Twelve Sharp

  'You've been getting phone calls? With the big guy actually saying something on the other end?'

  'Well I gotta do most of the talking, but I can hear him breathing.'

  'Big guy?' Connie said. 'What's that about?'

  'Lula's having a thing with Tank,' I told her.

  'Get the hell out,' Connie said. 'Shut up.'

  'It's only the beginning stages,' Lula said. 'But I think this could be it. I tell you, he's a hunk of burning love. He's a sex bomb. He's a big ol' honey bear.'

  'Who's Tank?' Meri wanted to know.

  'He's Ranger's top guy,' Lula said. 'He watches Ranger's back, and he takes over when Ranger's away.'

  'So I guess he's in charge now?' Meri asked.

  'Yeah, sort of,' Lula said.

  A black Corvette with red, orange and green flame detailing screeched to a stop in front of the office and angled into the curb in front of Lula's Firebird.

  'Here comes Vampira again,' Lula said. 'Wouldn't you think once a day was enough? What did we do to deserve this?'

  'Connie hired her,' I said.

  We all glared at Connie.

  'I gave her three impossible files. I didn't think we'd ever see her again. I thought I was getting rid of her. And anyway, you were the one who suggested giving her the impossibles!' Connie said to me, glaring back. 'I'm not taking the fall for this all by myself.'

  Joyce Barnhardt shoved through the front door and stood in the middle of the floor looking like something fresh out of an S&M movie. She'd improved on the black leather outfit by adding a black leather utility belt that carried a can of Mace, a stun gun, a Glock, and cuffs. Only the whip was missing.

  'These two files you gave me are impossible,' she said, tossing the files onto Connie's desk.

  'And?' Connie said.

  'There are no leads. Everything hits a wall. These assholes aren't even dead. I want something else.'

  'Everything else is assigned,' Connie said.

  'Then reassign someone.' Joyce looked at the Lonnie Johnson file open on Connie's desk. 'I want this one. I saw this guy on the wall in the post office. This is worth something. Armed robbery. I could get my teeth into this one.'

  'Yeah, but you're supposed to bring them in to get re-booked, not gnaw on them,' Lula said.

  'Shut up, fatso.'

  Lula was out of her seat, and Connie and I jumped between her and Joyce.

  'Take it,' Connie said to Joyce. 'Just get out of here!'

  Joyce snatched the file and swished out of the office.

  'Never mind finding the make of the car and the license number,' I said to Meri.

  'Boy, too bad,' Lula said. 'I was looking forward to going after Lonnie Johnson.'

  'Me too,' I said. 'I'm real disappointed.'

  Lula's phone rang. She looked at the readout, pumped her fist in the air, did a victory dance, and bustled outside to have some privacy.

  'Is she really going out with Tank?' Connie wanted to know.

  'Looks that way,' I said.

  'How did that happen?'

  'I think it was fate.' And Caroline Scarzolli.

  'I guess we're left with Charles Chin,' Meri said.

  I looked at Chin's file. White-collar crime. He'd embezzled close to $15,000 while working at one of the local banks. He had a house in a nice neighborhood in north Trenton. And he hadn't shown up for his court appearance.

  'He answered the phone sounding very drunk,' Meri said.

  'When did you call?'

  'About an hour ago.'

  I grabbed my bag and stuffed the file in it. 'Let's roll.'

  Meri looked hopeful. 'Me too?'

  'Yes. We shouldn't have a problem with this. We'll let Lula do her shopping.'

  I took the Mini and didn't bother to check for a tail. Best not to know, I thought. Meri, on the other hand, kept checking her mirror.

  'Don't look,' I told her.

  'But what if we're followed?'

  I didn't want to explain the whole process to her so I conceded. 'You're right,' I said. 'Let me know if we're followed.'

  'I thought we were being followed when we first left the office but then the car disappeared.'

  Imagine that.

  I turned onto Cherry Street and Meri read off the house numbers.

  'It's on the right,' she said. 'The grey house with the white shutters.'

  I parked in front of the house and tucked my cuffs into the back of my jeans and slipped a small canister of pepper spray into my jeans pocket.

  'Just stand behind me and smile like you're friendly and let me do the talking,' I told Meri.

  We walked to the small front porch and rang the bell and waited. No answer. I rang again, and I heard something crash into the door. I stepped away from the door and looked into the front window. There was a man lying on the floor in front of the door.

  'Try the door and see if it opens,' I told Meri.

  Meri turned the knob and pushed. 'Nope. Locked.'

  I walked around to the back of the house and tried the back door. Also locked. I returned to the front and started looking for a key. Not under the mat. Not in a fake rock alongside the step. Not in the flowerpot.

  'Everyone leaves a key somewhere,' I said to Meri.

  I felt on top of the doorjamb. Bingo. The key. The door opened a crack but wouldn't go any further. The body was in the way. I forced the door to open enough for me to get my foot in, and then I shoved the body with my foot.

  We squeezed in, carefully stepping over the body. We compared the body to the picture on the bond agreement. Charles Chin, all right.

  'Is he dead?' Meri wanted to know.

  I bent to take a closer look. He was breathing, and he smelled like he just crawled out of a bottle.

  'Drunk,' I said, clapping the cuffs on him. 'I love apprehending unconscious people.'

  We each got under an armpit and dragged Charles Chin out of his house and stuffed him into the back seat of my car. I went back to lock up and my phone rang.

  'He isn't dead is he?' Ranger asked.

  'No. Drunk. Where are you?'

  'I'm almost a block away. Tank was supposed to be keeping his eye on you, but he had a nooner, so I'm filling in. Who's riding with you?'

  'Meri Maisonet. She's the new BEA. No experience, but she seems okay.'

  I disconnected, locked up, and went back to the car.

  'Now what?' Meri asked.

  'Now we take him to the police station and get him checked in. If he was sober I'd call Vinnie or Connie and try to get him rebooked while court was in session. Since he's out like a light, he's going to have to sleep it off in a cell.'

  It was mid-afternoon by the time we returned to the bonds office. Lula was out shopping. Melvin had gone through all the filing and was making new tabs for the file cabinets. Connie was surfing eBay. Vinnie's door was closed.

  I gave Connie my body receipt. 'Anything new I should know about?'

  'Nope. Nothing new. All the bad guys have gone to the shore for the weekend.'

  'I'm heading out then. See you tomorrow.'

  I slid behind the wheel and called Morelli.

  'What's happening?' I asked.

  'Murder, mayhem. The usual stuff.'

  'Are you up for dinner with my parents?'

  'Yeah, I'm afraid if I don't fill that seat you'll bring in the second team.'

  'Very funny. See you there at six.'

  Ranger followed me into my apartment. 'My radar is humming so loud it's giving me a headache. This guy is watching you. I know he's there. And I can't get a fix on him.' He removed his gun and put it on the counter next to his keys. 'What do you know about Meri Maisonet?'

  'Almost nothing. New to the area. Didn't show up for the interview in black leather, and didn't say she wanted to kill people, so we hired her.'

  'She has cop written all over her.'

  'She said her father was a cop. Connie ran her, and she seemed to check out.'

  Ranger punched her into his computer. 'Let's
see what we get.'

  Twenty minutes into the computer search, my phone rang. I answered on speaker phone so Ranger could hear. There was a pause, and then Scrog's voice.

  'I followed you around today. I saw you make the capture. Not bad, but I could teach you some things,' Scrog said.

  'Like what?'

  'I could teach you to shoot. I know a lot about guns. I could teach you about everything. And I don't like that you look so unprofessional. You don't look like a bounty hunter. If we're going to work together you have to dress better. You should look like that other bounty hunter who came to the office. The one with the red hair.'

  'Joyce Barnhardt?'

  'I don't know. The one in the black leather. She looked great. You need to dress like that from now on if you want to hook up with me.'

  I glanced at Ranger and caught him almost smiling.

  'Maybe,' I said to Scrog.

  'No! You'll do as I say. We're a team. You have to do as I say.'

  'Okay, I'll dress like that if you will. Is that a deal?'

  'Yeah. Okay. It's a deal.'

  'So, what are you doing these days? Have you made any captures lately?'

  'I captured my daughter.'

  'That wasn't a capture. She probably wanted to go with you.'

  'Yeah, but it was tricky. I had to get her on a plane and everything.'

  I could hear his voice ratchet up a notch. He wanted to brag about his kidnapping success. 'How did you do that?'

  'You're going to love this. I drugged her, and then I wrapped her leg in one of those inflatable casts and put her in a wheel chair. Everyone thought she was drugged because she was in all this pain and flying to Jersey for special medical help. Pretty good, huh?'

  'Is she there now?'

  'Yeah.'

  'Can I talk to her?

  'I don't think that's a good idea. You have to wait until you see her.'

  'When do I get to see her?'

  'I don't know. I have to figure a way to get you here. You're always being followed. It's starting to get on my nerves.'

  'I don't believe you. I bet she isn't there.'

  His voice ratcheted up again. 'Of course she's here. Where the hell do you think she'd be?'

  'I don't know. I thought maybe she ran away.'

  'Okay, you can talk to her but make it quick.' There was some fumbling noise, and I heard Scrog prod Julie. 'Talk,' he said off stage.

  'Hello,' I said. 'Julie? Are you there?'

  'Who's this?' she asked whisper soft.

  'It's Stephanie. Are you okay?'

  She took a moment, and I was unable to breathe, waiting for her answer.

  'Yes,' she said. Her little girl voice wobbled. 'Do you know my father?'

  'Yes,' I said. 'We're friends. I work with your father.'

  She absorbed that for a beat. 'Well, I hope you come visit before we move on again.'

  There was a yelp and the line went dead.

  I looked over at Ranger. His face was devoid of expression, and his breathing was slow and measured. Ranger was in lockdown mode.

  I didn't have a lockdown mode. Tears swarmed behind my eyes, and a large, painful undefined emotion clogged my throat. I blinked the tears away and blew out some air. 'Jeez,' I said.

  Ranger cut his eyes to me and gave me a moment to get myself together. 'You have a goal,' he finally said quietly. 'The goal is to rescue Julie. You have to focus on the goal. If you give yourself up to unproductive emotion you can't focus on the goal. Let's think this through. Scrog wouldn't risk taking Julie in the car when he was following you around. So he saw you go into this building and then he returned to his hiding place. That means he's no more than twenty minutes away. And Julie said they were moving around. That might mean they're in a camper or a motor home.'

  'Can you run stolen property checks?' I asked Ranger.

  'Yes, but the police have faster access.'

  I called Morelli on his cell. 'Can you run a stolen property check for me? I want you to see if any campers or motor homes have been reported stolen in the last two weeks. All of New Jersey and eastern Pennsylvania.'

  I hung up and my phone rang again.

  'I had to hang up,' Scrog said. 'If you stay on too long they can trace you.'

  'How do you know all these things?' I asked him.

  'I know everything. I'm the best bounty hunter in the world. Anyway, everybody knows about tracing. They always talk about it on television and in the movies. I called back because I have a plan. The feds are watching you so you have to act natural. I want you to dress like a bounty hunter so they think you're going to work all the time. And then I'm going to show you how to lose them. I want you to be in your car driving around at midnight tonight. I'll call you on your cell phone.'

  'Can't we do this earlier? I don't stay up that late.'

  'Midnight. It's so the people following you will be tired. Jesus, take a nap or something. What's your cell phone number?'

  I gave him the number and he hung up.

  'He's created an odd world for himself,' I said to Ranger.

  'If the stakes weren't so high I'd probably think some of this was funny.' Ranger returned to the computer. 'You need to get some bounty hunter clothes.'

  'I don't know where to go to get bounty hunter clothes.' I looked at my watch. 'And I haven't got a lot of time. I'm supposed to be at my parents' house at six. Maybe I could wear your clothes.'

  'You're welcome to wear my clothes any time of the day or night, but I don't think that's what Scrog had in mind. I'll send Ella out shopping. She knows your size.'

  'Are you getting anything on Meri?'

  'Not at first look, but I think her history feels constructed. It's too perfect. I'm going to give this to Silvio.'

  Stephanie Plum 12 - Twelve Sharp

  Nineteen

  'I made lasagna today,' my mother said. 'Your father wanted Italian. It's in the oven staying warm. And there's extra gravy on the stove. Maybe you can help your grandmother with the bread and salad.'

  'I already got the bread and the salad,' Grandma said. 'And I got some antipasto going. We got salami and olives and anchovies and cheese.'

  It was five minutes before six o'clock, and my mother was counting down. 'Grated cheese? Butter? Olive oil?'

  I pulled the butter and cheese out of the refrigerator and got the olive oil out of the cabinet. I set them all on the table. The red wine was already uncorked. A bottle at each end.

  The front door opened, and Morelli and Bob walked in, and bang we were off and running for the dining room. My father was first to sit. My grandmother skidded in right behind him.

  'We don't want dinner to run over,' my grandmother said. 'Sally's coming here at seven and we're going to rehearse.'

  My father was concentrating on the dish of lasagna, tuning my grandmother out. He mumbled something, and we all leaned forward to hear.

  'Say again?' I said to him.

  'Gravy.'

  My mother sent the red sauce down to him, and he poured it over everything and dug in, never raising his head. At first glance the best you might say for my parents' marriage is that my mother never stabbed my father in the ass with the carving knife. If you look closer, you see they've found a lifestyle designed for the long haul. My father makes a huge effort to ignore my grandmother. My mother has a few rituals that make my father feel like he counts. And there's an underlying affection that's expressed mostly through tolerance.

  Morelli filled his plate and passed on the wine.

  'Working tonight?' I asked him.

  'I don't think these are days when I'd want to risk impaired judgement.'

  I admired his work ethic, but I had no intention of following it. I really needed a glass of wine.

  'Did you find any stolen property?' I asked him.

  He pulled a file card out of his shirt pocket. 'I got two hits. I have the details here for you. And the license numbers. You might not want to put too much stock in the license. If you have a smart thie
f, he'll swap out the plate. Should we be working harder to find these vehicles?'