The Way We Live Now

  CHAPTER XXXIII.

  JOHN CRUMB.

  Sir Felix Carbury made an appointment for meeting Ruby Ruggles asecond time at the bottom of the kitchen-garden belonging to Sheep'sAcre farm, which appointment he neglected, and had, indeed, madewithout any intention of keeping it. But Ruby was there, and remainedhanging about among the cabbages till her grandfather returned fromHarlestone market. An early hour had been named; but hours may bemistaken, and Ruby had thought that a fine gentleman, such as washer lover, used to live among fine people up in London, might wellmistake the afternoon for the morning. If he would come at all shecould easily forgive such a mistake. But he did not come, and late inthe afternoon she was obliged to obey her grandfather's summons as hecalled her into the house.

  After that for three weeks she heard nothing of her London lover,but she was always thinking of him;--and though she could notaltogether avoid her country lover, she was in his company as littleas possible. One afternoon her grandfather returned from Bungay andtold her that her country lover was coming to see her. "John Crumbbe a coming over by-and-by," said the old man. "See and have a bit o'supper ready for him."

  "John Crumb coming here, grandfather? He's welcome to stay away then,for me."

  "That be dommed." The old man thrust his old hat on to his head andseated himself in a wooden arm-chair that stood by the kitchen-fire.Whenever he was angry he put on his hat, and the custom was wellunderstood by Ruby. "Why not welcome, and he all one as your husband?Look ye here, Ruby, I'm going to have an eend o' this. John Crumb isto marry you next month, and the banns is to be said."

  "The parson may say what he pleases, grandfather. I can't stop hissaying of 'em. It isn't likely I shall try, neither. But no parsonamong 'em all can marry me without I'm willing."

  "And why should you no be willing, you contrairy young jade, you?"

  "You've been a' drinking, grandfather."

  He turned round at her sharp, and threw his old hat at herhead;--nothing to Ruby's consternation, as it was a practice to whichshe was well accustomed. She picked it up, and returned it to himwith a cool indifference which was intended to exasperate him. "Lookye here, Ruby," he said, "out o' this place you go. If you go as JohnCrumb's wife you'll go with five hun'erd pound, and we'll have adinner here, and a dance, and all Bungay."

  "Who cares for all Bungay,--a set of beery chaps as knows nothingbut swilling and smoking;--and John Crumb the main of 'em all? Therenever was a chap for beer like John Crumb."

  "Never saw him the worse o' liquor in all my life." And the oldfarmer, as he gave this grand assurance, rattled his fist down uponthe table.

  "It ony just makes him stoopider and stoopider the more he swills.You can't tell me, grandfather, about John Crumb. I knows him."

  "Didn't ye say as how ye'd have him? Didn't ye give him a promise?"

  "If I did, I ain't the first girl as has gone back of her word,--andI shan't be the last."

  "You means you won't have him?"

  "That's about it, grandfather."

  "Then you'll have to have somebody to fend for ye, and that prettysharp,--for you won't have me."

  "There ain't no difficulty about that, grandfather."

  "Very well. He's a coming here to-night, and you may settle it alongwi' him. Out o' this ye shall go. I know of your doings."

  "What doings! You don't know of no doings. There ain't no doings. Youdon't know nothing ag'in me."

  "He's a coming here to-night, and if you can make it up wi' him, welland good. There's five hun'erd pound, and ye shall have the dinnerand the dance and all Bungay. He ain't a going to be put off nolonger;--he ain't."

  "Whoever wanted him to be put on? Let him go his own gait."

  "If you can't make it up wi' him--"

  "Well, grandfather, I shan't anyways."

  "Let me have my say, will ye, yer jade, you? There's five hun'erdpound! and there ain't ere a farmer in Suffolk or Norfolk payingrent for a bit of land like this can do as well for his darter asthat,--let alone only a granddarter. You never thinks o' that;--youdon't. If you don't like to take it,--leave it. But you'll leaveSheep's Acre too."

  "Bother Sheep's Acre. Who wants to stop at Sheep's Acre? It's thestoopidest place in all England."

  "Then find another. Then find another. That's all aboot it. JohnCrumb's a coming up for a bit o' supper. You tell him your own mind.I'm dommed if I trouble aboot it. On'y you don't stay here. Sheep'sAcre ain't good enough for you, and you'd best find another home.Stoopid, is it? You'll have to put up wi' places stoopider norSheep's Acre, afore you've done."

  In regard to the hospitality promised to Mr. Crumb, Miss Ruggles wentabout her work with sufficient alacrity. She was quite willing thatthe young man should have a supper, and she did understand that,so far as the preparation of the supper went, she owed her serviceto her grandfather. She therefore went to work herself, and gavedirections to the servant girl who assisted her in keeping hergrandfather's house. But as she did this, she determined that shewould make John Crumb understand that she would never be his wife.Upon that she was now fully resolved. As she went about the kitchen,taking down the ham and cutting the slices that were to be broiled,and as she trussed the fowl that was to be boiled for John Crumb, shemade mental comparisons between him and Sir Felix Carbury. She couldsee, as though present to her at the moment, the mealy, floury headof the one, with hair stiff with perennial dust from his sacks, andthe sweet glossy dark well-combed locks of the other, so bright,so seductive, that she was ever longing to twine her fingers amongthem. And she remembered the heavy, flat, broad honest face of themeal-man, with his mouth slow in motion, and his broad nose lookinglike a huge white promontory, and his great staring eyes, from thecorners of which he was always extracting meal and grit;--and thenalso she remembered the white teeth, the beautiful soft lips, theperfect eyebrows, and the rich complexion of her London lover. Surelya lease of Paradise with the one, though but for one short year,would be well purchased at the price of a life with the other! "It'sno good going against love," she said to herself, "and I won't try.He shall have his supper, and be told all about it, and then go home.He cares more for his supper than he do for me." And then, with thisfinal resolution firmly made, she popped the fowl into the pot. Hergrandfather wanted her to leave Sheep's Acre. Very well. She had alittle money of her own, and would take herself off to London. Sheknew what people would say, but she cared nothing for old women'stales. She would know how to take care of herself, and could alwayssay in her own defence that her grandfather had turned her out ofSheep's Acre.

  Seven had been the hour named, and punctually at that hour JohnCrumb knocked at the back door of Sheep's Acre farm-house. Nor didhe come alone. He was accompanied by his friend Joe Mixet, thebaker of Bungay, who, as all Bungay knew, was to be his best manat his marriage. John Crumb's character was not without many fineattributes. He could earn money,--and having earned it could spendand keep it in fair proportion. He was afraid of no work, and,--togive him his due,--was afraid of no man. He was honest, and ashamedof nothing that he did. And after his fashion he had chivalrous ideasabout women. He was willing to thrash any man that ill-used a woman,and would certainly be a most dangerous antagonist to any man whowould misuse a woman belonging to him. But Ruby had told the truth ofhim in saying that he was slow of speech, and what the world callsstupid in regard to all forms of expression. He knew good meal frombad as well as any man, and the price at which he could buy it soas to leave himself a fair profit at the selling. He knew the valueof a clear conscience, and without much argument had discovered forhimself that honesty is in truth the best policy. Joe Mixet, who wasdapper of person and glib of tongue, had often declared that any onebuying John Crumb for a fool would lose his money. Joe Mixet wasprobably right; but there had been a want of prudence, a lack ofworldly sagacity, in the way in which Crumb had allowed his proposedmarriage with Ruby Ruggles to become a source of gossip to allBungay. His love was now an old affair; and, though he never talkedmuch, whenever he did talk, he talked ab
out that. He was proud ofRuby's beauty, and of her fortune, and of his own status as heracknowledged lover,--and he did not hide his light under a bushel.Perhaps the publicity so produced had some effect in prejudicing Rubyagainst the man whose offer she had certainly once accepted. Now whenhe came to settle the day,--having heard more than once or twicethat there was a difficulty with Ruby,--he brought his friend Mixetwith him as though to be present at his triumph. "If here isn't JoeMixet," said Ruby to herself. "Was there ever such a stoopid as JohnCrumb? There's no end to his being stoopid."

  The old man had slept off his anger and his beer while Ruby had beenpreparing the feast, and now roused himself to entertain his guests."What, Joe Mixet; is that thou? Thou'rt welcome. Come in, man. Well,John, how is it wi' you? Ruby's a stewing o' something for us toeat a bit. Don't 'e smell it?"--John Crumb lifted up his great nose,sniffed and grinned.

  "John didn't like going home in the dark like," said the baker, withhis little joke. "So I just come along to drive away the bogies."

  "The more the merrier;--the more the merrier. Ruby 'll have enoughfor the two o' you, I'll go bail. So John Crumb's afraid ofbogies;--is he? The more need he to have some 'un in his house toscart 'em away."

  The lover had seated himself without speaking a word; but now he wasinstigated to ask a question. "Where be she, Muster Ruggles?" Theywere seated in the outside or front kitchen, in which the old manand his granddaughter always lived; while Ruby was at work in theback kitchen. As John Crumb asked this question she could be hearddistinctly among the pots and the plates. She now came out, andwiping her hands on her apron, shook hands with the two young men.She had enveloped herself in a big household apron when the cookingwas in hand, and had not cared to take it off for the greeting ofthis lover. "Grandfather said as how you was a coming out for yoursupper, so I've been a seeing to it. You'll excuse the apron, Mr.Mixet."

  "You couldn't look nicer, miss, if you was to try it ever so. Mymother says as it's housifery as recommends a girl to the young men.What do you say, John?"

  "I loiks to see her loik o' that," said John rubbing his hands downthe back of his trowsers, and stooping till he had brought his eyesdown to a level with those of his sweetheart.

  [Illlustration: "I loiks to see her loik o' that."]

  "It looks homely; don't it, John?" said Mixet.

  "Bother!" said Ruby, turning round sharp, and going back to the otherkitchen. John Crumb turned round also, and grinned at his friend, andthen grinned at the old man.

  "You've got it all afore you," said the farmer,--leaving the lover todraw what lesson he might from this oracular proposition.

  "And I don't care how soon I ha'e it in hond;--that I don't," saidJohn.

  "That's the chat," said Joe Mixet. "There ain't nothing wanting inhis house;--is there, John? It's all there,--cradle, caudle-cup, andthe rest of it. A young woman going to John knows what she'll have toeat when she gets up, and what she'll lie down upon when she goes tobed." This he declared in a loud voice for the benefit of Ruby in theback kitchen.

  "That she do," said John, grinning again. "There's a hun'erd andfifty poond o' things in my house forbye what mother left behindher."

  After this there was no more conversation till Ruby reappeared withthe boiled fowl, and without her apron. She was followed by the girlwith a dish of broiled ham and an enormous pyramid of cabbage. Thenthe old man got up slowly and opening some private little door ofwhich he kept the key in his breeches pocket, drew a jug of ale andplaced it on the table. And from a cupboard of which he also kept thekey, he brought out a bottle of gin. Everything being thus prepared,the three men sat round the table, John Crumb looking at his chairagain and again before he ventured to occupy it. "If you'll sityourself down, I'll give you a bit of something to eat," said Rubyat last. Then he sank at once into his chair. Ruby cut up the fowlstanding, and dispensed the other good things, not even placing achair for herself at the table,--and apparently not expected to doso, for no one invited her. "Is it to be spirits or ale, Mr. Crumb?"she said, when the other two men had helped themselves. He turnedround and gave her a look of love that might have softened the heartof an Amazon; but instead of speaking he held up his tumbler, andbobbed his head at the beer jug. Then she filled it to the brim,frothing it in the manner in which he loved to have it frothed. Heraised it to his mouth slowly, and poured the liquor in as though toa vat. Then she filled it again. He had been her lover, and she wouldbe as kind to him as she knew how,--short of love.

  There was a good deal of eating done, for more ham came in, andanother mountain of cabbage; but very little or nothing was said.John Crumb ate whatever was given to him of the fowl, sedulouslypicking the bones, and almost swallowing them; and then finishedthe second dish of ham, and after that the second instalment ofcabbage. He did not ask for more beer, but took it as often asRuby replenished his glass. When the eating was done, Ruby retiredinto the back kitchen, and there regaled herself with some bone ormerry-thought of the fowl, which she had with prudence reserved,sharing her spoils however with the other maiden. This she didstanding, and then went to work, cleaning the dishes. The men littheir pipes and smoked in silence, while Ruby went through herdomestic duties. So matters went on for half an hour; during whichRuby escaped by the back door, went round into the house, got intoher own room, and formed the grand resolution of going to bed. Shebegan her operations in fear and trembling, not being sure but thather grandfather would bring the man up-stairs to her. As she thoughtof this she stayed her hand, and looked to the door. She knew wellthat there was no bolt there. It would be terrible to her to beinvaded by John Crumb after his fifth or sixth glass of beer. And,she declared to herself, that should he come he would be sure tobring Joe Mixet with him to speak his mind for him. So she paused andlistened.

  When they had smoked for some half hour the old man called for hisgranddaughter, but called of course in vain. "Where the mischief isthe jade gone?" he said, slowly making his way into the back kitchen.The maid as soon as she heard her master moving, escaped into theyard and made no response, while the old man stood bawling at theback door. "The devil's in them. They're off some gates," he saidaloud. "She'll make the place hot for her, if she goes on this way."Then he returned to the two young men. "She's playing off her gamessomwheres," he said. "Take a glass of sperrits and water, Mr. Crumb,and I'll see after her."

  "I'll just take a drop of y'ell," said John Crumb, apparently quiteunmoved by the absence of his sweetheart.

  It was sad work for the old man. He went down the yard and into thegarden, hobbling among the cabbages, not daring to call very loud, ashe did not wish to have it supposed that the girl was lost; but stillanxious, and sore at heart as to the ingratitude shown to him. He wasnot bound to give the girl a home at all. She was not his own child.And he had offered her L500! "Domm her," he said aloud as he made hisway back to the house. After much search and considerable loss oftime he returned to the kitchen in which the two men were sitting,leading Ruby in his hand. She was not smart in her apparel, forshe had half undressed herself, and been then compelled by hergrandfather to make herself fit to appear in public. She hadacknowledged to herself that she had better go down and tell JohnCrumb the truth. For she was still determined that she would never beJohn Crumb's wife. "You can answer him as well as I, grandfather,"she had said. Then the farmer had cuffed her, and told her that shewas an idiot. "Oh, if it comes to that," said Ruby, "I'm not afraidof John Crumb, nor yet of nobody else. Only I didn't think you'd goto strike me, grandfather." "I'll knock the life out of thee, if thougoest on this gate," he had said. But she had consented to come down,and they entered the room together.

  "We're a disturbing you a'most too late, miss," said Mr. Mixet.

  "It ain't that at all, Mr. Mixet. If grandfather chooses to havea few friends, I ain't nothing against it. I wish he'd have a fewfriends a deal oftener than he do. I likes nothing better than to dofor 'em;--only when I've done for 'em and they're smoking their pipesand that like, I don't see why I ain't to leave 'e
m to 'emselves."

  "But we've come here on a hauspicious occasion, Miss Ruby."

  "I don't know nothing about auspicious, Mr. Mixet. If you and Mr.Crumb've come out to Sheep's Acre farm for a bit of supper--"

  "Which we ain't," said John Crumb very loudly;--"nor yet forbeer;--not by no means."

  "We've come for the smiles of beauty," said Joe Mixet.

  Ruby chucked up her head. "Mr. Mixet, if you'll be so good as to stowthat! There ain't no beauty here as I knows of, and if there was itisn't nothing to you."

  "Except in the way of friendship," said Mixet.

  "I'm just as sick of all this as a man can be," said Mr. Ruggles,who was sitting low in his chair, with his back bent, and his headforward. "I won't put up with it no more."

  "Who wants you to put up with it?" said Ruby. "Who wants 'em to comehere with their trash? Who brought 'em to-night? I don't know whatbusiness Mr. Mixet has interfering along o' me. I never interferealong o' him."

  "John Crumb, have you anything to say?" asked the old man.

  Then John Crumb slowly arose from his chair, and stood up at his fullheight. "I hove," said he, swinging his head to one side.

  "Then say it."

  "I will," said he. He was still standing bolt upright with his handsdown by his side. Then he stretched out his left to his glass whichwas half full of beer, and strengthened himself as far as that wouldstrengthen him. Having done this he slowly deposited the pipe whichhe still held in his right hand.

  "Now speak your mind, like a man," said Mixet.

  "I intends it," said John. But he still stood dumb, looking down uponold Ruggles, who from his crouched position was looking up at him.Ruby was standing with both her hands upon the table and her eyesintent upon the wall over the fire-place.

  "You've asked Miss Ruby to be your wife a dozen times;--haven't you,John?" suggested Mixet.

  "I hove."

  "And you mean to be as good as your word?"

  "I do."

  "And she has promised to have you?"

  "She hove."

  "More nor once or twice?" To this proposition Crumb found it onlynecessary to bob his head. "You're ready,--and willing?"

  "I om."

  "You're wishing to have the banns said without any more delay?"

  "There ain't no delay 'bout me;--never was."

  "Everything is ready in your own house?"

  "They is."

  "And you will expect Miss Ruby to come to the scratch?"

  "I sholl."

  "That's about it, I think," said Joe Mixet, turning to thegrandfather. "I don't think there was ever anything much morestraightforward than that. You know, I know, Miss Ruby knows allabout John Crumb. John Crumb didn't come to Bungay yesterday,--noryet the day before. There's been a talk of five hundred pounds, Mr.Ruggles." Mr. Ruggles made a slight gesture of assent with his head."Five hundred pounds is very comfortable; and added to what John haswill make things that snug that things never was snugger. But JohnCrumb isn't after Miss Ruby along of her fortune."

  "Nohow's," said the lover, shaking his head and still standingupright with his hands by his side.

  "Not he;--it isn't his ways, and them as knows him'll never say it ofhim. John has a heart in his buzsom."

  "I has," said John, raising his hand a little above his stomach.

  "And feelings as a man. It's true love as has brought John Crumb toSheep's Acre farm this night;--love of that young lady, if she'll letme make so free. He's a proposed to her, and she's a haccepted him,and now it's about time as they was married. That's what John Crumbhas to say."

  "That's what I has to say," repeated John Crumb, "and I means it."

  "And now, miss," continued Mixet, addressing himself to Ruby, "you'veheard what John has to say."

  "I've heard you, Mr. Mixet, and I've heard quite enough."

  "You can't have anything to say against it, miss; can you? There'syour grandfather as is willing, and the money as one may say countedout,--and John Crumb is willing, with his house so ready that thereisn't a ha'porth to do. All we want is for you to name the day."

  "Say to-morrow, Ruby, and I'll not be agon it," said John Crumb,slapping his thigh.

  "I won't say to-morrow, Mr. Crumb, nor yet the day after to-morrow,nor yet no day at all. I'm not going to have you. I've told you asmuch before."

  "That was only in fun, loike."

  "Then now I tell you in earnest. There's some folk wants such a dealof telling."

  "You don't mean,--never?"

  "I do mean never, Mr. Crumb."

  "Didn't you say as you would, Ruby? Didn't you say so as plain asthe nose on my face?" John as he asked these questions could hardlyrefrain from tears.

  "Young women is allowed to change their minds," said Ruby.

  "Brute!" exclaimed old Ruggles. "Pig! Jade! I'll tell'ee what, John.She'll go out o' this into the streets;--that's what she wull. Iwon't keep her here, no longer;--nasty, ungrateful, lying slut."

  "She ain't that;--she ain't that," said John. "She ain't that at all.She's no slut. I won't hear her called so;--not by her grandfather.But, oh, she has a mind to put me so abouts, that I'll have to gohome and hang myself."

  "Dash it, Miss Ruby, you ain't a going to serve a young man thatway," said the baker.

  "If you'll jist keep yourself to yourself, I'll be obliged to you,Mr. Mixet," said Ruby. "If you hadn't come here at all things mighthave been different."

  "Hark at that now," said John, looking at his friend almost withindignation.

  Mr. Mixet, who was fully aware of his rare eloquence and of theabsolute necessity there had been for its exercise if any arrangementwere to be made at all, could not trust himself to words after this.He put on his hat and walked out through the back kitchen into theyard declaring that his friend would find him there, round by thepig-stye wall, whenever he was ready to return to Bungay. As soon asMixet was gone John looked at his sweetheart out of the corners ofhis eyes and made a slow motion towards her, putting out his righthand as a feeler. "He's aff now, Ruby," said John.

  "And you'd better be aff after him," said the cruel girl.

  "And when'll I come back again?"

  "Never. It ain't no use. What's the good of more words, Mr. Crumb?"

  "Domm her; domm her," said old Ruggles. "I'll even it to her. She'llhave to be out on the roads this night."

  "She shall have the best bed in my house if she'll come for it," saidJohn, "and the old woman to look arter her; and I won't come nigh hertill she sends for me."

  "I can find a place for myself, thank ye, Mr. Crumb." Old Rugglessat grinding his teeth, and swearing to himself, taking his hat offand putting it on again, and meditating vengeance. "And now if youplease, Mr. Crumb, I'll go up-stairs to my own room."

  "You don't go up to any room here, you jade you." The old man as hesaid this got up from his chair as though to fly at her. And he wouldhave struck her with his stick but that he was stopped by John Crumb.

  "Don't hit the girl, no gate, Mr. Ruggles."

  "Domm her, John; she breaks my heart." While her lover held hergrandfather Ruby escaped, and seated herself on the bedside, againafraid to undress, lest she should be disturbed by her grandfather."Ain't it more nor a man ought to have to bear;--ain't it, Mr.Crumb?" said the grandfather appealing to the young man.

  "It's the ways on 'em, Mr. Ruggles."

  "Ways on 'em! A whipping at the cart-tail ought to be the ways onher. She's been and seen some young buck."

  Then John Crumb turned red all over, through the flour, and sparks ofanger flashed from his eyes. "You ain't a meaning of it, master?"

  "I'm told there's been the squoire's cousin aboot,--him as they callthe baronite."

  "Been along wi' Ruby?" The old man nodded at him. "By the mortialsI'll baronite him;--I wull," said John seizing his hat and stalkingoff through the back kitchen after his friend.