Don't Make Me Beautiful

  Helen’s nostrils flare and she swallows hard. “That’s just cruel.”

  “He is the cruelest person I’ve ever known.” It feels good to say that. To admit how awful he is. It makes her feel stronger for some reason.

  “He deserves to be butt raped in jail, Nicole.”

  “You didn’t call me Briana.”

  “Because that’s not who you are. Stand up and take a look.”

  Nicole stares in the mirror, fascinated by what she sees. “You covered my scars.”

  “Yes. And I put some shadows on your cheeks and took some away. It’s only temporary, but I can show you how to do it if you want.”

  “I’m not pretty.”

  “No, not so much on the outside, you’re not. At least not your face. But on the inside, you’re golden.”

  Nicole looks at Helen in the mirror. “Thanks for being honest.”

  “I don’t know any other way to be. And I meant it earlier. I have friends who know people. I want you to take a stand against this violence and put him away. All you have to do is just say the word and I’ll get that ball rolling.”

  “Thanks, Helen. I don’t know if I can ever do that, but I appreciate your support. And your help with my face.”

  Helen pulls her into a hug and pats her back. “Anytime. Anything for the girl who shares so much love with my boy and my best friend.”

  Nicole’s face turns pink and she looks at the ground as she’s released from the embrace.

  “What’s wrong?” asks Helen. “Did I say something bad?”

  “No … It’s just awkward, I guess.”

  “What’s awkward?” Helen packs her purse up as she listens for an answer.

  “That I’m in this house with the man you love.”

  “Pfft, please. He’s not the man I love like that. He’s my best friend, that’s it. There’s nothing else going on there, trust me.”

  “But … you guys are so in love.”

  “No, we love each other, but we are not in love. I’m dating someone, Nicole. Didn’t you know that?”

  “No, I guess I didn’t.” Nicole’s heart feels lighter, even though it probably shouldn’t.

  “Yep. He’s even asked me to marry him, but for now I’m saying no. Don’t tell Brian, though. He’ll nag me into saying yes and I’m not ready.”

  “How come I didn’t know any of this?” Nicole feels like dancing over the fact that Helen’s in love with another man and Brian is happy about it. Her fantasy can live on now, with that tiny hope that maybe … maybe … he could someday like a girl like her. Maybe if her face isn’t so ugly anymore. Helen’s offer of help niggles at the back of her mind.

  “Maybe because we’ve all been focused on getting you better.” Helen leans in and kisses Nicole on the cheek. “You’re better now, see?’’ She points at the mirror. “I’ll visit again when you get back from your trip. Talk to Brian about the police thing and the surgery thing too.”

  “I don’t think I’m going to do either,” says Nicole, following her out into the hallway.

  “You’re not going to do either what?” asks Brian, standing. “Whoa, look at you. Who is that lady standing in my living room?” He walks over and stares at Nicole’s face. “You look different.” He’s frowning.

  “Is that a bad thing?” she asks, her heart tickling her chest the way it’s thumping away in its new crazy rhythm.

  “Maybe. I kind of like you the way you really are better.”

  She shoves him away playfully. “Shut up.”

  “I’m serious.” His attention is taken away by Helen walking towards the door. Brian reaches up an arm as she passes by, and Helen steps into the hug. “Thanks, Hel,” he says. “See you soon?”

  “Yes. When Liam gets home, tell him I’m sorry I couldn’t stay. I have to get going.”

  “Hot date?”

  “Hardly.” Helen looks over at Nicole. “Remember … prison, surgeon … conversation…” She points to Brian and then back at her before leaving the room and going out the front door.

  Silence reigns for about ten seconds before Brian turns to face Nicole. “Helen strikes again, huh?”

  Nicole smiles hugely. “Yes. Helen definitely strikes again.”

  Chapter Forty-One

  GETTING NICOLE INTO THE CAR and out of town is surprisingly easy. Maybe he shouldn’t have been expecting the worst, but the entire event seems like a non-event now as they make their way to the mountain campsite that he’s used for years. It’s perfect for enjoying the outdoors in privacy.

  He glances over at Nicole in the passenger seat next to him. She’s smiling under her short brunette wig and small sunhat. Her eyes might be crinkling at the corners, too, but it’s impossible to tell with the sunglasses she has on.

  “It’s so pretty up here,” she says, sighing with what sounds like contentment.

  “Yep. I love coming here to decompress. I do it several times a year, but usually not in winter.”

  “I like the river,” says Liam, looking up from his coloring. “It’s cold but I still swim in it. Daddy says I have merman jeans. But he’s silly cuz mermans don’t wear pants. They have fish tails so they have scales.”

  “Not jeans. Gene. Like in your DNA.”

  “I know. That’s what I said. But I don’t wear my jeans in the water, cuz that would make them all wet, and I don’t like to have wet pants or wet underwear.”

  Nicole laughs softly, turning to look in the back seat. “Are you going to show me how you swim in the river, Liam?”

  “Yep.”

  Brian looks in his rearview mirror at his son again. “We need to show this girl how to fish, Li-Li. She’s never fished before.”

  Liam keeps coloring. “I’ll show her how. But she has to bait her own hook. That’s the rule.”

  Nicole faces Brian. “What do you fish with?”

  “Worms.”

  She grimaces. “No, thank you. I’ll just watch.”

  Brian smiles, knowing he’ll be able to convince her to try. He’ll bait her hook as long as she needs him to, rules be damned. He just has to explain to Liam that it’s okay to bait hooks for girls and that it’s not sexist to want to spare them the ickiness of it. The kid probably won’t understand though; he thinks squirmy worms are fun to play with. Brian’s had to dissuade him from putting worms in his pockets for years.

  The pull-off to the campsite appears after the bend, and Brian turns the wheel slowly, careful not to rock the car too much. It has a roof box on top with all their camping things in it. The trunk of the SUV holds all their food and Liam’s toys.

  “Are we here?” Nicole asks.

  “Not quite. We need to go up now.”

  “Up? Haven’t we been going up for the last hour?”

  “Yeah, but now we’re going to go up-up.” He downshifts as he gives her his most devious smile.

  Five minutes later she’s cringing in the seat, leaning over towards him. “Oh my god! It’s a cliff!”

  “Yep.” Brian’s grinning like a madman. This is his favorite part of the drive.

  “Don’t look so happy about it! If we fall we’ll be pulverized!”

  “But only if we fall,” he says.

  She looks over at him, desperation in her eyes. “You’re an adrenaline junkie, aren’t you?”

  He laughs. “No, not a junkie, but I’m not just a spectator either.”

  “Spectator.” She leans back in her seat, staring out the front windshield like she’s suddenly forgotten her fears.

  “Yeah, spectator. A person who views life but doesn’t really live it.”

  “And driving on the edge of a cliff with no guardrail is what … living life?”

  “To the fullest, baby.” He pats her leg.

  “Both hands on the wheel!” she screeches, her fear returning full force.

  “Here we go,” Brian says, back to focusing on the drive. He turns left off the bigger road and up another steep hill, this one narrow, paved with dirt and rocks, and covered
in bumpy tree roots.

  “Are you sure we’re allowed to go up here?” she asks, one arm on her door and the other on the console in front of her.

  “It’s a national park and it’s open to the public. Don’t worry, we’re allowed.”

  At the top of the short hill is a flat area near the summit of the foothill they’ve been negotiating for the last fifteen minutes. Large evergreens shade part of the space while other areas are exposed to full sunlight. Brian pulls the car into a spot under a tree and shuts off the engine.

  Getting out, he stands at the side of the truck and inhales deeply. “Mmmm … do you smell that?”

  “I do!” says Liam, tumbling out of the backseat. “It’s called fresh air!”

  “Yeah, and what’s it called up here? That sound you’re hearing?”

  “That’s called peace and quiet!” yells Liam, running off into the trees.

  Brian is ready laugh at the irony of his son and the concept of quiet, but the sound of another car reaches his ear and causes him to pause for a second. In all the years he’s been here, he can count on one hand the amount of times he’s heard another person, and it’s never been right after he’s arrived.

  Walking back down the road, he stops at the fork, looking up the road and one direction and then the other. A red pickup truck has passed by and is going farther up the mountain than they have.

  Paranoid much? He shakes his head at himself. John isn’t going to be up here of all places, and Brian made it a point to check his rearview mirror for the guy’s black pick-up the entire way. John was never behind them, he made sure of it.

  Brian walks back to the campsite fully prepared to have an awesome three days of fishing, cooking outdoors, and snuggling up with his roommate in the tent. He’s been looking forward to the forced closeness for days, hoping Nicole won’t tell him to go sleep with Liam.

  She’s standing at the back of the car, getting ready to unload the cooler.

  “Here, let me get that,” Brian says, rushing over to help her.

  “No, I got this. You get the other one.”

  “You don’t need to do any of this, Ni … Briana. I’ll do it all. You just find a pretty place to relax and let me take care of everything.”

  She leaves the cooler on the edge of the trunk and faces him. “You can’t baby me all the time, you know.”

  “It’s not babying, it’s taking care of you. There’s a difference.”

  “But I need to learn to take care of myself.”

  His feelings are hurt, but not in a way that makes him mad. He’s more sad than anything, knowing what she’s really saying. She keeps talking about leaving, and every time she does, it makes him feel empty inside. “You don’t need to take care of yourself when you’re with me. That’s my job.”

  “It’s not your job, Brian.”

  “But I want it to be my job.” He didn’t think about saying it before the words flew out, but he doesn’t regret it. He never regrets speaking the truth.

  They stand there face to face, a light breeze pushing strands of Nicole’s hair over her eyes. Brian reaches up and moves them over with his finger. “I didn’t bring you up here to pressure you or argue about chores. I just want you to enjoy this magical place with me and relax. Forget all your problems and your plans and all that junk for a few days and just be.”

  “I’m not sure it’s in me to do all that,” she says, sounding very sad.

  “I think it is. Just try. That’s all I ask.”

  “Okay, fine. But I’m still helping with the chores. I like doing it.”

  “All right, then, have at it,” he says, backing up a little. “But I’m doing the cooking. I’m an expert camp cook and I enjoy doing it.”

  “Good, because without a stove and a pan, I’m clueless. We’d be eating potato chips for every meal if I were in charge.”

  Brian steps more fully out of the way so she can take the cooler out, but not so far that he can’t jump in when needed to rescue her. There’s no way she’ll be able to do what she wants to do, he can already see the accident happening, but if she needs to go through the process to let him be the man he wants to be for her, then so be it.

  She tries to lift the heavy, bulky box with her one good hand and her casted arm. It starts to fall when it’s only one inch over the edge of the trunk.

  He leaps over to save it before it hits the dirt, hoping in the back of his mind that the eggs have survived the banging around.

  “How about you start with this,” he says, grabbing a grocery sack filled with dry goods and handing it over the top of the cooler.

  “Yeah, that might be better,” she says, a wry grin on her face. “Sorry about that. Guess you were right.”

  “A kiss would make me stronger,” Brian says, a split second later chastising himself for being such a goofball.

  “What?” She’s smiling. Maybe not all is lost.

  “A kiss. Makes me stronger.” He acts like the cooler is too heavy while sticking his cheek out in her direction.

  She walks over and leans in, kissing him lightly on the cheek. “There. Now unload the car.”

  He grunts as he picks up the cooler and puts it on his shoulder to hide his smile. “Oh sure,” he says, pretending to be breathless with the weight, “a minute ago you were all about doing your part and unloading all the heavy stuff. Now you’re bossing me around and telling me to do it all. I see how you are.”

  “You like bossy women, don’t try to act like you don’t.” She takes a second bag out of the back and moves behind him to put it down in the center of the clearing.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he says, sighing. “I’m a glutton for punishment, apparently.” She’s right. And he loves that she, in particular, is feeling bossy; it means she’s stronger and feeling more confident. He’d give just about anything for her to know she’s powerful enough to stand on her own two feet. Maybe then she wouldn’t be in such a hurry to move away and prove it to herself.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  THE WORMS ARE DISGUSTING. NICOLE refuses to put their squirmy, squishy, dirt-smelling bodies on the hook. It’s gross, it’s cruel, and it’s … ew, just yuck. She stares at the barbarian hook, its sharp little barb designed to keep the poor animal caught, causing it pain when it tries to escape. She knows how it feels, so she can hardly be expected to just go along with the program.

  “Here, give that to me,” Brian says. He’s holding up a nice piece of freshly dug-up earthworm, the trout’s favorite afternoon meal.

  “Bleck, I don’t know how you do that.” She looks away momentarily as he pierces the poor thing’s flesh. This is the fifth one she’s had to watch, and she’s decided she’s done now. Fishing is not for her.

  “Dad, you’re not supposed to do it for her,” says Liam in a scolding tone. “You’re breaking the rules.”

  Nicole looks back at Brian as he focuses on wrapping the worm just right, so a slight nibble from a hungry fish won’t be enough to pull it off. He wants that sucker to have to take a big old bite so he can become their dinner tonight. “Son, there’s one thing you need to know about women.”

  “Only one?”

  “Yep. Only one. Here’s the big secret…” He looks up and wiggles his eyebrows before delivering his little piece of wisdom. “The rules do not apply to girls.”

  “None of the rules?” Liam is incredulous, his expression classic put-out little boy.

  “Yep, pretty much none of them. You just have to go with the flow where ladies are concerned. Trust me. Don’t try to fight it, don’t try to change it, just go with it. You’ll be a much happier man in the end and she’ll be a happy person too. It’s a win-win.”

  Liam frowns, trying to work it all out in his head. He finally looks up at Nicole and then Brian. “That doesn’t seem fair at all to me. I’m not gonna do that.”

  Nicole pouts, turning on as much charm as she’s capable of displaying. “You mean you’ll make me put that yucky worm on the hook all
by myself?”

  Liam shakes his head. “No, I’ll do it for you, but only for you. Other girls can do it theirselves.”

  “Themselves,” says Brian.

  “I know, that’s what I said, Dad. Can I have another worm?”

  “I just gave you one.”

  “But a fish ate it.” He holds up his empty hook, silvery wet droplets falling back into the water below where it dangles.

  “You’re not putting it on right.”

  Liam grins, tilts his head, and flutters his eyelashes like crazy. “But I’m just a little girl and I don’t know what I’m doing. Will you put the yucky wormy on the hook for me, pleeeease?”

  Nicole shoves him gently. “Hey, watch it, buddy. That’s insulting.” She can’t help but laugh. Sometimes his sense of humor is way beyond his years. Suddenly inspired, she says, “Here, give me your hook. I’ll put a worm on it.”

  “But you said you can’t,” says Liam, obviously excited about the prospect of her squealing again as she tries to manage her disgust.

  “That was before you mocked me. Now I have to prove a point.” She takes the end of the hook opposite the small sharp barb and grabs a skinny worm from the jar Brian has on the ground next to them. Holding back her nausea, she makes short work of stabbing the small beast and re-stabbing it over and over as she wraps it around the hook.

  She swallows with difficulty as she hands it over, battling the urge to shudder. “There. Hook baited.” The still-moving brown lump makes her want to hurl, but she doesn’t. Hurling is so not attractive, and she’s had so much fun pretending she is today. Brian has played along nicely, too. Her face warms at the idea of it.

  Brian whistles. “Daaamn, girl, you can seriously bait a hook. You were holding out on me. You’re in charge of all the hook baiting from now on.”