Undo Me

  We never had more than one full conversation with each other. That night at the beach had been the first real conversation I had ever had with any girl besides Alex. As much as I tried to forget about that night…

  I couldn’t.

  I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’ve never wanted a girlfriend, and all this emotional bullshit with Aubrey was starting to scare the shit out of me. So I did the next best thing I could do, I showed Aubrey the real me. This time I was going to do the right thing. I wouldn't hurt another girl, at least not one that mattered.

  I’d rather make her hate me since I couldn’t stay away from her.

  It was late afternoon. School was done for the day and most of the students had gone home. The teachers were all in their classrooms, grateful the day was over and getting ready for the weekend ahead.

  “Is that right?” I taunted close to Bristol’s ear, caging her in with my built frame. Her locker was right next to Aubrey’s. Maybe I chose Bristol on purpose. Maybe I didn’t.

  Who the fuck knows what I was thinking?

  All I knew was that her body pressed up against mine didn’t do one thing for me.

  Not one twitch from my dick, the fucker wasn’t cooperating.

  That pissed me off more than anything.

  I tried harder, deliberately pushing my cock against her muff, her legs pretty much wrapped around mine. I sensed Aubrey the second she walked up behind me. I felt the hole she was burning in my back, searing into the empty space where my heart should be. I continued my little show, taking it a step further. My hands started to roam from her hip up her side, grazing her tit, causing a moan to escape her mouth. Aubrey made her way to her locker. I could still feel her stare now and again while Bristol melted into everything I had to offer, which was no surprise there.

  I heard a loud slam and looked to where it came from. Aubrey looked straight into my eyes, going toe to toe. She didn’t back down, not that I expected her to. I could read her like an open book, and it didn’t make any fucking sense.

  The connection that we shared.

  We were so young, but none of that mattered. Not when she was looking at me like that. It seemed like she hid her emotions from everyone, except me.

  Why?

  She looked back and forth between us, almost as if she knew what I was doing all along. I thought if she watched me with someone else, if I hurt her, it would make it easier to forget her and move on.

  It didn’t.

  It made it harder.

  What the fuck is wrong with me?

  I played the games.

  I set the match.

  I made the rules.

  I wasn’t used to feeling out of control. I wasn’t used to feeling anything other than my body rubbing up against some random chick and my cock sinking into her welcoming heat. I didn’t do emotions, I had them under lock and key but this girl seemed to have the key, causing me havoc.

  Bristol giggled, dragging me away from my thoughts to look at her.

  “Dylan, you’re going to get us in trouble.” She rocked her hips, pressing her pussy further against my dick that still refused to react.

  All I felt was…

  Remorseful.

  The entire time I spent chatting with the chick in my arms, I pictured Aubrey’s face, and for some fucked-up reason, it made me feel better.

  “Hey, where did you go?” she purred in my ear, nudging my neck with her nose.

  I cleared my throat, gazing back to Aubrey who was gone. I stepped away from her. The craving for Aubrey became too overwhelming. Filling the hollow space in my heart with bullshit I didn’t want or need. I unintentionally followed the subtle sway of Aubrey’s hips as she walked passed us again and out to the parking lot. The backpack she had swung over one shoulder looked as if it weighed more than her. She walked fast and with purpose. She obviously needed to get away from me.

  “What just happened?” Bristol cooed, trying to wrap her arms around my neck.

  I held them back. “Darlin’, desperate isn’t a good look.”

  She jerked back, offended.

  “I’m done here,” I stated.

  This was the second time I walked away from a sure thing because of Aubrey. My reactions to her were unfamiliar territory, uncharted emotions were taking over, and I wasn’t sure I wanted it to stop. I sure as hell didn’t fight too hard to control it, that’s for damn sure. This energy took over my entire body when I was around her, and I wanted it to.

  I got into my Jeep and started driving, going nowhere in particular or so I told myself until I saw Aubrey walking on the other side of the road.

  “Keep driving, McGraw. Keep fucking driving your car, you pussy,” I reasoned with myself, casually looking into the rearview mirror.

  There was no argument to be made.

  The choice was never mine.

  “Goddamn it,” I yelled out, popping a sharp U-turn. Cars slammed on their brakes, honking their horns and shouting obscenities of where I could go and how to get there. The commotion stopped Aubrey dead in her tracks. She turned around to find out the source of all the chaos.

  Not even a second later I pulled up next to her.

  “Get in.”

  I hesitantly smiled, debating whether or not to get into his Jeep. I could have kept walking, but the way he was staring at me, with such…

  Desperation.

  Confusion.

  Longing.

  Had me questioning my resolve.

  How many times would I have to see him trying to get in another girl’s panties before I’d get it through my head that the boy was no good?

  “Get. In,” he repeated in a commanding tone. He reached over the console to open the door for me. His open palm extended, beckoning me to take it. I peered from his hand, to the door, back to him again, sighing. Something about his stare made me give in. I threw my backpack in the backseat. My foot hit the running board and my hand landed in his. We pulled in unison, Dylan, helping me with the leap up.

  He glanced behind him, accelerating on the throttle. “Put your seatbelt on,” was all he said, keeping his intense gaze on the road in front of him, not saying another word. The uncomfortable silence hammered all around me, tearing into my insecurities that this was a bad idea. I shouldn’t be in his Jeep. I shouldn’t be talking to him. I shouldn’t be feeling anything for him other than what I’m supposed to.

  What was good for me…

  I think he sensed I wanted him to say something.

  Anything.

  Instead he turned the radio back up. Bill Withers’ “Ain’t No Sunshine” assaulted my senses, shocking the shit out of me, and clouding any doubt. Before I opened my mouth to call him out on it, he put his finger up to my lips and rasped, “Don’t.”

  We locked eyes for a few seconds, but he quickly broke our connection. I decided to look out the window. It was easier that way, to pretend this little encounter didn’t mean something.

  To the both of us.

  I listened to the lyrics of the song, trying like hell not to read too much into it, while he tapped his fingers against the steering wheel to the beat of the music. When you’re fifteen you feel everything so passionately, so deeply, it burned all around, leaving behind a wake of ashes that you gathered near your heart.

  Making it all that much more real.

  Chalk it up to hormones, or maybe it was me, desperately wanting to form a connection with anyone. In that moment, sitting beside him with nothing but my thoughts and the lyrics of the song, I felt like he was showing me a piece of who he was. Letting me in the only way he knew how, by exposing a side to him that no one knew about, possibly not even him. Something told me that this gesture was his way of extending the olive branch.

  The question was, would I take it?

  I already knew he didn’t have any friends outside of the boys and that girl Half-Pint, but for whatever the reason…

  He liked me.

  We drove in silence for what seemed like forever, lost in our o
wn thoughts that were shattering with the turmoil on our minds. When he pulled up to my house, I realized that I never told him where I lived.

  “Stalk much?” I teased, not being able to help myself as he parked in my driveway.

  He visibly took a deep breath as he shut off the Jeep. Wanting no sounds to interrupt what he was about to share with me. It seemed as though he needed to get out whatever he wanted to say before he lost the courage, but he didn’t falter. He shifted in his seat to look deep into my eyes, searching for something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

  A war was raging in his eyes. He was becoming undone.

  An internal battle took place as if what was right and what was wrong had been sitting directly in front of him this whole time.

  Me.

  The serious expression on his face captivated me in a way I had never experienced before. Which only added to the plaguing emotions that were placed in between us.

  Then he admitted, “Been thinkin’ about you, darlin’. Ever think about me?”

  Just. Like. That.

  So forward.

  So direct.

  So unforgiving.

  I learned right then and there that there was no gray area when it came to Dylan McGraw, only black and white. He got right to the point, it was yes or it was no. Never maybe. Never somewhere in between. The crazy thing about it was I had only gotten to the tip of the iceberg when it came to him, and like the Titanic, I was sinking fast.

  So, I shrugged in response because I couldn’t say what I was really thinking. What I really wanted to.

  I. Like. You. Too.

  “Go out with me?” he followed up with, sensing my reserve. I didn’t know what bothered me more, the fact that he could read my mind, or the fact that I could read his. From everything I heard about him at school, I knew one thing for sure, I was definitely the first girl he ever asked out. He chose me over every other girl.

  That simple fact overwhelmed me more than it should.

  Shoving away the fluttering feeling his question triggered inside me, I shook my head no. Scared that if I opened my mouth the response would have been different because at the end of the day, I didn’t trust him.

  He countered, tugging on the ends of my hair, “I won’t beg. I also won’t ask again, sweet girl.”

  For the second time in a matter of minutes, I appreciated his sincerity. “I’ll make you a deal,” I challenged, throwing his abrasiveness back at him.

  He cocked his head to the side, riled by my proposition.

  “Keep your dick in your pants for one month and we’ll see about a date.”

  He laughed big and throaty, it echoed all around us. “You gotta be shittin’ me? You know who I am?”

  “I do.” I opened the door to step out, pausing for affect. “But I also know I deserve way more than what you’re willing to give me.” I got out of the Jeep, grabbing my backpack from the back seat. “Thanks for the ride.”

  I walked away without looking back. Leaving him with my conditions, silently hoping that he would follow through, but not stupid enough to believe that he would.

  “Hell has officially frozen over ladies and gentlemen!” Lucas hollered from the beach for the rest of the boys and Alex to hear.

  “Shut. The. Fuck. Up,” I gritted out.

  He put his hand up to his ear. "Excuse me? What was that? Can you say that one more time? I don’t think I heard you the first time.”

  Alex tugged on his shirt. “Bo, leave him alone. You’re being mean.”

  “Yeah, Bo,” I mocked. “You’re being mean,” I repeated in a high-pitched voice.

  “Oh come on, Half-Pint, this is monumental. A fucking universal standstill, pigs are flying all around us!” Jacob proclaimed, pulling Alex to his side. Austin rolled around in the sand, laughing his ass off.

  “You miserable fucks! Enough!” I shouted to all of them, except Alex, hauling her in front of me to block all the remarks from my so-called boys.

  “At first I thought you were pulling a fast one on us. Then, I thought you were trying to prove something to Half-Pint, like you’re really not an asshole and actually a nice guy. But now… well shit, now, we know it’s about a girl,” Lucas laughed, testing my goddamn patience.

  “And get this, not just any girl but the new girl. The one that no one has gotten their hands on yet. Which could only mean one thing, McGraw, you don’t like to share,” he added, making me realize that maybe he was right.

  Was that why I liked her?

  “The plot thickens… dun dun dun! Did you not realize that little fact?” Jacob interrupted, baiting me.

  Alex met my eyes for a split second before she peered back over to the boys, standing up straighter and putting her hands on her hips. “Enough, you idiots. Why does it matter why he likes her? Bottom line, he likes someone. If you know what's good for y’all, you'll leave him alone,” she warned, and I loved her a bit more for it.

  “Half-Pint, let’s face it, we all know Dylan tames his true colors when you’re around. Are you seriously going to deny you’re not a little surprised by the fact that the last time he didn’t have a girl attached to his hip, was when we were all in grade school?” Austin chimed in. “And even then he was still getting in trouble for kissing girls behind the slide. This was the same guy who brought a Playboy magazine into our third grade classroom and flipped off the teacher when she took it away from him and called his parents.”

  I decided to live up to Aubrey’s challenge, I wanted to spend time with her and what she said struck a cord in me. She did deserve better than what I had to offer. It had been a few weeks since she challenged me, and I had managed to keep it in my pants.

  “What’s it been now, McGraw, three, four weeks? How’s your hand, buddy?” Jacob taunted, mimicking a jacking-off gesture with his fist.

  Half-Pint looked down at the sand, kicking it around beneath her, a soft red glow creeping up her cheeks. I glared at the boys who all nodded in recognition. We all respected Alex too much to continue the conversation around her.

  I grabbed her hand. “Come on, Half-Pint, let’s get away from these dickwads. My virgin ears can’t take anymore.”

  She giggled, following close behind me. We all headed up to her parents’ restaurant to grab some food. Just as we walked through the glass sliders, Lucas smacked me in the chest.

  “Speak of the devil, isn't that your girl, McGraw?”

  There before my very own eyes was…

  Aubrey.

  With a mother fucking guy.

  Of course, the boys busted out laughing and Alex reassuringly squeezed my hand. Aubrey looked over toward our direction and our eyes locked for a brief moment. It took everything inside me to not walk over there and make my presence known. Out of respect for Alex's parents, I restrained myself. They were like my own parents, and they didn't need me causing trouble.

  “Let’s go sit down. I’m kinda hungry,” Alex announced, leading us to the corner table in the back. I knew she did that for my sake. They all ordered some food except for me, my appetite suddenly disappeared. I pulled out my cell phone and sat it on the table.

  Waiting.

  It was all I could do. I had to sit there and endure his unsubtle longing looks. He was devouring her body with his eyes and his constant touches made me want to break his fucking fingers. Our eyes connected several times, it was like she was doing it on purpose, to get a reaction out of me but for what?

  I couldn’t be around them much longer, I was going to snap. Jealousy washed over me.

  I saw her get up, making her way across the room, into the hallway. Before I knew it, my feet were moving forward as if being pulled by twine with the rope she was holding. I found myself following her as she made her way to the restroom. I was grateful it was secluded in the back of the restaurant, because I waited for her.

  “You tryin’ to make me jealous, sweetheart?”

  She gasped, placing her hand over her heart. “Jesus! Are you trying to give me a heart att
ack?”

  I cocked an eyebrow, leaning against the wall with my arms folded over my chest. Her eyes followed my every move.

  “No, just trying to make you scream… anyway I can, but you see, I have this wager going with a feisty blonde to keep it in my pants.”

  She grinned.

  “At least one of us has kept up their end of the bargain,” I snidely stated.

  She shrugged. “I don’t remember making a deal that concerned me.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Damn straight.”

  I nodded, narrowing my eyes at her. “Let me refresh your memory then.”

  “By all means,” she threw back at me.

  I scowled. “You sure you have time?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  I pushed off the wall, walking toward her. “Oh, you know, your date is out there. I wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.” I tugged on the ends of her hair. “Boy’s probably lost without your tits sitting in front of him.” Releasing her hair I continued my assault, grazing her collarbone. “God knows he hasn’t been staring at anything else.”

  She shoved my hand away. “You, asshole!”

  “Never claimed to be anything but.”

  “I’m going to go now.”

  “Ain’t no one stopping you, darlin’.”

  Her eyes widened in shock, making those beautiful emeralds of hers shine bright as they tore into mine. I tugged on the ends of her hair again.

  “But if you really wanted to go, you would have already left.”

  Her chest heaved; I was clearly getting to her.

  “What you want and what you’re going to get are two different things, suga’.” I reached for the side of her face, my knuckles caressed her cheek, tucking a misplaced hair behind her ear. Her lips parted.

  “I’ve been a good ol’ boy playing by your rules.” I slowly moved my fingers to her mouth. “Watching you these past few weeks is doing me no favors, baby I know you enjoy seeing me getting tortured and sporting blue balls for days. I see the looks you throw my way and the way your pretty little mouth smirks every time you see me shut down another girl.” With my thumb I rubbed her bottom lip for a few seconds, she stirred and I immediately took my hand away, slipping it in the pocket of my cargo shorts. Making her miss my touch.