Web of Dreams

  "We're poor and we never put on airs," she said, "but we always been honest folk. 'Cept, of course, for the moonshine, but that ain't the government's business anyway. All them revenuers is tryin' ta do is protect the big businessmen, who make licker and sell it for outrageous prices. Folks up here could never afford it and would have none if it wasn't fer the moonshiners.

  "Not that I approve a drinkin', mind ya. It's what got ma other boys inta trouble. I jist hate ta see some poor Willies man hunted down fer makin' his own whiskey. Understand, Angel?"

  "Yes, Ma."

  "Um," she said watching me work. "Yer jist might make a Willies wife yit. At least yer don't mind gettin' yer hands dirty."

  It was funny how that made me feel proud. I thought about the expression on my mother's face if she could see me now. She would die if she touched something dusty in Farthy, but here I was with my fingers in the soft, cool earth. And I didn't feel all that worse for it, I thought. But I did want to look pretty for Luke when he returned from his first day of work in Winnerrow.

  "But it's all right to clean my hands up later and maybe rub in some of that lotion I brought with me, isn't it, Ma?" How she laughed.

  "Of course, child. Damn, don'tcha think I'd like ta look like one of them fancy, rich Winnerrow women?"

  "Well, maybe I can help you do that, Ma," I said. "Let me brush out your hair later and you can use some of my hand cream."

  She looked at me oddly.

  "Urn," she said. "Maybe."

  She seemed afraid of the idea, but she let me do it, let me brush out her hair and trim it some. Then we took out her best dress and one of my nicer ones and got ourselves as dressed up as we could to greet Luke and his father when they returned from work. Pa came home first.

  "What's this?" he said when he saw us on the front porch as dolled up as we could get. "It ain't Sunday, is it?"

  "Now Toby Casteel, it don't have ta be Sunday fer me ta look decent, does it?" Ma snapped. He looked pinched and confused, turning to me to understand what he had said that got her to bite at him so quickly. "It wouldn't hurt ya ta clean up and put on some decent clothes fer dinner once in a while yerself. Yer still a handsome man."

  "I am? Well now, I guess that's true," he said winking at me.

  "Oh, it is, Pa," I said and his face lit up. He went behind the cabin and bathed in rainwater and then got into some of his best clothes, his "Sunday clothes." The three of us sat on the porch and waited for Luke's arrival.

  Not long after, we heard his truck grinding its way over the rough mountain road. Every once in a while, he pressed down on his horn.

  "Uh-oh," Ma said. She flashed a look of warning my way. My heart began to pound. What was it? What did it mean?

  Luke came tearing into the front yard, his horn beeping. Then he hopped out of the truck without closing the door. He had a six-pack of beer clutched to his stomach, three of the bottles already emptied.

  "It's celebratin' time," he cried and laughed.

  "What in tarnation . ." Pa said.

  "Confound him," Ma spit.

  Luke stumbled around, smiling stupidly. Then his eyes focused clearly on the three of us, all dressed up.

  "What the. ." He pointed at us as if there were someone standing beside him. "Look at them . . . what the . oh, yer all celebratin' too."

  "Luke Casteel," I said standing up, my hands on my hips. "How dare you come home like this? First, you could have driven the truck off a cliff or something, and now you look so foolish, I could cry."

  "Huh?"

  "Tell him," Ma coached.

  "Here we are getting started, making things work, and you come home drunk." I spun around, tears streaming down my face, and rushed into the cabin.

  "Huh?" Luke repeated.

  I flopped on our mattress and cried. Moments later, a much more sober Luke Casteel followed me in. He knelt beside me and stroked my hair.

  "Oh, Angel," he said. "I was just celebratin' for us. I got the job and found out I could buy lumber at a discount when I'm ready to start our new home."

  "I don't care, Luke. If you have something to celebrate, you should wait for us to celebrate it together. I told you I was concerned about your drinking and you promised to cut down. Now this happens."

  "I know, I know. Oh, I'm so sorry," he said. "I'm going to take the remaining bottles of beer and heave 'em off the cliff," he vowed. "And if you don't forgive me, I'll heave myself off after 'em."

  "Luke Casteel," I cried turning to him. "Don't you ever talk like that. Ever!" My eyes flared. I could see how surprised he was.

  "Boy, are you beautiful when you get real angry," he said. "I ain't never seen you this angry, but I don't want you to be angry. I promise," he said raising his hand. "I won't do any more drinkin' and drivin'. Will you give me another chance?"

  "Oh Luke Casteel, you know I will," I said, and we hugged and kissed.

  "I got some lumber in the truck," he said. "And I'm goin' to start on your outhouse right now."

  I followed him out and watched him start to unload. Ma flashed me a look of approval for sobering him up so quickly. Then she turned to Luke.

  "What's that lumber fer?" she asked him.

  "Angel's outhouse," he said and that made Ma and Pa Casteel laugh.

  "Go ahead, have a good one on me," Luke said, "but when you see it, you'll stop."

  Luke did put all his love for me in his work and he built as pretty an outhouse as could be. Afterward, he painted it white and insisted that we call it a bathroom instead of an outhouse. Ma teased him whenever she could.

  "I'll be pin' ta ma outhouse. I mean, bathroom," she would say and Luke would swing his eyes away and shake his head.

  Summer passed into fall. Luke made other improvements on the cabin, trying out some of the carpentry skills he was learning. He built Ma some cabinets and shelves and reinforced the porch and the porch steps. He closed up some of the leaks in the walls and floor, but his job in town began to take up more and more of his time. Pretty soon, he was coming home after dark and he was dead tired, almost too tired to eat dinner. Sometimes he would have whiskey on his breath. Whenever I mentioned it, he claimed he had to have a snort or two in order to get through the day.

  "He's trying to get the work of two men out of me, angel," he told me one night after dinner. We would take a walk down a path through the woods that led to a clearing on a ridge overlooking the valley. It gave us a breathtaking view. We could see the lights of houses for miles and miles. "All the Winnerrow businessmen eventually take advantage of the Willies people," Luke explained. "I'm holding down my temper because I want to get started on our own home as soon as I can, but it's gettin' harder and harder."

  "I don't like you drinking up your troubles and frustrations, Luke. Can't you find a different job?"

  "There ain't that many jobs for us mountain folk. That's why I left the Willies so many times."

  "I've been thinking, Luke. Maybe I should try to get in touch with my daddy. He owns a steamship company and I'm sure he would have a good job for you."

  "What kind of a job? Working in the engine room of an ocean liner and bein' away from you most of the time?"

  "I'm sure he could give you an office job, Luke."

  "Me? An office job? I'd feel like a wild squirrel put in a cage. No sir, not me. I need the outdoors or the excitement of the circus, which is even a freer life."

  "Do you want to go back to the circus after the baby is born, Luke?" I asked. "I'll go with you, if you want."

  "Naw. Circus life is hard and you're travelin' all the time. I'll stick this out until we have our stake," he said.

  "I could write my daddy and ask him to send him some of my money. There's money in a trust fund for me back at Farthy, too."

  "We don't want any of that money," Luke snapped. It was the first time he ever got angry at me. Even in the dark with only the starlight, I saw how his eyes blazed with vexation. "I can take care of my own."

  "I didn't mean to say you couldn
't, Luke,"

  He nodded and immediately felt bad about raising his voice to me.

  "I'm sorry I snapped at you, Angel. I'm just tired."

  "Ma's right, Luke. You should take a day off. You work around here even when you get time off from your job. Let this be the Sunday we all get dressed up and go to church. Please, Luke."

  "Well, okay," he said relenting.

  Ma was happy about us going to church, but when we arrived there the following Sunday, I saw what Luke had meant about the townspeople looking down on the Willies people. As soon as we entered the church, you could cut the air with a knife. The fancy townspeople all turned and glared at us, their glares meant to keep us back in our place. Ma and Pa Casteel moved quickly to seats beside other Willies people I recognized, but I didn't budge.

  Luke looked at me curiously. He was so handsome in his suit and tie with his hair slicked back, and even in my sixth month of pregnancy, I thought I looked just as pretty as these women and girls from Winnerrow. My dress was as expensive as, if not more expensive than, most of theirs, and no one had hair as soft. The rainwater shampoos had made mine even richer than it had been when I first arrived in the Willies.

  I saw two empty places down front and tugged Luke toward them. He held back a moment and then looked at my face.

  "I thought you wanted me to tell of the mayor of Winnerrow, first chance I got," I said. He smiled widely.

  "Darn if I didn't," he said and followed me to the seats. The people in the pew sat back as if a wind had come gushing in and over them. They were all wide-eyed, curiosity mixing with outrage, but I stared them down until their eyes lowered and they relaxed. The minister took his place at the pulpit and preached a fine sermon about brotherly love, which I thought fit the day.

  Afterward Ma came up to me and said, "I was right when I first laid eyes on ya, Angel Ya got the grit of a Casteel woman. I'm proud a ya."

  "Thanks, Ma," I said.

  After church on Sunday, the Willies people would gather for a hoedown. They would fiddle and dance and eat the food each family contributed. I helped serve and then sat back and watched as Luke and Pa sang and played the banjo. The men danced and the women clapped.

  A thousand years ago, I had a birthday party at Farthy.

  My mother had hired an expensive band and caterers. My school friends were all dressed up and all came from the best and richest of families. We had the movie in our private theater. At the time I thought it was the greatest party I had ever seen.

  But here in Winnerrow with these simple mountain people singing about their dreams, or singing funny songs about their mountain heritage, I felt even happier. No one could put on airs here. I felt at home, at ease, comfortable.

  Of course, I saw how many of the mountain girls looked longingly at Luke, for dressed up he was as handsome as a movie star. One girl, Sarah Williams, flashed her green eyes at me when she did get him to dance. She practically pulled him onto the dance floor, and kept looking my way and smiling. She had fire-red hair and was almost as tall as Luke. She clung to him very tightly and I couldn't help being jealous because she was a pretty girl with a slim figure and a belly sticking out like mine. As soon as the dance ended, he returned to me, literally breaking out of Sarah's grasp.

  "Sarah's a pretty girl, Luke," I said looking away.

  "Maybe so, Angel, but I have eyes only for you," he said and turned me around so I could look into his dark eyes, eyes full of love and hope and pride. "I shouldn't a let her pull me out to the dance floor," he added, reproaching himself. "It's the moonshine creepin' up on me, just like you warned me it would."

  "I don't mean to sound like some old nag, Luke."

  "You ain't. No way." He shook his head when one of the other girls called to him.

  "Oh Luke, I feel like I'm stealing you away sometimes by making you the father of my child."

  "Hush now," he whispered putting his finger on his lips. "That's our child and you ain't stealing me away from nothin' I don't want to get away from myself

  "You look tired, Angel," he added. "Let's go on home. I had enough to eat and drink."

  "But you're having so much fun, Luke."

  "I'd rather be home alone with my Angel," he said.

  My heart was full again. When we returned to the cabin that night, we were all laughing and talking excitedly until we went to sleep. Luke and I crawled under our quilt and hugged each other. I never felt more secure or happier. Once in a while the baby would kick and Luke, who was pressed up beside me, would feel it too.

  "Don't know if it's a boy or a girl," he said, "but whatever it is, it's got your pride and courage, Angel," Luke said. "I'll never forget the way you stared down them rich folk today."

  "And I'll never forget how handsome you were and how many girls made eyes at you, Luke Casteel."

  "Oh, come on, now." With his cheek to mine, I could feel him blush.

  "Looks like we'll have plenty to tell our child when he or she is old enough to listen and understand, huh, Luke?"

  "Oh, that's for sure," he said. He kissed me and held me and we closed our eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  It snowed late in November in the Willies. With the night came the smothering cold to settle down on the mountains like an ice blanket. The wind would blow through the cabin mercilessly at times, and I would wrap myself up in our quilt and sit beside Old Smokey, the coal stove. When Luke came home at night, he would hug and rub me, cursing the cold. Ma and I crocheted new quilts and Luke bought me long johns to wear. I was a sight with my stomach out and we had a good laugh about it.

  On Christmas Eve we had the best meal we could afford. Pa had gotten a turkey from Simon Burl. It cost him a full day's work, but he was proud of it. Ma and I had knit gloves and sweaters for Pa and Luke, and Luke brought home presents for everyone: new combs for Ma, a real corncob pipe for Pa and something so special for me, he wanted me to unwrap it with him behind the tattered curtain that served as a wall for our bedroom.

  I sat on the bed and carefully undid the ribbon. Then I lifted the box cover off and peeled away the tissue paper to find the most beautiful doll's clothes I had ever seen, clothes for Angel. He had bought her a wedding outfit: a wedding veil with the filmy mist flowing from a tiny jeweled cap, a long dress made of white lace, lavishly embroidered with tiny pearls and sparkling beads, white shoes made of lace and white satin, and even sheer stockings that were to be fastened with a tiny garter belt.

  "Oh Luke, it's all so beautiful. I can't wait to dress her," I cried.

  "You never had a proper wedding in a proper wedding dress, but I thought at least Angel should have one," he said.

  "How sweet of you, Luke." I dressed Angel in her new finery and noticed the locket around her neck, the one that said "Love, Tony." I wouldn't let that hateful thing stay on Angel's neck. I ripped it off and threw it out the window as far as I could. Then we brought her out to show Ma and Pa.

  Afterward, while Ma and I were cleaning up the dishes, she leaned over and whispered to me.

  "I never thought my Luke would turn out this way, Angel. I was always afraid he'd be just like his brothers, 'cause he likes his nip of the snake, but you keep him from going too far. If he hurts ya, he hurts terrible inside hisself. As long as he has ya, he'll never git inta real trouble. I think it was his lucky day, the day he found ya."

  "Thank you, Ma," I said, my eyes tearing. She smiled and hugged me, really hugged me for the first time.

  Somehow, even though we were as poor as could be and we lived in a cabin the size of a bathroom at Farthy, I was happy. I was even thinking it had been the best Christmas of my life. Angel's eyes sparkled in the light of the oil lamp. She was happy, too.

  The next month was a hard one for us. It snowed almost every day and it was bitter cold. Old Smokey pumped out as much smoke as heat, but we had to keep her stoked continually. Every night Luke would apologize to me for the weather and spend hours rubbing my toes and my fingers, but somehow, we got through it and went into an e
arly February thaw. There was one cloudless day after another, the sun beaming down and melting the ice off tree branches. At night, the melted snow and ice gleamed like diamonds, turning the forest around us into a jeweled wonderland.

  The way I figured my pregnancy, I was only weeks away from giving birth. Ma was as good as a trained midwife, having delivered dozens of Willies babies as well as six of her own. Luke wanted to take me into town to see the town doctor, but I felt safe with Ma and didn't see why Luke should spend nearly two months' salary on a doctor that would only do the same thing when the time came.

  The baby was active and I found myself out of breath often. My lower back ached. I wanted to do my fair share of the work, but Ma insisted I rest more. She encouraged me to walk as much as I could, however.

  When the weather let up some and winter eased its grip on the forest, Luke and I would take our nightly walk to the ridge overlooking the valley. From our mountain view, the unobstructed winter night sky was spectacular.

  If there is something for me to remember more than anything, I suppose it would be this early February night. I was all bundled up. Even though it wasn't as cold as it had been, Luke insisted I wear the sweaters and the coat, the sock hat Ma knitted for me and gloves I made myself after she taught me how. But when we arrived at the ridge, I slipped off my woolen gloves so I could hold his hand in mine and feel the warmth in his fingers.

  We stood there quietly for a moment, both of us dazzled by the thousands and thousands of stars spread out before us across the deep black night. Houses below us threaded through the valley, their windows lit and looking like stars themselves. They twinkled with the warmth of families around fireplaces. I could almost hear the laughter and the music and the quiet talk.

  "Someday," Luke said, "someday soon, one of those houses down there in the valley is gonna be ours. I swear it, Angel."

  "I know it will, Luke. I believe in you."

  "We'll be sittin' in our livin' room and I'll have my feet up and I'll be smokin' my pipe and you'll be knittin' or crochetin' and our baby will be playin' on the floor between us, all of us warm and safe.