Promise Me Light

  Another step back. I can’t listen to this.

  “No hospital and no doctors. She’ll die or the baby could die!”

  It was too much. I turned and raced across the creek bank. My shoes felt like lead, the mud attaching to them like leeches stuck to their host.

  Gavin’s words rang in my ears. I had to get away. I didn’t want to be around anyone, including him. I grabbed my backpack from the muddy ground, slinging it on my shoulder.

  “Where are you going?” Gavin shouted, following me to my horse.

  Don’t talk to him. Go get Ryder, the voice inside my head demanded as I checked the strap around my horse’s belly, making sure it was good and tight.

  “Answer me, Maddie. What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Gavin snapped, stepping closer to me and invading my personal space.

  “Leave her alone,” Cash warned.

  “So I’m just supposed to let her ride away? Is that it, Cash? Is that what you did with your family? Just ride away?” Gavin snarled.

  “Don’t you fucking go there,” Cash growled, his voice turning deadly.

  I rolled my eyes as I gathered the reins in my hand. I had run out of patience with the two of them and their constant bickering. They were always pushing each other’s buttons and it was getting old.

  I put my foot in the stirrup and started to pull myself into the saddle. They could sit around and fight all day if they wanted to but I was done listening to them.

  “Don’t you get it? She’s my responsibility. Her and that baby are mine to protect now,” Gavin said, taking a threatening step toward Cash.

  His words stopped me. I pulled my foot out of the stirrup and turned to face him, rage building within me. I could feel it bubbling up, burning my insides as it grew. Then it exploded.

  “I’m not your responsibility! Get that out of your mind right now!” I shouted, raising my voice to be heard over their arguing. “I’m no one’s responsibility! This baby is Ryder’s!”

  Gavin glanced at me, clamping his mouth shut and forgetting about his argument with Cash.

  “I’m sorry, Maddie,” he said, his voice lowering but still hard. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Someone just needs to look out for you. It should be me.”

  I was suddenly so furious, I wanted to scream. It should be him? Gavin was supposed to bring his brother back. He was the oldest. He should have kept Ryder safe. Anger rose in me like never before. I was mad at this new world we lived in. Mad at Ryder for leaving me. Mad at myself for letting him go. Pissed at Fate for taking so much from me.

  I took a step toward Gavin, spitting mad. I had never been afraid of either Gavin or Ryder. Their size and massive height scared most people but I refused to cower. I might be small but I was powerful.

  “Don’t you EVER,” I poked him in the chest with my index finger, “EVER tell me that Ryder was only thinking of himself.”

  Gavin stood his ground, staring down at me without blinking. That made me mad too.

  “He loves me! ME!” I yelled, pounding his chest now with my fist instead of my finger. My anger turned to tears that flowed down my face unchecked.

  “I know he does, Maddie, but he never should have--”

  I pushed Gavin’s hand away when he tried to touch me. “Don’t say it, Gavin. Just don’t say anything.”

  Turning back to my horse, my stomach rolled with nausea. Ignoring the tears running down my face, I climbed into the saddle.

  Gavin and Cash watched me closely, looking afraid to say anything. Maybe they will listen to me now. If not, they better start because I wasn’t giving in and I wasn’t giving up.

  “Let’s go get Ryder or I swear on my father’s grave that I’ll do it myself,” I said between clenched teeth, holding the reins tightly.

  My horse sidestepped away from Gavin when he walked closer but he grabbed the reins, bringing her back under control.

  “We’ll go after him, Maddie but when we find him, I’m going to kick his ass for getting you pregnant.”

  I smeared the tears away. Digging deep within me, I found a tiny bit of courage left. “Do what you want to do, Gavin, just bring him home.”

  Chapter Five

  A loud ringing filled my ears, waking me. I pulled a pillow over my head and tried to block out the noise but it wouldn’t stop. Letting out a frustrated groan, I threw the pillow across the room, knocking a picture frame off of the wall.

  I grabbed my cell phone from the bedside table. One a.m. One freaking a.m.

  Ryder’s face lit up the tiny screen, lighting the dark room. I should have known who would be calling this time of night. Ugh!

  “Hello?” I answered groggily.

  “You awake?” a deep, baritone voice asked.

  “Uh, no. It’s one in the morning, Ryder. Where are you?”

  “Party. Somewhere down south.”

  His voice sounded…crap, he was drunk.

  “Where exactly is somewhere down south?” I asked, sighing. I knew where this conversation was heading.

  “Oh, about an hour from you. Hey, gorgeous,” his voice faded away and I could hear a girl talking somewhere in the background.

  I rolled my eyes and waited for him to get back on the phone.

  “Sorry, Maddie. Saw a friend.”

  “Yeah, I bet you did. So what do you want? No, don’t tell me. You want a ride home.”

  “You know me too well. Can you come get me? Please?”

  I ran a hand over my face, pushing my dark hair away from my eyes in the process. I couldn’t believe I was going to do this. Again.

  “Text me the address,” I said with a sigh, giving in like I always did.

  “You leaving now?”

  “Yep.”

  “Tell me you’ll drive safe.”

  I ground my teeth, frustrated. If he didn’t drink so much, maybe he wouldn’t have to worry about my driving. But I didn’t say anything. I knew that argument was useless. I had tried it before.

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I said.

  An hour later I parked in front of a large, beautiful house. It sat off the main road, surrounded by acres of farmland, looking very out of place in the country.

  Turning off the ignition, I glanced out the windshield. I could hear loud music from inside the house, a deep bass that matched the beat of my pulse.

  I texted Ryder to let him know that I was here. Then I waited. No answer. I texted him again. No answer.

  The night just went from bad to worse. I had planned to wait in the truck for him. Now I would have to go inside.

  I opened the truck door and climbed out. I wasn’t dressed for a party – I’d thrown a cardigan on over the shorts and tank top I’d been sleeping in. My hair was a mess and my face was scrubbed free of all makeup. But my dollar store flip-flops and Walmart clothing would just have to do. It wasn’t a fashion show. It was a drunk rescue.

  I slammed the truck door too hard and headed for the house, silently cursing myself for having friends that always needed bailing out of trouble.

  Opening the front door, screaming music blasted me. So did the smell of alcohol. As far as I could see, there were people. Twenty or thirty high school or college kids were crammed into what I assumed was a living room. It might have been fancy at one time but now it just looked trashed.

  I scanned the faces around me. No sign of Ryder. Sighing with disappointment, I pushed through the crowd, heading further into the house. I held my phone tightly in my fist the whole time. It was my lifeline to him. My security blanket in a room full of strangers.

  “Hey, who are you?” someone called out over the music.

  I glanced over my shoulder, ready to ask the person if they knew Ryder but I froze instead. Feet away from me stood Nathan Phillips. The Nathan Phillips. The hottest guy in high school, aside from Ryder. Two grades ahead of me, Nathan had always seemed untouchable by us lower classmen. He dated only cheerleaders and was known for his outrageous parties and unruly raves, events that only the m
ost popular, coolest kids in school were invited to. Needless to say, I was never invited to any of them.

  But that was a year ago. We were out of high school now. All that drama didn’t matter anymore. Did it?

  I watched, speechless, as Nathan pushed through the crowd. He stopped right in front of me. Wow. He looked even better up close. His blonde hair was perfectly arranged and his green eyes gleamed down at me, smiling. He waited on my answer patiently as the crowd moved around us.

  I cleared my throat and tried not to appear nervous. “I’m Maddie and I’m looking for Ryder Delaney,” I yelled over the music.

  His eyebrows shot up with surprise. “Ryder?”

  “Yeah, he called me for a ride.”

  Nathan grinned like I had just told the best joke ever.

  “I think Ryder’s getting a ride now,” he said, smirking.

  I drew my eyebrows together. What did he mean? If Ryder found another ride home and I drove all this way…I would kill him. I swear I would kill him with my bare hands.

  Nathan laughed when he saw the expression on my face. It took me a full minute to realize what he meant. Ryder was with a woman. Shiiiiiiit.

  I shouldn’t care or be surprised. Ryder bagged any girl around. Blonde, brunette, redhead. It didn’t matter. But for some reason it had begun to hurt. Pressure squeezed my heart, making it difficult to breathe. I glanced around the room, feeling like a fool. I wondered if everyone here could see how pitiful I felt, waiting for a man when he was with another woman.

  “Come on. This is my party. You can hang out until he comes down,” Nathan said, motioning for me to follow him.

  I hesitated. Nathan seemed nice but I didn’t know anyone else here and this wasn’t my typical crowd. But I guess if I had to wait for Ryder, I could at least hang out with someone I had ogled over from a distance.

  Nathan led me through the crowded house to a set of double doors that were opened to the outside. Stepping over the threshold, I tried not to let my mouth hang open in awe at the beautiful scene laid out in front of me.

  A wooden deck overlooked a sparkling swimming pool. Tiki torches were placed strategically around the pool, the light making the water shimmer like diamonds. Small groups of people stood around, laughing and having a good time.

  Nathan led me over to a small cabana hut where a bar was set up. The guy had a cabana in his backyard. Yeah, I was out of my league here.

  “Want anything?” Nathan asked, motioning to the half-empty bottles sitting on the counter.

  “No, thank you,” I said, watching as two girls walked by. Each had long blonde hair and perfect tans. They glanced over at me, their eyes running up and down my body before turning their noses up and walking away.

  Feeling a blush crawl up my neck, I checked my phone again. There was still no answer from Ryder. Great.

  “So how do you know Ryder?” Nathan asked, leaning on the cabana’s counter.

  “We’re neighbors. And friends.”

  When a large, muscular guy reached around me for a bottle of vodka, I had no choice but to move closer to Nathan, touching my shoulder to his side. Touching Nathan Phillips would have been epic if I was still a high school freshman.

  “Friends? Really?” he asked, not hiding his disbelief.

  I pushed my straight hair behind my ear and blushed again. I hated when people seemed surprised that Ryder and I were friends. Like I wasn’t good enough to hang out with him or something.

  “I’m sorry if that sounded bad, it’s just that I didn’t think Ryder could be friends with a girl,” Nathan said, shrugging. “You’re not his type.”

  “Guess I’m special,” I mumbled, typing another text.

  Where r u, Ryder?

  “Did you go to school with us?” Nathan asked, leaning closer to me.

  “I was two years behind you. Class of 09,” I answered, staring at my phone and praying for a response.

  “You’re young.”

  “Hmmm,” I mumbled, glancing up from my phone when a shout came from across the yard. A man and a woman were chasing each other, running in a zigzag line and laughing.

  My eyes caught on the two blondes walking our way again. Their short skirts swooshed, showing off their long legs. The flames of the tiki torches made their hair shine perfectly, making me a tiny bit jealous.

  Stopping in front of us, two sets of eyes looked me up and down with something close to disgust.

  “Hey, Nathan. Who’s your friend?” one of the girls asked in a high-pitched, shrill voice.

  Nathan didn’t move. He simply stared at her, annoyed. “She’s Ryder’s friend. Why?”

  One of the girls giggled, pushing her hair back with perfectly manicured fingernails.

  “Ryder doesn’t have friends. Just fuck buddies. I should know,” blonde number one said smugly, looking me up and down. Her long eyelashes missed nothing, including my cheap clothing. “Where did he find her? Gas station parking lot?”

  “Shut up, Julia,” Nathan warned.

  Julia stuck her chin out, trying to appear hurt. “I don’t think you’re in the right place, Ryder’s friend,” she said, glancing down at my cheap flip-flops.

  “You’re higher than a kite, Julia. Back off,” Nathan said through gritted teeth.

  Julia just smiled sweetly at him. But I had a feeling she didn’t know what the word sweet meant.

  “Come on, Michele,” she said, grabbing her friend’s hand. “The air out here is making me sick.”

  I watched as they walked away, glad to see them leave.

  “Ignore her. She’s a bitch,” Nathan said, leaning over the counter to open a small fridge. A second later, he had a beer in his hand, the confrontation with the girls obviously forgotten.

  I stuck my phone in my pocket, suddenly feeling very insecure. The girl was right. I didn’t belong here. Drinking, sex, probably drugs. I didn’t do this. I didn’t go to these kinds of parties and I didn’t hang out with these kinds of people. I needed to get out of here. Fast.

  Nathan leaned down, his head almost level with mine. “She’s just jealous because she’s been trying to get Ryder all to herself for weeks. You’re beautiful and a threat.” He paused, the beer bottle almost to his lips. “No, I take that back - you’re gorgeous.”

  I shifted to my other foot, nervous under his scrutiny. He was standing too close. Or was I standing too close to him? Either way, I needed to get away.

  “So I’ll just go get Ryder,” I said uncomfortably, walking away. I was a few feet from him when he touched my arm.

  “Wait…”

  I easily slipped away from him and kept going, ignoring him as he told me to stop.

  Leaving the mucky, humid air behind, I stepped into the house and pushed my way through the crowd. Music surrounded around me, making my head pound with the beat. In the short time I had been outside, the crowd in the house had tripled, filling every available space. Eva would be so jealous that I was at Nathan Phillip’s party. She would kill me for not waking her up and letting her tag along.

  I was almost through the crowd when Nathan called out for me to stop. I kept going, avoiding the drunks around me. I pushed my way into the foyer. A guy and giggling girl caught my attention. They were heading up a flight of stairs. The guy’s hands were all over the girl, practically up her skirt. Immediately, I knew where I would find Ryder. Pushing past a group of people, I hurried up the carpeted stairway.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nathan following.

  “I don’t think you should bother him right now,” he shouted over the music, trailing behind me.

  “Thank you for your help but I can handle him,” I said, stopping at the top of the landing and looking around.

  The house was massive. People milled everywhere. The scene upstairs was more subdued than downstairs but just as crowded. Rooms spanned either side of the hallway. Most of the doors were closed but one or two stood open. Any other time, I would have paused to take in the beautiful artwork on the walls or the b
ronze statues displayed in alcoves, but right now I just wanted to find Ryder and leave.

  “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said you were beautiful. I was wrong,” Nathan apologized as I went to the first closed door

  I laughed lightly but it held no humor.

  “No wait, that came out wrong. You are beautiful,” he said, sounding nervous. “I just shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “You better stop while you’re ahead,” I said, knocking on the closed door in front of me.

  “He’s not in there,” Nathan said, leaning against the wall.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “So where is he?”

  He glanced down my legs, stopping on my flip-flops. I resisted the urge to curl my unpainted toes from his view. When his eyes met mine again, I saw pity. Shit.

  “He’s in there,” he said, nodding his head across the hallway.

  Giving him a look of frustration, I whipped around. My long hair flew over my shoulder, landing against my chest. I left it there, not really caring if it was a mess and in need of a comb.

  Moving past a couple slipping their tongues down each other’s throats, I maneuvered my way to the closed door. I lifted my hand to knock. That’s when I heard them.

  “Ohhhh, Ryder,” a woman’s voice cried out from inside the room.

  “Do you like that?” a deep voice asked.

  A blush slowly crawled up my neck and into my face. I knew what Ryder was doing when Nathan said he was ‘getting a ride’ but to actually hear it was…shocking. It made me squirm and feel things I shouldn’t feel. Like jealousy.

  Part of me was curious though. I’d heard the rumors. I knew what the girls were saying about his…abilities. Just because he was my best friend didn’t mean I wasn’t blind to the way he looked or what all the girls saw in him.

  As the sounds of heavy breathing increased from inside the room, I cleared my throat and stiffened my spine. I didn’t care what he was doing. I just wanted to go home. I wasn’t a little kid anymore. I knew what went on between two consenting adults. I just didn’t want to know what went on between Ryder and another woman.

  Sticking my chin up, I lifted my fist and knocked.