Usurper

  “I know you care, but this place turns everything on its head. Here, you have to change, or you won’t survive. I have to change enough so that Scarlet doesn’t have to. I have to become something I hate just so I can protect her.” I sniffled. “But it’s never really been about the men, Zoe. It’s the realm I fell in love with, the magic and the danger and the secrets. That’s what I’m holding on for.”

  “What does that mean?”

  I shook my head. “I’m just emotional. Ignore me.” I frowned. “You look really pale. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m just tired. All of this travelling is wearing me out. And then the heat makes it worse.”

  “Go get some rest. We’ll be leaving as soon as the sun begins to rise. You’ll get better sleep here than on the road.”

  “You’ll be okay?”

  I plastered on a smile. “I’m perfect. Go rest. Share a carriage with me tomorrow?”

  “Only if you promise to tell me later about everything that’s bothering you.” She stood and passed my half-asleep daughter to me.

  “Agreed.”

  I smiled as she waved and turned away, but inside, the crushing doubt grew almost too much to bear. I cradled Scarlet. As if she knew I needed comfort, she settled in against me until she dozed off.

  After a while, Brendan came over and sat next to me. We watched the sun go down, and I felt a little less alone.

  ***

  A wrenching scream tore me from my dreams. I bolted upright and checked for Scarlet. She was still asleep. I then scrambled across the ground to Zoe. She was thrashing under her blanket, her eyes wide and unseeing.

  “Zoe, wake up,” I urged, thinking she was having a nightmare of some kind.

  Líle joined me. “What’s happening?”

  “I don’t know. Hold her arms before she hurts herself.” I patted Zoe’s face. “Please wake up.”

  Zoe screamed again. Her voice cracked and broke as if her vocal cords had just given up. More people began to stir.

  “What’s going on?” Brendan asked.

  “I can’t wake her,” I said.

  “Move aside,” Grey Eyes said briskly. “You won’t wake her. She’s caught in a delusion. We need her to sleep. Sleep will protect her before the madness can take her.”

  “Madness?” I felt ill. “What madness?”

  “Not now.” Grey Eyes looked around. “I’ll need another pair of hands. Not you,” she added sternly, pointing at me. “Somebody calmer.”

  My hands were shaking. “Is she losing her mind? Is it this place?”

  Grey Eyes took my hands in hers. “Yes, and if I don’t help her right now, we’ll lose her. Let me work.”

  “I’ll help you,” Fiadh said.

  Grey Eyes nodded at Fiadh. “Water. Just enough to crush some herbs into a potion.” She looked over at Líle. “You can help keep her steady. It’ll be a long night.”

  “I’m ready,” Líle said.

  Brendan pulled me back. “Sit down back here out of the way. Anya has Scarlet, and I’ll stay with you. You can watch them work and see that they know what they’re doing. This is just the first seizure. It won’t cause lasting damage.”

  I blinked a couple of times. “You know how it happens. Tell me.”

  “Sit, and I will.”

  I practically collapsed to the ground. He sat and put his arm around me. I relaxed against him, eager to share the worry.

  “Tomorrow, she’ll think it was a dream,” he said softly. “And then you’ll send her away because it’s this place that’s hurting her. It’s too much for her already.”

  “I did this to her. This is all my fault. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t even be here.”

  “She came to you. She could have left, but she’s almost as stubborn as you are.”

  “Why her? Why didn’t this happen to me?”

  “We thought it did,” he said. “The night you found the mirror. Drake insisted it was the madness. He was mad with grief and worry. I promised him you’d come out of it, that you would be okay, but I think that sealed the deal for him. He had to send you away for your own sake. He was wrong, but his feelings clouded his decisions.”

  Zoe shrieked as if she were being burned with hot pokers.

  I winced. “I never went through this. This is just awful.”

  “It gets worse,” he said. “It might be weeks until the second seizure, but it’s always much worse. And then the others follow until the weight of it is just too much. Their minds can’t cope, so they sort of shut down, shut themselves away. The seizures come less often then, but only a shell remains behind. It’s no life.”

  “What about Ronnie?” I asked to distract myself from the violent way Zoe’s body was jerking against Líle’s hold. “Did she go through this?”

  “Probably, but I think she was one who clung to sanity, who kept a smidgen of herself with her. That’s even more dangerous than losing it all.”

  “I noticed.”

  People grew bored and went back to bed, many of them grumbling about the noise. Sorcha and Drake hadn’t appeared at all. To my surprise, Vix and Rumble both offered their help to Grey Eyes. Even Bekind stayed close, ready to help if needed. Mostly, she paced, and I remembered that she had probably seen a lot of Zoe when she had watched over me. Brendan tried to smother a yawn.

  “Most people are going back to sleep. You should, too.” I swallowed hard. “I’ll be fine.”

  “I know you will. But I want to stay here.”

  “I should be over there with her,” I said, feeling a sob hiccup inside me. “She needs me.”

  “You’ll just distract everyone.” He took one of my hands.

  “She’s my best friend. I’d do anything for her. I love her.” Surprised by my own admission, I repeated in wonder, “I love her.”

  “What?” he asked. “Did you not realise how you felt about her?”

  “Sometimes I think I don’t know how to love people. Like… that part of me is broken. Does that make sense?”

  “Yes,” he breathed. “More than you realise.”

  I looked into his eyes and felt a kind of kinship with him. He was probably playing with me out of boredom, but for once, I decided to think that he was being a friend, that he truly cared. For once, I let myself believe that people could be good, no matter what had gone before. For once, I let myself find comfort. And when Zoe cried out huskily as if she were in pain, I hid my face against his neck and let him hold me.

  ***

  When Zoe awoke the next morning, she stretched then jumped with fright when she noticed me sitting next to her, staring.

  “Creepy,” she muttered. “What are you doing?”

  “You don’t remember last night,” I said, my last spark of hope dying. Zoe was succumbing to the faery madness.

  “What are you on about? Are you okay? You look exhausted.”

  “You had a kind of seizure last night. If you stay, it’ll happen again and again, until one day, you won’t wake up from it. So you have to go home. Today.”

  She sat up. “Home? Today? Leave you?”

  I kept my voice steady. “I’m sending you away. You don’t have a choice. If you stay… never mind. You can’t stay.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “Then come with me, Cara. Don’t stay here if it’s so dangerous.”

  “It’s not dangerous for me,” I said. “I haven’t had this kind of seizure.” Yet.

  “You’ll kill him if I leave,” she whispered.

  “You knew?”

  “I guessed. I have to be here to remind you of who you really are. You’ll turn into a different person if I go.”

  My own tears started to fall. “I know.”

  She wrapped her arms around me. “Come with me. Let’s take Scarlet home and forget the fae. Let’s just go back to being normal.”

  “I’m in too deep.” I wiped my face on my sleeve. “I don’t want to go back. I need to finish this. I need to do something.”

  “You’re my
best friend,” she said. “I feel like I’m never going to see you again.”

  I gripped her hands. “No matter what, I’ll always be there for you. I’ll find a way, Zo. I’ll come home.”

  “This is your home now,” she spluttered. “You fell in love with the realm, remember?”

  “Who says I can’t have two homes? I’m going to see you again. We’re going to be little old ladies together.”

  She shook her head. “You won’t age here. You’ll come back, and I’ll be long dead.”

  “Then I’ll find a way for you to live here. Just shut up and trust me, Zoe!”

  “I do.” She blinked away her tears. “I do trust you.”

  When Grey Eyes and Líle left to take Zoe back to the human realm, I felt a mixture of relief and regret. Zoe had protested, but I needed to keep her safe.

  The carriage moved out of sight, and I realised Drake was looking at me with his old eyes. For the first time, I understood a little of what he had done. He had sent me away to protect me, just as I was doing with Zoe. I nodded at him, and his mouth curved into a sad smile before he turned away.

  Despite feeling as though a piece of me had been torn away, I was glad Zoe was gone so she wouldn’t see what I might do next.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Scarlet was grumpy from being cooped up in the carriage all of the time, so when the weather calmed, I rode with her on Dubh for a while. She babbled excitedly, obviously immune to the despair pretty much everyone else felt in the Darkside. That morning, a group of soldiers had argued and ended up in a physical fight before Drake could stop them.

  We were close to the Hollows. My stomach filled with acid at the thought of passing through there again. But maybe all would go well since Sadler was keeping his people with him.

  Sorcha rode up beside me and gestured at Scarlet. “She doesn’t seem affected by the atmosphere. Not like the others.”

  “I was here when I was pregnant. Maybe that made the difference.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Perhaps. Are you going to give her to Sadler then?”

  I gaped at her. “No! Why would I do that?”

  “I thought you wanted to stop this war. Besides, you’ve been walking around looking as though you were about to lose everything you own. I simply assumed it was the child.”

  “He can’t have her!”

  Her eyes widened, then she smirked. “Of course. You would be attached to it.”

  “She. Not it. And she has a name. Maybe you should learn it, seeing as you’re her stepmother now.” I squeezed my heels against Dubh to speed him up.

  “I’ll be a mother myself soon enough,” Sorcha called after me.

  I pulled on the reins and turned to face her. “You can’t.”

  “Excuse me? Are you telling me what I—”

  “No, listen. The mirror. I saw your death in the mirror. You died giving birth.”

  She barked out a laugh. “Am I supposed to believe you’re concerned about my health?”

  “I don’t give a shit about you. But I’m not completely heartless either.” At least, not yet.

  I caught up to Brendan, eager to get away from Sorcha and the thoughts she had planted in my brain. I couldn’t let myself think about her and Drake together.

  Brendan had dismounted to stretch his legs. When he saw us, he bent down to pick a flower. He handed it to Scarlet, who promptly shoved it into her mouth.

  “Brendan!” I pulled the plant from her hands and flung the goopy mess away. “That could have been poisonous.”

  “Do you really think I’d give the little butterfly poison to play with?”

  “As if you’d think that far ahead when it comes to a child. Have you ever even seen a baby before?”

  He snorted and grabbed his horse’s reins to walk next to us. “I’ve seen everything there is to see. And I knew enough to keep a puny human like you alive, so stop doubting me, woman.”

  I couldn’t help laughing, but I sobered quickly. The Hollows loomed ahead. “How are we playing this?” I asked. “Last time didn’t go so well.”

  “We have gold and food if a tithe is required. But we keep hearing how Sadler won’t let his people leave, so there may be nothing to worry about.”

  A crow suddenly darted in front of Dubh. He started to rear up, and Brendan quickly reached out and grabbed the reins to settle the horse. Dubh snorted, his ears twitching, as the crow landed in our path and stared at me.

  “It’s a messenger,” Brendan said slowly. “Who uses crows nowadays?”

  “A message for who?” I asked.

  The bird flew up and over Dubh’s head, dropping a roll of parchment practically in my lap. I picked it up, but Brendan snatched it from me. When he showed me the note, it contained two words: Reynard and Hollows.

  Brendan said waved Drake over. The carriages behind us slowly rolled to a stop as we conferred in the middle of the road.

  “What’s going on?” Vix asked as she approached with Rumble.

  Brendan showed her the note. Her face paled. She swallowed hard, her fingers trembling.

  When she looked at me, there was a new hardness in her gaze. “Let him come. I’ll take care of him myself.”

  “We’re trying to get people on our side,” I said. “We can’t just go in on attack. Let him make his move, and then we’ll know where we stand. We’re prepared. We’re ready. We have trained soldiers. The upper hand is ours.”

  “We could send in a small group to scout around first,” Drake said.

  “I’d rather not split up,” Brendan said.

  “He’s right,” I said. “This place always divides us. We have to go in together and see what comes. Vix, Rumble, you two stay in Fiadh’s carriage with Scarlet. I’ll ride out on Dubh. If they see me, they might not target the carriages.”

  “No,” Drake said. “You stay with Scarlet, too.”

  “I’m riding out,” I insisted. “Now let’s get this over and done with before everyone gets too spooked to think straight.”

  Soon, the procession through the Hollows began. The guards stayed alert near the carriages. Vix lay on top of Scarlet’s carriage, armed with throwing daggers that Bran had gazed at with longing. Drake and Brendan rode on either side of me, Sorcha on the other side of Drake. Bran rode directly behind me, and more soldiers circled us constantly.

  The silence was chilling as we reached the Hollow Hills. Drake cleared his throat as if to make some sound, but it didn’t matter. The emptiness remained.

  “Sorcha and I have been talking,” he said abruptly. “Perhaps, when this is over, Scarlet could stay with us for a time, and—”

  “Yeah, sure,” I said. “Give me a call when hell freezes over.”

  He gave me a look of surprise. “I thought you’d be happy about this.”

  “Oh, fuck off,” I snapped, picking up speed because the proximity was turning me into a monster. Sorcha knew exactly what she was doing, all right.

  I sensed a shift in the air and slowed the horse again. I held up my hand. “Wait a second.”

  Brendan stopped beside me, looking all around. A crow flying over the woods beyond the Hollows cawed loudly. Amongst the trees, I spotted a flash of movement.

  “There,” I said, pointing. “Somebody’s there.”

  Drake’s bodyguard rode forward then shot an arrow toward the tree line. Others spread out toward the hiding places within the Hollows. As those soldiers shouted that the area was clear, a shock of white hair appeared from the woods.

  “Reynard,” I spat.

  Reynard approached, a smirk dancing on his lips. He held up his hands. “Peace. We surrender.”

  “Show yourselves,” Brendan commanded.

  About two dozen faeries came into sight behind Reynard.

  Drake ordered a group of soldiers to scout the woods for more Darksiders. They returned a few minutes later, declaring the place clear.

  “We should kill them,” Drake said. “All of them.”

  “They could be a
n asset,” Brendan said.

  “They attacked our scouts.”

  Reynard shook his head and made a tsking noise. “So sorry about the dead scouts.”

  Did he really not know the scouts were alive, or had the water fae lied to us?

  “Ask Rumble for his advice,” I said, then before anyone could stop me, I rode toward Reynard. I needed to face him. I didn’t care about the other faeries with him.

  Reynard looked me up and down with a lazy smile. “And here’s our queen, friends. Back from… wherever she ran off to.” He nodded at the soldiers behind me. “Think they’ll stop what’s coming? You haven’t got a clue how this world works.”

  “I know what’s coming,” I said. “And I’m on my way back to that little castle we call home.”

  “With Green and Silver cunts,” he snarled.

  “And Darksiders,” Rumble said as he moved up to stand beside me.

  Reynard looked momentarily startled before quickly recovering. “Of course you’re here.” His smile widened. “Ah, and here’s Vix, too. How are you, bitch? It’s been a while. Did you miss me?”

  Vix casually leaned against Dubh, but I could sense her tension. Reynard’s faeries began to whisper amongst themselves.

  Reynard ran his tongue across his teeth, his eyes darting in all directions. “We already surrendered. What else do you want?”

  “They’re the ones!” Jackie cried, running over to us. “They’re his enforcers, the ones burning the homes and all that.”

  One of the faeries looked uncomfortable, maybe even a little ashamed. “We were following orders.” He ran his hand over his bald head, making a face when Reynard glared at him.

  I dismounted. “Destroying your own people is an odd tactic.”

  “Better dead than to live as a traitor,” Reynard spat.

  “A traitor?” I asked in mock surprise. “These Darksiders are escorting their queen and princess back home. That’s more than you ever managed.”

  His face lit up. “Princess?”

  “A little untainted princess,” Vix said, tossing a knife into the air and catching it with ease. “Turns out pure things can grow in the Darkside.”