Off Course

  Coming out from behind the bar, I loop my purse over my shoulder and walk by him. His hand reaches out and again snatches my wrist. It's warm and I can feel my pulse speed up. I'm sure he can feel it thumping against his palm and I mentally slap myself to get it under control.

  His thumb rubs a circle against my wrist. "Come on... don't be that way, cailin alainn."

  I start to jerk out of his hold but those words stop me, and the memory of that night comes flooding back to me. "What did you just call me?"

  Cillian steps in closer but doesn't release his hold on me. With his other hand, he reaches up and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, looking into my eyes. "I called you 'cailin alainn'. You recognize it, I'm sure. It's the same exact thing I called you five years ago, Renner."

  CHAPTER 2

  Cillian

  Renner's eyes go wide when she realizes I recognize her.

  And how could I not remember someone like her?

  It's been five years since I saw her last and every detail of her stunning face is just as I remembered it. Her sinful, dark red hair still flows down her back in soft waves, and her pale green eyes are staring up at me in astonishment. I want to do something right now to make her pupils constrict and see if I can get those irises to darken up a bit.

  For a woman that I only kissed once, she's played a recurrent role in my fantasies. No matter where I've traveled, no matter who I've met, no matter who I've had sex with...Renner's face most often dominated my thoughts.

  And here she is again.

  I'm going to kick Cady's ass for not telling me she was in Dublin. Over the years, I've casually asked Cady how Renner was doing, but she was always vague and nondescript. Which I know is bullshit, because Renner and Cady are close. I'm guessing my casual inquiries weren't so casual after all, and I'm betting Cady doesn't want me within a hundred yards of her dear cousin.

  Which doesn't offend me. If I had a daughter, I wouldn't want me near her either. Because all I can think of right now is about ten different ways I want to dominate Renner in bed.

  "You remember me?" she asks in awe.

  Stepping up close to her again, I grab her chin between my thumb and forefinger so her gaze stays locked on me. I swear a feel a sizzle of electricity from the contact of my skin on hers. "That I do. Five years ago, I kissed a girl that was fresh, and young, and innocent... and so not ready for the likes of me." Releasing her chin, I rake my eyes down her body and slowly move them up again. I like what I see...a lot, and I take pleasure in the fact that her breath hitches just a little under my perusal. "You're all grown up, Renner. I'm bettin' you could handle me now."

  She lets out a shaky breath, and there it is... her eyes go dark. The knowledge that my words alone do that to her thrills me beyond measure. I can't wait to see what type of response my tongue can get.

  "Now, let's go get that drink and we can see just how well can you handle me."

  The blinding smile I expect to get from her doesn't come. Instead, her eyes lighten back up and there's now a scowl on her forehead.

  Putting her hands on my chest, she pushes me back away from her. "In your dreams, O'Bradaigh," she sneers. "I may have been stupid enough to fall for your sexy lines before, but you're right... I am all grown up now and I have better things to do than waste my time with an arrogant musician."

  I stare at her for just a moment, stunned she's turning me down. Then I throw my head back laughing. She glares at me and crosses her arms across her chest. She clearly doesn't get my amusement but I am indeed amused with her. If she wants to play hard to get, I have time to play.

  Reaching out, I wrap my hand around her throat, skimming my thumb softly along her jaw. "My cailin alainn has some claws. I'm going to enjoy them when they're sunk deep into my back while I'm riding you."

  "Aaaagghhh," she screams in frustration, at the same time knocking my hand away. I take a step back for good measure, just in case she decides to let a fist or foot fly my way. "You are a conceited, egotistical, jackass and the only place my claws will be sunk will be in your balls if you try to touch me again."

  I give her a well-calculated smirk. "Now that thought just turns me on, Renner. You have a gift for words."

  In all actuality, it doesn't turn me on... thinking about her ripping my balls to shreds, but I'm having far too much fun teasing her.

  Now... that lovely high and angry blush she's wearing? Yes, that's turning me on. I wonder if her cheeks will get that red when she comes. I bet she blushes all the way down to her breasts.

  Taking a deep breath, Renner looks me squarely in the eyes and grits out. "Just do me a favor. Stay away from me. I'm not interested."

  She spins around and heads for the door. Just as she reaches it, I call out, "That sounds like a challenge to me, Renner. I'm looking forward it."

  She pauses briefly, her shoulders stiffening. I think she may turn around and lay into me again, but then she opens the door and walks out into the night.

  Well, that certainly didn't go as I had planned, but I so enjoyed the hell out of that exchange. Poor Renner will be seeing a lot more of me.

  Just twenty minutes ago, I was somewhat dreading this summer in Dublin. I was bummed because we had just come off a very successful tour and my manager was insisting I take some time off before I burned myself out. I haven't had a vacation in almost four years, and again, my manager is insisting--no, more like demanding--I take the time. But that's just not me. I'm not one to sit around and do nothing. I like to work, I like to make music, and I like to climb the ladder of success. Taking this summer off had not seemed like the best idea to me. But now, knowing that Renner is here... yes, this could be a very pleasant summer after all.

  Turning around, I head back into the party I had just vacated. It was an end of tour and homecoming celebration all in one. I wouldn't be getting any enjoyment from Renner the rest of the evening, so I might as well go back and party with my mates.

  ***

  Swallowing the last of my Guinness, I set the pint glass down and indicate to Maureen that I'll take another. I'm well on my way to getting drunk, and I'm hoping it will fuzzy my thoughts up a bit where Renner is concerned. Twice, after she left, I had the sudden urge to track her down...go to her apartment or wherever the hell she's living, and... and... what? Kiss her? Fuck her? Hell, I don't know... but I need something.

  Picking up my cell phone, I shoot Cady a text.

  Why didn't you tell me Renner was in Dublin?

  My reflexes are muddled from the alcohol and it takes me a few minutes just to type that one message.

  I wait and wait for her to respond. Maureen brings me my next Guinness. What is that... like twelve already?

  Finally, my phone vibrates and I look down at Cady's response.

  Didn't I tell you? I thought I did.

  Oh, bollocks! Who does she think she's kidding? I may be well on my way to a vicious hangover tomorrow, but I've still enough wits to know she's trying to pull one over on me.

  I try to type a response, but after several futile moments where my fingers don't seem to be working, I dial Cady instead. She answers on the second ring.

  "Howeya, Cillian. What's up?"

  "Save the 'howeya'. You know what's up! Why didn't you tell me Renner was here?"

  "What do you care? You don't even really know her."

  Really, why did I care that Cady didn't tell me? It's not like Renner and I are friends. Hell, we're barely acquaintances. Still, I can't shake the feeling Cady is trying to keep some distance between Renner and me, and that makes Renner suddenly seem like forbidden fruit. And you know, that didn't work out so well for Adam and Eve.

  "Come on, Cady. What's the deal?" I hope my words don't sound as slurred to her as they are sounding to me.

  I can hear Cady sigh on the other end. "Look Cillian... Renner's a nice girl and she's been through a lot recently. She doesn't need someone screwing with her head."

  "I wouldn't screw with her head!" Other parts of her body
, yes... but not her head.

  Cady gives a bitter laugh. "You may not mean to, but you'd do it all the same. Just give it a rest, Cillian, and leave her be."

  It's a sad fact, but when I get drunk, I can sometimes get mean. It's in the genes, after all. And I don't like one bit that Cady is demanding I leave Renner alone. Nothing gets my hackles up more than someone telling me no. "What the fuck do you know, Cady? What the fuck do you really know anyway?"

  My intent is to hang up on her before she can reply, but my finger doesn't move fast enough to disconnect the call, and I hear her clearly say, "I know you, Cillian. I know you well."

  I hit the end button, pissed I didn't get the last word, and take another long swallow of my beer. Gazing at the table, I start to make plans for how I can see Renner next.

  Cady's warning be damned.

  My thoughts are disrupted by a figure sliding into the booth next to me. I look over and gaze impassively at Maeve Mullowney--OTE's bassist, vocalist, my very good friend and my former lover.

  "What's the long face for, Cillian?" Her eyes are bright with alcohol and she slides in close so that her leg is flush with mine. I want to crawl in the opposite direction but there's a wall to my left and nowhere to go.

  "Nothin'. I'm fine."

  Maeve's hand snakes out and lies on top of my thigh. She squeezes and starts to move her hand higher. I take my hand and place it on hers, stopping her upward ascent. "Don't, Maeve. Just don't."

  She gives me a pout and removes her hand. I start to breathe a sigh of relief but she just moves her hand from my thigh to lay it along my face. "Cillian... something's bothering you. Let me take your mind off whatever it is. You know I can."

  I look into her blue eyes... eyes that I thought I'd be happy to stare at for an indefinite period of time, but that was nothing more than a pipe dream. I would never end up in Maeve's bed again, although she certainly didn't stop trying to make it happen.

  Taking her hand off my face, I give it a friendly squeeze. "I'm sorry, Maeve. But it's a no. It will always be no. You would do us a both a world of good if you quit asking."

  Maeve's eyes are hot with anger as she slides out of the booth. "You're wrong, Cillian. We're good together. You'll see it one day."

  I don't respond to her because it would do no good. It seems like we've had this conversation a million times. Maeve and I became quick friends when I started OTE and there was no doubt that she was the best bassist for the job. About a year ago, we both got massively drunk one night and ended up in bed together. It wasn't awkward or anything the next morning and I have to credit that to the friendship and business relationship we had first. So, it just seemed natural that we would keep sleeping together, then that developed into a relationship of sorts. I mean, it was nice having someone by my side when we were on the road. It wasn't as lonely, and I didn't have to spend time trying to sort out my next fuck. And for a while, it was nice knowing that it would just be Maeve.

  We had sizzling chemistry in the bed, and we have sizzling chemistry on the stage, but past that... there's not much more to Maeve and me. Eventually, I started to get bored and I knew that a long-term relationship with her wasn't possible. On top of that, Maeve parties really hard. I get it's part of the lifestyle, but she takes it to the extreme. I've seen the girl wake up after a night of slamming drinks, just to reach over and pull out a pint of vodka to take a swig. She insists it's better than coffee.

  I went weeks trying to figure out how to let Maeve down, worried that this would affect our ability to play music together. Ultimately, the choice was taken out of my hands when I found Maeve in bed with someone else. She had gotten wasted after a performance one night, which was par for the course, and decided to bang one of the road crew.

  When I found them, there was no huge blow up of a fight, and in fact, I was relieved. I just quietly told Maeve that it was time that we went back to doing what we did best... and that was just being band mates.

  She agreed and for a while, it was business as usual. But lately, she's been coming on to me, usually after she's been drinking and Maeve drinks...a lot. It's starting to wear thin.

  I resolve to sit down soon and have a serious talk with her, when we're both sober. If I don't nip this problem now, it could be disastrous for OTE down the road.

  I pick up my Guinness and, in a few huge swallows, kill it off. Standing up from the booth, I decide it's time to get the hell out of here and get some sleep.

  I wonder what Renner is doing right this minute--and if she's thinking about me.

  CHAPTER 3

  Renner

  My apartment door flies open as Cady and Teagan stroll in. Frick and Frack, Mutt and Jeff, Siegfried and Roy... where one went, the other was usually not far behind. They'd probably marry Siamese twins just so they could always stay together.

  "Don't you ever knock or is it common practice to just barge into people's homes here?"

  Cady and Teagan give identical eye rolls and proceed to ransack my kitchen. While Teagan is rooting through the fridge for something to eat, Cady is pouring herself a glass of Coke.

  "We're family," Cady says. "There's no knocking on family homes. That's just the way of it. Besides, you shouldn't have given me a key if it bothers you."

  I give her a grin and take an apple from a basket on my counter, taking a big bite. I watch as Teagan pulls out a bowl of something from the fridge, lifts the cover for a sniff, and then grimaces. She puts it back and closes the door.

  Reminder to myself to check out what that was and throw it away.

  "So, what kind of trouble should we get into today?" Teagan asks. "It's been awhile since we've all three had a day free together."

  That's true. Cady's currently working on her Master's in Education at Trinity College and Teagan is an architect at a huge firm here in Dublin. It is rare indeed for the three of us to be able to spend some quality time with each other because they're always working so hard.

  Sometimes I feel so lame when I compare myself to Cady and Teagan. Both of them knew exactly what they wanted and went after it. Both are smart and successful. When I look at the train wreck that is my career, all I can do is hang my head in shame.

  I graduated from a small college in upstate New York with a degree in Art History. Which basically meant I wouldn't have a single job prospect upon graduation. But that was okay by me--I really didn't want to do anything along those lines anyway. It just seemed like an interesting degree to get because I enjoyed art, I enjoyed history, and well... there you have it.

  Had it not been for my parents' expectations that I go to college, I would have passed on it all together. By the time I graduated high school, I was just so tired of learning that I wanted a break. But I went, got my degree, and now it's gathering dust somewhere.

  The job with Delta was a fluke. I had a classmate in college that got hired and she loved it, so I applied and made it in. It was a job I seriously enjoyed, but one I didn't think I would be doing my entire life. It was fun, paid decent money, but it wasn't very challenging to me.

  And as that bitch fate would have it, it was indeed a short-lived job. I had been at Delta for less than a year before the shit hit the fan, and that career path was over.

  "I say we go shopping, then lunch, and have a few bottles of wine," Cady says. She's sporting a new, shorter haircut, layered around her pixie face. It makes her blue eyes pop.

  "Then let's come back here to your place after and disclose all of our dirty, sexy secrets," Teagan chimes in. "I had a hot date last weekend with one of my co-workers and he was hung like a race horse. I can't wait to tell you all about it."

  Oh geez. The last thing I wanted to do was listen to Teagan recount her sexual escapades with Man O'War. Besides, that kind of talk would naturally lead to them probing into my love life, which is, for all intents and purposes, well... dead.

  Cady dumps the rest of her Coke down my sink and picks up her purse. "That sounds like a good plan. Let's go. And I forgot to tell you
, Renner, Mam would like you to come to dinner tonight if you can."

  "Sure," I tell her. "I'm always up for some of your mom's cooking."

  ***

  Cady and I are walking to her parents' house, which is fairly close to my apartment. Well, if you accept that fifteen blocks is fairly close. Still...it's a nice evening for a walk, and I can always take a cab home later. Plus, we did in fact have a few bottles of wine at lunch, then another at my apartment. Teagan finally called a cab and headed home, declining Cady's invitation to come eat at her parents'.

  Cady and I are pretty buzzed and I'm sure Uncle Keefe and Aunt Shannon will have their hands full with us tonight. It's a good thing they own a pub...makes them a bit more understanding when we get drunk. I'm hoping the walk will clear most of the alcohol out of my system though, as I'm not looking forward to working tomorrow with a hangover.

  "So, Teagan sounds like she enjoying her 'racehorse'," Cady remarks.

  I can't help myself--I start snickering uncontrollably as I loop my arm through Cady's. I was trying so hard at lunch not to look uncomfortable as Teagan regaled us with the four different sexual positions her racehorse put her in after their date. I shouldn't be surprised because Teagan has always been sexually free and uninhibited. She's a beautiful girl with strawberry blond hair and blue eyes. She looks like innocent, but I'm betting she wears leather and chains under her business suit. And probably has a whip stuck in her briefcase.

  Thinking about it, I start giggling again. "Teagan is so cool. I wish I could be more like her."

  Cady looks over at me. "You do? Why?"

  I shrug my shoulders. "I guess I'd just like to be a little more free... or wild. I've always played by the rules, you know?"

  "There's nothing wrong with playing by the rules, Ren. Besides, Teagan will probably catch a disease and her lady parts will fall off."

  That has both of us in fits of laughter, although I'm quite sure Teagan practices safe sex. I mean, the word condom came out of her mouth no less than seven times at lunch today.

  But as my chuckles die down, I can't help but murmur, "I played by the rules with Cormac and look where that got me."