Craving Lily

  Her arms flew out and one almost hit me in the face as she gestured, making me grin.

  “Well, shit. You know it’s me now.”

  “Whatever,” she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. “Did you need something?”

  Her eyes were pointed right at me. I knew she couldn’t see me. I knew it. But lately when they were pointed in my direction, it felt like she was looking at me. No shit. More and more, it seemed like her eyes were focused instead of staring into nothing.

  “Just sayin’ hi,” I replied, stepping forward to I could throw my arms around her shoulders and turn her back in the right direction. “Wasn’t expectin’ to see you tonight.”

  “I’m surprised you aren’t holed up with some skank,” she said snarkily, making me chuckle.

  “Nah, that was an hour ago.”

  “Ew!” She tried to pull away in disgust, but I pulled her tighter against me as I ushered her forward.

  “What? You don’t want any skank rubbing off on you?” I asked jokingly, scrubbing my hand up and down her bare arm.

  “That’s fucking disgusting,” she replied, finally yanking herself away from me.

  “Oh, now I’m disgusting?” I teased, stepping in her way before she could move out into the main room. “Thought you dug me?”

  Her face turned red as she seethed, but I was having too much fun giving her shit to worry about it.

  “Yeah,” she said quietly. “I dig it so much when you tell me that you were just banging some nasty chick that’s probably been with most of the club. That really does it for me.”

  I jerked my head back in surprise at the raw sound of her voice. I’d been joking. Teasing. But Lily wasn’t. She was serious. And by the look on her face, I’d just seriously fucked up.

  “Come on, Dandelion—”

  My words were cut off when Cam’s massive hand fell hard on my shoulder from behind, making me stiffen.

  “What’re you doin’ back here, Lilybug?” he asked, shoving past me. “Ma’s lookin’ for you.”

  I stepped aside as they moved past me, but I didn’t say another word and neither did Lily. I shook my head and leaned against the wall as I tried to figure out where I’d crossed the line with her. I’d always teased her. Usually not about the crush she’d been harboring for years, sure, but she was almost seventeen. Wasn’t that a little bit old to be getting all wound up about shit like that? It’s not like I was mean about it.

  Whatever. She was probably still pissed that I’d called her sister a skank a couple of weeks before.

  I strolled back into the main room and grabbed a beer off the bar top as I made my way over to where Tommy and Hawk were sitting with a couple of the other boys. The guys who’d come up from Cali seemed like good people and we’d been bullshitting with them most of the night. They were thinking about transferring north to join our chapter and my pop had asked if we’d get a feel for them and see if they’d be a good fit. So far, they seemed alright.

  “What were you talking to Lily about?” Hawk asked as I flipped a chair backward and planted my ass. “She looked pissed.”

  “She’s fuckin’ moody tonight,” I replied with a shrug. “Must be that time of the month.”

  Her hand came out and slapped the back of my head so fast that I didn’t even see it coming. “The fuck?” I yelped.

  “Don’t be a dick,” she spat.

  “Tommy, control your woman,” I ordered, glaring.

  “Oh, fuck off,” Hawk said, flipping me off. “I’ve cleaned your vomit off the floor of my spare room. I can smack you if I want to.”

  “Bullshit,” I said, rubbing the back of my head. “Christ.”

  “Were you being a dick to her?” Hawk asked, not letting it go. “She never looks that angry.”

  “Who knows?” I mumbled back, dodging another slap. “I startled her in the hallway, she was probably pissed about that.”

  “Why?” she asked, staring me down even though I refused to answer. Finally, she scoffed and turned away from me in irritation.

  I had no idea why I’d scared Lily in the hallway. It hadn’t been my fucking plan, obviously. I’d just been happy to see her and I’d done what I would have done with any chick I was happy to see. I hadn’t thought about the fact that she wouldn’t know it was me. Hell, I could be walking across the floor any other time and she’d know me by the sound of my footsteps.

  “You guys like it up here?” Copper asked as I started paying attention to the conversation going on around me.

  “Don’t know any different,” Tommy replied, chuckling. “Grew up here, man.”

  “Wait, all of you?”

  “Me and Tommy, yeah,” I said. I pointed my beer bottle at Rocky, another member of our chapter. “Rock didn’t, though. He came from Idaho, right Rock?”

  “Yep.” He nodded but didn’t add anything else. Rocky’s background wasn’t really something we talked about.

  “When’d you join up?” Copper’s friend asked. I couldn’t remember the dude’s name. It was something forgettable like Bob.

  “Grew up in the club,” Tommy said, tilting his head a bit as he watched them. “Prospected at what? Seventeen?” he asked me.

  “Something like that.”

  Copper looked between us, then started laughing. “Jesus Christ. Dragon’s kid, yeah? And Grease’s?”

  “How’d you know?” I asked sarcastically.

  Tommy and I both looked a shit ton like our dads. Tommy was way fucking leaner than his dad or brothers, but he still had the Hawthorne look about him in a big way, and if I didn’t have the scar on my face, I would have looked exactly like my pop when he was my age. Our mothers must have been irritated as fuck when their kids came out looking everything like their men and nothing like them.

  “Well, shit,” Copper joked good-naturedly. “Why didn’t I realize I was drinkin’ with royalty?”

  “Oh, God!” Hawk gasped, her eyes going wide. “I always knew I’d find my prince!” She looked at Tommy and batted her eyes. “Marry me and take me to your castle? Does it have a moat? It better have a moat!”

  “Woman, I’m the one who does the askin’. Shit,” Tommy replied, a huge ass smile on his face. “You didn’t even get me ring. Your proposal blows.”

  “Let’s have anal,” Hawk said.

  “I’ll marry you tomorrow,” Tommy said seriously before she’d even finished the last word of her sentence, making the entire table roar with laughter.

  Hawk lifted her beer in salute, then sat back with a smug grin on her face.

  I liked her. I’d wondered what the fuck Tommy was doing when he’d first gotten with her, since all of us had remembered her as his younger brother Mick’s girl, but it didn’t take long to see how well they fit together. Honestly, Hawk was the kind of chick that any guy would fit with—and I didn’t mean that disrespectfully. She was fun, sweet when she wanted to be, smart as shit, and she didn’t take crap from anyone. Girl was her own person and didn’t give a fuck about what other people thought, and hell if that wasn’t attractive as shit.

  I glanced at Copper and noticed that he was probably thinking the exact same thoughts as I was, but his weren’t quite as innocent. He’d better get that look off his face before Tommy saw him or we’d have problems.

  “You got a woman back home?” I asked pointedly, making eye contact.

  His lips tipped up a bit as he gave me a slight nod of acknowledgement. “Nah,” he said with a shrug. “Free as a bird at the moment.”

  “Snatch he was with before was crazy,” Bob—or whatever his name was—piped in.

  “Hey,” Copper said darkly. “She’s none of your fuckin’ business.”

  “Sorry,” Bob said quickly, raising his hand in surrender.

  “Had a girlfriend all through high school and for the past few years,” Copper clarified simply. “Didn’t work out.”

  “That why you’re lookin’ to change chapters?” Tommy asked.

  “Part of it,” Copper replied. br />
  I barely paid any attention as conversation veered in another direction. I could understand wanting to move to a different state after being burned by a woman. Back in the day, I would have done anything to get away from Cecilia. I’d been too young and dumb to cut ties when I should have and that mess had gone on a lot longer than I should’ve allowed. Most of the hard feelings I had about Cecilia had pretty much disappeared over time—being around someone once you got out from under their spell does that—but I still fucking hated Mouth.

  I looked around the room as the music got louder and found my sister and Cam mauling each other in the corner. It wasn’t anything new. Going at it wherever they were was pretty standard on the rare nights that they didn’t have my nephews with them.

  Callie Hawthorne and Farrah were sitting with Lily and Rose at a table across the room, and it looked like Lily’s mom was telling a story, because no one else was talking, just laughing as she waved her hands around in the air. Lily had a grin on her face as she leaned forward, her face tilted toward the table in front of her. She didn’t look pissed anymore, but I was going to steer clear of her for the rest of the night, just in case.

  She was turning out to be all kinds of gorgeous. I’d predicted it when she was just a little thing, but honest to God, she’d surpassed all expectations. She and Rose looked really similar, more like sisters than Lily and Cecilia, but where Rose’s features and build were round and soft, Lily was delicate.

  “Not sure if it would be better if you were eye fuckin’ my mom and aunt or the girls,” Tommy said derisively, kicking my chair. “Knock it off.”

  I spun my head in his direction, then took a second as the room seemed to tilt. Shit. Way too much booze. I was going to feel it tomorrow.

  “What?” I asked stupidly, focusing on his face.

  “Quit staring over there,” he said, shaking his head. “My dad or Uncle Casper are going to see you.”

  “I wasn’t staring,” I mumbled, taking a drink of my mostly empty beer.

  “Yeah, you were,” Hawk said, chuckling. “I don’t even think you blinked.”

  “Fuck off.”

  “Who’re they?” Copper asked, glancing in Lily’s direction.

  He’d better turn the fuck away before I knocked his ass out.

  “My mom, aunt, and baby sister and cousin,” Tommy said, his voice filled with warning.

  “Hey, just curious,” Copper replied, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

  “Keep your curiosity to yourself,” I snapped.

  “Jesus, Leo,” Hawk murmured. “Go sleep it off already.”

  “I’m good.” I shook my head slightly. “Gonna get another beer. You want one?”

  “I want one,” Tommy answered.

  “Wasn’t talkin’ to you, asshole.”

  I got up and made my way to the bar, weaving through the crowd. The place wasn’t as packed as it usually was during a party, but there were still quite a few people hanging out. Members and their old ladies or side-pieces, women looking to get laid, some hangers-on that were trying to weasel into the club and didn’t realize that partying with us wasn’t the way to do that. It took initiative, hard work, and loyalty. Loyalty was the most important.

  “Hey, kid,” my dad said as I reached the bar. My mom was standing between his knees as he sat on a bar stool, the back of her head leaning against his shoulder.

  “Hey, Pop. Mom.”

  “You look like you’re about to fall down,” my mom teased as she poked me in the side. “Go easy, yeah?”

  “I’m good,” I assured her, catching the attention of the chick behind the bar with my raised beer bottle.

  “Can you take your ma into town tomorrow?” my dad asked as I waited for my beer. “I got some other shit goin’ on.”

  “Sure.” I nodded my thanks for the beer set in front of me and turned to face my parents. “Where do you need to go?”

  “I just have some errands to run,” my mom replied. “But your dad wants someone with me while I’m stopping all over town.”

  “You’re not getting your nails done or some shit, right?” I shook my head. “Last time, I had a headache for two days after sittin’ in that shop.”

  “No,” she laughed. “Just need to get some stuff at the store, stop by the post office, that kind of stuff.”

  “Alright. No problem.”

  I glanced over my dad’s shoulder and caught a glimpse of Lily’s long braid as she went back into the hallway I’d found her in earlier.

  “I’m gonna hit the sack. Call me in the morning,” I told my mom, leaning forward so she could kiss my cheek. “But not too early, alright?”

  With a nod to my dad, I moved around them and followed Lily. She was just coming out of her dad’s room when I stepped into the hallway, but I didn’t say a word as she moved toward me. She was stuffing something into her pocket and didn’t realize she wasn’t alone until she had almost reached me.

  “Leo?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

  “Hey, Dandelion.” My voice was kind of scratchy, so I cleared my throat.

  “What’s up?” She didn’t seem to still be pissed about earlier, but I wasn’t taking any chances.

  “We’re cool, right?” I asked, taking a step forward.

  “Yeah,” she said easily.

  “Okay, cause you were pretty pissed earlier.”

  “You were being a jackass earlier,” she pointed out, making me grimace. “You aren’t now.”

  “Alright, good.” I reached forward like an idiot and ruffled her hair like she was a little kid. “Don’t like it when you’re pissed at me.”

  “Quit,” she said in annoyance, pulling her head away from my hand. “I’m not a kid, you know.”

  “That’s probably up for interpretation,” I replied.

  “Bullshit. I’m almost seventeen years old.”

  “Oh, so last month you were sixteen and now you’re ‘almost seventeen’?”

  “Same shit. I’m not a fucking child. Don’t treat me like one.”

  “Girl, you’re young. Hella young. It might not seem like it to you, but you are.”

  “Then why the fuck did you follow me back here?” she asked, throwing her hands up in the air.

  “Cause I was pretty sure I hurt your feelin’s earlier!” I snapped back.

  I didn’t like her holding me under a microscope, especially when I had no idea what the fuck I was doing with her in the dim hallway. I had no business worrying about her feelings. None.

  “Just—” She stopped talking and sighed. “We’re good, okay? Go sleep it off.”

  “Hey,” I murmured, grabbing her arm as she tried to pass me. “I know you’re not a kid. Still way too fuckin’ young, though. Way too fuckin’ young.”

  “Well, that’s not going to change tonight,” she replied simply, pulling her arm from my hand. “I’ll see you later.”

  I leaned heavily against the wall as I watched her go. What the fuck was I doing? Obviously, I was too drunk to be making any kind of decisions. I needed to stay the hell away from Lily Butler. The friendship I’d always had with the kid was getting blurred against my goddamn will.

  I slid along the wall until I reached my room, and grabbed my keys from my pocket to unlock the door. I always kept my shit locked, even though a lot of the other brothers didn’t. I’d seen too many things go missing for me to trust that no one would rifle through my shit when I wasn’t there.

  Pushing into my room, I tossed my keys on the floor and slammed the door behind me. I’d barely kicked off my boots and cut before I fell heavily onto the bed. I passed out within seconds.

  Chapter 6

  Lily

  It was an ordinary Wednesday in the middle of summer. Not a holiday. Not even a weekend. It was just like any other day that I’d had that summer.

  However, when I opened my eyes that morning, I could see clearly for the first time in six years. It wasn’t light and shadows anymore. I could see everything—the blue curt
ains on my windows, the quilt on my bed that my great gram had stitched by hand, my dresser with the broken knob on the top drawer, the dirty clothes basket, my own hands—all of it was clear.

  My heart pounded and I lay frozen for a long time, my eyes the only things that shifted as I heard my mom and dad downstairs talking to Charlie. Everything in my room was different than the last time I’d seen it, when I’d had toys and coloring supplies covering every surface. Now it was an adult room. I’d known it intellectually, but seeing it was like a kick to the face. Seeing it. I was seeing it all.

  Charlie screeched downstairs, followed by the sound of her running, and I closed my eyes, picturing where she was by the sound of the floorboards under her feet. No.

  No more closing my eyes. I didn’t want to ever close them again. Not even to sleep.

  Slowly, I pushed my quilt back and sat up in bed, growing dizzy for a second as the room tilted. That was normal. My point of view had changed. Holy shit.

  I twisted my head from side to side trying to figure out what to do. My room didn’t have a mirror in it. The bathroom did, though. I could go to the bathroom.

  I pushed up from the bed and took a few tentative steps forward, looking at everything in my path. The walls were still the same light gray shade that they’d always been. My bedroom door was still white, but the doorknob was different because Rose and I had broken it a couple years before. It used to be gold, but now it was a dull silver color.

  The carpet in the hallway was the same boring tan, but it was far more worn than it had been the last time I’d seen it. I hadn’t noticed that it had felt any different as the years had gone on, but there were definite stains that Mom hadn’t been able to clean.

  My breathing was heavy as I reached the bathroom door, but right as I was about to swing it open, my dad’s laughter drifted up from the kitchen, stopping me in my tracks.

  I changed course and made my way to the top of the stairs. As I took the first step, I stumbled a little, miscalculating how far away it was. I grabbed the railing to keep myself from plummeting down on my ass. Okay, so my depth perception wasn’t so good. That was probably pretty standard, right? Just something I’d have to get used to.