Craving Lily

  I opened my mouth, then snapped it shut in surprise as she lightly slapped my scarred cheek. “Don’t be such a pussy, Leo.”

  I barked out a surprised laugh just as footsteps came thumping down the stairs.

  “What are you guys doing?” Cecilia asked suspiciously.

  “Say what?” I said ominously. She’d better not be implying what it sounded like.

  “N-Nothing,” Lily stammered, dropping her hands and sidestepping the coffee table. Her cheeks went beet red as she carefully scooted away.

  Her awkwardly measured steps moved her into the kitchen and I looked at Cecilia in disgust when I found her laughing.

  “Someone’s got a crush,” she sang, pointing her thumb at where Lily had just gone. Her little sweetheart of a sister that could sure as shit still hear her, and was probably dying of embarrassment.

  I ground my teeth together as I got to my feet.

  “Sometimes, you’re a fuckin’ bitch, you know that?” I shook my head as I walked past her and out the front door.

  I had no fucking clue why Cecilia treated her baby sister the way she did. I’d done plenty of shit to bother my older sister, Trix, when I was a kid, but I’d fucking cut my arm off before I hurt her on purpose. It made no sense to me that Cecilia couldn’t stop herself from the little digs against Lily that she made constantly.

  I was livid as I climbed on my motorcycle, but couldn’t help but chuckle at the little shit’s last words to me. Damn, I hoped she wasn’t upset about Cecilia being an asshole.

  Just to make sure she was fine, I jogged back up the porch stairs and stuck my head in the front door.

  “Girls aren’t supposed to have such dirty mouths, Dandelion!” I yelled through the opening.

  I didn’t have to wait long for her reply.

  “Bullshit! Have you met my mother?”

  I grinned as I closed the door again and headed to my bike.

  Lily would be fine. The kid had a thick skin.

  Chapter 2

  Lily

  Four years later

  “What about Molly and Will’s?” Rose asked, rushing around the room and stuffing things into a backpack.

  “Nah.” I shook my head. “Charlie’s over playing with Reb. They’d be all up in our shit. Plus, Will’s probably home. I thought the whole idea was to have our dates pick us up somewhere that they wouldn’t get the crap scared out of them.”

  “Good point. I’d like to actually date during high school, and you know Jayden would spread it around if one of the guys threatened him. Pussy.”

  “Why’d you even say yes to him?” I asked, flopping backward on her bed.

  “No one else asked,” she answered pragmatically. “I wasn’t about to go to prom without a date.”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled. “Same.”

  “You were dreaming of going with Leo, huh? You kind of hit the jackpot with Brent, though,” she replied, dropping down next to me on the bed.

  “Yeah? He seems nice. Good hands.” I ignored her comment about Leo. That was a conversation that I didn’t want to have again.

  “Jesus.” Rose laughed. “Brent looks like a model. I’ll take a picture for you. That way, if your sight doesn’t come back until after he’s old and fat, you can see what he looks like now. Total jackpot.”

  “A model?” I tried to picture what that could mean, but drew a blank. The men I knew were rough around the edges. I really only remembered clearly how the men in my family looked. They were more mugshot than model material.

  “Yeah, he’s pretty,” Rose replied, dragging out the last word.

  I turned that over in my head for a minute, then grinned. “Then it’s probably a good thing our dads aren’t going to see him. Can you imagine the shit they’d stir up?”

  “Why do you think I pushed to get picked up somewhere other than our houses?” she joked. “It sure as shit wasn’t for my date. Jayden might be a pussy, but he’s still built like a tank and has the face of a bulldog.”

  My giggle turned into a full-on belly laugh. “We’re fuckin’ pathetic,” I wheezed out.

  “Truth. Now where the hell are we going to get ready?”

  “Trix and Cam’s?”

  “Beep! Wrong.”

  “Poet and Amy’s?”

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “What about Tommy’s place? Isn’t he out with Leo tonight?” I asked, rolling to my side. “Hawk would be cool about it.”

  “Keeping tabs on Leo, huh?”

  “My sister was talking about it on the phone earlier.” I pushed myself to my feet and reached down to center myself in the room. I was right between the left side of Rose’s dresser and the wall, which meant I was two medium sized steps from the end of the bed.

  “You’re such an eavesdropper,” Rose replied as she climbed off the bed.

  “Kind of hard to ignore her when she’s in the same room,” I shot back.

  “Fair enough,” she agreed. “I’ll call Hawk and see what’s up.”

  * * *

  An hour later, we were hauling our dresses and backpacks full of beauty supplies into Tommy and Hawk’s house. I had to be careful. They’d been remodeling the place for a few years, and since things were never in the same place twice and there were power tools lying around all the time, it had never been safe for me to hang out there. I got around pretty good without my sight, but Tommy’s place was a fucking crucible for me.

  “Oh, your dress is gorgeous, Lil,” Hawk said as she took it out of my hand. “Not my style, but it’s going to look hot as hell on you. I’ll hang it up so it doesn’t get wrinkled as shit, yeah?”

  “Thanks, Hawk.” I smiled in her general direction and tried to slow down my racing heart. I liked going to Tommy and Hawk’s house. It always smelled good, and Hawk was awesome. But after the time that I’d stepped on a nail so hard that it had come through the top of my foot, I’d never been able to relax there. I’d thought Tommy was going to fucking cry when that happened. He’d tried so hard to make sure there was nothing left out that could hurt me.

  “What about my dress?” Rose asked, taking my hand and setting it on her shoulder as she started walking. I followed her easily, trusting that she wouldn’t run me into anything. I’d been following my cousin around for five years, letting her be my eyes when I needed them, and she’d never let me down. Not once.

  “I’ve already seen yours,” Hawk reminded her. “You guys can get ready in the downstairs guest room. We set it up for when one of the guys crashes here and they’re too drunk to make it up the stairs. Works out well with the connected bathroom.”

  “Thanks,” Rose said, slowing down. “Walking through a doorway, Lil.”

  I reached out and slid my hand against the doorframe as we walked inside the room.

  “Want me to help with your makeup?” Hawk asked as she sat down on the bed, making it squeak.

  My eyes widened in horror right before Rose’s laughter-filled voice answered.

  “Goth isn’t really our style.”

  “Hey, now,” Hawk replied. “I’ve mellowed!”

  “Not enough,” Rose said as she reached up and patted my hand. “No dresser in here, Lil. Straight ahead and to your left are walls. Bed is a queen, about three steps forward and one step to your right. Bathroom door is about a foot to the right of the door we just came in. No lamps and the bed doesn’t have a headboard or footboard. Shit, this room is depressing.”

  “It houses drunk men. It doesn’t need to be cheery,” Hawk cut in.

  “Oh, and the comforter on the bed is a lovely shade of puke green, in case you were wondering.”

  “I wasn’t wondering,” I said dryly. “But thanks for the info.”

  Moving gingerly into the room, I followed Rose’s directions until I’d reached the foot of the bed and dropped my bag on top. I didn’t have much in the way of beauty supplies, but I’d carried over a ton of Rose’s stuff. She did my makeup whenever we had something going on that warranted it, but for the
most part I just went without. My skin was pretty clear most of the time, and I’d never really been self-conscious about my looks. It probably had something to do with the fact that I hadn’t even seen my reflection in years. I was slender and strong, and even though I didn’t have big boobs or an ass like Rose—yes, when she’d grown hips she’d let me feel them, and anytime she thought her ass was getting bigger she’d ask me to check, because I always remembered her size—but I was happy with what I had. My parents weren’t very big people, so I’d never really imagined myself as anything different.

  “Should we get dressed first, or—”

  “No,” Rose answered me quickly. “We need to do makeup and hair first. That way if I drop something, I won’t get anything on our dresses.”

  “I’m helping,” Hawk said firmly, smacking the bed. “I was never into the prom thing, but you guys are fucking adorable and I want in.”

  “Not with makeup, though,” I answered, my lips twitching. I hadn’t seen Hawk’s face in years, but I remembered the Mohawk and thick black eyeliner she’d worn back when she used to hang out with Rose’s brother Mick. They were best friends until Micky died on the day I’d lost my sight. She’d shown back up a couple years later and started hooking up with Rose’s other brother Tommy, and they’d been together ever since.

  “I can do hair,” Hawk replied. “What’s the plan on that?”

  “I just want mine in a loose French braid,” I said quickly before Rose could go off on one of her rants.

  “That’s so boring. Why don’t you put it up?” Rose argued.

  “Because I like French braids. They’re classic. Plus, I don’t have to worry about it falling down and not being able to fix it.”

  “It’s not like I’d let you walk around with fucked up hair,” Rose grumbled.

  “I don’t want you to babysit me all night.”

  “Oh, what the fuck ever. If you think I’m leaving you with Brent, you’re outta your mind.”

  “What’s your date going to think of that?”

  “I’m pretty sure when he asked me to go with him, he thought he was getting two for the price of one!” Rose yelled in frustration.

  We both went silent for a long moment, then burst out laughing.

  “Nuh-uh,” I argued.

  “Oh, yeah. He asked if you were coming with us. I think he was going to get you a corsage or some shit.” Rose snorted.

  “That would have went over well with your brothers,” Hawk said.

  “Probably a good thing I got my own date,” I replied.

  “And he’s pretty,” Rose added.

  “Oh, yeah? How pretty?” Hawk asked.

  “Like a model from one of those stores in the mall that smell like a broken cologne bottle.”

  “Eh, not my type,” Hawk said. “I like them a bit more manly.”

  “Oh, whatever,” Rose replied. “You got with Tommy. Not sure you’re that picky.”

  We turned on some music that Hawk complained about and spent the next two hours gossiping as we got ready for the dance. My dress was actually two pieces. The skirt was black and sat high on my waist, just barely poofy, and went all the way to the floor to cover up the flats I was planning on wearing. High heels just weren’t an option for me, unless I wanted to land flat on my face. The crop top was a white lacy thing, high necked with bare shoulders. I’d tried on a bunch of dresses, but it was hard not seeing the colors I was trying on. I was glad I’d chosen black and white. They were classic, and the pieces were so simple that I could easily picture them in my head.

  Rose was just finishing my lips when someone started knocking on the front door.

  “Oh, shit,” Hawk said in surprise. “What time did you tell the guys to pick you up?”

  “I told Jayden seven,” Rose muttered. “Dammit.”

  “That’s what I texted Brent, too. He never answered, though,” I said.

  “I’ll go see which one it is. You guys ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be,” Rose answered. “You’re all done, Lil. Stay right there, I’m going to take a picture of us looking all hot.”

  “Cheese,” I called out cheekily as I felt Rose press her face close to mine.

  “You’re such a pain in the ass,” she complained, kissing my cheek. “But I love you anyway.”

  “Back atcha, cousin.”

  “Rose, Jayden’s here!” Hawk called from the living room.

  I followed Rose out of our beauty salon and smiled huge as I heard Jayden’s intake of breath when he saw us.

  “Holy shit. You look gorgeous, Rose,” he said quietly.

  “Thanks, dude,” Rose replied, making Hawk snicker.

  “You too, Lily,” Jayden said.

  “Thanks!” I nervously reached down to fiddle with the bangles on my wrist. I hated when I knew people were looking right at me. It was probably a pretty common occurrence, but most of the time I had no idea for sure. It was much harder knowing that someone was checking you out and you couldn’t see the look on their face.

  “Back to me,” Rose said, becoming the center of attention again. “You got me a corsage?”

  I tried hard to stifle the laugh I could feel building in my throat. She’d totally called that one.

  “Yeah. I wasn’t sure what shade of purple you were wearing, so my mom said to just get white roses,” Jayden chattered nervously.

  “I think he’s going to pee himself,” Hawk whispered so low that I knew she was talking to only me. “And he got her roses?”

  “It’s sweet.”

  “Yeah, if you like leading a guy around by the short and curlies. It’ll never last. Rose’ll walk all over him.” She paused, then said even quieter, “Plus, he kind of looks like a bulldog.”

  I coughed to cover up my laugh. I wished I could see him.

  “Where the heck is Brent?” Rose asked a few minutes later. “He’s late.”

  “Only like fifteen minutes,” I replied.

  “More like twenty-five,” Jayden said kindly. “I was ten minutes late.”

  “Oh.” I laughed awkwardly, reaching for my phone. “Maybe I should call him?”

  “I’ll text him,” Rose said, taking the phone out of my hand.

  “Don’t be an asshole. Maybe he got lost.”

  “Then he should have called,” she said irritably.

  Ten minutes later, Brent still hadn’t shown up.

  Twenty minutes later, I could feel a blush creeping up my neck. Thankfully, I didn’t really think anyone could see it. Rose wasn’t helping the situation, though. She was practically ranting as she paced the floor. I could hear her high heels clicking on the hardwood with every pass around the room.

  “You guys should go,” I said finally, cutting off her diatribe.

  “Oh, shut the fuck up,” she replied. “I’m not leaving without you.”

  She came to a stop in front of me and grabbed my hand, lifting it to her shoulder. “We go together.”

  “Rose,” I replied softly, squeezing her shoulder. “This is embarrassing. Jayden’s been waiting almost an hour. Just go.”

  “Nope.”

  “Please,” I whispered, almost inaudibly. “Go. Don’t make this worse.”

  “Not happening.”

  “Rose,” I gritted through my teeth, loving her loyalty but cursing her stubbornness. “If you don’t leave with your fucking date so I can go change out of this bullshit dress, I’m going to have you killed.”

  She was silent for a long time, but she must have seen something in my face because she finally mumbled, “I knew I should have told Jayden to bring two corsages. I’m going to punch Brent in the ballsack when I see him.”

  “Good. I’m not sure how tall he is, so I’d probably miss if I tried.”

  “You sure?” she asked, reaching up to put her hand on mine.

  “I’m sure.” I swallowed hard. “Go.”

  Ten minutes later, I was still standing in the exact same spot, my heart thumping hard in my chest, when Tommy and
Leo came noisily through the front door.

  “Man, you need to work on that fucking exhaust,” Leo said. “It sounds like shit.”

  “Fuck yo—” Tommy’s reply cut off. “Hey, Lil, I thought you guys would be gone already.”

  I laughed humorlessly and reached for the bangles on my wrist, sliding them around and around. “It’s just me. Rose left already.”

  “Weren’t you supposed to leave like an hour ago? Dude get lost?” Tommy joked.

  “Tommy,” Hawk snapped, coming out of the kitchen, where she’d gone to give me a little bit of privacy. “Shut up.”

  “What?” he asked in confusion? “What’d I say?”

  “He never showed?” Leo asked gently.

  “Maybe he fell in a sinkhole?” I replied around the lump forming in my throat.

  “That motherfucker,” Tommy growled. “What’s his name?”

  “On what planet do you fight my battles, Thomas Hawthorne?” I asked in irritation.

  “This one,” he snapped back.

  “Wrong.”

  “Fine, I’ll ask Rose.”

  “She won’t tell you shit and you know it.”

  “She fuckin’ better!”

  “Knock it off, you two,” Hawk butted in. “Tommy, leave her alone.”

  My cousin didn’t say another word, but jabbed me in the side as he and Hawk passed me. His girlfriend must have been dragging him away. He wouldn’t have let it go otherwise.

  “You’re beautiful,” Leo said after they’d gone. “Let’s see the whole thing.”

  Smiling, I lifted my arms out to the sides and did a slow twirl.

  “You better be glad your dad didn’t see you in this, Dandelion,” Leo said with a whistle. “He never woulda let you outta the house.”

  “Which would have worked out fine, since my date never fucking showed,” I replied, dropping my arms to my sides.

  “His loss, sweetheart.”

  “Yeah, well, I better change. I need to call and see if my mom will come pick me up.”

  “You want me to give you a ride?” His footsteps clunked on the floor until his voice was much closer than it was before.

  I opened my mouth to answer and then shut it again. When I was a kid, I loved riding on the back of my dad’s bike. Saturday mornings, he’d wake me up before my brother and sister and we’d sneak out of the house to take a long ride before everyone got up. It was something just for us. After I’d gone blind, though, that had changed. Being on the bike was disorienting. The wind felt heavier and my balance felt off. It didn’t matter how hard I held on to my dad’s waist, it had never again felt like it had before. Like flying. Like freedom.