Inside the Fire

  Oh why do I care so much?

  It got around the school quickly. Then again what did I expect? The reason though were extremely farfetched. There was even a rumor going around that I was pregnant. That one made me laugh. When the weeks turned into a month a found myself feeling better. I knew that I loved him. I just couldn’t see myself with him anymore. Did this mean that I was finally getting over the pain?

  “I feel bad for her.” I heard one girl say in the hallway.

  “Why?” The boy she was talking to said harshly.

  “Nobody deserves to have their heart broke. Just look at her. She just seems so shattered.” The girl was looking at me with soft green eyes.

  “She should have known it would happen. That guy is a loser.” The boy said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hall.

  That guy is a loser.

  That was one thing that I wanted to agree with the boy on but I knew it wasn’t true. I walked down the hall and into my choir class. At least the day was almost over.

  “Hey Weathers.” Adam said bouncing up beside me.

  “Hey.” I said softly.

  “What’s going on tonight after school?” He asked as he followed me through the classroom to my perch in the alto section.

  “Nothing as usual.” I said.

  “Ok so I’m just going out on a limb here. I’m coming over so we can talk. I’m tired of seeing you mope around the school.” He frowned at me.

  “If you say so.” I tried to smile, but it came out twisted.

  “Yeah I say so.” He said taking my bag from my shoulder.

  “Sounds like a plan.” I looked at him.

  ****

  "So it's really over is it?" Adam asked me one day after school.

  Since I didn't exactly have close female friends and Nadine lived in another town he had taken over the role of my rock. He had been there from the first phone call. Walked me to class, so that Wesley wasn't tempted to speak to me. He even started picking me up in the morning because it was hard for me to get out of bed.

  A few mornings he even went so far as to dress me because he couldn't motivate myself to do it. I was a rock, no feeling and no emotions. I lacked the motivation to do the smallest thing. Adam was the only thing to keep me rooted otherwise I would have just laid there and blended in with my sheets until the end of time.

  "Would appear so." I said shrugging.

  Wesley had made no attempt to talk to me. He had stopped making eye contact with me in the halls. So as far as I was concerned that was his goodbye. I wasn't saying my mother was wrong, maybe just misinformed. I knew that sooner or later I would have to talk to him. Our lives were intertwined too much to just ignore him for life.

  I just couldn't see a future with him anymore, nothing screamed I had to have him when I did steal a few seconds look at him. He was Miranda's for now even though I may not have wanted him anymore I still wanted to destroy her. The thing is it all felt like a fabricated lie, the little voice in the back of my head still longed for him.

  "So this girl is his ex?" Adam asked. I could see that he was fighting a smile.

  Adam never thought that it would work with Wesley. This was his way of pretty much saying I told you so but you know what I didn't care. It was over. I was not going to stick around when it was obvious that he was not meant to be with me.

  "Yeah, she's a sophomore at STU or whatever it's called." I leaned back and propped my head on the wall.

  This was the first time we had talked about the break up and though uncomfortable it was nice to just finally be able to say that it was over.

  "Well if it's over I suppose it's time to take off the ring." He said pointing.

  I looked down at my hand, I had totally forgotten all about the promise ring he had put on my finger. I felt a slight flutter in my heart followed by an instant hardness as I yanked the ring from my finger and tossed it at my dresser. With a hollow clink it found a home near the mirror. I would give it back to him later when the sight of him didn't make my stomach crawl.

  "You see this right here?" He pointed at me and scowled. "This is why I'm not going to fall in love in high school. I don't know how many times Nadine has tried to trap me with those three words. First, I don't feel that way for her. I mean I care deeply for her and want her to be happy, but I don't see wedding bells in our future." He sighed. "You are just so broken. I cannot imagine everything that goes through your head."

  "It's not so bad." I looked at him. "I mean once you get passed the initial nausea and the loss it is really quite comforting. Makes you realize that we are just too young to know what love is." I rolled my eyes. "Guard your heart with your life Adam. I would hate to have to murder the first girl that breaks it." I gave him a weak smile.

  "I can just imagine how that warning will work. ‘Hey you broke my heart now you must die by my super scary best friend. She will kill you with a flick of her wrist'." He laughed. It was nice to see that he thought it was amusing.

  "You have no idea how easy that would be." I muttered more to myself than to him.

  Wait did he just call me his best friend?

  I warmed for a second at the thought of having a best friend. I hadn't been close to anyone since leaving Texas.

  "Well you have no worries. I do not plan on giving myself over until I find the woman I'm going to marry. See that's the other thing, Nadine wants to." He looked at the bedspread and started picking at it. "She wants to actually do it. I have a strict not until marriage policy so I don’t foresee that ever happening." He laughed nervously.

  "Your morals tell you not to right? Adam, I respect your morals don't let some stupid girl make you break them. Keep to them. Trust me you are not missing out on anything." Hopefully I avoided a very awkward conversation. The last thing I wanted to talk about was taking someone's innocence it would only make me think of Wesley. Even though I no longer felt the guilt it was not something that I wanted to think about let alone discuss with Adam.

  "I think I'm going to break up with her." He suddenly said.

  “Wasn't expecting that one.” I looked up at the ceiling. “She’s a nice girl. But if you feel that you are not compatible then I suppose it would be smart to let her go before you wind up just stringing her along because you don’t want to hurt her.”

  ****

  On Friday after my last class the oddest thing happened. I was standing at my locker putting books in my bag for the weekend’s homework when one of the boys from my Calculus class walked up to me. I had no idea what his name was, but he was friendly enough. I looked at him confused for a second. Not a bad looking boy. He had spikey blonde hair, blue eyes, and was relatively short compared to what I dated in the past. He was maybe five eight. He was wearing a black vintage Deftones hoodie so I could respect his music taste that was for sure.

  "Are you lost?" I asked coldly.

  The boy was just standing there staring at me. If he had something to say he should have said it by now.

  "Naw, just not quite sure how to talk to you." He said stuffing his hands in his hoodie pockets.

  "That's always comforting. What can I do for you?" I shut the locker and turned to look at him.

  "I heard you and Wesley broke up."

  Really? That's what he had to say!

  I rolled my eyes and threw my bag over my shoulder before proceeding to pass him. He reached out and grabbed my arm softly.

  "I would like to take you out this weekend." He said it with such confidence that I had to admire it. I nodded at him before reaching in my pocket for my phone.

  "Give me your number. Make sure to put your name in there." I handed him my phone, and he instantly started typing the information into my contacts list. Once he handed it back I gave him a tired smile. "I will send you a message tonight. I'm Dawn by the way." I held out my hand.

  "Aaron." He said taking it and giving me a nice smile.

&nbs
p; I raised the corner of my mouth but it took a lot more to get a smile out of me than it used to. Once he let my arm go I started walking towards the parking lot. Adam had choir practice after school so I was on my own today.

  I was looking at the ground minding my own business when I smacked face first into a familiar chest. I looked up and glared at stupid blue eyes staring at me. I went to step around him but he blocked my path. I huffed and took a step back.

  "What do you want?" I asked kicking at the rocks.

  "I want to talk to you." Wesley said shortly.

  "I think you gave up that right when you decided to mess around with that skank." I glared at him and tried to go around him again but he just kept blocking me.

  "You took off your ring." He reached for my hand put I stepped back and gave him a warning growl.

  "Yup, I will get it back to you when I remember to bring it with me." This was awkward.

  "So you made up your mind then, it's really over?" His voice cracked.

  "Oh Wesley it's been over since you decided to be with her. When is the last time you saw her?" I really didn't want to know, so I decided to answer for him. "Let me guess this morning when you got up out of bed." He looked around guilty, I had been right. My god was I ever going to be wrong? For once being wrong would feel amazing. "Jesus Wes!" I screamed.

  "It's not like that Dawn." There was no way he would be able to justify this.

  "Then what is it like? I find you in the arms of another woman! You continue to see said other woman. I’m done feeling guilty for everything. You can take your apologies and excuses and go home to her." I pushed past him and started walking away.

  "I still love you Dawn." He yelled after me.

  "Prove it!" I yelled back. When I got into my car I threw my bag into the passenger seat and stared out the windshield for a good ten minutes before pulling my phone from my pocket and opening a text message.

  Me: Aaron when did you want to go out?

  I felt my heart harden more as I tossed my phone into the cup holder and pulled out of the parking lot. If it was ok for him to see other people then it was perfectly acceptable for me to as well. I would crush him the way that he crushed me.

  ****

  I had just walked into the house when my phone started to frantically go off. Grumbling I threw my bag to the ground and yanked it from my back pocket. I had two messages from Aaron flickering on my screen; I mumbled to myself and checked the messages.

  Aaron: I'm not doing anything tonight.

  Aaron: You like pool? I know a bar that we can go to.

  I was really starting to wonder what I was getting myself into. I shrugged off the questions and started answering his messages.

  Me: Nope nothing tonight. Pool is alright. You want to meet there or pick me up?

  Momentary pause where I got a chance to breathe.

  Aaron: My mother raised me right. Send me your address I will pick you up at seven.

  I texted him the address and put my phone back in my pocket. I had a date, with a boy I didn't know, how so not like me I was right now. I grabbed my bag from the floor and walked to my room depositing the bag and my phone onto the bed and walking into the living room. My mother was sitting on the couch the sketch book open on her lap typing frantically on her phone.

  "Hey darling how was your day?" She asked me sweetly.

  "Not bad, got a date tonight." I said dryly.

  "Well that was fast. Will I be meeting this boy tonight?" She asked me not looking up from her phone.

  "Yeah, he will be here at seven." I plopped down on the loveseat and started twisting my hands together. "He's still seeing her." I blurted out.

  She looked up at me. “And you are going out with another boy.” She straightened up. “So tell me Dawn, how much of this date is weighed on the fact that you found out that he is still seeing her?”

  “Everything.” I muttered and buried my head in my hands.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Dating Again

  Aaron was like clockwork, knocking on my door at exactly seven. I had decided on a pair of jeans and a black sweater, put my hair up in a ponytail and drew dark black lines around my eyes. I didn’t think I looked horrible at the same time I didn’t think that I would impress my date in any way. Not that it mattered it anyway. This was just a rebound date after finding out that Wesley wasn’t spending every waking hour pining over me.

  He looked the same as he had at school, apparently he was one of those take me as I am kind of guys. I suppose I could go with that. I invited him inside and led him to the living room where my mother was sitting, the sketch book still open in her lap.

  “Mom, this is Aaron.” I said as sweetly as I could.

  She looked up and gave him an award winning smile.

  “Nice to meet you Aaron, what do you have planned for this evening?” She looked at me and winked.

  “We are just going up to the pool hall to shoot a few rounds. I promise to have her home at a reasonable hour.” He was very polite, and it seemed to appease my mother.

  “What do you believe to be a reasonable hour?” She asked.

  “I promise to have her home by eleven.” He smiled at her.

  “Eleven works.” She answered. “You kids have fun.” She was taunting me now.

  She knew that I wasn’t going to be having any fun. I looked over at Aaron I knew I would be sorry for everything that I would wind up doing to this boy, but at the same time I really didn’t care. When we got out to my driveway I nearly fell over at the sight of his car. He drove a 1969 Dodge Charger, yellow with black racing stripes.

  “This yours?” I asked.

  “Yeah, my father and I put her together. I don’t drive her to school, but I figured that it was ok to bring out for tonight.” He flashed me a smile as he opened the passenger door for me. I got in the car, black leather interior and it smelled like vanilla.

  “This is beautiful, I am impressed Aaron.” I wanted to touch everything in the car.

  “That was kind of the point.” He laughed.

  “Oh.” I blushed momentarily.

  We wound up at a local pool hall on probably the busiest night of the year, not a single table was open. The place smelled so strongly of cigarette smoke and alcohol both of us were gagging in the few minutes we were in the bar.

  “Let’s get out of here, want to go to the park and just hang out?” He asked once we got outside and sucked in the beauty of fresh air.

  “Yeah, that sounds like fun.” I lied, but it couldn’t be that bad I mean he was being a complete gentleman.

  I was shocked when he reached over and took my hand. It felt foreign and wrong but I was all about things that were wrong it seemed so I laced my fingers through his.

  The drive was short. The next thing I knew we were perched on the top of a picnic table looking face to face. He was picking at the wood taking glances here and there at me.

  “I’m sorry it took so long for me to ask you out.” He said quietly.

  I laughed. “What do you mean took so long? You just started talking to me today.”

  “I wanted to talk to you when you first got here, I mean.” He sighed. “As you can tell Midvale is not the most socially acceptable town. I’ve been here my whole life which is probably the only reason anyone still talks to me.” He looked towards the trees and squinted.

  I turned around and saw two shadows in the tree line hanging all over one another. I saw a flash of red hair and heard two people laughing.

  Are you kidding me!

  “Looks like we are not the only ones that found the park a good place to chill.” He let out a nervous giggle.

  I looked back at him and reacted. I really had no clue what the Hell I was doing, but I pressed my lips to Aaron’s as I heard the two people getting closer. He was hesitant at first but gave into my kiss as he pulled me closer. I wound my arms around his neck. Again it felt foreign
and wrong, but yet oh so sweet.

  He deepened the kiss which made it even more immoral but I was bound and determined to make Wesley feel like he was two inches tall. That’s when I felt a pair of hands pull us apart. When I opened my eyes I was staring at a set of very pissed of blue orbs glaring at me and ready to swing at Aaron.

  “Dawn, what the Hell do you think you are doing?” He asked me his voice shaking.

  “I’m on a date Wesley.” I glanced at Miranda. “Which is what I assume you are doing.”

  Aaron was noticeably confused. He pulled himself off the table and held his hand out for me.

  “You want to leave Dawn?” He asked as I accepted his hand and let him help me to the ground.

  Wesley glanced at Aaron briefly. “Can you give us a second blondie?” I heard Aaron groan, and I looked at him and nodded.

  “I will meet you at the car in like five minutes.” I gave him a wink and a squeeze on the hand.

  He gave me a forced smile and walked towards his car. I looked at Miranda who was watching him walk away like he was a tasty morsel.

  “Keep your fangs holstered super bitch.” I bit at her. She snapped her head towards me and I could hear a rumble run through her chest.

  “Miranda.” Wesley looked at the red head. “Can you give us five minutes?” She whispered some profanity’s and glared at me before turning to walk in the opposite direction.

  “What do you want now?” I demanded crossing my arms over my chest.

  “I want to know why you are out with Aaron Matthews. This isn’t like you Dawn. You aren’t reckless. How do you know he isn’t going to try anything?” He was irritated I could sense that, and I felt elated.

  “What does it matter to you? Look at you out here with Miranda. If you can go out and have fun with your new squeeze then I can do the same. Now if it’s all the same Wesley I would like to get back to my date.” I was irritated myself.

  “Fine, just don’t expect me to save you if he tries anything.”

  Was he threatening me?

  “You didn’t save me when someone did do something to me. NO that was Adam.” I turned on my heel and left him standing there fuming.

  What was that ass thinking trying to tell me who I could and could not date?

  When I got to the car, Aaron was standing in front of the vehicle. I knew he had been watching the whole ordeal ready to be my knight in shining armor if I needed him to be.