Humorous Hits and How to Hold an Audience

  PART I

  HOW TO HOLD AN AUDIENCE

  HOW TO HOLD AN AUDIENCE

  To hold the interest of an audience and to successfully entertainit--whether from public platform, in fraternal organization, byafter-dinner speech, or in the home circle--is a worthy accomplishment.Moreover, the memorizing of selections and rendering them before anaudience is one of the best preparations for the larger and moreimportant work of public speaking. Many of our most successfulafter-dinner speakers depend almost entirely upon their ability to tella good story.

  The art of reciting and story-telling has become so popular in recentyears that a wide-spread demand has arisen for books of selections andsuggestions for rendering them. Material suitable for encores has beenparticularly difficult to find. It is thought, therefore, that thepresent volume, containing as it does a great variety of short numbers,will meet with approval.

  There is, perhaps, no talent that is more entertaining and moreinstructive than that of reciting aloud specimens of prose and poetry,both humorous and serious, from our best writers. Channing says:

  "Is there not an amusement, having an affinity with the drama, whichmight be usefully introduced among us? I mean, Recitation.

  "A work of genius, recited by a man of fine taste, enthusiasm, andpowers of elocution, is a very pure and high gratification.

  "Were this art cultivated and encouraged, great numbers, now insensibleto the most beautiful compositions, might be waked up to theirexcellence and power.

  "It is not easy to conceive of a more effectual way of spreading arefined taste through a community. The drama undoubtedly appeals morestrongly to the passions than recitation; but the latter brings out themeaning of the author more. Shakespeare, worthily recited, would bebetter understood than on the stage.

  "Recitation, sufficiently varied, so as to include pieces of chaste wit,as well as of pathos, beauty, and sublimity, is adapted to our presentintellectual progress."

  To recite well, and to be able to hold an audience, one should betrained in the proper use of the voice and body in expression. Thisrequires painstaking study and preparation. It is a mistake to supposethat much can be safely left to impulse and the inspiration of theoccasion. With all great artists everything is premeditated, studied,and rehearsed beforehand.

  Salvini, the great Italian tragedian, said to the pupils in his art:"Above all, study,--_study_,--STUDY. All the genius in the world willnot help you along with any art, unless you become a hard student. Ithas taken me years to master a single part."

  THE VOICE

  The voice can be rapidly and even wonderfully developed by practisingfor a few minutes daily exercises prescribed in any good manual ofelocution.[1] Learn to speak in the natural voice. If it ishigh-pitched, nasal, thin, or unmusical, these defects can be overcomeby patient and judicious practise. Do not assume an artificial voice,except in impersonation. Remember that intelligent audiences demandintelligent expression, and will not tolerate the ranting, bombast, andunnatural style of declamation of former days.

  Many people speak with half-shut teeth and mouth. Open the mouth andthroat freely; liberate all the muscles around the vocal apparatus. Aimto speak with ease, and endeavor to improve the voice in depth, purity,roundness, and flexibility. Daily conversation offers the bestopportunity for this practise.

  A writer recently said: "Only a very, very few of us Americans speakEnglish as the English do. We have our own 'accent,' as it is called. Weare a nervous, eager, strident people. We know it, tho we do not relishhaving foreigners tell us about it. We speak not mellowly, not with laxtongues and palates, but sharply, shrilly, with hardened mouth and withtones forced back upon the palate. We strangulate two-thirds of ourvowels and swallow half the other third. Pure, round, sonorous tones arealmost never heard in our daily speech."

  Speak from the abdomen. All the effort, all the motive power, shouldcome from the waist and abdominal muscles. These are made to stand thestrain that is so often incorrectly put upon the muscles of the throat.Aim at a forward tone; that is, send your voice out to some distantobject, imaginary or otherwise, without unduly elevating the pitch. Thevoice should strike against the hard palate, the hard bony arch justabove the upper teeth. Most of the practising should be done on the lowpitches.

  If there is any serious physical defect of the throat or nose, consult areliable physician.

  Do not overtax the voice. Three periods of ten minutes each are betterthan an hour's practise at one time. Stop at the first sign ofweariness. Do not practise within an hour after eating. Avoid thehabitual use of lozenges. There is nothing better for the throat than agargle of salt and water, used night and morning. Dash cold water on theoutside of the throat and rub it vigorously with a coarse towel.

  [Footnote 1: See "How to Speak in Public." a complete manual ofelocution, by Grenville Kleiser. Published by Funk & Wagnalls Company.Price, $1.25 net.]

  THE BREATH

  The proper management of the breath is an important part of goodspeaking. Some teachers say the air should be inhaled on all occasionsexclusively through the nose. This is practically impossible while inthe act of speaking. The aim should be to speak on full lungs as much aspossible; therefore a breath must be taken at every opportunity. This isdone during the pauses, but often the time is so short that the speakerwill find it necessary to use both mouth and nose to get a full supplyof air. The breathing should be inaudible.

  Practise deep breathing until it becomes an unconscious habit. _Intaking in the breath the abdomen and chest both expand, and in givingout the breath the abdomen and chest both contract._ By this method ofrespiration the abdomen is used as a kind of "bellows," and the strainis taken entirely off the throat. The breathing should be done withoutnoticeable effort and without raising the shoulders. Whenever possiblethe breathing should be long and deep. While speaking, endeavor to holdback in the lungs, or reservoir, the supply of air, "feeding" it verygradually to the vocal cords in just the quantity required for a giventone. Reciting aloud, when properly done, is a healthful exercise, andthe voice should grow and improve through use; but to speak onhalf-filled lungs, or from the throat, is distressing and ofteninjurious.

  Keep your shoulders well thrown back, head erect, chin level, armsloosely at the sides, and in walking throw the leg out from the hip witheasy, confident movement. The weight of the body should be on the ballof the foot, altho the whole foot touches the floor. The breathingshould be deep, smooth, and deliberate.

  When the breath is not being used in speech, breathe exclusively throughthe nose. This is particularly desirable during the hours of sleep. Assomeone has said, if you awake at night and find your mouth open, get upand shut it. A well-known English authority on elocution says that as agolden rule for the preservation of the health, he considers the habitof breathing through the nose invaluable if not imperative. Air, whichis the breath of life, has always floating in it also the seeds ofdeath. The nose is a filter and deodorizer, in passing through which theair is cleansed and sent pure into the lungs. The nose warms the air aswell as purifies it, and thus prevents it from being breathed in thatraw, damp state which is so injurious to those whose lungs are delicate.

  Speak immediately upon opening your mouth. Try to turn into pure-tonedvoice every particle of breath you give out. Replenish the lungs everytime you pause. Light gymnastics, brisk walking, running, horsebackriding, and other exercise will improve your breathing capacity.

  MODULATION

  Modulation simply means change of voice. These changes, however, must beintelligent and appropriate to the thought. Monotony--speaking in onetone--must be avoided. The speaker should have the ability to raise orlower the pitch of his voice at will, as well as to vary it in force,intensity, inflection, etc.

  Do not confuse "pitch" with "force." Pitch refers to the _key_ of thespeaking voice, while force relates to the _loudness_ of the voice. Themovement or rate of speaking should be varied to suit the particularthought. It would be ridiculous to describe a horse-race in
the slow,measured tones of a funeral procession.

  Most of your speaking should be done in the middle and lower registers;but the higher pitches, altho not so often required, must be trained soas to be ready for use. These higher tones are frequently thin andunmusical, but they can be made full and firm through practise.

  It is not necessary to study many rules for inflection. The speakershould know in a general way that when the sense is suspended the voicefollows this tendency and runs up, and when the sense is completed thevoice runs down. In other words, the voice should simply be in agreementwith the tendency of the thought, whether it opens up or closes down.The lengths of inflection vary according to the thought and the requiredemphasis.

  For most occasions the speaking should be clear-cut and deliberate. Thelarger the room or hall, the slower should be the speech, to give thevocal vibrations time to travel. Dwelling on words too long, drawling,or over precision in articulation, is tedious to an audience. The otherextreme, undue haste, suggests lack of self-control, and is fatal tosuccessful effort. Of course this does not apply to special selectionsdemanding rapid speech.

  There are numerous words in English that represent or at least suggesttheir meaning in their sound. One who aims to read or recite well shouldstudy these effects so as to use them skilfully and with judgment.

  The most complete and concise treatment on the subject of expression isperhaps that given in _Hamlet's_ advice to the players when he says:

  "Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you--_trippingly_on the tongue; but if you mouth it, as many of your players do, I had aslief the town crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much withyour hand, thus; but use all gently: for in the very torrent, tempest,and as I may say whirlwind of your passion, you must acquire and beget atemperance that may give it smoothness. O! it offends me to the soul, tohear a robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, tovery rags, to split the ears of the groundlings; who, for the most part,are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb-shows, and noise. I wouldhave such a fellow whipped for o'erdoing Termagant; it out-herods Herod:pray you, avoid it....

  "Be not too tame neither, but let your own discretion be your tutor:suit the action to the word, the word to the action, with this specialobservance, that you o'erstep not the modesty of nature; for anything sooverdone is from the purpose of playing, whose end, both at the first,and now, was, and is, to hold, as 't were, the mirror up to nature; toshow virtue her own feature, scorn her own image, and the very age andbody of the time, his form and pressure. Now, this overdone, or cometardy off, tho it make the unskilful laugh, can not but make thejudicious grieve; the censure of the which one must, in your allowance,o'erweigh a whole theater of others. O! there be players, that I haveseen play--and heard others praise, and that highly--not to speak itprofanely, that, neither having the accent of Christians, nor the gaitof Christian, pagan, nor man, have so strutted and bellowed, that I havethought some of nature's journeymen had made men, and not made themwell, they imitated humanity so abominably."

  PAUSING

  Words naturally divide themselves into groups according to theirmeaning. Grammatical pauses indicate the construction of language, whilerhetorical pauses mark more particularly the natural divisions in thesense. To jumble words together, or to rattle them off in "rapid-fire"style, is not an entertaining performance. Proper pausing secureseconomy of the listener's attention, and is as desirable in spoken as inwritten language.

  Pauses should vary in frequency and duration. It should be rememberedthat words are only symbols, and that the speaker should concern himselfseriously about the thought which these symbols represent. The conceptbehind the sign is the important thing. The fine art of pausing can beacquired only after long and faithful study. Then it may become anunconscious habit. An old rime on this subject is worth repeating:

  "In pausing, ever let this rule take place, Never to separate words in any case That are less separable than those you join; And, which imports the same, not to combine Such words together, as do not relate So closely as the words you separate."

  FEELING AND ENERGY

  Before you can properly _feel_ what you say you must _understand_ it.Artificial and imitative methods do not produce enduring results. Instudying a passage or selection for recitation, the imagination must bekindled, the feelings stimulated, and the mind trained to concentrateupon the thought until it is _experienced_. This subjective work shouldalways precede the attempt at objective expression. Everything mustfirst be conceived, pictured, and experienced in the mind. When this isdone with intelligence, sincerity, and earnestness, there should belittle difficulty in giving true and adequate expression to thought.

  In all speaking that is worth the while there must be energy, force, andlife. The speaker should be wide-awake, alert, palpitating. Aspeaker--and this applies to the reciter and elocutionist--should be, assomeone has said, "an animal galvanic battery on two legs."[2] He mustknow what he is about. He must _be in east_.

  Make a distinction between loudness and intensity. Often the besteffects are produced by suggesting power in reserve rather than givingthe fullest outward expression. Intensity in reading or reciting issecured chiefly through concentration and a thorough grasp of thethought. Endeavor to put yourself into your voice. Do not forget thatdeep, concentrated feeling is never loud. Avoid shouting, ranting, and"tearing a passion to tatters." Go to nature for models. Ask what onewould do in real life in uttering the thoughts under consideration.

  The emotions must be brought under control by frequent practise. Joy,sorrow, anger, fear, surprize, terror, and other feelings are as colorsto the artist and must be made ready for instant use. To quote RichardMansfield:

  "When you are enacting a part, think of your voice as a color, and, asyou paint your picture (the character you are painting, the scene youare portraying), mix your colors. You have on your palate a white voice,_la voix blanche_; a heavenly, ethereal or blue voice, the voice ofprayer; a disagreeable, jealous, or yellow voice; a steel-gray voice,for quiet sarcasm; a brown voice of hopelessness; a lurid, red voice ofhot rage; a deep, thunderous voice of black; a cheery voice, the colorof the green sea that a brisk breeze is crisping; and then there is apretty little pink voice, and shades of violet--but the subject isendless."

  [Footnote 2: See "Before an Audience," by Nathan Sheppard. Published byFunk & Wagnalls Company. Price, 75 cents.]

  GESTURE AND ACTION

  No better advice can be given upon this subject than to "Suit the actionto the word; the word to the action." Unless a gesture in some way helpsin the expression and understanding of a thought, it should be omitted.Gesture is not a mere ornament, but a natural and necessary part of trueexpression. The arms and hands should be trained to perform their workgracefully, promptly, and effectively. If too many gestures are usedthey lose their force and meaning. Furthermore, too many gesturesconfuse and annoy the auditor.

  Gesture should be practised, preferably before a looking-glass, sothoroughly _beforehand_ as to make it an unconscious act when thespeaker comes before his audience.

  The correct standing position is to have one foot slightly in advance ofthe other. The taller the person, the broader should be the base orwidth between the feet. The body should be erect but not rigid. Inrepose the arms should drop naturally at the sides. Except in the act ofgesticulating do not try to put the hands anywhere, and above all, if aman, not in the pockets.

  IMPERSONATION

  The aim here should be to lose one's self in the part. To subordinateone's tones, gestures, and manners, and to live the character for thetime being, requires no mean ability. Impersonation calls forimagination, insight, concentration, and adaptability. The impersonatormust be all at it, and at it all, during the whole time he isimpersonating the character.

  "To fathom the depths of character," said Macready, the distinguishedEnglish actor, "to trace its latent motives, to feel its finestquiverings of emotion, to comprehend the thoughts that are hidden
underwords, and thus possess one's self of the actual mind of the individualman, is the highest reach of the player's art, and is an achievementthat I have discerned but in few. Kean--when under the impulse of hisgenius he seemed to _clutch_ the whole idea of the man--was anextraordinary instance among those possessing the faculty ofimpersonation."

  Where dialect is used it should be closely studied from life. Stagerepresentations of foreign character are not always trustworthy models.

  ARTICULATION AND PRONUNCIATION

  Articulate and pronounce correctly and distinctly without beingpedantic. The organs of articulation--teeth, tongue, lips, andpalate--should be trained to rapidly and accurately repeat various setsof elements, until any combination of sounds, no matter how difficult,can be uttered with facility, accuracy, and precision.

  A standard dictionary should be consulted whenever there is a doubteither about the meaning or the pronunciation of a word. As to thestandard of pronunciation, the speaker should consider at least thesethree things: (1) authority, (2) custom, and (3) personal taste.

  There are many words commonly mispronounced, but only a few can bereferred to here: Do not say _Toos_-day or _Chews_-day for T_u_esday;_ur_-ride for ride; i-_ron_ for i-_urn_; w_u_s for w_a_s; th_u_n forth_a_n; subj_i_ct for subj_e_ct; _awf_-fiss for _off_-fiss; fig-_ger_for fig_u_re; to-_wards_ for tords; _dook_ for d_u_ke; k_e_tch forc_a_tch; _day_-po for _de_-po; ab'domen for abdo'men; advertise'ment foradver'tisement; ly'ceum for lyce'um; oc'cult for occult'; of_t_en forof'n; s_e_nce for s_i_nce; su_j_gest for su_g_gest; _wow_nd for _woo_nd;_weth_er for w_h_ether; sen'ile for s_e_'nile; _ad_'dress forad_dress_'; il'lustrate for illus'trate; _ker_-own for crown; wind_er_for wind_ow_; s_or_ for s_aw_; wick_ud_ for wick_ed_; _i_ngine for_e_ngine; _o_ntil for _u_ntil.

  Words should drop from the mouth like newly-made coins from the mint.Practising on words of several syllables is helpful. Some such as thesewill serve as examples: "particularly," "unconstitutional,""incompatibility," "unnecessarily," "voluminous," "overwhelmingly,""sesquipedalian," etc.

  IMAGINATION

  The ability to make vivid mental pictures of what one recites is ofgreat value to both reader and hearer. Everyone has this faculty to somedegree, but few develop it as it should be developed for use inspeaking. The clearer the mental picture the speaker has in mind themore vivid will it be to the hearer. Practise making mental images withpictures that appeal strongly to you. Try to see everything in detail.If at first the impressions are obscure, persevere in your practise andsubstantial results will surely come. Dr. Silas Neff gives a splendidillustration of this kind that can be effectively used for practise:

  "A woodman once lived with his family near a shallow stream which flowedbetween high banks and in the middle of which, opposite his house, wasan island. Half a mile up the stream was a dam which supplied water fora saw-mill a hundred yards below. One morning after the father had goneto the mill to work, leaving his wife in the back yard washing somelittle garments, their two little boys clambered down the bank and wadedthrough the water to the island where they had spent many happy hours inplay. About the middle of the forenoon, from some unknown cause, thewall of the dam suddenly gave way, the water plunging through and nearlyfilling the banks of the stream. The father in the mill heard the noiseand looking out saw what had happened. Immediately thinking of his boyshe dashed out, hat and coat off, on an awful race down the creek to savetheir lives. The water after leaving the dam flowed rather slowly forsome time and he was soon quite a distance ahead, but he knew thatunless he gained very rapidly here, the descent being much greaterfarther down, the water would overtake his boys before he could reachthem. His wife suddenly looked up as the agonizing cries of her husbandfell upon her ear. She rushed to the front yard. In quick succession shedistinguished the words, 'Get the boys!' The father was a few hundredyards from his home. The water had reached the rapid part of the streambut some distance behind the man. The wife on hearing the words, thonot knowing what was wrong, jumped down the bank and ran through thewater, shrieking to the boys. Just as she reached the island they ran toher and, without uttering a word, she took one under each arm andstarted back as wildly as she came. When half way over she saw herhusband dashing out from the edge of the woods and the water not twentyfeet behind him. They met at the top of the bank, the father graspedwife and children in his arms and the water passed harmlessly by."[3]

  [Footnote 3: "Talks on Education and Oratory," by Silas S. Neff, NeffCollege of Oratory, Philadelphia, Pa.]

  HOW TO MEMORIZE A SELECTION

  Do not learn a selection simply by rote--that is, by repeating itparrot-like over and over again--but fix it in the mind by a careful anddetailed analysis of the thought. As you practise aloud, train your eyeto take in as many words as possible, then look away from the book asyou recite them aloud. This will give the memory immediate practise andwill tend to make it self-reliant.

  Having chosen a selection, read it over first in a general way to securean impression of it in its entirety. Then read it a second time, givingparticular attention to each part. Consult a dictionary for the correctmeaning and pronunciation of every word about which you are in doubt.Next underline the emphatic words--those which you think best expressthe most important thoughts. Underscoring one line for emphatic wordsand two lines for the most emphatic will do for this purpose. Nowindicate the various pauses, both grammatical and rhetorical, by drawingshort perpendicular lines between the words where they occur. In ageneral way use one line for a short pause, two lines for a mediumpause, and three lines for a long pause. On the margin of the selectionyou may make other notes, such as the dominant feeling, transitions,changes of rate, force and pitch, special effects, gestures, facialexpression, etc.

  There is, of course, nothing arbitrary about this work of analysis. Itspurpose is to make the student _think_, to analyze, to be painstaking.The following annotated selection should be carefully considered. Wordson which chief emphasis is to be placed are printed in small capitals;those on which less emphasis is to be placed, in italics. It is notintended to be mechanical, but suggestive. After a few selections havebeen analyzed in this way, pausing and emphasis, and many other elementsof expression, will largely take care of themselves.

  "To BE || or NOT | to be, || _that_ | is the question:--||| Whether | 't is _nobler_ | in the mind, || to _suffer_ The _slings_ | and _arrows_ || of _outrageous_ fortune; || Or | to take _arms_ | against a _sea_ | of troubles, || And by _opposing_ || _end_ them? ||| --To DIE,-- || to SLEEP, ||| No _more_;--||| and, by a _sleep_, || to say we end The _heart-ache_, | and the _thousand_ natural shocks || That flesh is _heir_ to,--||| 't is a consummation || _Devoutly_ | to be _wish'd_. ||| To DIE,--||| to SLEEP:--||| To SLEEP ||| perchance to DREAM: || ay, | _there's_ the _rub_; || For in that sleep | of _death_ || what _dreams_ | MAY | come, || When we have shuffled off | this mortal coil, || Must give us _pause_. ||| _There's_ the _respect_, | That makes _calamity_ | of _so long life_: ||| For who would bear | the _whips_ and _scorns_ | of _time_, || The oppressor's _wrong_, || the proud man's _contumely_, || The pangs | of _despis'd_ love, || the law's _delay_, || The _insolence_ | of office, || and the _spurns_ | That patient _merit_ | of the _unworthy_ takes, || When he _himself_ | might his _quietus_ make || With a bare _bodkin_? || who'd these _fardels_ bear, || To _grunt_ and _sweat_ | under a weary life, || But that the _dread_ | of SOMETHING | _after_ death--|| The _undiscover'd_ country, || from whose bourn | _No_ traveler returns,--|| puzzles the _will_, || And makes us rather bear | those ills we _have_, || Than fly | to _others_ || that we know not of? ||| Thus CONSCIENCE || does make COWARDS | of us all; || And thus | the native hue | of _resolution_ || Is sicklied o'er | with the _pale cast_ | of _thought_; || And enterprises | of great _pith_ and _moment_ || With _this_ regard | their currents turn awry, || And _lose_ | the _name_ || of ACTION."

  BEFORE THE AUDIENCE

  As you present yourself to your audience, bow slightly and gracio
uslyfrom the waist. Be courteous, but not servile. Avoid haste andfamiliarity. Be punctilious in dress and deportment, and be prompt inkeeping your appointments.

  Be sure you have everything ready in advance. If you have to use anyproperties, such as a table, chair, eye-glass, books, reading-stand,coat, hat, gloves, letters, etc., see that everything is provided and inits place before the time set for your appearance.

  Success often depends upon the judicious choice of selections for theoccasion. What will be acceptable to one audience may not pleaseanother. The sentiment and the length of selections depend upon the timeand place where they are to be given. When an audience expects to beentertained with humorous recitations, to announce in a sepulchral voicethat you will give them a poem of your own composition, entitled "TheThree Corpses," of melancholy character, is likely to send a chill ofdisappointment through them.

  Never keep your audience waiting. If an encore is demanded, return andbow, or if the demand is insistent, give another number, preferably ashort one. Do not be too eager to give encores; if the applause is notinsistent, a bow will suffice.