Swimming Without a Net

  “Not very hippielike,” Jonas said, trying (and failing) to sound disapproving.

  “Everybody’s got bad habits.”

  “Fred! Sweetie!” Her mother, Moon, a short, good-looking blonde with silver streaks and shoulder-length hair, hurried into the kitchen and squeezed Fred so hard she nearly gasped. She was dressed in a faded pink T-shirt (one that had been red when Fred was a fourth grader) and jeans that clung to her chubby thighs. “What earth-shaking revelation brings you back home this time?”

  “Earth-shaking,” Jonas said with a mouthful of chocolate. “Ha!”

  “Oh!” Moon jumped, then beamed. “Jonas, sweetie, I didn’t see you there.”

  “That’s because Fred’s all hulking ’n stuff in the doorway. Great ice cream.”

  “I was not hulking.”

  “Did you find the banana?”

  Jonas nodded. “It’s beside the blueberry sorbet.”

  “How do you stay so slim?” her mother wondered, eyeing the remnants of the heroic sundae Jonas had nearly demolished.

  “Clean living,” he replied with his mouth full.

  “And that cute new girlfriend, I bet.” Moon winked.

  “That cute new girlfriend is my boss, and let’s change the subject,” Fred interrupted, because Jonas and Moon could banter for hours. “I gotta leave town for a while.”

  “Business trip?”

  “Yes,” Fred said at the exact moment Jonas said, “No.”

  They glared at each other.

  “Uh-oh,” her mother said, blue eyes twinkling. “And to think, it’s been so dull around here the last few months. Except when Ellie forgot to put the top on the blender,” she added thoughtfully, “and pushed Puree.”

  “It’s no big deal, Mom.”

  “It’s a huge deal, Moon,” Jonas said. “You look great, by the way.”

  “I would find that flattering yet creepy,” her mother said with a smile, “if I didn’t know about your girlfriend. And as for you, Fredrika Bimm.” The smile vanished. “I wouldn’t stand a lie from you when you were three. What makes you think anything’s changed?”

  “It’s a Pelagic.”

  “Nor will I stand for your marine biologist geek-speak, which you so often use to avoid a direct answer. You can’t hide behind language, young lady, so out with it.”

  Fred cursed the rotten luck of having a smart mother. “It’s a meeting, okay? A meeting of all the Undersea Folk. You know, the name they use for themselves.”

  “It’ll be Mermaid Central,” Jonas added, “and Fred’s ringside.”

  “Really?” Moon pulled up a chair and sat, leaning her elbows on the table. She was thinking so hard, her laugh lines were going the wrong way. “They’re having a meeting and they invited you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Boggles the mind,” Jonas added, “don’t it?”

  The laugh lines reversed and Moon’s face lit up. “But that’s wonderful!”

  “Why,” Fred asked suspiciously, “is it wonderful?”

  “It means they’re accepting you as one of them! And—and—”

  Fred let her mother grope for words, not having the heart to say that Jonas, too, had an invitation to the Pelagic and certainly was not accepted by them. One didn’t ensure the other. And Tennian and Kertal had been creepily vague.

  She didn’t like it. At all. She was only going because they’d gotten stubborn about Jonas and she couldn’t resist jerking their chains. It had nothing to do with the possibility of seeing Artur again.

  Nothing.

  At all.

  Shit, the guy was probably married with a wife who’d already popped out a litter of guppies. No, she had enough on her plate without worrying about Artur and who he’d been banging and what he’d been up to. Like…like…

  Thomas! Thomas, for instance. She wondered what Thomas would think of the Pelagic. Shit, that was a lie. She knew exactly what he’d think. He was a marine biologist; he’d be wild to go.

  Firmly, she shoved Artur and Thomas out of her mind and focused on what her mother was saying.

  “—maybe even see your father again!”

  Fred’s jaw sagged and she clutched the back of the empty chair so hard she heard it crack. Here was a nightmare she had never even considered.

  “You’d better sit down,” Jonas worried. “You look really white. Even for you.”

  “I’m not going to the Caymans for a fucking family reunion!” she yowled.

  “Oh, this Pelagic thing is in the Cayman Islands? Lovely this time of the year.” Moon frowned. “I think. It’s not hurricane season, is it?”

  “Mom, I don’t even know if my father will be there.”

  “It’s a big meeting? Important? Obviously someone tracked you down and presented an invitation. That’s a lot of trouble for, say, a slumber party.”

  “Yeah,” Fred said grudgingly.

  “So it’s obviously a very important thing, this Paregoric, if they’re tracking everybody down for it.”

  “Pelagic. A paregoric makes you pass out. On second thought,” Fred admitted, “that might be the right name after all.”

  “Then he might be there! In fact, he’s sure to be there!”

  “Wait, wait, wait.” Jonas held up a strawberry-stained hand like a traffic cop gone off his diet. “I thought Artur said your dad was dead. Remember, last fall? Just before Fred broke down the kitchen door?”

  “He said he thought Fred’s dad was dead. That he hadn’t been seen for many years. But the ocean is a big place.” To Fred’s dismay, Moon had that “everything will work out” expression on her face. “He could be alive! Sure he could! And Fred could meet him.”

  “Mom, I wouldn’t know my bio-dad if he swam up to me and hooked me in the gut. And he wouldn’t know me.”

  “Then I’ll describe him,” she said, and the horror continued. “He was built like a swimmer—”

  “Ha, ha.”

  “—with the broad shoulders, you know, and the narrow waist? Oh, the body on your father! It was too dark to see his hair color, and besides, his hair was wet, but I imagine it’s a darker shade of yours.”

  “Mom, I’m going to break Jonas’s ice cream bowl and eat the pieces if you don’t stop.”

  “His eyes were the purest green I’d ever seen, even darker than yours, sweetie. He was…” She looked over her shoulder, satisfying herself that Ellie and Sam were engrossed in SpongeBob. “He was the most mesmerizing creature I’d ever met.”

  “Vomit, vomit, vomit.”

  “I hardly noticed when he was inside me because I was just so enthralled by his eyes, his hair, his shoulders…and then it was done—”

  “Mesmerizing,” Jonas noted, “but fast.”

  “—and then he rolled off me and dove back into the ocean and I watched for him until dawn, but he never came back. I watched for him at that spot every night for three months.” Moon sighed and looked out the kitchen window. “But he never came back.”

  “You want me to track that shitheel down? Fuck that!”

  “Fredrika,” her mom warned.

  “Mom, he banged you and then he forgot about you. If I do find him, I plan on kicking the fins out of him. Nobody treats my mother like that!”

  “Fredrika, Sam and I will not be here forever.”

  “Not the ‘you gotta find a man’ speech again, for crying out loud.”

  “I’m not implying you need a man to be happy. I’m saying your blood relatives are rare and wonderful things. Yours in particular,” she added, unconsciously eyeing Fred’s hair. “If you could find your biological father…Even if it’s true, even if he’s dead, maybe you have…I don’t know…aunts? Cousins?”

  “Forget it, Mom. It’s a Pelagic, not a family reunion.” Whatever that meant. “I’m going to this meeting and that’s it. Jonas thought we ought to stop by and let you know we’ll be out of town for a while.” And it was for just this sort of reason that she tended to avoid trips to the Cape. “Oh, and I gotta get someth
ing out of Sam’s office. And then we’re out of here.”

  “Will Prince Artur be there?”

  Fred groaned. “Yes.”

  “It’s a regular Hottie Convention,” Jonas said. “It’s just stupid how all the Undersea Folk are gorgeous.”

  “Hmmm,” her mother said.

  “What, ‘hmmm’?”

  “It’s amazing how a person such as myself, generally open and friendly, could have raised such a suspicious creature.”

  “Well, so what if you did?” Fred snapped. “Who cares if Artur’s there? Not me! I haven’t even thought about the guy since he said he wanted me to be a princess and then swam out of town. And I don’t want to think about him, and I’ll thank you two to stop cramming him down my throat!”

  Jonas and Moon blinked at her.

  Fred coughed and lowered her voice. “Also, I’d like to use Sam’s office for a minute. And also the bathroom. And then we’re out of here.”

  “Well, that’s fine, sweetie. Have fun at your Pelican.”

  “Oh, sure,” Fred muttered. “Tons of fun at the Pelican. Pelican, here I come.”

  “Here we come,” Jonas corrected her, cheerfully.

  Fred bit back several retorts, contented herself with a final baleful glare, and exited the kitchen.

  Seven

  The van pulled up to the Pirate’s Cove Resort on Little Cayman Island with its engine laboring. It was painted serial killer green, and smelled like feet.

  “Finally!” Jonas said, peering out a dirty window. “I thought we’d never get here.”

  “And I thought you’d never shut up.” It had been an excruciating twelve hours, made more difficult by the fact that Fred was not a fan of flying. But she only had herself to blame for the long day. She had declined the Grim Duo’s offers to lead her to the meeting place via the ocean. She didn’t think she could swim all the way to the Caymans in less than four days. In fact, she’d never been farther south than Florida. And she sure as hell couldn’t keep up with a couple of full-blooded Undersea Folk. She’d pass on the humiliation, thanks.

  As he had promised, Jonas had fixed her time off with Dr. Barb. He’d even packed their bags and cleaned out their fridges. Fred just sat back and let him organize her life. It made things easier on her, and seemed to calm him down.

  She and Jonas climbed out of the van, fetched their luggage, then coughed as the driver roared off in a spume of dust.

  “Real friendly around here, aren’t they?” Jonas gasped, waving the cloud of dust away from his face.

  “Well, we were promised privacy. Can’t have mermaids beaching themselves on public property.”

  Jonas snickered and slung his bag over one shoulder. He was bizarrely attired in a yellow Hawaiian shirt, buttercup yellow shorts, and penny loafers without socks. He had forgotten his sunglasses, and so he squinted. His hair, as always, looked perfect.

  Fred, by contrast, felt as wrung out as an old washcloth. Her green hair was matted to her head, she needed a shower, and her shorts kept trying to climb into her ass. If she actually cared about her appearance, this could be—

  “Hey! You’re here!”

  And before she could say anything, or step out of reach, Dr. Thomas Pearson ran up to her and planted a kiss on her mouth.

  Eight

  “Wh-what?” She dropped her bag. On her foot, unfortunately, but she was too amazed to reach for her throbbing toes. “What are you doing here?”

  “You kidding? Who do you think is paying for the resort?” Thomas spread his arms, indicating the deserted buildings and empty beach. “I promised Artur I’d clear out the resort so you guys could have your big meeting. Booked the whole place for a month and gave the staff paid time off. Bad news is, we have to do our own cooking.”

  “You know about the Pelagic?”

  Her fellow marine biologist laughed hard. “Yeah, is that a great name, or what?”

  “I don’t get it,” Jonas complained. “Stop talking in your secret marine biologist language, you geeks. But it’s nice to see you again, Dr. Moneybags.”

  “You, too, Jonas.” The two men shook hands. “You still seeing Barb?”

  “Ohhhh, yes!”

  “Don’t get him started,” Fred begged.

  She made a mighty effort to recover from her shock. As if the upcoming Pelagic wasn’t unnerving enough, as if the Grim Duo hadn’t been annoying, now here was Thomas, friendly as a puppy and ten times as cute. Her mouth actually burned from his kiss.

  She tried again. “What are you doing here?”

  He slung an arm around her and she shook him off. “You’ve only got yourself to blame,” he said cheerfully. “Artur tracked me down in England and invited me to the meeting. Apparently it’s bad form among mer-people to pursue a lady while fixing it so your rival can’t.”

  “What?” Fred was having a terrible time tracking the conversation.

  “Oh ho!” Jonas cried, and she was annoyed to see that her friend was having zero trouble tracking the conversation. “Artur won’t try to get Fred into bed unless you’re also trying?”

  “Basically.”

  “What?”

  Jonas cringed away from her, but Thomas, to his credit, stood his ground. “Who am I to argue with Undersea Folk tradition?”

  “I think I could take a crack at it,” Fred retorted.

  “Hey, it’s actually pretty civilized when you think about it.”

  “Too bad,” she grated, “no one ran it by me.”

  “Besides, you think I’d miss this chance? No way in hell!”

  “The chance to try to bone Fred?” Jonas asked, wiggling his blond brows. “Or to see a thousand topless mermaids?”

  “Whatever.” Thomas beamed. “It’s all good.”

  “I’m getting a migraine,” Fred muttered. “Which hut is mine?”

  “The one I’m sleeping in,” Thomas said hopefully.

  “Nice try. I’ll take that one.” And she marched toward number six.

  Nine

  The insistent banging on her hut door woke Fred from an uneasy nap. In fact, at first the pounding incorporated itself into her dream.

  It was thirty years ago and she was trying to break into her mother’s house to warn her not not not to have sex with the merman she found on the beach. But no matter how hard she pounded, her mother didn’t heed, or even turn her head. Fred pounded harder—

  —and woke up.

  Her door was actually rattling on the hinges; whoever was outside was in a hell of a hurry to talk to her (or possibly to use her bathroom). She rolled off the bed and staggered to the door.

  “All right, hold your pee!” She yanked the door open and felt herself seized, lifted off her feet, and squeezed in a mighty bear hug.

  She punched the Prince of the Undersea Folk in his left eye, and he set her down. “Ah, my Rika. How nice to see you again.” He touched his eye, which was starting to swell. “As gracious as ever.”

  “That’s what you get, Grabby Pants.” She tried to sound grudging, but was quite pleased to see him again. And he looked wonderful, as always. Big. Vibrant. Hair and beard those unbelievable shades of red. Like King Neptune in the flesh. And speaking of flesh, he was clothed (barely) in a pair of tattered khaki shorts and that was it. He wiggled his sand-covered toes in her direction. “What’s the big rush?”

  “Only to see you, Little Rika. I am pleased you accepted our invitation.”

  “The Grim Duo didn’t make it sound like I had much choice.”

  “Grim?” Artur’s kingly brow furrowed, then smoothed. “Ah, Tennian and that other fellow, what’s-his-name.”

  “Comforting that you can’t remember them all, either. Anyway, they sort of goose-stepped me until I showed up.”

  Artur threw his head back and laughed. “As if anyone could force your hand, Fredrika Bimm!”

  “I think that was a compliment.”

  He beamed at her. “And how is your lady mother?”

  “She’s great. She and my st
epdad have started taking in foster kids.”

  Artur’s brow wrinkled. “Foster…?”

  “Kids whose parents beat on them or are orphans or whatever.”

  “Your people…beat children? Your own children?”

  “Well.” She coughed. “Yeah. Some of them. Us.”

  Artur made a mighty effort and managed to clear the look of horror from his face. “Well, that is a fine thing your mother does. A great lady.”

  “Thanks. You’re looking good.” Mild understatement.

  “And you, Little Rika, you look good enough to gobble up raw.”

  “How sweet. You want to explain what Thomas is doing here?”

  Artur scowled, and Fred barely swallowed the giggle that tried to escape. “He is my chief rival for your affections.”

  “Yeah, okay, keep going.”

  “It would be unseemly to whisk you away somewhere he could not access. I must show every courtesy to my rival. Also,” Artur added thoughtfully, “I wish for my father to meet him. He is a formidable warrior. For a biped.”

  “So you said last year.”

  “Ah, your wound.” He poked her shoulder, and she restrained the urge to punch him in the other eye. These people had no sense of personal space. “You have healed well?”

  “Sure. No thanks to you two psychos.”

  “You cannot fault our concern.”

  There was plenty she could fault them with. But now wasn’t the time. “Well, brace yourself. Not only is Thomas here, but you’re stuck with Jonas, too. He sort of came with the package.”

  Artur didn’t smile, but he didn’t freak out, either. “Your friend has behaved honorably in the past, and has kept your secret for…what?”

  “Going on twenty-five years.”

  “I do not fear Jonas; he is discreet.”

  “Discreet? You must be thinking of another Jonas.”

  “It was good that Thomas accepted my invitation,” Artur continued. “He and Jonas will be the first surface dwellers in the history of our kind to come to a Pelagic.”

  “Yeah, and it’s all gone straight to his head.”

  “That would be because of your presence, Little Rika, not mine.”