Vice in its Proper Shape

  CHAP. VII.

  _Of the wonderful Transmigration of Master_ RICHARD RUSTICK _into theBody of a Bear._

  In the next apartment into which Mr. _Wiseman_ conducted us, we saw thecub of a bear, who lay upon the floor to which he was chained, withouthaving the good manners to rise when we entered; but when the Braminapplied his wand to young Bruin's buttocks, he heaved up his shaggyhide with a kind of lazy resentment, and saluted us with a reluctantgrin and a savage growl, which plainly intimated that he did not thinkhimself much beholden to us for our company. "This young brute, saidour conductor, is animated by the soul of the late matter _Rustick_, ofclownish memory. His father was a gentleman of rank and fortune, andgreatly beloved and respected by all his acquaintance; and if his sonRichard had possessed the same virtues and accomplishments, he mightafterwards have enjoyed his title and estate with equal comfort andreputation. But as merit does not go by inheritance, like house andland, young _Rustick's_ character was entirely the reverse of hisfather's. He was of an awkward clumsy make; and the heaviness of hisdisposition, and the coarseness of his manners perfectly correspondedwith the shape of his body. Though he was sent to school very early,and put under the care of the best instructors which the countryafforded, he was a considerable time before he could tell his letters,and much longer before he could read with tolerable accuracy: and eventhen he pronounced every thing with such a clownish accent and such adrawling tone, that any stranger would have taken him for a youngcountry bumkin, who had been used to follow the plow tail, and not forthe son and heir of a wealthy gentleman. He was equally eminent for hisneatness and dexterity in the art of penmanship; for, even when he wastwelve years old, if you had seen the letter which he then sent to hismamma without the knowledge of his master, it was wrote so crooked(i.e. not from side to side as it ought to have been, but from cornerto corner) and the strokes were all so coarse and uneven, and the wholeof the letter so awkwardly spelt, and so unmercifully blotted andbedawbed, that you would have thought it had been the elegant epistleof _Tony Clodhopper_ to his grandmother _Goody Linsey Woolsey_. As forhis mamma, poor gentlewoman! when she first opened it, she thought ithad been sent to her by some impudent shoe black or chimney sweeper;but when she had directed her eyes to the bottom and read (though not,I assure you, without the greatest difficulty)--"_from yr, loven indrespactfle sun, Rickard Rostick_" she was so much oppressed with shameand vexation, that she tore the letter into a thousand pieces, and wasready to burst into tears. He was alike remarkable for the politenessof his manners, and his agreeable address; for he had such atreacherous memory, though he had been frequently reminded of thepropriety and indeed the necessity of observing those little punctiliosof good behaviour, that he seldom remembered when any company enteredthe room in which he happened to be sitting, either to rise from hischair or take off his hat; and when he was told of it either by hisparents or his master, he would bounce up, and snatch of his hat insuch an awkward hurry, grinning and leering the whole time, that youwould have thought he had just started from a dream; and even then hewould generally forget to finish the rude ceremony by making one of hisducking bows. It is true, indeed, he had been under the hands of adancing master; but notwithstanding the utmost care and assiduity ofhis teacher, who was esteemed a very excellent one; he was never ableto perform a whit better than he does in his present shape. In short,you might as well have kept a hog in training for Newmarket races, oran ox for his majesty to ride upon at a grand review, as have attemptedto initiate master _Dicky Rustick_ in the elements of politeness andgood breeding. With such a delicate disposition, and such amiabletalents, you will readily perceive that he must have been a mostagreeable play fellow. His favorite diversion was that which has beendistinguished by the vulgar, by the well known name of _Pully Hawly_,in which he so much excelled that whenever he was invited by the younggentlemen and ladies in the neighbourhood to play with them, hegenerally rewarded their civility by tearing their coats or pullingtheir clothes off their backs before he returned home; so that at lastthey bestowed upon him, by general consent, the honourable title of_'Squire Bruin_. It must, however, be acknowledged that he was a youthof such impartial justice, that he shewed as little favour to his ownclothes as to those of _other_ people; for what with climbing up oldtrees, and rambling over hedges and ditches, to seek for birds nests,he commonly appeared by dinner time, how well soever he had beendressed in the morning, in as ragged a coat as he wears at present. Itmust also be remarked, that if the young gentlemen and ladies soon grewweary, as indeed they did, of such a rough play fellow, he, in _his_turn, was as willing to leave _their_ company, as they were to be ridof _his_; for his chief delight was to associate with such vulgar boysand girls as were of the same rugged disposition as himself. With thesehe could pull and hawl and romp and tear as long as he pleased; and themore active he became in this raggamuffin species of diversion, themore they relished his company. But, upon occasion, he could fight aswell as play: I mean when he either was provoked to it by his equals,or tempted to it by the hopes of defrauding of their little propertythose who he knew had neither strength enough nor courage to resisthim. But whatever was his motive either for _beginning_ or sufferinghimself to be _drawn_ into an engagement, he was very far fromconfining himself to any rules of honour, or to the established laws ofwar; for instead of boxing fairly, he would kick, pull hair, bite, andscratch most unmercifully, and never fail to take every advantage ofhis antagonist after he had brought him to the ground. For thesereasons he was soon dignified with the nick name of _Dick Bear_, evenby the vulgar boys in the streets; and most of them afterwards tookcare never to engage with him unless when there were several other boyspresent to see fair play. One would think that such a rough hewn andslovenly mortal as we have been describing would have had little regardfor any delicacies in the eating way. But whoever draws such aconclusion in favour of our hero, _Dicky Rustick_, is greatly mistaken;for I can assure you that he had as nice and dainty a tooth as any ladyin the land. Though his father always kept a handsome table, itafforded scarcely any thing which was good enough for the palate ofMaster _Richard_. Nothing would go down with him but tarts, custards,and the most costly cakes and puddings; for as to good roast and boiledmeat and plain and wholesome pies or dumplings, he would turn up hisnose at them as if they were fit only for vagabonds and beggars. Nay,even to this very hour, and in his present clumsy shape, he is almostas dainty as ever; for he is remarkably fond of honey, and if permittedwould often expose his shaggy head and his eyes to the resentment ofthe bees, by disturbing their hives to rob them of their deliciousstore. It was his fondness for niceties of every kind which shortenedhis days, and eased his parents of their apprehensions for a son who,if he had lived, would have been a continual plague and disgrace tothem; for on the day when he entered into the fourteenth year of hisage, being indulged rather more than common, he devoured such aquantity of the richest tarts, that his stomach could not digest them;so that he soon fell into a violent fever, which in a few days hurriedhis unworthy soul out of the body of a young country 'squire (for suchhe would have been) into the carcass of this hairy and awkward youngmonster which now stands before you. He so well understands what I havebeen saying, and is so much vexed at the character I have given of him,which he knows to be a very just one, that if you will promise to quitthe room and leave him to himself he will pleasure you with one of hisbest dances before you go."--Accordingly after thanking the Bramin forthe account he had given us, we all promised to leave Mr. _Bruin_ tohis own meditation; upon which, after taking two or three sulkeyrounds, the young savage reared himself upon his buttocks, and shuffleda saraband which lasted a few minutes. When he had finished his dancehe swaggered down again upon his fore paws, and by a sullen growlseemed to claim the performance of our promise, an indulgence which wevery readily granted him.