Lord John and the Private Matter

  Constable Magruder was a small, foxy-looking man, with narrow eyes that darted constantly from doorway to desk and back again, lest anything escape his notice. Grey took some encouragement from this, hoping that few things did escape the constable of the day and the Bow Street Runners under his purview.

  The constable knew Grey's errand; he saw the wariness lurking at the back of the narrow eyes--and the quick flick of a glance toward the magistrate's offices next door. It was apparent that he feared Grey might go to the magistrate, Sir John Fielding, with all the consequent trouble this might involve.

  Grey did not know Sir John himself, but was reasonably sure that his mother did. Still, at this point, there was no need to invoke him. Realizing what was in Magruder's mind, Grey did his best to show an attitude of relaxed affability and humble gratitude for the constable's continued assistance.

  "I thank you, sir, for your gracious accommodation. I hesitate to intrude further on your generosity--but if I might ask just one or two questions?"

  "Oh, aye, sir." Magruder went on looking wary, but relaxed a little, relieved that he was not about to be asked to conduct a time-consuming and probably futile investigation.

  "I understand that Sergeant O'Connell was likely killed on Saturday night. Are you aware of any disturbances taking place in the neighborhood on that night?"

  Magruder's face twitched.

  "Disturbances, Major? The whole place is a disturbance come nightfall, sir. Robbery from the person, purse-cutting, fights and street riots, disagreements betwixt whores and their customers, burglary of premises, theft, tavern brawls, malicious mischief, fire-setting, horse-stealing, housebreaking, random assaults . . ."

  "Yes, I see. Still, we are reasonably sure that no one set Sergeant O'Connell on fire, nor yet mistook him for a lady of the evening." Grey smiled to abjure any suspicions of sarcasm. "I am only seeking to narrow the possibilities, you see, sir." He spread his hands, deprecatingly. "My duty, you understand."

  "Oh, aye." Magruder was not without humor; a small gleam of it lit the narrow eyes and softened the harsh outlines of his face. He glanced from the papers on his desk to the hallway, down which echoed shouts and bangings from the prisoners in the rear, then back to Grey.

  "I'll have to speak to the constable of the night, go through the reports. If I see anything that might be helpful to your inquiry, Major, I'll send round a note, shall I?"

  "I should appreciate it very much, sir." Grey rose promptly, and the two men parted with mutual expressions of esteem.

  Tom Byrd was sitting on the pavement outside, still pale, but improved. He sprang to his feet at Grey's gesture, and fell into step behind him.

  Would Magruder produce anything helpful? Grey wondered. There were so many possibilities. Robbery from the person, Magruder had suggested. Perhaps . . . but knowing what he did of O'Connell's ferocious temperament, Grey was not inclined to think that a gang of robbers would have chosen him at random--there were easier sheep to fleece, by far.

  But what if O'Connell had succeeded in meeting the spymaster--if there was one, Grey reminded himself--and had turned over his documents and received a sum of money?

  He considered the possibility that the spymaster had then murdered O'Connell to retrieve his money or silence a risk--but in that case, why not simply kill O'Connell and take the documents in the first place? Well . . . if O'Connell had been wise enough not to carry the documents on his person, and the spymaster knew it, he would presumably have taken care to obtain the goods before taking any subsequent steps in disposing of the messenger.

  By the same token, though, if someone else had discovered that O'Connell was in possession of a sum of money, they might have killed him in the process of a robbery that had nothing to do with the stolen requisitions. But the amount of damage done to the body . . . that suggested whoever had done the deed had meant to make sure that O'Connell was dead. Casual robbers would not have cared; they would have knocked O'Connell on the head and absconded, completely careless of whether he lived or died.

  A spymaster might make certain of the matter. And yet--would a spymaster depend upon the services of associates? For clearly, O'Connell had faced more than one assailant--and from the condition of his hands, had left his mark on them.

  "What do you think, Tom?" he said, more by way of clarifying his thoughts than because he desired Byrd's opinion. "If secrecy were a concern, would it not be more sensible to use a weapon? Beating a man to death is likely to be a noisy business. Attract a lot of unwelcome attention, wouldn't you say?"

  "Yes, me lord. I expect that's so. Though so far as that goes . . ."

  "Yes?" He glanced round at Byrd, who hastened his step a bit to come level with Grey.

  "Well, it's only--mind, I ain't--haven't, I mean--seen a man beat to death. But when you go to kill a pig, you only get a terrible lot of screeching if you've done it wrong."

  "Done it wrong?"

  "Yes, me lord. If you do it right, it doesn't take but one good blow. The pig doesn't know what hit 'im, and there's no noise to speak of. You get a man what doesn't know what he's doing, or isn't strong enough--" Byrd made a face at the thought of such incompetence. "Racket like to wake the dead. There's a butcher's across the street from me dad's shop," he offered in explanation. "I've seen pigs killed often."

  "A very good point, Tom," Grey said slowly. If either robbery or simple murder was the intent, it could have been accomplished with much less fuss. Ergo, whatever had befallen Tim O'Connell had likely been an accident, in a brawl or street riot, or . . . and yet the body had been moved, sometime after death. Why?

  His cogitations were interrupted by the sound of an agitated altercation in the alleyway that led to the back of the gaol.

  "What're you doing here, you Irish whore?"

  "I've a right to be here--unlike you, ye draggletail thief!"

  "Cunt!"

  "Bitch!"

  Following the sound of strife into the alley, Grey found Timothy O'Connell's sealed coffin lying in the roadway, surrounded by people. In the center of the mob was the pregnant figure of Mrs. O'Connell, swathed in a black shawl and squared off against another woman, similarly attired.

  The ladies were not alone, he saw; Scanlon the apothecary was vainly trying to persuade Mrs. O'Connell away from her opponent, with the aid of a tall, rawboned Irishman. The second lady had also brought reinforcement, in the person of a small, fat clergyman, dressed in dog collar and rusty coat, who appeared more entertained than distressed by the exchange of cordialities. A number of other people crowded the alley behind both women--mourners, presumably, come to assist in the burial of Sergeant O'Connell.

  "Take your wicked friends and be off with ye! He was my husband, not yours!"

  "Oh, and a fine wife you were, I'm sure! Didn't care enough to come and wash the mud from his face when they dragged him out of the ditch! It was me laid him out proper, and me that'll bury him, thank you very much! Wife! Ha!"

  Tom Byrd stood open-mouthed under the eaves of the shed, watching. He glanced up wide-eyed at Grey.

  "And it's me paid for his coffin--think I'll let you take it? Likely you'll give the body to a knacker's shop and sell the box, greedy-guts! Take a man from his wife so you can suck the marrow from his bones--"

  "Shut your trap!"

  "Shut yours!" bellowed the widow O'Connell, and she took a wild swing at the other woman, who dodged adroitly. Seeing a sudden surge among the mourners on both sides, Grey pushed his way between the women.

  "Madam," he began, grasping Mrs. O'Connell's arm with determination. "You must--" His admonition was interrupted by a swift elbow in the pit of the stomach, which took him quite by surprise. He staggered back a pace, and stamped inadvertently on the toe of the tall Irishman, who hopped to and fro on one foot, uttering brief blasphemies in what Grey assumed to be the Irish tongue, as it was no form of French.

  These were rapidly subsumed by the blasphemies being flung by the two ladies--if that was the word, Grey thought gri
mly--in an incoherent barrage of insults.

  The pistol-shot sound of a slapped cheek rang out, and then the alley erupted in high-pitched shrieks as the women closed with each other, fingers clawed and feet kicking. Grey grabbed for the other woman's sleeve, but it was torn from his grip and he was knocked heavily into a wall. Someone tripped him, and he went down, rolling and rebounding from the wall of the shed before he could get his feet under him.

  Regaining his balance, Grey staggered, then landed on the balls of his feet, and snatched out his sword in a slashing arc that made the metal sing. The thin chime of it cut through the racket in the alleyway like a knife through butter, separating the combatants and sending the women stumbling back from each other. In the moment's silence that resulted, Grey stepped firmly between the two women and glared back and forth between them.

  Assured that he had put at least a momentary stop to the battle, he turned to the unknown woman. A solid person with curly black hair, she wore a wide-brimmed hat that obscured her face, but not her attitude, which was belligerent in the extreme.

  "May I inquire your name, madam? And your purpose here?"

  "She's a class of a slut, what else?" Mrs. O'Connell's voice came from behind him, cracked with contempt, but controlled. Silencing the other woman's heated response to this with a peremptory movement of his sword, he cast an irritated glance over his shoulder.

  "I asked the lady herself--if you please, Mrs. O'Connell."

  "That would be Mrs. Scanlon--if you please, my lord." The apothecary's voice was more than polite, but held a note almost of smugness.

  "I beg your pardon?" Taken by surprise, he turned completely round to face Scanlon and the widow. Evidently, the other woman was equally shocked, for beyond a loud "What?" behind him, she said nothing.

  Scanlon was holding Francine O'Connell by the arm; he tightened his grasp a little and bowed to Grey.

  "I have the honor to introduce you to my wife, sir," he said gravely. "Wed yestereen we were, by special license, with Father Doyle himself doing of the honors." He nodded at the tall Irishman, who nodded in turn, though keeping a wary eye on the tip of Grey's rapier.

  "What, couldn't wait 'til poor old Tim was cold, could you? And who's the slut here, I'd like to know, you with your belly swole up like a farkin' toad!"

  "I'm a married woman--twice married! And you with no name and no shame--"

  "Ah, now, Francie, Francie . . ." Scanlon put his arms around his incensed wife, lugging her back by main force. "Let it be, sweetheart, let it be. Ye don't want to be doing the babe an injury now, do ye?"

  At this reminder of her delicate condition, Francine desisted, though she went on huffing beneath her hat brim, much in the manner of a bull who has chased intruders out of a field and means to see that they stay chased.

  Grey turned back to the other woman, just as she opened her mouth again. He put the tip of his rapier firmly against the middle of her chest, cutting her expostulations short and eliciting a brief and startled "Eek!"

  "Who the hell are you?" he demanded, patience exhausted.

  "Iphigenia Stokes," she replied indignantly. "How dare you be takin' liberties with me person, you?" She backed up a step, swatting at his sword with a hand whose essential broadness and redness was not disguised by the black shammy mitt covering it.

  "And who are you?" Grey swung toward the small clergyman, who had been tranquilly enjoying the show from a place of security behind a barrel.

  "Me?" The clerical gentleman looked surprised, but bowed obligingly. "The Reverend Mr. Cobb, sir, curate of St. Giles. I was asked to come and deliver the obsequies for the late Mr. O'Connell, on behalf of Miss Stokes, whom I understand to have had a personal friendship with the deceased."

  "You what? A frigging Protestant?" Francine O'Connell Scanlon stood straight upright, trembling with renewed outrage. Mr. Cobb eyed her warily, but seemed to feel himself safe enough in his retreat, for he bowed politely to her.

  "Interment is to be in the churchyard at St. Giles, ma'am--if you and your husband would care to attend?"

  At this, the entire Irish contingent pressed forward, obviously intending to seize the casket and carry it off by main force. Nothing daunted, Miss Stokes's escort likewise pushed eagerly to the fore, several of the gentlemen uprooting boards from a sagging fence to serve as makeshift clubs.

  Miss Stokes was encouraging her troops with bellows of "Catholic whore!" while Mr. Scanlon appeared to be of two minds in the matter, simultaneously dragging his wife out of the fray while shaking his free fist in the direction of the Protestants and shouting assorted Irish imprecations.

  With visions of bloody riot breaking out, Grey leapt atop the casket and swung his sword viciously from side to side, driving back all comers.

  "Tom!" he shouted. "Go for the constables!"

  Tom Byrd had not waited for instructions, but had apparently gone for reinforcements during the earlier part of the affray; the word "constables" was barely out of Grey's mouth, when the sound of running feet came down the street. Constable Magruder and a pair of his men charged into the alley, clubs and pistols at the ready, with Tom Byrd bringing up the rear, panting.

  Seeing the arrival of armed authority, the warring funeral parties drew instantly apart, knives disappearing like magic and clubs dropping to the ground with insouciant casualness.

  "Are you in difficulties, Major?" Constable Magruder called, looking distinctly entertained as he glanced between the two competing widows and then up at Grey on his precarious roost.

  "No, sir . . . I thank you," Grey replied politely, gasping for breath. He felt the cheap boards of the coffin creak in a sinister fashion as he shifted his weight, and sweat ran down the groove of his back. "If you would care to go on standing there for just a moment longer, though? . . ."

  He drew a deep breath and stepped gingerly down from his perch. He had rolled through a puddle; the seat of his breeches was wet, and he could feel the split where the sleeve seam beneath his right arm had given way. Goddamn it, now what?

  He was inclined toward the simplicity of a Solomonic decree that would award half of Tim O'Connell to each woman, and rejected this notion only because of the time it would take and the fact that his rapier was completely unsuited to the task of such division. If the widows gave him any further difficulties, though, he was sending Tom to fetch a butcher's cleaver upon the instant, he swore it.

  Grey sighed, sheathed his sword, and rubbed the spot between his brows with an index finger.

  "Mrs. . . . Scanlon."

  "Aye?" The swelling of her face had gone down somewhat; it was suspicion and fury now that narrowed those diamond eyes of hers.

  "When I called upon you two days ago, you rejected the gift presented by your husband's comrades in arms, on the grounds that you believed your husband to be in hell and did not wish to waste money upon Masses and candles. Is that not so?"

  "It is," she said, reluctantly. "But--"

  "Well, then. If you believe him presently to be occupying the infernal regions," Grey pointed out, "that is clearly a permanent condition. The act of having his body interred in a particular location, or with Catholic ritual, will not alter his unfortunate destiny."

  "Now, we can't be knowing for certain as a sinner's soul has gone to hell," the priest objected, suddenly seeing the prospects of a fee for burying O'Connell receding. "God's ways are beyond the ken of us poor men, and for all any of us knows, poor Tim O'Connell repented of his wickedness at the last, made a perfect Act of Contrition, and was taken straight up to paradise in the arms of the angels!"

  "Excellent." Grey leapt on this incautious speculation like a leopard on its prey. "If he is in paradise, he is still less in need of earthly intervention. So"--he bowed punctiliously to the Scanlons and their priest--"according to you, the deceased may be either damned or saved, but is surely in one of those two conditions. Whereas you"--he turned to Miss Stokes--"are of the opinion that Tim O'Connell is perhaps in some intermediate state where interce
ssory actions might be efficacious?"

  Miss Stokes regarded him for a moment, her mouth hanging slightly open.

  "I just want 'im buried proper," she said, sounding suddenly meek. "Sir."

  "Well, then. I consider that you, madam"--he shot a sharp look at the new Mrs. Scanlon--"have to some degree forfeited your legal rights in the matter, being now married to Mr. Scanlon. If Miss Stokes were to reimburse you for the cost of the coffin, would you find that acceptable?"

  Grey eyed the Irish contingent, and found them dour-faced but silent. Scanlon glanced at the priest, then at his wife, then finally at Grey, and nodded, very slightly.

  "Take him," Grey said to Miss Stokes, stepping back with a brief gesture toward the coffin.

  He strode purposefully toward Scanlon, hand on the hilt of his sword, but while there was a certain amount of shuffling, muttering, and spitting in the ranks, none of the Irish seemed disposed to offer more than the occasional murmured insult as Miss Stokes's minions took possession of the disputed remains.

  "May I offer my felicitations on your marriage, sir?" he said politely.

  "I am obliged to ye, sir," Scanlon said, equally polite. Francine stood by his side, simmering beneath her large black hat.

  They stood silent then, all watching as Tim O'Connell was borne away. Iphigenia Stokes was surprisingly gracious in triumph, Grey thought; she cast neither glance nor remark toward the defeated Irish, and her attendants followed her lead, moving in silence to pick up the coffin. Miss Stokes took up her place as chief mourner, and the small procession moved off. At the last, the Reverend Mr. Cobb risked a brief glance back and a tiny wave of the hand toward Grey.

  "God rest his soul," Father Doyle said piously, crossing himself as the coffin disappeared down the alley.

  "God rot him," said Francine O'Connell Scanlon. She turned her head and spat neatly on the ground. "And her."

  It was not yet noon, and the taverns were still largely empty. Constable Magruder and his assistants graciously accepted a quantity of drink in the Blue Swan in reward of their help, and then returned to their duties, leaving Grey to shuck his coat and attempt repairs to his wardrobe in a modicum of privacy.