Promise Me Light

  I ran faster than I had ever run before. Grass slashed at my jeans, slapping against the well-worn material. My feet barely touched the ground. Within seconds, I was in front of him, where I wanted to be for the rest of my life.

  “Ryder?” I whispered, afraid if I spoke too loudly the image of him would disappear. Just a mirage of false hope.

  Crystal blue eyes stared at me from behind dirt and grime. Above a thick beard and long hair, he struggled to focus on my face, forcing his eyes open each time he blinked.

  “Maddie?”

  With that one word, I knew. He was home.

  Chapter Eleven

  I let out a sob, the protective cage around my heart crumbling to dust. He’s home!

  Ryder’s eyes rolled back into his head and his body went limp. He started to topple face first to the ground but I dropped the gun and caught him, letting out an involuntary cry. Using muscles I didn’t know I had, I eased him down to the grass.

  “Ryder! Ryder!” I cried, letting another sob escape as I dropped down beside him. I pushed his long hair away from his face, needing to see him and know that my eyes were not playing tricks on me.

  Beneath his thick, scruffy beard, I saw his lips move as if he was trying to say something. His dark eyelashes rested against cut and bruised cheekbones. A bloody gash slashed through his eyebrow and dried blood was matted in his hair.

  His hand brushed up against my leg, trying to grasp me. I glanced at his hand and that’s when I saw it: blood.

  It was everywhere.

  Immediately, I started running my hands over him, trying to find the source of the blood. My hands moved frantically, my mind rushing through the possibilities. Cuts? Wounds? On his stomach? Leg? Where is it coming from?

  Unbuttoning his threadbare coat, I sucked in a breath. No! NO! NOOOO!

  Blood oozed from a wound in his side. The flannel shirt he wore was no longer brown but a dark, deep red. The blood continued to spread outward, saturating the cloth, taking his life and soaking it up like a sponge.

  With a sob I placed my hand over the wound and pressed down, trying to stop the bleeding. He grunted with pain and rolled his head to the side, twitching at my touch.

  Through my tears I studied his face. His cheeks were hollow, his lips cracked. His eyelids slowly lifted, forced open against the pain. He had trouble focusing on me but when he did, I saw that his eyes were glassy.

  “Maddie,” he rasped past dry, cracked lips. “I’m dead.”

  I wanted to break down and cry but I didn’t. I had to be strong for him. His life depended on it.

  “No, Ryder. God no, you’re not dead,” I said, glancing down at the blood covering my fingers, turning my hands red.

  I watched as he closed his eyes. My gaze drifted to his chest. I watched as it moved up and down, his breathing shallower than it had been seconds ago.

  He’s dying! The thought filled my mind like a neon sign that kept blinking obnoxiously. I felt sick, nausea rolling around my stomach. But it wasn’t from morning sickness. It was from fear.

  I closed my eyes, pressed harder on his side, and took a deep breath. Breathe in through nose. Out through mouth. Again. In through nose. Out through mouth. Okay, I could do this.

  I opened my eyes and glanced around, unsure what to do next. Calm down. Think through options. He was too heavy for me to lift on the horse and no one would hear me if I yelled for help. That limited my options.

  His pistol caught my attention. It lay a few inches away, close enough to grab. I glanced down at the blood seeping around my hand, not sure I wanted to let go. What choice did I have? He needed help.

  I inhaled deeply, removed my hand, and leaned over to grab the gun. It was slippery in my bloody hands. Aiming into the distance, I fired off three shots, one right after the other.

  With each round Ryder’s body jerked, reminding me of someone being shot. I wanted to wail with anguish but I refused to fall apart. I let the pistol drop to the ground and again placed my hands over his wound.

  Ryder started shaking violently from head to toe. It could have been from the cold but more than likely, it was from shock. I yanked off the flannel jacket I wore and laid it over him.

  But he continued to shake.

  I climbed to my feet and ran to the horse. She tried to bolt away from me but I grabbed the reins. Pulling the saddle off of her, I let it fall to the ground. I snatched the saddle blanket and raced over to Ryder, hurriedly covering him.

  I needed to stop the blood flow. I took off one of the two shirts I wore, gathering it into a ball and pressing it to Ryder’s side. Instantly, it absorbed his blood, turning a dark red.

  I could feel it beneath my fingers, coating my hand, slick and sticky against my skin. Tears gathered behind my eyelids. He can’t die! I just found him. I can’t lose him again! I pressed harder, willing the blood to stop flowing, hoping for a miracle.

  He grunted at the pressure and tried weakly to push my hand away. Tears fell down my cheeks as his hand grabbed my wrist, holding it surprisingly strong as I pressed down on his wound.

  “It’s okay, Ryder,” I said soothingly, trying not to cringe when his hold tightened.

  He seemed to relax at the sound of my voice but his hand remained on me as if he was afraid I would leave him.

  Never.

  I glanced toward the direction of the house. “Hurry up! Come on!” I pleaded in a whisper, praying for help.

  I tried not to think of the blood covering my hand as I pressed harder. My body trembled. I wasn’t sure if it was from the freezing temperatures or the fright rushing through me but I couldn’t control the shaking. But it wasn’t important right now, anyway.

  What was important was keeping Ryder alive.

  Chapter Twelve

  I glanced up when I heard horses galloping toward me. Two men were riding at a breakneck speed, heading my way fast. Each was bent over their horses’ necks, holding tight to the reins as their focus stayed on me.

  Gavin and Cash were sliding out of the saddle before their horses had even stopped. With guns raised, they raced to me, closing the distance with urgency and wariness.

  “Help me!” I screamed, the sound tearing from my throat. My hands and my pants were covered with blood. Even the ground beneath me was dotted with red.

  When Gavin saw Ryder lying on the ground, he slung the shotgun around to his back and dropped to his knees on the ground beside Ryder. “Sweet Jesus!” he gasped.

  “Please help him!” I cried, still pressing on Ryder’s wound despite the blood coating my hands. “He won’t stop bleeding!”

  Gavin brushed my hands out of the way and gathered Ryder’s body close. Effortlessly, he picked Ryder up and carried him to his horse as if he weighed nothing. Watching brother carry brother was too much to handle. I curled up into a ball, rocking back and forth as sobs racked my body.

  I didn’t resist when Cash urged me to my feet, his hand under my elbow to steady me. I tried not to think of the blood smeared on me or of Gavin cradling his little brother in his arms like a child.

  I watched as he placed Ryder across the saddle, keeping one hand on him. Mounting up, Gavin dug his heels into the horse’s side took off, running at a full gallop while he held onto Ryder.

  Cash hurried to help me on his horse. I don’t think I’ve ever climbed into a saddle so fast. As he mounted up behind me, I noticed that my own horse had disappeared. I didn’t even notice she had left. I was too busy trying to keep Ryder alive.

  What seemed like hours later, we stopped in front of Janice and Roger’s house. I was out of the saddle before Cash could pull the horse to a stop and let me dismount.

  “MOM!” Gavin screamed as he lowered Ryder from the saddle. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Ryder as Gavin carried him across the yard.

  Janice opened the door and let out a cry of alarm. For a moment, she looked like she was seeing a ghost. Her eyes rounded, never leaving Ryder.

  “He’s hurt something bad, Mom,” Gavin sa
id, rushing past her into the house.

  I took the porch steps two at a time, watching as the door slammed behind Gavin and Janice. My heart raced, making me dizzy. Brushing my tears away, I flung the door open and ran through the kitchen. In seconds, I was flying down the hallway, Cash right on my heels.

  I halted in the bedroom doorway, watching as Gavin carefully lowered Ryder onto the full-sized bed. Ryder’s head flopped to one side and he grunted in pain. I felt sick. The tan that always marked his skin was gone. Now he looked deathly pale.

  Janice immediately started unbuttoning his shirt, searching for the source of the blood. Her hands moved with efficiency, making quick work of the buttons.

  “Where did you find him?” she asked, glancing up at me. Gone was the shock on her face. Now she looked determined.

  “He was walking out of the woods between my place and his,” I answered, my voice shaking.

  She pushed his shirt out of the way and gasped. His chest was covered in blood. In some places it was pink but in other places it was a dark red, almost black. There was a bandage on his left side, low near his hipbone. It was dirty and looked like it had been there awhile. I remembered Gavin saying Ryder was shot during the skirmish to get Eva out. I knew this was that old wound, something that had not been properly taken care of. But all the bleeding was coming from his right side. A small hole, about the size of a dime, was two inches below his last rib. Blood trickled from the hole, running down his side.

  “Oh, hell,” Cash whispered from behind me.

  I flinched, hearing the distress in his voice.

  “Cash, go get me some rags and clean water,” Janice demanded, her eyes never leaving Ryder.

  Cash raced out of the room but I couldn’t tear my gaze from Ryder. He was lifeless, nothing like the man that left months ago. I was afraid with each drop of blood, his life faded more. He was leaving me one drop at a time.

  “Maddie, you know where the first aid kit is?” Janice asked, glancing at me.

  I nodded, struggling to focus on her.

  “Good. Go get it.”

  I hurried out of the room, forcing my legs to run. I told myself to be strong. For him. For our baby.

  In the bathroom I flung open the linen closet door, ignoring the blood I left on the handle. My gaze swept over the contents frantically, searching for the large container that held our medical supplies. Where is it? Where the hell is it?

  My eyes landed on a clear box at the bottom of the closet. This was it - all we had left of our medical supplies. It wasn’t much but it might save Ryder’s life.

  Within seconds, I was back in the bedroom, the container in my arms.

  “I need the stethoscope,” Janice said as I sat the container on the foot of the bed.

  I quickly handed it to her. Swallowing hard, my eyes drifted down to Ryder, afraid of what I would find but unable to look elsewhere.

  His face was layered with blood, cuts, and bruises. A full beard covered the lower half of his face, hiding some of the cuts and bruises. His cheeks and jaw hadn’t seen a razor since he left, making him almost unrecognizable.

  I watched as his chest rose and fell slowly. Too slowly. I wanted to reach out and touch him but I was afraid. Afraid I would hurt him. Afraid that if I touched him, he would disappear.

  Cash rushed back into the room, his arms loaded down with towels and a bucket of water. He sat the towels on the bed and put the bucket near Gavin. Gavin grabbed a towel and pressed it to Ryder’s wound, staunching the blood.

  I watched as Janice worked frantically. Her body brushed up against my side, reminding me that I was probably in the way but I couldn’t move. I needed to be near him.

  The room grew quieter as she listened to his heart and lungs. I saw her glance up at Gavin, the expression on her face grave.

  “Maddie, you should leave,” she said, demanding rather than suggesting.

  I shook my head no, refusing to move. I wasn’t going anywhere. For months I had waited for Ryder to return. I wasn’t going to walk away now that he was finally home.

  From the corner of my eye, I saw Gavin glance at Cash, nodding his head my direction.

  Cash crossed the room to me. “Let’s wait outside, Maddie. Let them do what they do best.”

  “I’m not leaving.”

  Before Cash could argue, Eva walked in, followed by Ryder’s dad, Roger. The look on his face was one I had never seen before. Terror for his son carved grooves into his tough skin, making him appear much older.

  Eva gasped loudly when she saw Ryder. She covered her mouth, stifling another gasp when she saw all the blood.

  “What…how did he get here?” Roger stammered. “How bad is he?”

  “No time for questions, Dad,” Gavin said, grabbing another clean towel.

  As Janice worked over Ryder, I watched through tears. With each breath he took, I held my breath, afraid it would be his last.

  I reached out my hand. I have to touch him again. I need to feel him. My fingers brushed against his pant’s legs. I felt grime beneath my fingertips. He was dirty, his clothes nothing but filth. I kept my hand on his calf, letting him know that I was here. I would always be here.

  I watched as he forced his eyes open. Blood capillaries had burst in the whites of them, making them look bloodshot. His face contorted in pain and he started coughing, sounding like he was struggling to breathe.

  I let out a cry and tried to lean over him but Janice pushed me out of the way, shoving me into Eva. “Cash, get her out of here!” Janice shouted.

  When Cash grabbed my arm and started dragging me away, I became frantic. Scared.

  “NO!” I screeched, fighting him. My broken fingernails scratched the top of his hand, leaving behind marks.

  “Let them do their job, Maddie,” he said calmly, pulling me toward the door.

  Damn him for always being so calm! Ryder might be dying!

  “I’m staying!” I argued, jerking out of his hands and planting my feet firmly. They’ll have to knock me out to get me outta here!

  Gavin glanced at me, sparing me only a quick glance before applying more pressure on Ryder’s bullet wound. “Let her stay. Ryder will want her here if he wakes up,” he said.

  Cash took a step back, giving me space.

  I lost no time returning to the end of the bed. Ryder had slipped back into unconsciousness but he was still bleeding. My eyes moved from his face down his body, taking in every inch of him. His hiking boots caught my attention. They were the same boots he had worn when he left. The shoelaces were missing from one. The other had half a sole gone. I remembered watching him step over downed branches and limbs the day he took me hunting. He had worn the same boots. And when he had approached me in his bedroom, stalking me in the dark, those boots had been on his feet. They had sat beside the bed as we made love, forgotten as he had made my body hum with desire. Now here they were, in front of me again. Inches away from where his child rested within me.

  I closed my eyes. Tears squeezed past my eyelashes, leaving trails as they streamed down my cheeks. I don’t know if I can do this.

  “Eva, get over here,” Janice snapped, the stress in her voice forcing my eyes open. “Help Gavin.”

  Eva grabbed a rag and started wiping the blood away from Ryder’s side. It seemed he would never stop bleeding. He’s losing too much.

  The room looked like something out of a horror movie. Janice was yelling, Gavin was working frantically to stop the bleeding, and I was standing at the foot of the bed, watching everything happen in slow motion.

  Ryder suddenly started moaning and thrashing around, causing the blood to flow faster. I covered my mouth to stifle the sobs, watching as pain racked his body.

  Janice fought to hold him down as she pulled the dirty bandage away from his skin. Greenish discharge stuck to the material and on his skin. A thick dark substance covered the wound. It looked like dried mud.

  “He packed it for protection,” Gavin said. “It’s an old gunshot wound.”


  “It’s infected,” Janice mumbled. Then her voice boomed with authority. “Cash, get over here.” Thirty years as an ER nurse gave her the right to bark orders and demand action.

  Cash was beside her in seconds, waiting for her instructions.

  “Hold him down.”

  He placed his hands on Ryder’s shoulders, pushing him into the mattress.

  Janice picked up a bottle of saline solution from the first aid kit. “Hold him tight,” she ordered Cash.

  She took a visible deep breath and then poured the clear liquid on the older wound. As soon as the cold liquid hit his skin, Ryder roared with pain. The sound hurt my ears and my heart, almost doubling me over.

  He struggled to sit up and fight whoever was torturing him but Cash held him down, using all of his strength.

  Beneath the dirty hair and matted beard, I saw Ryder’s agony. It tore at my insides, his howls of pain echoing through my mind.

  “You still with us, Maddie?” Gavin asked, pressing down on Ryder’s wound.

  I nodded as tears raced down my face.

  “You’re not gonna pass out are you?” he asked.

  I looked down at his hands. They were completely red, stained with Ryder’s blood.

  “I’m okay,” I forced out, determined to be strong. I wasn’t leaving Ryder’s side. I could do this.

  When Ryder fell unconsciousness again, Janice rushed past me to the other side of the bed. She pushed Gavin out of the way and removed the towel covering Ryder’s side.

  “Another gun shot,” she said. “Damn, he was shot twice.”

  I saw the pain on Janice’s face and knew she was barely holding it together. He was no longer a patient; he was her son lying there hurt.

  “Let’s turn him over,” she said.

  Cash and Gavin gently turned Ryder onto his side, causing him to moan with pain.

  “Oh, Ryder!” Janice exclaimed softly, standing shock still as she stared at his back. “My baby.”

  Before my eyes, she became a mother worried about her child, not just a nurse taking care of a patient. Her slim hand reached up and pushed Ryder’s long hair away from his forehead tenderly.