Undo Me

  “I don’t know how to anymore, Ma,” I honestly spoke.

  “Then figure it out before you really lose everyone that you and I know damn well, you still love.”

  I was more lost now than I was three weeks ago when I was released from Hell. I never thought getting back to the real world would be such a huge adjustment and drastic change. I didn’t know which way was up or down anymore.

  I went for a walk to try to clear my head and ended up where my childhood existed, Alex’s restaurant and the beach. Maybe I just needed to talk to Alex. I walked into the restaurant for the first time in six years, spotting a very pregnant Lily.

  “Hey,” she greeted, walking up to me, rubbing her stomach.

  I nodded.

  “I would hug you, but I’m pretty sure I’m growing a wrestler in my belly, and he will more than likely kick you.”

  I nodded again.

  “Did you become a mute behind bars, Dylan?” She cocked her head to the side.

  I shook my head. “No. Just don’t have much to say, I guess.”

  “Well, then you came to the wrong place. The kids are surfing, Alex is out there if you want—”

  “Kids?” I interrupted.

  Her eyes widened. “Umm… yeah. Shit. I suck.”

  “Lily?” I gave her a questioning glare, wondering what she wasn’t telling me.

  She sighed. “See, the kids are kinda all friends. So… you know, they all hangout together and stuff. They love surfing. I mean Giselle is only a year older than Mason, and they’re like two peas in a pod.”

  “Giselle? She’s out there?” I pointed towards the beach. My heart began to beat harder. The daughter I never met was right outside.

  “Well, yeah. But if someone asks you who told you that, you never saw me, okay?”

  I left before she got the last word out, walking toward the beach.

  “Dylan,” Alex announced, stepping out in front of me. “What are you doing here?”

  “I need an invitation now?” I snapped.

  “No. Of course not. It’s just umm…” She glanced at the water.

  “My daughter is out there,” I stated, finishing her sentence for her.

  She wearingly nodded, pointing. “She’s the furthest one out. You can’t miss her. Her hair is almost white from the sun and salt water. She’s beautiful, Dylan.”

  I took in my girl for the first time in sixteen years, desperately yearning to run out into the water to meet her, hold her, and tell her how much I loved her.

  “Does Aubrey—”

  “Fuck her,” I gritted out.

  “Dylan, that’s not fair.” She reached up touching my shoulder in a comforting gesture.

  I scoffed, taking my eyes away from my daughter that already owned my heart.

  “Half-Pint, do I look like I’m in the mood to be fucked with right now?”

  She put her hand on her hip, cocking her head to the side. “Dylan Anthony McGraw, you need to take a step back and realize that I’m not like the boys and I won’t take your crap. You’re better than this. Aubrey has been through hell—”

  “And what about me, Alex, what I have been through?” I countered.

  “I know. Trust me, I know. But Aubrey has done nothing but try to make amends with you and everyone that she’s hurt. It’s taken her a long time to get to this point in her life. She’s come such a long way, and I won’t let you ruin that for her.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned, Half-Pint. Here I thought you were my friend.”

  “You know I am. But if you don’t forgive her, Dylan, then you’re never going to be able to move on. Aubrey spent ten years of her life unable to forgive herself and it got her nowhere. This vicious cycle needs to end. For everyone’s sake, especially your daughter’s.”

  “She has nothing to do with this.”

  “She has everything to do with this. She lost ten years with her mom and sixteen with her dad. You think that girl wants to see her parents’ fighting? See her dad hating her mom? Do you think that’s fair to her!” she yelled, pointing to Giselle.

  I jerked back, opening my mouth to say something, but quickly shut it.

  “Exactly,” she simply stated, saying it for me.

  “Half-Pint, I’m not like you. I can’t forgive and forget that easily.”

  “Dylan, don’t you think I know that? Lucas put me through hell, but at the end of the day I always knew he loved me. There was never a question about that. I forgave him because I couldn’t live without him. After all this time, after everything you guys have been through. Can you honestly look me in the eyes and say you can live without her?”

  “I don’t know who I am anymore, Alex. Me. Of all people, you have to know how hard that is for me. I lost everything. Everything that’s ever meant anything to me because of her. I don’t know how to move past the fact that she ruined my entire life in a matter of seconds.”

  She frowned. “Dylan, she lost everything, too. Don’t you see that? You need to give her a chance to explain. You owe her at least that much.”

  “I owe her absolutely nothing. Not one fucking thing, Half-Pint.”

  “See, that’s where you’re wrong. She’s the mother of your child. You owe her everything.”

  I stood there shocked as shit. I never thought about it that way. Before I could contemplate more, I felt someone walking up to us, and I didn’t have to wonder who it was.

  I turned to face my daughter for the first time in sixteen years. I actually fucking gasped at the sight of her. She was breathtakingly beautiful, exactly like her mother, except she had my eyes. She had freckles on her face and bright blonde hair from the sun. She wore a black bikini that I would be burning and never allowing her to wear again. She was shaped just like her mom.

  She nervously smiled. “You probably don’t know who—”

  “I know who you are, darlin’,” I interrupted, tugging on the ends of her hair.

  She beamed. “Mom says you used to do that to her. She’s told me all about you. All about your love and relationship. How you guys met and what you went through. How you were always there for her. How much you loved her and saved her. How much she loved you. She tells me I’m just like you! I’ve probably looked at the pictures she has of you about a million times. I’ve wanted to meet you for a really long time now. Mom never let me go to your visiting hours with her because she said you didn’t want to meet me under those circumstances. You didn’t want me to see you like that. But she said that you talked about me all the time. That you loved me so much and that you couldn’t wait to finally meet me. I fought with her every time she told me she was going to visit you. I’m so happy right now! She told me you hadn’t come to meet me yet because you were trying to find the perfect time. I know this probably isn’t that time, and I know I’m all wet from the ocean, but can I hug you? Please.”

  I blinked away my tears and cleared my throat. “I would love that more than anything.”

  She jumped into my arms and it was the first time in six years that I truly embraced someone back. I closed my eyes and held her as tight as I could against me, trying my best to hold it together. I couldn’t believe Aubrey lied to her. I couldn’t believe she included me in Giselle’s life all those years as if I was right there with them. With just a few words my hatred towards her lessened in a matter of seconds.

  As if it wasn’t even there to begin with.

  Giselle was the first to pull away, and I resisted the urge to pull her back toward me and never let her go.

  I locked stares with Aubrey when I opened my eyes. She was hugging herself in a comforting gesture, with tears in her eyes. I actually took her in that time and she appeared as if she hadn’t aged a day, if anything she looked younger.

  She wore a soft yellow dress that hugged her in all the right places, and after all those years it was still my favorite color on her. Her blonde hair was long, down to her waist. It was lighter than I remembered. That only told me she must have spent a lot of time on the bea
ch.

  “Mom!” Giselle greeted, hugging her and looking back at me.

  Our eyes never wavered from each other.

  “Can Dad come over for dinner?” she asked, instantly bringing my attention to her. “Oh, I mean… can I call you Dad? Is that alright?” She looked up at me, waiting for an answer with nothing but love in her eyes. Her mom used to look at me the same way.

  “Darlin’, I’d be honored.”

  “Good.” She nodded. “Now, that you’re out we can finally be a family!” She shouted, jumping up and down.

  “Giselle,” Aubrey cautioned.

  “What? You told me yourself you’re still in love with him.”

  I grinned and it seemed so foreign coming from me. I couldn’t remember the last time I smiled.

  “Giselle! Go get your stuff. Now!”

  She frowned. “Why? I’m only repeating what you’ve told me for the last six years.”

  “Giselle, I’m not going to tell you again.”

  “Fine. Dad, can you talk some sense into her?” she questioned, rolling her eyes before she left. She was definitely my kid. I almost felt bad for Aubrey having to deal with a mini-me.

  Aubrey looked annoyed, and Half-Pint couldn’t wipe off the huge fucking smirk on her face. She didn’t even try to hide it.

  “I’m going to leave you two alone,” she declared, leaving.

  Aubrey shook her head as I stepped toward her until we were face to face, only a few inches apart.

  “I’m sorry. Giselle doesn’t have a filter. She doesn’t think before she speaks. Want to guess where she gets that from?”

  I laughed. I couldn’t remember the last time I did that either.

  “I didn’t know you’d be here,” she said.

  “You and me both. I sort of just ended up here.”

  “Oh.”

  “I’m glad I did,” I said, nodding toward Giselle.

  She nervously licked her lips, folding her arms over her chest. Making me look down at her breasts that were now pushed up with the necklace I had given her all those years ago.

  A soft blush crept along her face when she realized I was staring at her chest. I gazed into her eyes. She swallowed hard, and I fought back the desire to tug on the ends of her hair.

  “You lied to her,” I stated, breaking the silence between us.

  She grimaced, probably thinking I was going to attack her again.

  “Thank you,” I added.

  She instantly relaxed. “You can see her anytime you want, McGraw. We can work something out so you can get to know her. Although, what you see is definitely what you get with her. You have more in common with that girl than you’ll ever know.”

  “I want joined custody.”

  I jerked back. “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Dylan, we don’t have to do that. I won’t keep her from you.”

  “I want it to be official. Legal. Documented. I don’t trust you. I’m sure you can understand why.”

  It was like he kept dropping bomb after bomb over my head. Not giving me anytime to seek shelter.

  “I also want her to carry my last name. She’s mine as much as she is yours. I want it—”

  “Already done,” I blurted, cutting him off.

  He narrowed his eyes at me in disbelief.

  “I’ll show you the paperwork I filled out when I got my parental rights back. She’s carried your last name for the last six years, McGraw. I wanted her to know where she came from. Which is why she knows everything about you. Except, I didn’t tell her one thing.”

  He cocked his head to the side.

  “How much of a fucking asshole you are!”

  I turned to walk back inside, but he grabbed my arm, stopping me. The mere touch of his hand made my belly flutter and my heart pound. I peeked up at him through my lashes. I could tell he was fighting an internal battle with how to respond to that.

  How to deal with me.

  That was the hardest pill to swallow.

  “I’m going to be in her life. Which also means I’m going to be in yours. Get used to it, because this asshole, isn’t going anywhere,” he bit.

  I tried to pull my arm away, but he wouldn’t let me.

  “What happened to you?” I blurted, needing to know.

  He reached out and touched the promise, always charm dangling from my neck. For a second I thought he was going to rip it off.

  “You, Aubrey. You happened to me.” With that he let go.

  Leaving me with nothing, but the hold he still had on my heart.

  It had been six months since I was released from prison. A few days after the beach, Jacob filled out all the paperwork in his office for us to share custody of Giselle. After we signed the papers I wrote Aubrey a check for child support to cover the last sixteen years. She fought me tooth and nail, claiming she didn’t want it or need it. We finally came to an agreement weeks later. She would open a separate bank account where all money concerning Giselle would go. A place I could deposit future child support checks that Giselle could use for college.

  I was civil towards Aubrey, but to be completely honest we only spoke when it came to Giselle.

  And I damn well preferred it that way.

  Since Lucas was a general contractor he was able to work out something with one of his realtors for me to be able to rent a house near Aubrey’s in South Port. I wanted to stay close to Giselle. It was a two bedroom, two and a half bathroom colonial style that had been upgraded with modern finishes and fixtures. It had a huge back porch with a pool and outdoor kitchen.

  Giselle immediately started decorating her room as soon as I got the keys. My baby girl loved purple. We spent a whole weekend painting her room a deep shade and buying furniture for her room and the entire house. I had always been good at saving money and smart with investments that were still earning me income during my time in prison. I didn’t have to work for years to come, so it allowed me the liberty to try to get whatever was left of my life back on track, without worrying about finances.

  I got Giselle every other weekend and one day during the week. Aubrey and I each got our own holiday, switching back and forth every year. Giselle stayed with me every summer.

  Aubrey was right about one thing. My daughter was exactly like me. Strong willed, stubborn as all hell, cocky as shit, and said what she felt, not caring about other peoples feelings.

  She was perfect in my eyes.

  She sat on the couch when I walked in from the grocery store.

  “Darlin’, can you help me with the groceries?”

  She got up and walked out into the garage without saying a word to me, which wasn’t like her at all.

  “I’m sorry I’m late. I got stuck in traffic, but I bought everything you like.”

  She nodded, walking back into the house. I grabbed her arm, stopping her. Obviously something was bothering her.

  “Talk to me.”

  She shrugged.

  “Giselle,” I coaxed.

  “I put away our laundry while you were gone.”

  “Okay…” I let go of her arm to lean against the counter.

  “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

  I tugged on the ends of her hair, trying to get her to smile. It usually worked, but today it didn’t.

  “What’s wrong—”

  “I’m fine!” she yelled in my face.

  She left to go into the garage, leaving me standing there stunned by the turn of events. She never acted that way toward me before. We spent the entire weekend together and she barely said more than a few words to me. I swear one morning she looked like she had been crying all night. I paid extra close attention to her for the next few days, calling and texting her more often and most of the time she ignored my efforts.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Aubrey answered her phone.

  “Hey, how are you?”

  “I’m good. I just got off work.”

  Aubrey had gone back to school to get her certificat
ion in counseling. She was now helping battered women who were going through similar situations she had gone through. She said it helped her heal.

  “How are things over there?” I asked, catching her off guard.

  “What do you mean?”

  “With Giselle. How is she actin’ with you?”

  “I guess she’s been kinda quiet these last few days, but that’s normal, Dylan. She’s a teenage girl.”

  “I think there’s more to it than that. She’s blowing me off, and I don’t fucking like it.”

  “Hmm…”

  “Say it.”

  “I’ll talk to Giselle. I’ll see if I can get anything out of her. Better?”

  “Much.”

  “God, McGraw. It’s always a pleasure,” she sassed like the old Aubrey I once loved, and then hung up on me.

  I was meeting Jacob for drinks at Half-Pint’s restaurant later that night. Lily was still the entertainment there and Jacob was just as pussy- whipped as he was before I was put away, waiting for her to get off to drive her home and shit.

  “How’s the little man at home?” I questioned.

  “Exhausting,” Jacob replied, peeling off the label from his beer.

  I nodded toward what he was doing. “Damn, Jacob, been that long? Sexually frustrated, huh?”

  He chuckled, “You prick. My sex life is on point. More than I can say for you. Haven’t seen any pussy around you since you been out. Makes sense though. I guess Bubba would be hard to replace.”

  I grinned. “Jacob, you watch too many goddamn movies. Bubba doesn't exist, but Yolanda, my counselor. I tore that shit up.”

  “Wouldn’t put it past you, bro.”

  I took a few swigs of my beer.

  “Don’t worry about me, Jacob. I don’t have a problem getting pussy. How do you know I’m not seeing someone right now and I just don’t want your sorry asses’ to meet her until I’m sure I want to keep her around.”

  “How’s Giselle?” he asked, ignoring me.