Cryptikon Far Freedom Part 2

but not for long. "Sure! But Freddy is your brother, too. We're siblings."

  "He is, isn't he? There. Freddy is next. I'll be back to see you when the warden isn't around. Good night!"

  They walked with Aylis to her office, where a bay window overlooked a small English garden. The simulated evening sky cast long shadows across the hedges and flower beds. Freddy liked walking in the garden, sampling the smells, trying to find some merging of his olfactory processors that would accurately simulate what people experienced of the sweetness of the colorful flowers.

  Aylis dropped onto her sofa and began pulling off her hiking shoes. Freddy wished he had been invited on the marvelous trek through the Five Worlds. He could have carried Sammy.

  "I should be going," Freddy said, beginning to feel uncomfortable. It was hard for him to interact with people in ordinary situations. He knew he would always feel like an outsider. Also, for some reason he always became too worried that he would make a bad impression on Aylis, his mother's best friend. He wanted to be perfect and knew he was far from it.

  "You just got here, Freddy," Jamie said. "Don't you want to stay and talk? I've never had a conversation with a real AMI. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings when I first talked to you."

  "I took no offense, Jamie. Mother is asleep on the bridge. I need to be there if she wakes up."

  "She sleeps?"

  "Eats, too," Aylis said. "Uses the toilet. Puts her panties on one leg at a time. And has been known to fall in love."

  "I'll be on my way," Freddy said, backing toward the door.

  "Just a second, Brother." Jamie stepped over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Can you feel that? Is it even worth doing?"

  "Oh, my, yes! I mean, no, I don't feel it as well as a human would, I think. But it's certainly worth doing! Thank you, Sister!"

  "Good night, Freddy," Aylis said, wiggling her toes and leaning back in her chair.

  Freddy backed through the doorway. He was too happy. He shouldn't be so desirous of these wonderful moments. It was hard to be a real person with real emotions.

  /

  Jamie walked over to the window and stared out at the gathering dusk. "You should talk to Freddy every chance you get," Aylis said to her. Aylis watched Zakiya's daughter, seeing how her thoughts influenced the motion and posture of her strong body. There was a lot going on in Jamie's mind, but she didn't need body language to tell her that.

  "I want to! He's fascinating. Miraculous."

  "More than you realize. He's a spontaneous AMI."

  "Oh!" Jamie reacted in amazement then, "Oh," she said sadly.

  "Maybe he will live longer," Aylis said, "if we can keep him from thinking too much about the wrong things. He doesn't need to make some grand contribution to our wonderful civilization and die too soon." She said that sarcastically. "I would rather he be around for a long time. He is, in many ways, an echo of Zakiya at her best. I wonder - can he sing?"

  "How can I talk to him now," Jamie said, "knowing he will die so soon?"

  Aylis didn't have an answer for her. She was sorry she mentioned it. "Was it only Sammy you came to see?" she asked.

  "I'm sorry. I know you must be tired. I'll be going."

  "I was hoping you wanted to talk." Aylis tried not to sound too pitiful. She didn't know what she deserved to gain. She didn't know how long she would be able to keep going, before the truth destroyed everything. She stood and blocked Jamie's direct path to the door.

  "I did want to talk," Jamie admitted. "Are you sure you want me to stay? I know you had to take care of Nori and Dr. Mende."

  "I had help," Aylis said. "Talk to me. I know you have lots of questions."

  "I don't know where to begin! I'm becoming someone else! I don't know where it will stop! I don't know if I will still know myself when it does end! Who am I? What's happening to me?"

  Aylis explained the auxiliary memory devices to Jamie.

  "I thought I was losing my mind," Jamie said. "And this is also happening to you and to my mother? How can you function?"

  "I don't know how Zakiya does it," Aylis replied, "especially considering she had other modifications she didn't know about until they were needed."

  "And you and she lived monumental lives, waiting all this time, just to see two husbands and two crew members again?"

  "Monumental? I tell myself I never wanted to become what I am," Aylis said. "If I even am what I am! It did have great meaning for me, great satisfaction, but I was simply fortunate to be in a position to let the product of my interests help humanity. I assume I've helped! Sometimes I wonder. Yes, essentially we've been waiting for more than two hundred years. Just to be near them again."

  "After all this time..."

  "I know. They're probably dead. But we still want to know what happened to them."

  "What was he like?" Jamie asked. "My father. I think I may have watched every show that ever used the character of Alexandros Gerakis. Please tell me he was more normal than the fictional versions."

  "That's very difficult to assess. Our auxiliary memories are almost too real to trust. The process of copying memories forces the brain to provide detail that may not be accurate, more like what we would want to remember rather than what actually happened. Just think about how you remember Direk."

  "Then I should stop crying myself to sleep every night?" Jamie asked. "I wish I could! Every day I find more new memories of him, more pieces of the puzzle. I'm redefining myself by how I remember him. He's overwhelming the person I thought I was. The more I remember, and the more I imagine his duties to you and to my mother, the more I realize how much he must have suffered, keeping so much of it from me for so long. To protect me! I'm angry that he felt it necessary to keep me ignorant. I'm angry that he left me. I'm angry that he may never fulfill the promise of our relationship. I'm angry that he will continue to live so large in my memories, making me love him, making me sick with the loss of what we might have had together. Oh! Please, don't cry, Dr. Mnro! I said too much! I feel too much!"

  "Don't you ever call me 'Doctor Mnro,' young lady!" Aylis never remembered her duplicate crying. She, on the other hand, could hardly keep from crying. She approached Jamie and was gratified she allowed her embrace.

  "It still seems unreal to me," Jamie said, "that I should have any importance to you, that I should even know you personally."

  "Aylis. My name is Aylis! My memory of you as a little girl is one of the most powerful that I have. And I don't care how inaccurate it might be! That you loved the son I couldn't even like until it was too late, is almost my fondest wish come true. I hoped you would visit your mother and let her tell you all these things. I get too emotional!"

  Aylis released her, dropped onto the sofa. She felt tired, physically and emotionally.

  "I don't know how to behave toward my mother," Jamie said. "I don't know who I am. I feel cheated out of being a little girl with my mother, my real mother. I still want to be her little girl, and I'm too old."

  "You're never too old to be your mother's little girl. It will mean a lot to her."

  "Little girl!" Jamie gave a short laugh. "I'm so old, yet I suddenly have all these immature emotions. I'm an ancient Marine but I lose my nerve when I think about talking to my mother. That's why I came to you. I don't remember her yet. Will I be able to remember her? I was so young when I lost her."

  "Only time will answer that question. Go and talk to her. I'm an admiral. That's an order."

  When Jamie departed, leaving her alone with her torrential thoughts, Aylis wept again, but it was a comfortable weeping, almost relaxing, as it expended the emotional surplus she had accumulated from the trek to recover Nori and Phuti. She could almost ignore the guilt she felt for having taken Jamie from her mother. It was certainly dwarfed by another guilt, a guilt she could hardly ignore for more than a few minutes at a time.

  She wanted to blame her copy for the guilt that was torturing her but knew she couldn't. She was her copy and her copy was her. What would become of h
er copy? Did she swap places with her in the long-duration stasis pool? Her copy didn't tell her everything, didn't give her all of her two centuries of memories. But that would have changed her too much from who she was when she went to sleep. Her copy was a different person, for all that they shared in common. She was a real person, as real as Freddy, as real as herself. What would become of her?

  2-16 The Lady in the Moon

  "I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Doctor Ramadhal."

  He was not sorry, he was simply a poor conversationalist. All of his personal flaws were on display at this point in his life. It was at least a harmless way to get the attention of his guest.

  The smaller dark man jerked at the sound of his voice, startled from deep thought. The silence was too long, too complete. The tube car made no noise through the vacuum in its magnetic cushions.

  "I realize you have much to do," Etrhnk continued, "taking over the management of the Mnro Clinics."

  The ancient monochrome landscape flowed by beyond the window of the lunar rail car. Ramadhal stared out the window, as though seeing the lifeless scenery for the first time. The whites of his large eyes showed as his eyes followed his head to point at Etrhnk. His response was quick and careful.

  "I'm never so busy that I cannot be of service to you, Admiral."

  Ramadhal's eyes seemed to want to return to the exterior view, probably because he didn't want to look at Etrhnk. The eyes stayed aimed at a point near Etrhnk's face, as if Ramadhal were an android,