Inside the Fire

  One time she was gone for three days and when she came back she had six bags of miscellaneous crap and a kitten. Why a kitten one might ask, I have no bloody idea. We had that cat for several months before one day it just up and disappeared, I was distraught.

  I put my bag down in the living room and went to the kitchen, running my fingers through my hair. Opening the refrigerator door in search of sustenance I sighed. I was anti school food, so I was starving. I glanced around the shelves of cold breakfast food and turned up my nose. Instead I opted for a handful of chips from the pantry and a glass of cold well water.

  Perched on the couch I reached in my pocket and pulled out the folded paper. I hadn’t even looked at it since he gave it to me. My stalkers name was Wesley Jensen, and it was scrawled in almost unreadable chicken scratch.

  I rolled my eyes as my heart pounded.

  What did this boy have that was making me feel this way?

  I picked my phone up from the arm of the couch. What did I have to lose? I mean really, the worst that could happen is he didn’t message me back.

  Me: Hey, Wesley. Figured if I had your number you should have mine. Dawn

  I was content with my message it didn’t show urgency and it wasn’t overwhelming needy for conversation. As my heart pounded I knew that it was exactly what I wanted. I wanted for him to notice me and want to know me. I had never longed for someone to pay attention to me before.

  So I stared at my phone for what felt like an eternity willing it to buzz. I was just about to give up when my phone lit up and started its irritating vibration. I was overjoyed as I opened the message.

  I am never overjoyed.

  Wesley: Hey Dawn.

  Seriously that was all he had to say? I threw my head back into the couch cushion and groaned. What the Hell was I supposed to say now?

  I was frustrated. Rage pulsated through me I knew what happened when this started. I tried to calm myself before I set my phone on fire. Why did it seem everything always go up in flames? I was just about to put my phone down and walk outside. If anything would burn I would rather it be the tree in the front yard instead of my phone. The last time I caught my phone on fire my mother was not very happy with me. So yes, it is normal for me to set inanimate objects aflame.

  When it buzzed again I jumped at the couch arms out and reached for it.

  Wesley: Everything ok there?

  Was he watching me? How would he know that I wasn’t ok? I got up and looked out the window opening my heightened senses to see if I was being watched. My hands were getting sweaty again. Jesus just thinking of him was making me nervous.

  Me: Yeah, just trying to relax after such an exciting day.

  Great, I sounded like a complete freak! My phone buzzed again. Each time it made that noise I felt a skip in my heart and I would giggle like a school girl. I’m sure I was a sight to see too, regressing five years to the first time a boy called.

  Wesley: Can I call you?

  What am I to say to that? I got all giddy inside. I even let a little giggle escape my lips again. YES! I wanted him to call me! It was like on cue my phone rang! I counted to three and answered.

  “Hey,” I tried to sound casual, however it came out more of a squeak and I hung my head in shame thankful he couldn’t see my face.

  “So you had a great first day in small town USA, huh?” he laughed. He had an amazing laugh, and here I was swooning again.

  “Yeah everyone was so accepting. I mean I made so many new friends today.” I said flatly.

  The thing was nobody even bothered to talk to me today. The only person that had said anything at all was Wesley.

  “Yeah I could tell.” He muffled another laugh.

  “So what made you want to talk to the new girl? Everyone else seemed more intent on staying as far away from me as they possibly could today.” I asked stuffing a chip in my mouth trying to crunch it softly so he couldn’t hear that I was eating.

  “Well.” He paused. “I’m not really sure actually. When I saw how uncomfortable you were and how much like the other's you weren't I thought what the Hell.”

  I felt suddenly annoyed. The attention he was paying was based on pity and nothing else.

  “And here I thought you were smitten with my bubbly personality," I dryly joked.

  “Well that helped.” He laughed.

  We talked for about an hour. I learned we liked the same music, had the same taste in movies, and could get lost easily in a good book. His favorite color was blue, and he had a twelve year old sister named Melissa. When we hung up the phone I felt like I was walking on cloud nine. This was an unnatural emotion for me. I had never felt this before.

  I wandered into the bathroom and looked in the mirror not expecting to see any change. Same pale features and same round face. However, my eyes had changed again. Instead of chocolate brown they were dazzling blue. My eyes always amazed me as if I wasn’t enough of a freak they had to turn around and make me even freakier.

  My mother had told me that my eyes were like a persistent mood ring. That when I was angry or upset they would be dark brown but if I was happy and optimistic they would be blue. Nine times out of ten they were brown. The color change was always gradual so they must have been changing while I was on my drive home. How odd it is that a boy could make them transform, usually it took an act of God to get them to be this blue.

  My mother had said that they would show me the way, that they will help me to figure out what was more dominant. It would be either the light side or the dark side. However, a different mood can switch the inner balance and one second I may be angelic and the next demonic. In those cases it was best to get out of the way.

  So I had to watch my moods and make sure I maintained an even balance. It was so hard though. The balance was so easily tipped, one way things would go up in flames and the other they would turn to ash instantly. I bet you never had flames shoot from your fingers and burn a field of corn to the ground when you were sixteen years old. That was why my mother insisted we lived in the country. If my gifts were erratic nobody had to see the outcome.

  I don't remember exactly what it was that triggered it. All I remember is how scared I was. Burnt corn and singed grass are not the greatest smells. I laid that field flat in seconds. I remember that I didn't understand why I was not singed. My clothes were untouched my hair still pulled back. My mother had been staring at me in shock the whole time until she was forced to put the flames out. I do not recommend putting a Halfling child in the middle of a field to see what they can do.

  “I wasn’t expecting that.” My mother had said to me.

  It was the first time we had seen the fire. All the other gifts I had received previous to this had been small in comparison.

  “Neither was I.” I had replied to her.

  I could still feel my fingertips burning. To this day when the fire burns I can always feel the tingle of the flames on my fingertips.

  ****

  It was about midnight when my mother came through the door. She had two bags of fast food in her hands. It smelled amazing, and I was famished. Taking the bags from her I ripped one open and unwrapped a burger and had half of it devoured before she could even put the straw in her drink.

  We ate in silence. I could tell by the light in her eyes she had finally gone to the church. She always found sanctuary in faith. She figured that if she showed just how sorry she was one day God would send down an angel to carry her home.

  This is why she always struggled to find her place in the church. She worked for God in her own way. She would find a struggling congregation and help the pastor to bring them back to salvation. In El Paso she had worked with Pastor Rylie. He was a nice enough guy. He had a tremendous amount of faith, but he was just too concerned about trying to save me. I don’t know what he was trying to save me from. Whatever it was made sense in his mind.


  I would have accepted it if God had told her to come home. What else could I do? She never told me who she was. Never said why she had fallen in love with my father, or even how they were caught. All I knew is that she was close to God, and it hurt him tremendously to take her wings.

  He had spared me though, for some reason, the growing life inside of her. Sometimes I think if he had just taken me away my mother would still be in Heaven. Maybe not in her same standing but at least up there. At any rate if she was there she wouldn’t be so sad on Earth.

  I had never asked her why she had given me to my father. She also never offered to tell me the story. I just knew that at the time things were not going well and she found it easier for me to be in the protection of my father. He had more allies than she did. She knew that if anything happened he would keep me safe.

  Sometimes we are forced to do things we do not foresee and being sent to Earth was definitely one that my mother wasn't counting on. When I would pressure her for information all she would say about Heaven is that one day she hoped I would see it. Honestly though I questioned my own religious beliefs I knew I wanted to see it too.

  Once I had inhaled my meal I kissed my mother on the top of her head, told her I loved her, and headed to bed. I put on my black yoga pants and a tank top, placed my phone on the night stand and crawled under the covers. I was just about to turn towards the wall when my phone vibrated viciously. I rolled over irritated and grabbed my phone. My heart leaped into my throat when I read the message.

  Wesley: Sleep well beautiful.

  Chapter Six

  Chinese Food & Selfies

  My second day at Midvale went pretty much the same as the first. Everyone ignored me, pretended I wasn’t there. I was used to this though, so it didn’t bother me too much. I was standing at my locker after my fourth hour class when Wesley approached me.

  “What are you doing after school today?” He asked his eyes were stunning.

  “Nothing much. Figured I would go home watch some TV maybe do some homework.” I said pulling out my next periods books and shutting the locker.

  “Want to get something to eat after school?” He asked me nonchalantly.

  My heart pounded and my head was becoming hazy. I had nothing else to do so why not spend the afternoon with him. It wasn’t like this is a date or something. Right?

  “Yeah that sounds cool.” I said as I turned to walk away. “Meet me outside after last period.”

  “Great.” He said hitting his fist softly against the locker and turning the opposite direction.

  I wasn’t sure how I would survive those last few hours before I saw him again. I especially didn’t know what I would talk about. I didn’t hear much of what the teachers were saying in class. I caught something about polynomials and human anatomy. That was about as much as I would get out of my classes today.

  I was nearly skipping as I left the school that day. When I reached my car I put my bag in the trunk and leaned against my vehicle. I had beaten him to the parking lot. I fixed my shirt about ten times before I saw him walking towards me.

  “You ready?” He asked as he approached.

  “Yeah.” I tried to sound unfazed by his presence but I’m pretty sure the silly smile on my face gave me away.

  “Great! I know this awesome Chinese place on the square.” He glanced at my car.

  I know it’s not much, but it’s all I have left of my step-father. Let me reiterate I had issues with the man. He worked hard to make it up to me and this was supposed to be our project car. Our own way of getting through the past.

  “You want to drive or do you want me to?” I asked wondering what vehicle in the parking lot was his.

  “You can today. My car is having some work done, so I had to walk today.” He grinned.

  I opened the trunk of my car allowing him to put his bag in next to mine. When I shut the trunk our hands touched and at that moment the same magnetic impulse surged through my veins.

  “You are going to have to tell me where to go. Either that or you can drive.” I never allowed anyone to touch my car other than me. I was shocked I had even offered the keys to him in the first place.

  “Yeah I can do that.” He took the keys from my hand and walked around to the driver’s side of the car. “You coming?”

  I shook my head and got in on the passenger side. He put the key into the ignition and the car came to life.

  “So Wesley, how long you been here?” I had noticed that a majority of the school treated him with the same looks that gave me.

  “I moved here at the start of junior year.” He didn’t say anymore on that subject just sort of latched his mouth shut.

  “So you aren’t part of the in crowd then.” I laughed.

  He glanced over at me and smiled.

  “No, that I am not.” I could sense tension in the air.

  “That explains a lot.” I wrung my hands together, nervous.

  “What do you mean?” He turned right as we entered the square.

  “Well, you were accepting of me without knowing me.” I looked out the window as he pulled into a parking spot.

  “I accepted you because I was drawn to you.” He winked at me and turned off the car.

  We got out and entered the establishment taking a seat in a corner booth away from the eyes of other students. He sat across from me and played with the fraying edges of his menu. We didn’t speak for a few moments. In fact, we didn’t speak to each other until the waitress had taken our order.

  “So why did you come here of all places?” He asked me softly.

  “My mother needed a change.” I know I was being vague but talking about what happened always made me feel bad.

  “Care to elaborate?” He asked as the waitress brought out drinks.

  “My step-father was in the Army. He was told on my seventeenth birthday that they were sending him overseas.” I felt my eyes getting heavy I would cry.

  “Oh, I am so sorry for your loss.” It was as if he knew.

  “For the most part she’s done well with it. She just decided it was time to move on. There was nothing holding us in El Paso anymore.” I had to look away.

  “Sometimes we just have to move on.” He reached across the table and took my hand in his. “Sometimes we have to start a new life to make meaning of our last one.”

  “You sound as if you have been through something similar.” I started at our hands. The pulse was calming for the most part.

  “I have been around my fair share of death mind you.” He wasn’t letting my hand go. In fact, he wasn’t even acting like he wanted to.

  “You know it sucks. These men show up at your door in uniform all solemn. In fact I had never seen the guy before. Trust me I spent a lot of time on base with my step-father.” I felt like I was rambling but it was nice to have someone to talk to. “He just shook my mother’s hand, told her was sorry, was it.”

  “I’ve seen it in movies just never had it happen to me personally.” He raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m glad you came here.”

  “I am too.” I glanced at our hands again. He was tracing the outline of my thumb with his. It felt nice.

  He paid for our meal while I was in the bathroom. When I came out he was already standing by the door waiting for me.

  “Where to now?” He asked obviously wanting to spend time with me.

  “I don’t know this town Wesley. What is there to do?” I asked as I walked out the door.

  “There is always cow tipping.” He joked.

  “You know I heard that can actually kill them.” I found no amusement in tormenting animals. Not unless they were human.

  “I didn’t know that. Not that I do it.” He laughed as he opened the passenger door of my car.

  “Sure you wouldn’t.” I gave him a wink as I sat down. He shut the door and rushed around the front of the car getting in and turning it on.

  “There is a p
ark about a mile up the road. We could go there and just talk.” He suggested.

  “Yeah that sounds like fun.” I admitted. I was suddenly wishing I had brought sun block.

  ****

  We sat in the grass side by side picking at the weeds.

  “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” He said suddenly and I was taken aback.

  “No I don’t think that they have.” I said my throat dry.

  “Sorry, that was probably a pretty lame line.” He laughed throwing his head back.

  “No, I think it was pretty good.” I teased leaning into him.

  He wrapped his right arm around me and pulled me close. It was awkward at first, but after a moment I felt comfortable. He seemed content though with my response to his touch.

  “How old are you?” He asked as I leaned my head on his shoulder.

  “Eighteen.” I breathed in the fresh air. “You?”

  “Same.” He said laughing.

  His body was cool which in turn made my body cool. This was a great feeling to have when it was over ninety outside.

  “What are you doing this Saturday?” He asked me as he leaned his head on top of mine.

  “Nothing.” I grinned as the wind blew through our hair.

  “You want to go to a movie?” He was asking me out.

  “Sure.” My body went numb. He had asked me out. Oh my God!

  We sat in the grass for a few minutes while I day dreamed about our first date. It was about ten minutes in when he suddenly started to lean towards stopping half way before pulling himself erect and running his fingers through his brown hair. He did the same thing a total of three times. I wasn’t sure if he was attempting vertical sit-ups or trying to kiss me.

  "You know you are totally giving me a complex here." I said dryly looking at him confused.

  “I didn’t think it would be this hard.” He muttered leaning forward his head in his hands.

  He looked at me with those blue eyes. They were sparkling, dazzling and very captivating.

  “You didn’t think what would be so hard? Wierding me out? Because if it is you are doing an awesome job at it.” I said fighting this inner urge to touch him.

  He let out a nervous laugh, “I haven’t met someone in a very long time that I had any interest in. I just didn’t realize it would be so hard to just...” I don’t know what came over me I sat up leaned down and kissed him on his cheek.