Web of Dreams

  surely no more than my age, dressed in a gold

  costume that glittered with multicolored sequins,

  performed acrobatics on a palomino horse,

  somersaulting, standing on her hands and on her head,

  and flipping this way and that, taking the audience's

  breath away. The announcer pointed out one act after

  another: jugglers, magicians, tumblers.

  A drumroll introduced the trapeze artists, and

  two handsome men and a beautiful woman ran to the

  center of the tent to take their bows and begin their

  climb up the ropes. My heart pounded in anticipation.

  There was something to see everywhere I looked.

  When I turned to Luke, I saw that he had been staring

  at me, a small, warm smile on his face, his eyes bright

  with appreciation.

  "It's exciting, isn't it?" he said. "See why I love

  it?"

  "Oh yes. I never realized . . . it's a wonderful

  show."

  "This is only the beginning," he said. "We'll see

  it all."

  Even in my excitement, I realized he had

  entwined his fingers around mine to hold my hand softly, but I didn't mind it; I welcomed it. The music and the laughter, the spectacular performances and constant banter about the various acts, the applause and air of excitement, turned hours into minutes and minutes into seconds. I lost track of time and place. While I was in the circus, I didn't even think about my situation, about my running away from home. It was

  as if the world had stopped turning.

  We had more to eat, hamburgers and bags of

  French fries. Luke started to order another beer, but

  when he saw my face, he stopped and bought himself

  a soda pop, too. Then we had ice cream cones with

  candy sparkles. Luke paid for everything eagerly,

  even though I offered to use some of my money. "Your money is all magic money," he said. "It's

  not fair. As soon as you give it to the vendors, it will

  disappear in their hands."

  "Luke, I can't let you pay for everything. You

  work so hard for your money."

  "I don't mind. I don't have much to spend it on,

  and never do I get a chance to spend it on someone as

  beautiful and nice as you, Leigh," he said. We were

  holding hands again. For a moment I couldn't speak.

  Even though we were i the tent and surrounded by

  hundreds and hundreds of people, I again felt as though there was no one around us, before I knew what was happening, he leaned forward and kissed me

  quickly on the lips.

  "Sorry," he said. "I got so excited, I . . I . .

  couldn't help myself," he stuttered.

  "It's all right." I turned back to the show, but

  my heart was pounding so hard, I thought it could be

  heard above the laughter and clamor around us. Luke

  said nothing, but every once in a while, we looked at

  each other and smiled.

  It wasn't until after the final act of this show

  ended that I thought about the time. I looked at my

  watch and screamed.

  "Luke, look at the time! I'm going to miss my

  train!"

  "Don't worry," he said, but his face was twisted

  with concern. We tried making our way out quickly,

  but the crowd was large and people were bunched up

  at all the exits. Frustrated, we waited our turn. As

  soon as we emerged, we hurried across the grounds to

  the work tent. Luke shot in and out with my suitcase

  and teddy bear in hand. Then we got into his pickup

  truck.

  It didn't start. He tried it again and again. He

  pounded the dashboard angrily and got out to lift the hood and fiddle with the engine. It took a while, but finally, he got it started and we were off to the station. Neither of us spoke very much; we were both thinking too hard about the time and the ride. Because the show had broken at the circus, there was a lot of traffic and quite a backup on the highway. Luke was constantly losing his temper and then apologizing. I tried calming him down. He did his best to weave in and out of lanes, but it took us nearly twice as long to

  return to the station as it had to come from it. When we pulled into the parking lot, I had less

  than five minutes. Luke couldn't find a place to park;

  all the spaces seemed taken. Finally, he just stopped

  the truck.

  "I don't care if they give me a ticket," he said.

  "Come on."

  He scooped up my suitcase and helped me out

  of the truck. Then we ran to the station. The lobby

  seemed to have triple the number of people in it than

  it had when I had first arrived. It was a rush hour. We

  ran down the corridor to my platform and gate, but

  when we arrived, my train was pulling out.

  "Oh, no," I cried.

  We stood there watching the train speed away. I

  was stuck in Atlanta. Luke turned to me.

  "I'm sorry," he said. "I should have watched the

  time."

  "It's my own fault." I took my suitcase from

  him and looked toward the lounge with its hard

  benches.

  "Wait," he said taking my arm. I turned back. "I

  can't let you sit here all night. I don't have much to

  offer, just a mattress on a bed of hay, but . . ." "What?" I didn't absorb what he was saying

  immediately. I was still stunned.

  "Of course I'll sleep on another bed of hay. You

  can't stay here," he pleaded.

  What more can happen to me? I thought. I felt I

  resembled a leaf at the mercy of the wind, tossed and

  tamed this way and that, a lone leaf already carried so

  far away from where it had blossomed and grown. Luke took my suitcase back and then grasped

  my hand in his. I said nothing. I let him lead me away

  and back into the night.

  twenty SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME

  . Still in a daze, I followed Luke to his truck. He opened the door and helped me in and then we started back to the circus. I just sat there, clutching my suitcase to me with my left arm and hugging Angel against me with my right.

  "Don't worry, Leigh," Luke said with

  assurance. "I'll be sure to get you to the train on time tomorrow. There's a gas station up ahead on the right and it has a pay phone on the side. Do you want me to pull up there so you can call your grandmother and tell her you're gonna be a day late?"

  I didn't respond. I barely heard him speak. I felt like someone stuck on a merry-go-round, spinning from one side to another but getting nowhere.

  "Leigh? Don'tcha think you should call her so she won't worry when you're not on the train?"

  "Oh, Luke," I said, unable to hold back the river of tears that s slight to flow freely over my cheeks. "My grandmother doesn't know I'm coming. I'm running away!"

  "'What?" He slowed down. "Running away?" He turned the truck onto a side road away from the traffic and stopped. "So that's why you didn't have much travelin' money. Well, why are you runnin' away from home, Leigh? Sounds to me like you were livin' high on the hog back in New England."

  I cried harder. He slid over on the seat and embraced me tenderly.

  "Hey, take it easy. It's all right. If a sweet and lovely person like you wanted to run away, it has to be for a good reason."

  I couldn't control my sobbing. It seemed to have a mind of its own, making me shake and quiver in his arms. It made me cold and my teeth chattered. Luke tightened his embrace and ran the palm of his hand up and down my arm to warm me.

  "Easy," he said and kissed me softly on
the forehead and then brought his lips down my cheeks to kiss back the tears. I caught my breath and swallowed. "I've run away a hundred times myself. Heck, in a sense I'm runnin' away now, but I always manage to find ray way back somehow. You will too. You'll see," he added with encouragement.

  "I don't want to find my way back," I snapped.

  He nodded.

  "Boy, it must've been bad."

  "It was bad," I said. I took a deep breath, sat back and told him all of it. . .my parents' divorce, what I learned about my mother when I overheard her conversation with Grandma Jenkins, what Tony Tatterton was like, what Earthy was like, and what it was like modeling for the portrait doll. Then, I cried again and told him how Tony had raped me and how my mother wouldn't believe it when I told her.

  "And when I found out that I was pregnant, I ran to my mother, thinking now she would have to believe me, but instead of helping me, she blamed it all on me. On me!" moaned through my tears.

  Luke had turned off the engine and backed against the door of the truck listening as quietly as a church mouse. overcast night sky made it very dark in the truck. We were away from the headlights of other cars and street lights. He sat there in a dark silhouette, but I could sense how somber and thoughtful he was when I paused.

  "I thought these kinds of things happened only to the hillbilly people, people in the Willies. I guess bein' all that rich ain't always what it's cracked up to be," he said. Then his voice turned stern. "I wish I had that Tony Tatterton right here. I'd twist his head until his neck twanged like a broken guitar string."

  I laughed. I couldn't help it. He had such a colorful imagination.

  "See? I knew I could make you feel better. Anyway, I'm sorry now I fed you all that junk food at the circus. You ain't in no condition for that. I'm taking you right to this diner I know on the way back to the circus. It's all homemade cookin', just like my ma's. In fact, the place is called Ma's Diner."

  "Oh, I'm not hungry now, Luke. I'm just very tired."

  "Sure. It's understandable. I know what," he said snapping his fingers. "I'll get you a room in a motel so you can be comfortable. A bed a hay in a circus tent ain't no place for a girl who's havin' a baby," he declared firmly and reached for the ignition key.

  "Oh Luke, I can't let you spend your money like that. I saw how hard you work for every penny."

  "You ain't got no say about it," he replied and started the truck again. I realized there was no arguing with him. When Thomas Luke Casteel had made up his mind about something, he was stubborn and determined. "You need a proper night's rest and comfortable bathroom facilities. Some of these places got television, too," he added and headed the truck back to the main highway.

  He asked me to tell him more about Farthy, so I described the size of the rooms, the maze, the olympic-size pool and tennis courts, the stables and the private beach. He whistled through his teeth and shook his head.

  "I knew there were rich folk, but not that rich. Sounds like this Tony Tatterton owns his own country."

  "Just about."

  "And he makes all this money making toys for rich people?" he asked incredulously.

  "Yes," I said. "But they're very expensive toys."

  "Like your doll, I guess. Why did you take it along if he made it?" he asked.

  "I couldn't leave Angel behind! I held her when I cried and I held her when I laughed. She knows my secret thoughts and secret dreams and all the terrible things that happened to me. Tony Tatterton made her, but she's more me than him," I explained.

  "Angel?"

  "That's what I call her. My guardian angel," I said softly, expecting him to laugh at a young girl's tender and fragile world of make-believe. I imagined most boys his age would, but he didn't laugh. He smiled.

  "That's nice," he said. "It's beautiful. Just like you. Know what?" he added, turning to me. "That's what I'm gonna call you from now on . . . Angel. It fits you more than Leigh does,"

  My heart, that had sunken and become cold, warmed again in my chest. I felt myself blush. Then I sniffed back a tear.

  "Now, why are you crying?"

  "I'm crying because I was lucky to meet someone like you, someone nice. Most girls my age are afraid to travel alone because there are so many bad people out there waiting to take advantage of them, not help them. I'm sure that might have happened to me, too, if I hadn't met you."

  "Yeah, but if you hadn't met me, you'd a made your train," he reminded me. "When I get caught up with circus acts ."

  "I wanted to see the circus with you and I had a wonderful time there, Luke." I did because it had made me forget all my troubles for a while.

  "Did you? I'm glad about that, I had a wonderful time too. It was like seem' it all for the first time when I saw it again with you. You got a fresh, clean way of lookin' at things, Angel. It kinda makes me feel ... I don't know . . more important, bigger, bein' with you," he said, nodding after he said it.

  I looked away. I didn't want him to catch a glimpse of my face, for I was embarrassed to show him just how much I liked him and how much better his simple but sweet words made me feel. He wasn't someone with a great deal of formal education; he wasn't rich, and he didn't dress fancy like the boys at Allandale, but he had a hold on the world that I admired. I felt safe with him because he was able to deal with hardship and crisis. Luke Casteel was only seventeen, but he was a man.

  He drove the truck up to a motel. The blue neon sign flashed "Vacancy."

  "You don't have to do this, Luke," I said putting my hand on his.

  "I know. I'm not doin' it because I have to. I'm doin' it because I want to. Now you just sit here with Angel and be patient. I'll be right out with the key to your room," he said and went into the motel office. I sat back and closed my eyes. He was right: I was so tired, I did need a comfortable night's rest. The excitement of traveling, the day at the circus and the shock of missing my train all left me exhausted. I actually drifted off while he was in the office getting a room. I awoke with a start when he jerked open the truck door and hopped in.

  "4 C," he announced, dangling the room key. "Nice room with two double beds and a television set."

  "I don't think I could keep my eyes open to watch television. You should have gotten a cheaper room."

  "They're all the same price here," he explained and pulled up in front of the room. He took out my suitcase and opened the door. Clutching Angel to me, I followed him in.

  It was a small room with drab gray walls and dusty-looking, light green curtains. It had two double beds with a scratched-up wooden table between them and two nightstands, one on each side. Each stand had a small lamp on it, the yellow shades stained and dusty. There were closets at Farthy that were twice the size of the room, but I didn't care. The soft mattress looked very inviting. Luke set my suitcase down and went into the bathroom, turning on the lights and inspecting everything.

  "Looks like it all works. Sure you don't want somethin' to eat? What about a nice hot cup of tea? There's a restaurant a half mile down the road. It'd just take me a few minutes to go get you a warm drink. And maybe a muffin, huh? You gotta have nourishment," he said with a look of concern.

  "All right," I said. "I'll wash up and get into bed."

  "Great. Be back in a jiffy." He slapped his hands together and rushed out.

  I had to smile again at his enthusiasm. He wanted to do things for me and he was sincere. I had put myself in a terrible spot, but I had met a true guardian angel. Maybe it all had to do with magic after all. Maybe by running away from the evil world of Farthy, I had escaped from the evil spell that had fallen over me.

  I showered and changed into one of my soft, silk nightgowns and unpinned my hair. It felt ratty and dirty from all the traveling, but I was too tired to wash it and brush it out. I promised myself.I would do it in the morning. Then, with Angel beside me, I crawled under the covers of one of the double beds. It smelled starchy and the sheets were stiff, but I was far too exhausted to care. Luke knocked softly on the door and then
came in with my hot tea, a corn muffin and jam, and a bottle of beer for himself. He put everything on the small nightstand by the bed and pulled the one chair up to the bed to sit on and drink his beer while he watched me drink and eat. He looked as concerned as he would were he really the expectant father. His dark eyes twinkled tenderly, lovingly.

  "Aren't you hungry, too, Luke? Surely a beer is not enough."

  "Naw, I'm still too excited, I suppose. Sometimes beer calms me down." He smiled and gestured at Angel. "That doll does look like you. You both have such beautiful hair," he said stroking Angel's hair tenderly.

  "Angel's hair is really my hair."

  "No foolin'?" I shook my head and his eyes widened. Then he leaned toward me. "I never seen anything as precious and as lovely as the two of you lying there together," he said softly.

  "Thank you, Luke. You're very nice." He stared at me a moment and then stood up.

  "You going to be all right here?" he asked.

  "Why? Where are you going?"

  "Back to my tent."

  "Well, why can't you stay here? There's another bed and you paid for the room, Luke. You shouldn't have to go back to a bed of hay." I know I sounded a bit desperate, but I had never stayed in a motel room before, much less stayed in one by myself.

  "Sure you don't mind?"

  "Of course I don't mind."

  "Well then, okay. I guess I can get up early enough to water and feed the animals."

  "You can watch television, if you're not tired yet," I said lowering my head. Now that he was going to stay with me, I could relax. "It won't . . . bother me . . ."

  Sleep came over me that fast, but I woke with a start in the middle of the night and forgot where I was. I couldn't help crying out in fear. Seconds later, I felt Luke beside me in the dark.

  "Angel, Angel," he said, stroking my hair. "It's all right. You're safe. It's Luke. I'm right here with you. Don't you worry about a thing. I don't want you to ever worry about a thing," he added in a whisper. I realized where I was, but I was still so sleepy that I only vaguely felt his lips on my cheek and heard his words. The words seemed more like words in a dream anyway, words whispered by my guardian angel.

  "I want to take care of you from now on, protect you, love you. Never again will anyone, even someone rich and powerful, hurt you. I'll take you to a world where no one evil can reach you, a world in which you will be surrounded only by soft, happy and natural things, where the music comes from songbirds and the diamonds are the stars and the gold is in the sunlight and autumn leaves. Will you come with me, my Angel? Will you?"