Promise Me Light

  “Go ahead,” I hissed at Ryder, out of my head with anger and hurt. “You almost did once. You wrapped your hands around my neck and slowly started to squeeze. I dare you to touch me again.”

  He stared at me, stunned by my words. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me but I just had to push him. He just drove me too insane not to.

  Reaching out, I grabbed his hand and put it on my neck, forcing his fingers around me. They felt warm against my skin. Familiar. I wanted his hands everywhere on me but I pushed the craving away. I didn’t want to feel it again. I wanted to feel fury, not the desire that consumed me morning and night.

  “Go ahead, Ryder. Squeeze. Prove to me how much you hate me right now,” I said, my eyes drilling into his.

  He swallowed hard, his throat working. His fingers ran over my skin lightly, his eyes watching the movement. His thumb brushed beneath the top of my shirt then disappeared underneath the collar of my jacket.

  I sucked in a breath, pulling cold air into my lungs when his thumb moved over my collarbone.

  “You really think I could do that? Hurt you?” he asked, low enough that only I could hear him.

  “You’ve already hurt me once today by not believing me. Why not twist the knife some more?” I said, trying not to fall apart as his hand moved to the back of my neck.

  I saw a crack, a tiny glimmer of feeling in his eyes. Then it disappeared, covered up by a withdrawn expression. That’s when I knew I had lost him to the anger.

  “Let me go, Ryder,” I whispered.

  “I’ll go with her,” Cash interjected from beside us.

  Ryder tightened his hand on the back of my neck, drawing me closer. I let him, thinking he was going to wrap his arms around me and say he was sorry. Or beg for my forgiveness. I should have known better. This was Ryder.

  “Go. Run to him,” he snarled, his words soft but the threat behind them real. “But you’ll always be mine, Maddie.”

  Slowly, his hands left me. He was letting me go but I knew I would never be free of him.

  I never wanted to be.

  Chapter Twenty–One

  We found Gavin a half-mile from the house, near the creek that ran along the ranch.

  Over the sound of the wind, I could hear the water and knew that nearby was an area where water swirled and bubbled over large rocks. Ryder and I had played there as children. Once or twice Gavin had joined us as we swam or tried to catch minnows in the clear water. Many days I had sat on the sandy bank, watching and laughing as Gavin and Ryder competed on who could catch the most minnows. They were fierce competitors, then and now. Except now, they were competing for something else. But I already knew who the winner was and would always be.

  Gavin had a boot in the stirrup and was about to mount his horse when he saw Cash and I riding toward him.

  I beat Cash, my horse galloping closer to Gavin in the shaded area he stood beneath. As soon as my horse stopped, I slid from the saddle, my gaze on Gavin. Crossing the freezing ground, I walked through the thigh-high weeds that surrounded me.

  “Hell, Maddie, what are you doing out here?” Gavin asked, his eyes sweeping over my body.

  I’m cold but I’m here to save your butt, I almost said.

  He watched me warily as I walked over to him. His nose was bleeding and the skin around his eye was broken, leaving behind a nasty looking bruise thanks to Ryder.

  “Ryder said he left you out here, unconscious. You okay?” I asked.

  He wiped his nose on the back of his hand then glanced down at the blood left behind.

  “Yeah. I deserved every hit he got in,” he muttered, touching the corner of his eye. “Probably deserved a hell of a lot more.”

  I grimaced. His quickly swelling eye looked painful.

  “So how pissed was he?” he asked.

  “Pissed doesn’t begin to describe it. I’m surprised you’re still in one piece,” Cash answered, leaning forward in the saddle. “Can’t say I blame him for kicking your ass. I would’ve done the same.”

  Gavin snorted and walked past me, leading his horse over to mine.

  “I want to kick my own ass,” he muttered. “I’m sorry but I had to tell him, Maddie. It was eating me up inside. Every time I looked at him, I felt guilty as hell.”

  I frowned, remembering Ryder’s words to me. “I told him that it meant nothing but he’s mad. Furious.”

  Gavin peered down at me. The wind picked up pieces of his dark hair - hair much darker than Ryder’s. They did look like brothers but there were some tiny differences between them. Besides the dark personality that Ryder had and Gavin didn’t, Gavin was slimmer than Ryder. He had more of a runner’s body, leaner but still muscular. Ryder had more of a fighter’s body, solid and cut from stone, ready to take someone out. Just like he had done to Gavin.

  “How are you holding up?” Gavin asked me.

  Staring off into the distance, I shrugged. I was upset but more than anything I was angry. I wanted to hit someone or something. Namely, someone tall that infuriated me like no one else.

  “Sorry about all of this, Maddie. I just hope he realizes what he’s got and doesn’t throw it away. If he does, I’ll kick his ass from here to next Sunday,” Gavin said. “For you.”

  “Thank you, Gavin.”

  The corner of his mouth lifted in a goofy half-grin that probably had made the women of Dallas swoon. His long, black eyelashes caught a stray snowflake, his eyes holding a touch of humor.

  “No problem, shorty.”

  I smiled, his old nickname for turning my lips upward into a grin.

  Maybe I shouldn’t have smiled. Ryder was mad at me. It was snowing and I was cold. We didn’t have enough clothes for winter. Our food supply was dwindling. I missed my dad something awful and I was months away from having a baby without proper medical care. Smiling didn’t seem right. Crying? Yes. Wailing? Sure. But I think sometimes happiness just meant living. Being present. Being alive. Being surrounded by those you loved.

  Even if they made you angry sometimes.

  Chapter Twenty–Two

  The ride home was miserable. The snow had become heavier, slowly covering the ground in a light dusting of white. But when it landed on me, it just became cold moisture, soaking into my jacket and jeans.

  My hair was wet, feeling like ice against the skin of my throat and face. My teeth were chattering and my whole body shook, big chills that made it difficult to concentrate. I needed heat and I needed it now.

  But I never seemed to get what I wanted. Life just didn’t work that way for me. If it had, I wouldn’t be cold and hungry with snow covering my inadequate tennis shoes. I would be safe and warm back in my apartment, laughing with Eva over boys and worried about studying for finals.

  I wouldn’t be worried about a war on our own soil, killing thousands and starving millions. I would have electricity, a car, enough food to last through the winter, and clean water that didn’t have to be filtered. I would have my father. I never would have lost my mother. But then again, I may not have Ryder or our unborn baby either.

  I was telling Gavin about the cryptic message we heard on the shortwave radio earlier when Cash suddenly pulled back on his reins, jerking his horse to a stop. When Cash did things like that, I paid attention. He didn’t make any sudden moves without a reason. And whatever that reason was, it filled his body with tension.

  Gavin and I followed Cash’s lead, pulling our horses to a stop. Our conversation faded when we saw the look on Cash’s face. His whiskered jaw looked like it was cut from stone. Beneath the cowboy hat, I could see his eyes fixed straight ahead with deadly precision. I followed his gaze, looking for what had made him so tense. That’s when I saw them.

  “Holy hell,” Gavin whispered, his leg bumping into mine as his horse moved closer to my horse.

  My heart stopped. My lungs ceased to breathe. The cold didn’t matter. The snow falling around us didn’t matter. What mattered were the soldiers standing in front of the house.

  Without making any n
oise, Cash reached back and slowly removed the rifle from the scabbard on his saddle. Resting the reins in his lap, Cash controlled the horse with his thighs as he brought the rifle up to rest on his shoulder, making it look like the most natural thing in the world to do. From beneath his cowboy hat, he peered down the scope mounted on top of the rifle. Without binoculars, it was our only way to know what we were facing.

  “Soldiers. Fifteen or so,” he said, moving the rifle slowly, scanning the area. “All armed.”

  I tightened my fingers around the reins and felt panic bubble up inside of me. My horse shook her head and pawed the ground, antsy to get moving again. I didn’t pay attention. My body felt limp, everything holding me together leaving.

  They’ve found Ryder.

  Go to him, my inner voice urged. I dug my heels into my horse’s side, making her rear her head back in surprise. Loosening the reins, I let her have her freedom, free to take off in a gallop.

  But Gavin stopped me. He reached out, grabbing the bridle of my horse and preventing her from going very far.

  All I could think about was the enemy, gunning for Ryder. Making him pay for killing their leader. I didn’t want to sit here and watch that happen. I couldn’t.

  “We’ve got to help Ryder! They’ll kill him!” I exclaimed in a loud whisper, my fear mingling with anger.

  “Hold on, Maddie,” Gavin said in low voice, keeping his eyes on the house.

  “They’re Americans,” Cash interrupted, still watching the soldiers through the rifle’s scope.

  “How do you know?”

  “They’re wearing U.S. camouflage. They’re not foreign bastards,” Cash explained.

  “Do you see anyone else?” I asked, trying to keep the panic out of my voice.

  “Yeah,” Cash answered, his voice hushed against the wind.

  “Who? Ryder?” I asked, tempted to grab the gun and look down the scope myself.

  Cash didn’t answer, which made me worry.

  “Cash? Do you see Ryder?” I asked again, trying not to yell at him in frustration.

  Pushing his hat further back on his head, he moved the gun to the left.

  “Yeah, there he is. He’s still on his feet, surprising since he’s…” Cash stopped, his words dying off. Suddenly, his shoulders grew tense under his thick jacket. “Oh, hell,” he muttered.

  “What?” Gavin asked, watching wide eyed as Cash lowered the rifle and hurried to put it back in the scabbard.

  “They’ve spotted us.”

  Trying to control the impatient stomping of my horse, I glanced at the house. Five men were pointing at us. Suddenly, they started running our way.

  They were coming after us.

  A movement caught my eye. Someone else was watching us. He looked taller than the rest, standing in the middle of the yard surrounded by men.

  Ryder.

  That’s when I heard it. A shout.

  “HEY!”

  I watched with growing panic as the five men spun back around, forgetting about us for a minute as Ryder yelled at them.

  What was he doing?

  Turning, Ryder punched the guy closest to him in the face. Then he landed a fist in the man’s gut. A second later, soldiers rushed him.

  “GET HER OUT OF HERE!” Ryder shouted, barely missing an uppercut to the chin before someone nailed him in the stomach.

  “No, no, no,” I muttered under my breath, knowing what he was doing.

  He’s buying us time.

  The thought made me sick to my stomach. He was letting himself get beaten to a bloody pulp so Gavin and Cash could get me to safety. He was sacrificing himself so we could escape.

  “Shit!” Gavin swore, yanking back on the reins when his horse reared its head. “What the hell is going on? We’re Americans!”

  “What do you think?” Cash said, shouting and trying to control his own horse. “It’s one big kick-ass party and we just got invited.”

  Chapter Twenty–Three

  Ryder’s ploy didn’t work. It only spared us a few seconds.

  “Dammit! Here they come!” Gavin warned, watching as the five men started running through the tall grass toward us.

  “Bloody hell,” Cash muttered, trying to control his nervous horse. “We’re between a rock and a shitty place. If we turn tail and run, we might have a fight on our hands that involves bullets. I sure as hell don’t want that when Maddie is with us.”

  Throwing a leg over the saddle, he dismounted quickly. Removing his pistol and the knives hidden in various places on his body, he dropped them into the tall grass at his feet.

  “What are you doing?” Gavin asked, watching as the weapons disappeared in the stalks and weeds around us.

  “I’m remembering my history lessons,” Cash answered, glancing up at Gavin from beneath his hat. “The government is weak right now. We’ve heard it and I’ve damn well seen it. Guns, bullets, weapons of any kind - they’re a commodity that armies need. I’ll be damned if I give mine up.”

  Gavin glanced at the soldiers bearing down on us, looking undecided on what to do.

  I knew what I was going to do. Throwing my leg over the saddle, I slid to the frozen ground. I didn’t care about the soldiers running toward us. All I cared about was getting back to Ryder and Eva and keeping my unborn baby safe. Stick together. That had been our motto for months now and we weren’t going to change it anytime soon. When we did, bad things happened.

  Gavin copied me and dismounted. Ice encrusted grass crunched beneath his boots, the sound alone making me shiver. Immediately Gavin unhooked the shotgun hanging from his saddle. With a frown he laid it on the ground. The gun disappeared from sight in the tall grass around us.

  “I’m keeping my knife,” he stated stubbornly.

  “That’s your own damn decision. Just don’t screw everything up by playing the hero,” Cash said. “We’ve got enough of that in Ryder.”

  At the mention of Ryder, all the blood rushed from my head. I could barely see him now, standing in the middle of the men. I saw fists fly and knew Ryder wasn’t doing the swinging. He was the one willing to be a punching bag so I could get away.

  I watched the soldiers tracking us. Bile rose in my throat, making me sick. Each of them had a gun, some with more than one. A few had faces smudged with black, giving them a camouflaged, battle-ready appearance. Others looked ready to kill anything that moved, animal or human. I had a feeling that it didn’t matter much to them.

  Gavin and I followed Cash as he started walking through the pasture, leaving our hidden weapons behind.

  “Just play it cool and give them what they want,” Cash muttered, keeping his eyes on the men as they approached.

  My heart raced. My legs grew stiff with the dropping temperatures. It was cold and I was hungry but we had bigger problems.

  “You there! Who are you?” one of the men shouted, raising his gun. The soldiers spanned out, surrounding us. We were outnumbered and outgunned. They might be allies but they looked hostile, ready to pounce on us if we made one wrong move.

  “We live here,” Gavin answered, nodding toward the house. “What’s going on?”

  No one answered him. They all stood still, hands on guns and eyes on us.

  “You got weapons on you?” one of the men asked in a deep East Texas drawl.

  “No, sir,” Cash answered.

  The man walked over to Cash, weeds smacking against his pants with each step he took. Stopping two feet from us, he pulled back the chamber on his gun. It was a threat, a silent warning that he was armed and loaded.

  “You’re telling me that you’re out riding around while the sonofabitch terrorists are hunting Americans and you ain’t got no weapon?” he asked, staring brutally at Cash before spitting on the ground.

  “That’s right, mister. We ain’t got squat for weapons. Didn’t before the bastards hit and we definitely don’t got shit now,” Cash answered in his own Texas drawl. He fidgeted with the reins in his hands and shifted from one foot to the other, a
ppearing nervous. I had never known Cash to be nervous. It was all a front. An act and a really good one.

  The soldier studied us for a minute, taking his own sweet time in deciding if we were telling the truth or not.

  “Okay, join your friends,” he finally said, motioning with a nod toward the house.

  With Gavin and Cash on either side of me, we started walking toward the house. Gavin led both his horse and mine, staying near me. The men followed close behind us, ready to shoot if we made one wrong move.

  I started trembling, not from fear but from the cold. It seeped into my bones, freezing me from the inside out. The temperature had dropped significantly in the last hour or so. The air had become frigid, burning my lungs as it rushed in and out of them. By the time we had made it to the house, the snow was drifting down heavier, coating everything. I started shivering uncontrollably, afraid I might never be warm again.

  The soldiers stopped us in the middle of the yard. Cash was right, there seemed to be fifteen of them. They all looked hungry and cold but also deadly with an I-dare-you-to-make-a-move look on their faces. But there was only one man I wanted to see.

  Ryder stood with his hands tied in front of him, a soldier standing guard on either side. He didn’t have a jacket on but you would never know if he was cold or not. Like an immortal that didn’t feel, he stood still, not one muscle moving. His feet were spread apart and the muscles of his arms were rigid. There was a cut below his eye that was bleeding and his bottom lip was split. His eyes followed me as soon as I walked into the yard, assessing every inch of me. With hatred he glanced at the men surrounding me, his eyes turning cold.

  I started to go to him but Gavin reached out and grabbed my arm, keeping me next to him. I saw Ryder grind his back teeth together and look away with disgust. His fists clenched and unclenched, pulling taut against the rope around his wrists. I knew if he had been loose, his hands would have been wrapped around Gavin’s neck.

  I glanced at Eva and Brody. Both stood a few feet away, soldiers on either side of them. Behind them stood Janice, looking scared and worried. Roger must still have been at their house, hopefully safe and secure.