A Matter of Trust

  ****

  The kids came home later that evening, and there were lots of hugs and kisses all around. After visiting with her parents for about half an hour, Trish took the kids over to their new home. They both loved their rooms. Trish had bought a set of bunk beds at a garage sale, and Jake had set them up for her and brought home the new mattresses she’d bought. Lexie loved her pink ballerina bed set, and Trevor liked the Spiderman set up in his room. They all agreed to spend this first night together in Lexie’s room, after their long time apart, and because they’d all moved into a new house.

  Trish had blocked off the next day on her calendar, so she could spend the day with the kids. She took them to the park close to their new home, and they rented movies for the afternoon. They met Trish’s parents at McDonald’s for dinner, and they followed her to the new house, and she showed them around. Her mother agreed to come over in the morning to stay with the kids while Trish went to work. Trish stayed up late that night to work on some things for the Lit Center, and she ended up short on sleep. Again. An early alarm made sure she got to work extra early to make up for time lost the day before. Thank God it was Friday.

  Jake couldn’t come by for lunch, but he called and asked if she wanted to bring the kids over to the ranch for a barbecue. It was getting colder, so this would probably be one of the last ones until spring. She agreed to bring them by after work and said she’d bring a side dish.

  Trish had just unbuckled Lexie’s car when she heard Trevor yell, “Hey Jake!” He ran over to him while Lexie lost her patience telling her mother to ‘Huwee!’, so she could go see ‘Zake’ too. Jake had just set Trevor back down, so he could go find Granddad when Lexie caught up with him.

  “Zake, Zake, Zake!”

  “Hey, sugar! How’s my best girl?”

  “Good. We got a new house.”

  “I know. Isn’t that too cool? Do you like it?”

  “Yeah.” Her mother interrupted her with a warning ‘Lex …’

  “I mean, yes. I’m not post to say yeah to gwown-ups. I do like it, Zake. When are you coming to see it? I wanna show you my woom. It’s pink, my favorite color!”

  “I’ll have to come by pretty soon, baby. Thanks for inviting me.”

  “Sure. I love you, Zake. I’m gonna mawwy you when I gwow up.”

  “I’ll be an old man like Granddad by then, but I love you, too. Why don’t you go catch up with your brother and Granddad while I help your mama carry in stuff?”

  “Kay, bye.” She kissed him quickly on the cheek and hugged him tight before he let her go.

  Jake watched Lexie hop, skip, and jump into the house and could hear her yelling for her brother from all the way outside.

  “I think they’ve both grown a foot since they left with your folks.” He pulled her into his arms for a hug. “Tell me about your day.”

  “She loves you already.”

  “Yep. She wants to marry me. That young lady is by far your stiffest competition. What’s wrong?”

  Trish forced a smile. “Nothing. It’s just, no matter what happens between us, if you disappear, they’re going to be hurt, and it’s too late to do anything about it.”

  Jake looked down at her with a half frown on his face. “Trish, I don’t plan on going anywhere any time soon. Are you planning on getting rid of me?”

  “No. It’s just that I’ve been wondering if it would be a good idea to all go out tomorrow, like you suggested, and I’ve just realized that regardless of what we do from now on, it’s too late to protect them from losing you if you ever leave.”

  “Trish, I need you to hear me when I say I’m not going anywhere. I’m sticking around. Honey, you can’t protect them from everything, and you shouldn’t. You think I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you love and depend on? My parents died when I was a teenager. Even if you could cushion them from everything that could hurt them, which you can’t, what do you think would happen when you weren’t around anymore? They wouldn’t know how to handle adversity, and life is full of it.”

  “You don’t have to tell me about adversity. What you say makes sense, but my kids have been through enough already. I don’t want them to be hurt anymore. Lexie doesn’t remember her father, and Trevor hardly does. Someday, that’s going to bother them, and I don’t know what I’m going to tell them.”

  “You’ll know when the time comes. Don’t borrow trouble. So, what about a family outing tomorrow?”

  Just then the front door opened, and Trevor and Lexie came bounding out. “Mom, we’re gonna go see the new bunny. Wanna come?”

  “No thanks, son. You mind Granddad, okay?”

  “Yes ma’am.”

  Avoiding answering the million dollar question, Trish turned around and walked inside. She honestly didn’t know what to do about Jake and the kids. She had to be very careful. It was her fault they didn’t have their father, and she didn’t want to be responsible for them losing anyone else. The guilt she already carried daily staggered her at times.

  Trish was subdued for the rest of the evening. Jake walked her and the kids to her car, carrying an already sleeping Lexie. When she’d finished strapping everyone in, she turned to say goodnight to Jake.

  “Trish, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Jake … I’m afraid.” She looked up into his eyes with tears in her own. “I’m so afraid I’ll make the wrong decision, and my kids will end up paying the price for my mistakes again.”

  “What do you mean ‘again’?”

  “I … I have to go. Can I call you tomorrow?”

  “Sure.” He squeezed her shoulders, half afraid he was losing her. “Don’t make up your mind on anything right now. Wait until we can talk it through, okay? It’ll be alright, honey. I love your kids. I love you.”

  Trish’s eyes widened, and she pulled away from him and got into her car.

  Jake watched her drive away, and it felt pretty final.

  Damn it. I pushed her too hard. I shouldn’t have told her I love her yet. Stupid! She was already scared, and now she’s terrified. Nice going, asshole.