Darkest Hour Before Dawn

  Rafe turned in his chair to look at their guest, his expression darkening. Hudson could only fathom that Rafe's walls were once again rising firmly into place. Why else would he scowl so deeply at the poor man?

  "You're Dr. Colbourn?" The agent approached with caution, his gaze flickering to Rafe's name tape before he swallowed. He moved his gaze quickly back to Hudson and gave Rafe a wide berth as he approached Hudson's desk. Hudson smiled warmly at him.

  "Last time I checked." Hudson stood and held out his hand. "And you are...?"

  Rafe stood, and the agent almost jumped out of his skin. With a smile that could only be categorized as frightening, Rafe slapped a hand down on the agent's shoulder. "Agent Trent Carson on loan from Philly," Rafe answered, his voice a deep growl. "He's stepping in for Taylor." He leaned into Carson, his voice slightly lowered but still loud enough for Hudson to hear. "You made some first impression."

  "Yeah, um, your brother Seb's quite the guy," Carson said, then cleared his throat. He winced when Rafe gave his shoulder a squeeze, then released him. Carson held out his hand to Hudson. "It's nice to meet you."

  Hudson shook his hand. "Good to meet you, Agent Carson."

  "Trent. Please. Call me Trent," Carson said with a smile, earning a scoff from Rafe.

  What on earth was going on? Rafe shook his head. He turned to Hudson, his expression softening for a slip of a moment.

  "I'll talk to you later, Doc." Rafe turned and gave Trent a hearty pat on the back before heading to the door, calling out behind him, "See you around, Carson."

  Hudson blinked after Rafe, wondering what that was all about. He turned a questioning gaze to Trent, who simply shrugged, a lopsided grin on his handsome face.

  "New-guy syndrome. You know how it is."

  Hudson chuckled. "Welcome to Unit Alpha." He resumed his seat and motioned to the chair in front of him. Trent shook his head.

  "I just wanted to stop by and introduce myself since we'll be working together. I've heard a lot about you."

  "Oh?" Hudson's smile faltered, an old habit he had trouble breaking after years of hearing his name whispered around the office. He braced for a pitying look.

  "Yeah, heard you're one of the smartest guys around here."

  Hudson let out an indelicate snort. "Someone's been filling your head with nonsense. I'm extremely good at my job, but I'm hardly one of the smartest around here."

  "You seem to have done pretty damn good for yourself."

  There was no mistaking the implication, and Hudson had grown weary of these games years ago. "You mean for a marked Therian lacking his mate?"

  Trent had the courtesy to look abashed. "I didn't mean to imply you wouldn't have, uh, or I mean... shit." Trent laughed. "I'm sorry. I'm really shitty at first impressions." He smiled wide, and it reached his eyes. "I don't care that you're marked, and I don't think anyone else should either. I just meant that despite what obstacles you clearly faced, you rose above all that shit. I admire you."

  Hudson peered at him. "You really don't care?"

  Trent shook his head. "Why should I? It's none of my business. All I see before me is a very successful, smart, beautiful man."

  Hudson opened his mouth, then closed it, uncertain of how to respond. His cheeks felt warm, and he bit his bottom lip. Bollocks! He was blushing.

  "Anyway, I just came by to introduce myself, and make an ass of myself apparently." He laughed, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I'll, uh, leave you to more important things." He turned, and Hudson called out to him.

  "Wait, Trent."

  Trent paused, then turned back, smiling at him. "Yeah?"

  "You didn't make an arse out of yourself. Thank you for stopping by."

  Trent nodded. "Thanks. I better go, or I'll just stand here all day listening to that accent of yours. What part of England are you from?"

  "Kent," Hudson replied.

  Trent smiled, and with a wave, he walked out. Hudson sat, unable to help his smile. His cheeks were still somewhat flushed, which was a strange sensation--mostly because someone other than Seb had put it there. At times he wondered if anyone else in his unit felt the same as Trent and simply didn't approach him out of respect for Seb, which was silly, considering Hudson was no longer with Seb and had no obligation to him.

  "Who was that?" Nina walked into his office, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. The familiar tag at the end of the tiny white string dangling from beneath the lid gave it away. She placed it on his desk before depositing herself in the chair Rafe had vacated.

  "Thank you. And that was Agent Trent Carson from Philadelphia HQ. He's filling in for Taylor while he's on leave." He removed the lid from the steaming-hot cup of tea, unable to help his contented sigh. This was just what he needed. Now that Trent was gone and Nina was here, it brought him back to Rafe's visit. He took a sip of his tea and closed his eyes for a moment. Nothing soothed him like a good cup of black tea with a little milk and sugar.

  Nina took a sip of her coffee, and Hudson could tell she was trying hard to make it appear as if nothing was wrong. They'd been playing this little game for months now, skirting each other, being polite, cracking the occasional smile. Nina would sit with him in his office, much like now, and they'd have their tea or coffee, but whereas before it was filled with lighthearted banter, gossip, and teasing, now there was a heavy silence, a thick fog of hurt between them. Hudson missed his friend. One thing was for certain; they couldn't continue like this. Rafe's visit gave him a lot to think about.

  TWO DAYS later, as promised, Hudson once again accompanied Dex and Sloane to the TIN facility holding Taylor. Sloane waited in a separate room as he had the first time, only now he was a little more at ease since he no longer feared Dex would lose a limb. He'd been relieved the first encounter had gone without incident, until Dex recounted what happened, and Sloane all but had a bloody aneurism after he learned Dex had stuck his hand inside the cage while Taylor had been feral. Sloane's blustering left him red-faced and winded, and Hudson couldn't help but pat Sloane's shoulder in sympathy. A few sweet kisses and a little purring from Dex helped soothe Sloane and his bristled jaguar Therian half.

  Hudson and Dex were led to an infirmary of sorts, and inside they found Taylor resting. The back of the bed was inclined, so they smiled when Taylor opened his eyes. He smiled in return.

  "You came back." Taylor's voice was still rough, and he clearly had quite a bit of recovery to do, but he certainly looked better than he had two days ago.

  "Of course," Dex replied, coming to stand by Taylor. "Let me get you some water. I'll be right back." Dex patted Taylor's shoulder and walked to the door. Hudson studied Taylor as he followed Dex's every move. The yearning in his eyes was unmistakable.

  "I'm sorry," Hudson said quietly. "I didn't realize."

  Taylor gave a start, as if he'd only just remembered Hudson was there.

  "You care for him."

  Taylor shook his head, his frown deep before he let out a shuddering sigh. "I don't know when it happened, when it went from just wanting to... sleep with him, to thinking about him all the time. It's not like we get to talk on callouts, or any other time, really, but when I'm around him, he just... he takes my breath away, and that's never happened to me before. I know I can't have him, ever, but a part of me keeps hoping, and I hate myself for it because he's happy. If Sloane left him tomorrow, I wouldn't care that he's marked."

  "You wouldn't?" Hudson blinked at him, stunned by the intensity in Taylor's gaze.

  "No." Taylor let out a heart-wrenching sigh. "I don't know what to do. I need to forget about him. To move on. How do I do that?"

  "He's getting married," Hudson offered gently.

  Taylor scrunched up his nose, the gesture clearly more to keep his emotions at bay than anything else. He pressed his lips together in a thin line and nodded. "Yeah." His voice broke, and he cleared his throat. "That'll do it, then. Thanks, Doc."

  Hudson nodded. He knew what it felt like to love someone
and want nothing more than to move on with your life, yet find yourself unable to do anything but wish to be in that person's arms. If he could provide Taylor with any solace, help him leave behind the torture of pining for a man he couldn't have, then Hudson would do what he could.

  Dex returned with a pitcher of water and a stack of paper cups. He placed them on the small tray table beside the bed before taking a cup to pour Taylor some water. Hudson declined the offer. While Dex and Taylor made small talk, Hudson removed his tablet from his messenger bag and swiftly typed away, taking notes of everything that had occurred up to this moment. Hudson wasn't merely here as Dex's personal physician. He was here to witness and document everything for Dex, and for reasons Hudson had yet to uncover, TIN was allowing it. Hudson had every intention of getting answers from Dex once they were in private, away from TIN.

  "Can you tell me what you remember?" Dex asked, leaning forward, his hand on Taylor's arm.

  Taylor released a steady breath. "I was in the armory, double-checking the inventory on my team's equipment when Moros walked in. I can't remember why he said he was there, but something felt... off. I figured it was just my general dislike of the guy. I'd always thought he was an asshole. I love my job and what we do, but I hate those fucking pricks. They sit behind their desks, breathing down our necks for every little thing we do, while we're the ones risking our lives out on the streets. I know we signed up for it, but they're supposed to help us, not throw us under the bus to save their own asses. Besides, he might have been a soldier once, but he betrayed that part of himself a long fucking time ago.

  "Anyway, he asked me to accompany him to his car, said he wanted to talk to me." The muscles in Taylor's jaw clenched before he continued. "There was no reason for me not to trust him. As much as I disliked him, he was the Chief of Therian Defense. If the man tells you to jump, you say, 'Yes, sir,' and fucking jump. When we got to his car, he patted my cheek, and then everything went black." Taylor closed his eyes, and Dex leaned in to put a hand on Taylor's shoulder.

  "Take your time. There's no rush."

  Taylor nodded. He opened his eyes, his smile tremulous at best. "Thanks." He continued, his voice unsteady, "When I woke up, I was so out of it. I had no idea where the hell I was. I couldn't see anything. There was this blinding white light in my face. I... I remember not being able to move, and I thought my heart was going to explode with how fast it was beating. The smell was rank. I thought I was dying. My body was on fire. Like my muscles were being torn from their bones, and my head felt like it was being crushed. I think I might have been sick at one point, but I blacked out soon after." Tears welled in his eyes, and he rubbed his eyes with the base of his palms.

  "You're doing great," Dex said, smiling at Taylor.

  Taylor breathed in deeply through his nose, then released it slowly through his mouth. He nodded. "I heard voices. Moros and some other guys, but I didn't recognize them. I think I had a seizure or something, heard shouting. Someone said I was going to die." Taylor frowned in thought. "When I next woke up, I was at work, in one of the sleeper bays. I was a little sore, but fine, so I figured I'd just had a really fucked-up dream. We were called out, and I remember shifting in the back of the BearCat. I jumped out and helped round up those frat boys. I...." He worried his bottom lip with his teeth before dropping his gaze to his hands.

  "Taylor?" Dex ducked his head so he could get Taylor's attention. "Tell me."

  "Everything was fine, and then... I caught your scent. I saw you running, and this overwhelming need to catch you came over me. I took off after you, and suddenly I realized I wasn't in control. I was fading. I screamed, and then everything went black." Taylor started shivering, and he wrapped his arms around himself. "I'd never been more scared than I was at that moment. I was clawing to stay, but something was dragging me into the darkness." The tears spilled over, and Taylor gulped for breath. "Everything went black, and I couldn't see, but I could hear you screaming at me, and fuck...." Taylor doubled over, his body racked with sobs. "I was hurting you, and I couldn't stop. I screamed and screamed, but something took hold, pulling.... I was on the verge of disappearing into nothingness."

  "It's okay." Dex stood, leaned in, and brought Taylor into his embrace. Taylor held on for dear life, the trauma of what happened to him turning his face ashen.

  Hudson's hands trembled, and keeping his tears at bay took effort. He couldn't imagine a worse fate than feeling himself fade away within his Therian form, to lose himself completely to his feral half. His inner wolf was a part of him, offered comfort, protection, and the unfaltering truth that Hudson was always present, in control. At times it was an incredible freedom, shifting into his wolf Therian form, running with the wind in his fur, his paws on the dirt, and his senses heightened. But to lose himself? To be forced into the farthest recesses of his own mind without the assurance he'd return? It was the stuff of nightmares.

  Forcing past the emotions, Hudson resumed his typing. Taylor would require extensive help recovering from this event, but Hudson was grateful Taylor hadn't ended up on his examining table, the tragic victim of a deranged man.

  Dex was gentle with Taylor, and Hudson's heart broke a little at Taylor's wobbly smile. Poor Taylor had it bad. He'd been very good at hiding his feelings for Dex. Hudson was aware of the aggression between Taylor and Sloane, but Hudson, like most of their unit, had assumed Taylor's interest in Dex was purely sexual. The fact Dex was marked by Sloane, an Alpha who'd ruffled Taylor's fur from the beginning, aided in the assumption Taylor simply wanted what was Sloane's.

  When Taylor had calmed, Dex motioned to the door. "Sloane's here. Do you mind if he joins us?"

  Hudson looked from Dex to Taylor and back. Was that a good idea?

  "Sloane? Shit, he probably wants to kick my ass."

  "He knows it wasn't your fault," Dex assured him.

  Taylor nodded with some reluctance, and Dex stood. He pounded twice on the door, and it opened. Sloane stepped into the room, his expression softening when he saw Taylor. Clearing his throat, Sloane took a seat on the other side of Taylor. He held his hand out, and Taylor stared down at it before taking it.

  "I'm glad you're okay." Taylor's voice was rough when he spoke. "I'm sorry for what happened."

  "It wasn't you." Sloane released Taylor's hand and sat back. He didn't look angry or upset, and Hudson was relieved.

  Taylor was having trouble meeting Sloane's gaze. "Do you believe that? After everything I've said and done?"

  Sloane nodded. "I do."

  "Thanks." Taylor shifted uncomfortably. "Congratulations, on, um, your engagement."

  Sloane smiled, a genuine one that reached his amber eyes. He put a hand on Taylor's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you. You need to get better, okay? Your team needs you, and Herrera's been driving everyone nuts."

  "Why?" Taylor look puzzled.

  "He's been worried about you. Whenever we see him, it's 'Do you think Taylor's okay? When do you think Taylor will be back? Why isn't Taylor back? Have you heard anything about Taylor?'"

  This piece of information seemed to have thrown Taylor for a loop. His mouth opened, but no words were forthcoming. He closed his mouth and looked up at Dex for confirmation. Dex shrugged and chuckled.

  "It's true. You should see him. It's like he's lost without you."

  Taylor blinked at him. "Herrera? Angel Herrera?"

  "You guys have been friends for like, ever, right?" Dex asked.

  "Yeah. We were at the THIRDS Training Academy together. Graduated in the same class." Taylor squinted. "That was about ten years ago, I think, maybe a little longer." He appeared to be processing what Dex and Sloane told him, a frown on his face. Brows furrowed, he looked up at Dex. "He was really worried about me?"

  Dex nodded. "I think he misses you too, so, you know, when you get back, maybe let him fuss over you, huh?"

  Taylor's eyes went wide. He nodded. "When do you think I'll be back?"

  "That depends," Sloane said
thoughtfully. "They need to run some tests and monitor your health for a while, but if you agree to some checkups, scheduled sessions with Dr. Winters, and you're willing to ride a desk for a while, Sparks will reinstate you. A month or two. As for how long it'll take before you're cleared to go out in the field, that I can't say."

  Taylor thought about it before extending his hand to Sloane. "Deal. To be honest, I'll just be happy to get my life back."

  Sloane took Taylor's hand and smiled wide. He patted Taylor's shoulder and stood. "I'll let her know. If you need anything, you have Dex's number."

  Taylor smiled. "Thank you, Sloane." He turned to Dex and held out his hand. "Thank you. For everything."

  Dex gave him a wink. "That's what friends are for, right?"

  Taylor looked stupefied. "Friends?" He shifted his gaze to Sloane, who nodded. "I don't know what to say."

  "Just get better," Sloane said, heading for the door.

  Hudson put away his tablet and stood. Taylor grabbed Dex's arm, stopping him from leaving.

  "Could you, uh, do me a favor?"

  "Sure."

  Taylor cleared his throat, his face somewhat flushed. "Do you think they'll let me talk to Angel?"

  Dex's smile was dazzling. "I think I can make that happen."

  Taylor's smile mirrored Dex's, his relief instant. "Thanks."

  Hudson patted Taylor's shoulder before he followed Dex and Sloane out of the room. The door was closed behind them, and they walked down the corridor. Hudson couldn't help his smile. He cast a sideways glance at Dex.

  "Lost without him, ay?"

  Dex shrugged, his smile sly. "I may have embellished a bit."

  "Right."

  "Herrera's definitely missing Taylor, and if you ask me, he's a little in love with the guy. He just hides it well. Really well."

  "And you know this how?"

  Dex sobered up, and he elbowed Sloane gently. Sloane cleared his throat.

  "He kind of lost it a little bit when Ash took Taylor's name off the roster. Herrera cursed at Ash and shoved him."

  Hudson stared at Sloane. "Herrera shoved Ash? The same man who fears retribution for the infamous fern incident?"