Until Lilly

  “But why?”

  “I don’t know.” She shrugs again. “All I know is that the day Cash told us that he was getting a divorce, I popped a bottle of champagne.”

  “Was she really that bad?”

  “You don’t even know the half of it,” she says, looking out the window, watching as Cash, his dad, and Nico all stand watching as Jules flings her arms around. I can tell Cash says something to her when she looks at the glass door, her eyes on me.

  “If looks could kill,” Liz says.

  “Yeah. I agree.”

  “Don’t worry; she’s a lot of bark, and no bite.”

  “Okay,” I say, not believing it for a second. I could tell from the look on her face that this is just the beginning. I watch out the glass door as she stomps off through the yard. Cash’s head hangs low. Then Nico is there, putting his arm around his shoulders and telling him something. Then his dad is in front of him, doing the same. I watch for a while, but once Jules doesn’t come back, I go to check on the kids.

  *~*~*

  “Hey, baby. What are you doing?” My eyes open and Cash is standing above me wearing nothing but a pair of swim trunks. I guard my eyes against the sun, trying to get a better view of his chest and abs. The minute I move, Jax wiggles, and I remember that I have one kid napping on each side of me.

  “We were reading a story.” I look down at both kids. I put sunblock lotion on them earlier, but it may be time for more. “What time is it?” I ask as Cash lays down on the other side of Ashlyn.

  “A little after two.” His fingers run along the side of my face, then down and over my bottom lip. “You’re getting a little pink,” he says, running his finger over the bridge of my nose.

  “Yeah, I should probably put some more lotion on, and put more on these two,” I say, running my hands over each of the kids’ heads. Cash’s face goes soft and he leans forward, kissing me softly.

  “You ready to talk about my ex?” he asks, and it surprises me that he’s the one bringing it up. After she left and I found the kids, he came in to make sure that we were okay. Then he took Jax aside and talked to him. I don’t know what he said, but Jax looked so sad that I hated Jules in that moment. I don’t think any parent should talk to their child the way she spoke to Jax, or the way she talked in front of him. Her and Cash’s problems were their problems and should be discussed between the two of them, not in front of an audience, including six small children.

  “I don’t know.” I shrug; I don’t know if I want to talk about his ex. The thought of him with her makes me feel sick.

  “I would like to get it all out, if that’s okay with you.”

  “Sure,” I say, taking a deep breath trying to prepare myself.

  “I was hooking up with her before I met you.” He moves, laying on his side and propping his head in his hand. “We would hook up, but that’s all it ever was.”

  “Okay.” I swallow the lump in my throat.

  “The minute I met you, I stopped seeing her and any anyone else.” I nod, my eyes closing in relief. “About three months later, she calls me to tell me that she’s pregnant, and that unless I want her to get an abortion, I needed to go with her to the doctor.” I look down to make sure that both the kids are still asleep. I don’t think that this is something they should ever know. “I met her at the appointment and the doctor did an ultrasound. I saw Jax for the first time and heard his heartbeat, and I fell so deeply in love in that moment.” He takes a deep breath. “After the appointment, Jules told me that if I wanted her to keep the baby, I needed to cut everyone else off and focus on her.” He looks past me, running his hand over his mouth before his eyes come back to me. “I hated doing it, but I wanted my son. I knew that Jules wasn’t going to make it easy, but at the end of the day, if my child was healthy and happy, everything else would pale in comparison.”

  “I can understand that,” I whisper, running my fingers through Cash’s hair that had fallen forward into his eyes.

  “Well, you know I called you and told you I couldn’t see you anymore.” I nod, that same pain from a few years ago shooting through my chest. “She moved in with me. I wanted to keep her close; I didn’t want her to have a chance to get an abortion. I was afraid if I turned my back for a second, that’s exactly what she would do. At first, our relationship was nothing but her living in my house, and then things changed. I didn’t love her, but I cared about her, and I looked at Asher and Trevor’s relationships and they were both so happy…and I wanted that for myself. At the time, Jules was so easy to get along with. So I tried to build a relationship with her.” I bite my lip trying not to cry; I don’t want to know this. “It never worked. Right after we got married, things changed. She changed. She turned into someone who was mean and manipulative. Or maybe she was like that before, but I was wanting what my brothers had so badly that I looked past it,” he says quietly, reaching towards me and wiping away a single tear that has made its way down my cheek. “You know, she was bad, but I'm also to blame.” He runs his thumb across my bottom lip. “I was still stuck on you, and kept comparing everything about her to you.” Oh, God, I couldn’t take anymore. I was going to start sobbing if he didn’t stop. “I will do everything in my power to keep us together and to make you fall in love with me again.” I don’t think that it’ll be that hard for him to do. My mom and dad are going to kick my ass, but I just can’t help feeling like I’m meant to be with him.

  “Cash?”

  “Yeah?” He leans forward, kissing me lightly.

  “What did she say to you before she left?”

  “That she was going to try and get custody of Jax.”

  “No,” I gasp as I run my hand over Jax’s head at my waist.

  “Don’t worry; this isn’t the first time she’s tried. She won’t take him from me. He doesn’t even really know her. Yes, he knows she’s his mom, but that’s all. They don’t have a relationship.”

  “That’s really sad.” I look down at Ashlyn. I can’t imagine not having her.

  “She’s not like normal moms, babe. Even when Jax was a baby, she would get mad if he cried or if he needed attention. My mom has been more of a mom to him than she has.”

  “Maybe she needs help.”

  “I don’t know; I tried to help her. I also tried to talk her into seeing someone after Jax was born, but she wouldn’t. The last straw for me was when Jax was learning to walk and he stumbled into her. She was holding a glass of juice, and when he bumped her, the juice went all over her outfit. She pushed Jax back, and then started yelling about her ruined clothes. After that, I kicked her out of the house and told her I was getting a lawyer and filing for full custody.”

  “Poor Jax,” I whisper, closing my eyes.

  “She’s not around often, and if she is, the visitations are supervised.” Just then, I feel movement at my left and look down to see Jax opening his eyes.

  “Hey, dude, did you have a good nap?” Cash asks him, and Jax climbs over me onto Cash’s chest, kicking Ashlyn accidently in the process, waking her up.

  “Hey, love bug.”

  “Are we going to the zoo?” She smiles sleepily up at me, then Cash.

  “Tomorrow,” I tell her as she cuddles into me. Cash pulls me over so my head is on his chest with Ashlyn between us, and Jax laying on top of him. We all lay there, the warmth of the sun beating down on us. Cash’s fingers run up and down my arm. I feel loved, safe, and whole for the first time in years. I know it’s too soon, but it feels so right that I don’t care.

  Chapter 4

  Cash

  “Hey, man, are you okay?” Asher asks. I look around the now-quiet jobsite realizing I must have been daydreaming. It’s been two months since the bar-b-que at Asher’s house—two months of getting to know my daughter, and two months of reconnecting with Lilly. All of it has been perfect, except I want more. I want Ashlyn and Lilly in my house with Jax and me. I want to be able to kiss them both before bed at night, and wake up and see them and my son every mo
rning. I hate when I have to say goodbye to them, and I know Jax doesn’t like it much either.

  “Yeah.” I smile as Asher sits, opening a bottle of water.

  “How are things with you and Lilly?”

  “Really good.” I look at Asher, who seems to want to say something. “What is it?” I sigh. I know everyone likes Lilly. My mom loves her, but there are times I can see them waiting for her to flip out like Jules would.

  “Why doesn’t she live with you?”

  “What? That’s what you want to say?”

  “Yeah, I mean, I can’t imagine not having my girls there when I get up in the morning.”

  “I don’t like it, if that’s what you’re thinking. But I have been trying to take things slow. I fucked up big time with her, so right now, I'm just trying to prove to her that I'm in for the long haul.”

  “Can you prove it by this weekend?”

  “What?” I feel my eyebrows draw together in confusion.

  “You know, this weekend. Can you have her move in with you by this weekend?”

  “Were you listening to what I just said?” I mean, I want her to live with me; shit, there are a lot of things I want, but taking it slow includes waiting on moving in and sleeping together. Since that time in the shower at Asher’s house, I haven’t had my mouth on anything but her mouth. Just thinking about the way she looked—the way she fucking tasted—makes me hard.

  “Come on, I can help you move her in,” Asher says, dragging me out of my dirty thoughts.

  “Dude, don’t you think that if it was that easy, I would have had her moved in already?” I shake my head and go to stand.

  “I know, but maybe you need to try harder.”

  “What the hell is going on?” I cross my arms over my chest, narrowing my eyes.

  “Nothing, just looking out for you,” he says looking away, and I know he’s up to something.

  “What the fuck is going on?” I repeat.

  “Nothing,” he mumbles before standing and walking off. I shake my head and look around the jobsite before gathering my stuff and heading over to where I was working before my break. Once I get there, Trevor comes around the corner.

  “Hey, man, how’s it going?” he asks, shoving his hands into his pockets.

  “Good, what’s up?” I look at him for a second before using the nail gun to tack up another piece of drywall.

  “Good, good.” He looks around before taking a step towards me. “I just wanted to see how things are going with you and Lilly.”

  “Things are good,” I say through my teeth. “Why the fuck are you and Asher so interested all a sudden?”

  “What do you mean Asher and me?” His eyes narrow; now, I know something is going on.

  “Dude, what the fuck?”

  “Lilly’s not moving in with you, is she?” he asks, looking nervous.

  “I’m going to shoot you in the ass with the nail gun unless you start talking.”

  “All right, we may have had a bet.” He holds up his hands in front of him.

  “You may have had a bet?” I repeat, my finger on the trigger starting to tighten.

  “Okay, okay…we had a bet. Asher said Lilly would move in this weekend and I said no way, that it would take at least another couple more weeks.”

  “How the fuck are we related?” I shake my head. “Never mind. Shouldn’t you be working?”

  “Yeah, well, I took a break to call Liz to check on her; this pregnancy is a lot harder on her than the last one.”

  “She’ll be fine.”

  “I know. I just hate when she isn’t well.” He hands me another sheet of drywall. “I know Jules was never sick, but was Lilly sick with Ashlyn?” he asks, holding the drywall in place.

  “Yeah, she said she was nauseous up until six months,” I tell him, feeling my chest squeeze. I hate that she went through that alone. I hate that I missed her body changing.

  “You know, you never told me if you confronted Jules about the messages she sent to Lilly.” One night, I asked Lilly to show me the messages that she had printed out. At first, I was going to burn them, but the minute I got them in my hand, I wanted to kill Jules. I read the words over and over again. I hate that Lilly had gotten that kind of response; even though I didn’t send the messages, the fact that they came from my phone, at a time when she needed me, fucked with my head big time.

  “I don’t want to give Jules the power if she knows that she hurt Lilly, even just for a second. She would get off on that shit.”

  “You’re right about that. I don’t know how the fuck you still deal with her ass.”

  “It’s not by choice. If I could cut her out of my life completely, I would, but I have to think about Jax.”

  “True. So how is it being a dad to a little girl?” he asks, making me smile.

  “Fucking terrifying. I have always been worried about Jax and his safety, but with Ashlyn, it’s something completely different. You know she called me Daddy for the first time a week ago?” I shake my head at the memory. “We had all gone out to dinner, and then to see the new kid’s movie with the little yellow guys, and we were walking into the theater. I had my hand on Lilly’s ass—where it normally ended up—and Ashlyn and Jax were walking in front of us carrying popcorn when Ashlyn turned to Jax and asked him, ‘Can I sit next to Daddy?’ I wanted to fucking cry, and Jax, my little man, shrugged like, ‘I don’t give a fuck who sits where, as long as we’re watching the movie’.”

  “Damn, bet that felt good,” Trevor said, slapping me on the back.

  “Yeah, it did. It also hurt that it took her so long to say it. Knowing the reasons why she didn’t.”

  “So what is your plan?”

  “What do you mean?” I look at him, my eyebrows coming together in confusion.

  “You know, moving in, getting married?”

  “I don’t know. I'm just taking it one day at a time. I'm just thankful as fuck that Jax has fallen in love with Lilly and Ashlyn.”

  “What about you?” he asks with a smirk.

  “What about me?”

  “Are you in love with Lilly?”

  “Fuck yeah.” I nod and can’t help the shit-eating grin that splits my face.

  “I knew it, and I can see when she looks at you and Jax that she feels the same.”

  “You think?”

  “What, you haven’t told her?” I shake my head no. “Why the fuck not?”

  “Who are you, Dr. Phil?”

  “No, but I do know that when I discovered that I loved Liz and held it back, it ate me alive until I cornered her and forced her to tell me she loved me too.”

  “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” I chuckle.

  “Laugh all you want, asshole, but I know what I'm talking about.”

  “How about you let me worry about that?”

  “Sure, but when you flip the fuck out on her about it, don’t come crying to me.”

  “You—” I start to tell him that he needs help when my phone rings, showing that it’s my mom’s number. I answer right away; she has been keeping Jax and Ashlyn for Lilly and me while we’re at work. “Hey, Ma, what’s going on?”

  “I just got a call from Lilly,” she says, sounding concerned. My stomach drops. I can hear the kids in the background laughing.

  “Ma?”

  “Oh, honey, she says she got picked up by the police,” she whispers into the phone, and I know I must have heard her wrong. “She’s didn’t want to call you in case you couldn’t pick up.” Oh, God, I was going to be sick.

  “What happened?” I ask, starting to wrap up my tools. I feel Trevor at my side, and I know he’s waiting to find out what’s going on.

  “I don’t know; she only had a couple minutes, so she told me where they were holding her and who to contact,” she says, sounding more nervous than before.

  “Ma, I need you to talk to me so I can help Lilly.” It takes her a second to pull it together. She tells me where Lilly is and who to contact at the station, and the
second I hang up, I'm on the phone with my dad, hoping that he knows someone who can help me out when I get there.

  “What’s going on?” Trevor asks as I head out to my truck.

  “Lilly’s being held by the police,” I tell him without thinking.

  “What do you mean she’s being held by the police?” I hold up my hand when Dad picks up. I explain to him what Mom said, and he says he will meet me at the station where Lilly is.

  “You gonna tell me what’s going on?” Trevor asks. I hadn’t even realized he got into my truck with me.

  “I don’t know. Ma couldn’t tell me much; all she knows is that Lilly is being held, and the officer I need to speak to is Dan Pike.”

  “Did she say what she was picked up for?”

  “Nope.” I pull my hat off to run a shaky hand through my hair.

  “It will be okay. Dad will meet us there and get everything straightened out.”

  “Yeah,” I mumble, trying to calm down enough so I can drive the speed limit and get to the station in once piece. Trevor and I don’t talk during the drive; my mind is racing with question after question and coming up with nothing. When we finally pull up to the precinct, my dad is already there waiting for us outside the building. I shut off the truck, pulling my hat back on before hopping out.

  “All right, son, I just talked to an officer and he was able to explain to me that she is being held for questioning. Now, I want you to be calm when I tell you what’s going on.”

  “Is she okay?”

  “I haven’t seen her, but I'm sure she will be fine. Now, she wasn’t arrested, but brought in for suspicion of check fraud, and they say they have evidence against her, but he couldn’t tell me what it was.”

  “Check fraud?”

  “That’s what they’re saying.”

  “That’s bullshit.”

  “I don’t know, son. They usually don’t bring people in without having a reason to.”

  “Dad, you’ve been around her; she can’t even lie without fessing-up right after. I have a hard time believing that she would do what they’re accusing her of.”