry would have loved it, I mean it’s almost Dickensian but Oscar simply muttered and asked if the mail had come yet, has it? All I’ve seen is a letter saying they’re going to repossess his new car because he hasn’t made the payments and I mean my God we don’t need two exactly alike do we? I’d told him I left his in town when I drove Harry’s out here and remind me to call the garage and tell them to send someone out with it, they can repossess it and drag that red eyesore that started the whole thing away while they’re at it, things look shabby enough around here don’t they?

  —I think somebody’s out there knocking at the door.

  —Well let Oscar get it, where is he.

  —I think he was in there watching a game show.

  —If it’s another COD air express delivery of live barracuda will you go and get rid of them? Instead she was back a minute later juggling the tall bulbous pink of a potted amaryllis —for us? Who in God’s name would, give me the note on it will you? tearing it open —my God. I mean Bill Peyton? Talked to Harry’s dentist and his bill clinches it, insurance people are paying up and I’ll keep you informed, thanks a million Bill. Well thank God. I mean it’s really quite hideous isn’t it? snipping the thick leaves free —but they’re quite expensive and of course that’s Bill Peyton, send you the most barbarous looking plant in Christendom and it’s not even that, I mean I think they’re from Africa and that’s hardly Christendom but it was probably that dense secretary of his who sends them out to their blue ribbon clients every day and of course, if you stop for a minute and think about it? as another snap of the scissors gave her the chance to do —it’s the first civilized gesture I’ve ever had from him but he’s really just putting a pretty face on it for fear of my lawsuit isn’t he. I mean that dentist appointment of Harry’s has them dead to rights and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it even if he wanted to, now what was I talking about. I’ve had something on my mind since I woke up that’s been driving me crazy all day because I can’t remember what it is.

  —We need to shop for supper.

  —Well that’s certainly not what woke me up, you haven’t run through that cash I put in the towel drawer have you?

  —How could I? It’s this bunch of hundred dollar bills and all I’ve used it for was some groceries and his fishes.

  —I mean thank God I had my wits about me when those two vultures were going through every drawer in the place, that Masha picking through Harry’s Turnbull and Asser shirts where he kept enough cash not to have to bother cashing checks every ten minutes if she got there before I did I’d simply have died. What do you think he wants for supper.

  —Oscar? He doesn’t care, I already asked him and he just says whatever you’re having.

  —Well he hardly eats at all so it doesn’t really matter does it. Do you think he’d like fish?

  —You ask him that and he’ll just say he wants big ones.

  —Like Al.

  —Like, what?

  —No I’m sorry Lily that was crude, I thought I was making a joke but . . .

  —No I meant for his tank in there but I didn’t tell you, when I just called up my girlfriend from long lines? and she told me Al found out that they caught this woman that stole my purse down at Palm Beach with all my cards and ID and everything so they’re holding her for this adultery case he’s’s got against that shit Kevin. I hope she’s black.

  —What in God’s name makes you say a thing like that!

  —I shouldn’t of said it, I was just thinking that would fix that
shit Kevin because he doesn’t like them. He’s prejudiced.

  —Well that’s hardly a reason to, my God wait a minute. That was it, that was the dream that woke me up and I started to put together the whole wait, wait for me I’ve got to talk to Oscar before we go out.

  —I’ll put this stuff in the dryer while you’re . . .

  —Oscar? she burst up the hall —Oscar listen to me! breaking in on him sunk deep in the sofa there chewing on something —will you turn that thing off? I want to talk to you.

  —I’m watching it he said, without raising his eyes from a tiger salamander making a meal of another tiger salamander it had just killed.

  —I woke up this morning from a dream about Mister Basie, I can’t even remember what it was but I woke up thinking about that law clerk telling you how angry Father got over the trap Mudpye laid for that judge and what fools your lawyers were not to catch it or even follow it up, you remember? she came on over the proposal that members of one’s own species might make the most nutritious meals, —how they were told your lawyer had disappeared and, are you listening? When the food supply runs out and the only ones around are your own species, why go hungry? —I mean can’t you see what happened, Oscar? that it was really Basie who laid the trap? Sitting here with the clock running and he kept saying we’ll take them on the appeal, that the Second Circuit likes reversing district judges to keep them on their toes didn’t he say that? and that Harry said Judge Bone on the appeals court was a crusty old misogynist he’d seen him take a smart young woman lawyer right off at the knees once like this new woman judge just to teach her a lesson, don’t you think Basie knew it too? Now a three-spine stickleback lurked guarding fertilized eggs while his mate cruised around the screen destroying nests and eating eggs lining up new opportunities to mate, —won’t go into the legal niceties Basie said, we’ll take them on the appeal don’t you remember? He knew Mudpye was a quick study, Harry said he was too quick he’d have the answer before he got the question and Basie knew it. He knew Mudpye had done his homework and was vain and full of himself I mean by going and marrying Trish? and with that kind of money behind them he knew he could lose your case if he played it their way, can you see what I’m saying? What he saw just then were two acorn woodpeckers sharing a nest where one laid an egg and the other one ate it —so instead of taking a chance on losing the case even if he brought out the error, that would have been the end of it, you can always lose a law case remember? So he let it pass, he let their error pass on purpose so he could base the appeal on it that was the real trap! That was the trap he laid for all of them and they jumped right into it, now don’t you see? But what he saw now was the Australian red-back spider jumping into the female’s jaws in the midst of mating which he continued undismayed as she chewed at his abdomen, munching the last of the Twinkie —there! Based on a true story Oscar that’s the true story, I know it is! He held back for the appeal because he knew he could win it and it all fell to pieces when he couldn’t show up to handle it himself off making your brooms or on the run God only knows where have you heard what I’ve said Oscar? that he wasn’t just smart and a lawyer and a really decent man have you heard what I’ve told you?

  —You ready to go Christina?

  —What? Oh. What’s the use yes, I mean my God Oscar think about it will you? He wasn’t just a smart lawyer and a sweet natured man a real man, he was our friend! seizing up her coat for the door, —think about it! and leaving him there in the throes of battle among the notorious burying beetles over the corpse of a mouse nicely scraped and embalmed by the victorious couple for their young to eat and then eating the young when they hatched to ensure the survivors of enough food for a stalwart new generation to start the whole thing all over again, inducing a stupor that lasted till he heard his name in full cry with a bang at the doors.

  —Mister Crease? when he finally got them opened to the glad hand of —your friend Jack Preswig, a foot in the doors shuddering closed against him —no wait, hold on! May I come in? wedging his foot more firmly —all right then but let me explain, I’m in a new line of work Mister Crease and I think you can use me, won’t cost you a dime just let me explain. I got out of the law, just to set your mind at rest, nothing but dog eat dog thought I’d better quit while I still had a spark of decency left in me. It’s the biggest swindle ever invented, a regular cesspool of human greed, the side you see of people makes you ashamed of the human race I’ll tell you, your best friends will eat you alive and I finally just couldn’t face that man in the mirror so I got out, kept a few contacts because without them you’re dead and that’s where I heard about this problem you’re having. I see the old red baron parked in the weeds out there but I hear this new car you leased is up for repossession because you can’t make the payments and I think I can save you a lot of headaches, let me explain Mister Crease won’t cost you a nickel. You get the bank and the loan people and the insurers after you they’ll have you for lunch, destroy your credit rating job prospects liens foreclosure everything near and dear they’re cannibals Mister Crease, they’re all cannibals now here’s how we work. It’s a dark green Jag XJ6, five forty nine a month on a thirty six month lease, right? got all the particulars right here, you just leave it standing right here in the driveway with the keys handy, wake up some morning and it’s gone, call the police report a stolen vehicle and you’re home free. What? didn’t hear you, what?

  —Go away.

  —You don’t pay a thing no, must have misunderstood me I just said it won’t cost you a penny that’s the beauty of it. They’re the ones who pay, I just said they’re all cannibals aren’t they? All the same breed let them chew each other’s bellies out, you just blow the whistle on your stolen vehicle I’ll take care of the paper work and you don’t ever have to give it another, who’s this? not yours too is it? as a small black car pulled up, —not the lady of the house is it? for the bulk already clambering up the steps red, with what forty years before might have been a cheerleader’s smile and wave of the hand, in tooth and claw.

  —I hope you’re not showing this person the property, Mister Crease? We wouldn’t want to see you make a hasty decision you could regret later, would we. I have a gentleman waiting in my car who is prepared to make a very attractive offer. He’s a friend of the lovely little family who are going to be your new neighbors right up the driveway, I think they plan to start clearing the site this week and he’d like to get himself located here as soon as possible, he’s flying out to the coast tonight and . . .

  —What’s he offering.

  —He is thinking in the neighborhood of, who are you? Who is this person, Mister Crease?

  —My name is Preswig, Madame. Jack Preswig, I’m an attorney, I’ve represented Mister Crease in other legal matters and we’ve just finished discussing a transaction where he stands to benefit substantially, now what is your client’s offer.

  —He’s a very busy man and doesn’t like to waste time haggling with third parties Mister Prestig, and so I’ll be brief, he has to fly out to the coast tonight for a very important meeting and he . . .

  —What’s his offer.

  —I know it’s slightly below the sum we discussed on my last visit Mister Crease, when I met your charming wife and that dear old man, your father wasn’t it? But my client is a very busy man, he makes deals in the millions every day I’m sure you’ll recognize his name when you see it and he’s offering two million seven on the spot.

  —You can’t be serious Madame, or possibly I misunderstand? You must be referring to another of Mister Crease’s holdings and not this magnificent property before our eyes? I have a client in my practice, three of them in fact, who are looking around the area and wouldn’t blink at five million, a high prestige neighborhood like this there’s another million right there. You saw the sign at the gate out there strangers requested not to enter? All these exclusive old enclaves are gone, this is not the kind of subdivision you’re used to dealing with Madame, the place has been in the Crease family
for generations and it’s plainly not a distress sale, Mister Crease obviously doesn’t need the money but I don’t think he can consider any . . .