Crazy Mad Life

Chapter Two

  I gulped as the door swung open into a stark white square hall with a green threadbare carpet. It smelt of damp.

  Nutty led me into the lounge. This was a little nicer. It had a kind of Moroccan feel with its black cloth sofa and chairs, terracotta walls and patterned cushions, but everything looked scruffy and old.

  “This is lovely!” I lied politely.

  “Rather cool, isn’t it?” he grinned. “Would you like a drink?”

  “Black coffee would be great, please!”

  I followed him into the kitchen which looked like it was long overdue for a refit. The old white units looked about my mum’s age! At least it seemed spotlessly clean. He removed two mugs from a mug tree. One was black and chipped and the other pink with the name Charlene emblazoned on it above a red heart.

  “Hope you don’t mind my ex-girl’s mug,” he said awkwardly. “I’d hate for you to drink from the chipped one.”

  “Fine,” I shrugged.

  This was going from bad to worse. But hey! I was with my idol Nutty Bonkers in his flat and that was a huge thrill for me - even if the state of the place was a stonking great shock to the system.

  He spooned cheap coffee into the mugs as the kettle boiled. Then I cooled my coffee down with tap water and took a gulp. It was disgusting. I couldn’t stop my face from screwing up.

  “Got any sugar?” I asked.

  “Nah! Soz Yaz - I’m all out of sugar.”

  I took a couple of mock sips then threw it down the sink.

  Nutty watched in surprise. “Don’t you like it?”

  “Not really - no,” I replied, my face still contorted by the bitterness.

  “Never mind,” he shrugged. “Fancy a Chinese? I’m starving!”

  “That’d be nice!” I said. “Let’s go!”

  “Go where?”

  “You just said we were going out for a Chinese.”

  Nutty laughed. “Nah! No need to go out - I’ve got a takeaway menu somewhere.”

  We moved back into the lounge where he set about looking high and low for the menu. He eventually found it in his magazine rack in the middle of a copy of Playboy. I felt a bit embarrassed, but he acted like it was nothing at all. He handed me the menu, which I studied.

  “I’m not that hungry. I think I’ll just have cashew nut rice,” I said, handing the menu back to him. “What do you fancy?”

  “I’ll have the same,” he said with a smile. “It’ll make a change and we can share a dessert.”

  “Isn’t there a minimum charge?” I asked.

  “Nah,” he said. “It’s only up the road - they don’t mind. They’re fans, ain’t they?”

  “Fab!” I replied, thinking how hard-up he must be for us to have to share a dessert.

  He pulled his mobile from his jeans pocket, dialled the takeaway, and ordered the food.

  “It’ll be about half an hour,” he said, flicking through his smartphone apps. “Want a preview of my new tune?”

  “Yeah please!” I said. “You mentioned we could be in the video …”

  “Of course you can - I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it Yaz.”

  “Cool. When are you making it?”

  “A week on Friday.”

  My heart plummeted. “I think I’ll be at work.”

  “We’re shooting in the evening - eight o’clock.”

  I let out one of my embarrassingly loud sighs of relief. “We’ll be there!”

  He played me the tune. It didn’t sound like one of his best. I hoped it might grow on me, but it was rather repetitive.

  “Wow!” I said, making a pretty good job of lying. “Where are you filming it?”

  “In an abandoned warehouse in Battersea - It’ll be cold - I’m advising everyone to keep their coats on! Ya get me?”

  “I’ve just bought a metallic blue padded jacket” I said. “I’ll probably wear that.”

  Nutty’s face lit up. “Sounds glam!”

  I smiled sweetly. “I can’t believe I used to see Dudley every day and had no idea he was a friend of yours! Tell me about when you first saw my pic then.”

  He gazed at me and smiled. “I don’t normally read that paper!” he said. “A mate left a copy in the flat and I was thumbing through it and saw Dudley wiv you and I thought you jammy fucking geezer - she’s fit as fuck. Then I phoned him and made a joke about pointing you in my direction if the pair of you split up and he said you weren’t an item. He explained you’d just been helping him limp along after his fall when the paparazzi snapped you. I asked if you had a bloke and he said he didn’t think he’d seen you wiv anyone.”

  “Wow!” I gasped.

  Nutty laughed. “I kept gazing at your photo for days, then I started pestering him to meet you, so he suggested I come to his birthday party. He told me not to get my hopes up in case you didn’t show up.”

  I clapped my hand over my mouth and gasped. “I almost didn’t show up!” I admitted. “I changed my mind at the last minute.”

  “Glad you did,” he said, gazing into my eyes. Then we passionately kissed. It was like WOW! But it came to an abrupt halt due to sudden loud banging on the door. I almost jumped out of my skin.

  “That’s quick!” exclaimed Nutty. “They said the food would be at least half an hour.” He jumped up and rushed to the door.

  To my dismay, it wasn’t the takeaway. It was a drunken-middle aged couple.

  “Hiya fellow nutters!” Nutty exclaimed as they practically fell through the doorway. “How ya both doin’?” He pointed at the slim blonde woman with long, unkempt hair. “This is Janine.” Then he gestured at the skinny black man with a dreadlock combover. “This is Isaac - my very best mate.” They both looked around sixty-years-old. It struck me as rather odd for a man in his early twenties to be best mates with someone three times his age. As they say though, age is just a number.

  Janine stared at me through glazed eyes. “Don’t tell me, don’t tell me,” she said excitedly. “This is my new friend Jasmine!”

  “Yazmin,” I corrected. I couldn’t believe she’d only just met me and she was already calling me her friend. She looked like one of the last people I’d choose to be friends with.

  She staggered up to me and gave me a huge, drunken hug. She reeked of lager. I felt sick.

  Isaac smiled sweetly and shook my hand. “Hello Yazmin,” he said. “You look even more gorgeous than your photo.”

  Janine gave him a playful slap. “Not as gorgeous as your pretty Janine!” she squarked.

  Isaac put an arm around Janine and smiled. “You’re both gorgeous.”

  “That’s better!” Janine said.

  They staggered into the lounge, Janine cackling like an old witch, and sat themselves down.

  Nutty coughed and said forcefully, “It’s our first date.”

  Unfortunately, they didn’t take the hint.

  “That’s nice!” Janine said, her speech slurred.

  “We’ve brought something exciting!” Isaac announced, holding up a bag he’d been carrying. “This’ll keep us all entertained!”

  Nutty looked at the bag in horror. “What is it?”

  “Ouija board! Ouija board!” Janine blurted out like an overexcited three-year-old.

  I was flabbergasted.

  Isaac took the board out of the bag and handed it to Nutty, who’s face lit up with delight as he eyed it up and placed it down on the coffee table. “I’ve always wanted to have a go with one of these man,” he said. “Have you got the instructions?”

  Isaac looked at Janine, who shrugged her shoulders. “Who needs stupid instructions?” she said roughly. “Let’s just place our hands on the pointy thing and ask it questions like they do in the films.”

  Nutty dimmed the lights. The atmosphere turned horribly creepy. I thought about how this time last week I was probably sat in the flat watching some boring TV show. Never in my wildest dreams could I ever have guessed that in seven days’ time, my favourite M.C. would have asked
me out and that we’d now be sat in a flat in the middle of the infamous Skindlesworth with a couple of old drunkards and a Ouija board. You just couldn’t make it up.

  The four of us looked at each other.

  “What now?” Nutty asked keenly.

  “Like I said, we all put our hands on the pointy thing,” Janine said, placing her hand down on the pointed bit of wood, which I knew from my love of horror films was called the planchette.

  The others joined her, but I hesitated.

  Nutty looked at me, confused. “Join in the fun then Yaz!”

  I nervously placed my hand on the planchette with the others.

  “Is anybody there?” asked Janine in a deep voice. She sounded possessed already.

  Nothing happened.

  “Perhaps we’re putting too much weight on the thing for it to move,” Nutty suggested.

  We took some weight off it.

  “Is anybody there?” Janine repeated.

  Again, nothing happened.

  “Let’s try getting in touch with someone specific,” Nutty said.

  “Bob Marley!” said Isaac, beaming with excitement.

  “Bob,” said Janine, in that same deep, scary voice. “Do you have a message for us?”

  Unsurprisingly, the planchette remained still.

  Isaac laughed heartily. “Perhaps my good lady’s frightening them away! Anyone else want to try?”

  Nutty cleared his throat. “Does anybody have any messages for us?”

  To my absolute and utter horror, the planchette began to move and spell out a word - M-E-L. We all exchanged frightened glances.

  Then there was an horrendously loud rapping sound. We all jumped and screamed, then the Ouija board lifted an inch off the table and slammed back down again.

  “What was that?” asked Isaac, shuddering.

  “I don’t know,” I squeaked, my body stiff with fear.

  Nutty sat there frozen in terror before suddenly sighing with relief. “It’ll be the takeaway,” he said, shakily walking to the door and opening it. In the outer hallway stood a startled looking little Chinese man holding up a small white plastic bag. He looked like he was about to drop it. “Sorry about the screaming,” Nutty apologised. “We were just consulting a Ouija board.”

  The man tutted and shook his head disapprovingly. “Not a good thing to do.” Nutty handed him the cash and he rushed away as fast as his short legs could carry him.

  “OK, so who wants takeaway?”

  “Nah!” Janine scowled. “Got any lager?”

  “Nah blud!” Nutty said. “You two drank it all last night.”

  “Well fuck you Mr. Bonkers-Balls for not buying more!” Janine scowled.

  “I think I’d better drive you two home,” Nutty said to the drunken pair. “Yaz and I need to continue our date in peace!” He hugged me tightly. “They only live a couple of roads away - better get them home safe. I’ll be back in a flash!”

  “Nice to meet you,” Isaac said sweetly.

  “You too,” I said, not really meaning it.

  “See ya soon!” Janine beamed. “You’ll have to both come round to ours for your next date.”

  I smiled falsely. That’s the last place I’d want to go for a date, save perhaps a crocodile pit. I lay back in my chair and sighed with relief as Nutty and his weird pals left. Then there was a sudden loud thud. It was coming from the inner hallway. I jumped and screamed. Then I slowly stood up and cautiously peeped around the door. The coat stand had fallen over. Had the Ouija board conjured up some malevolent spirit?