Pirate Theory

outside and inspected the four ‘scientists’ very carefully. One of them was Captain Wook from earlier, the other one was even a little bit bigger and an oversized hat was a sure sign that he was also more important.

  “There they are,” Wook said. ”I promised you fine specimen. See the labcoats and the glasses? Those are not only mere scientists, those are chief scientists. Each of them worth at least 100 scientists or 500 lab assistants. So that’s the deal. Those four for the pillaging rights to the whole Madapi sector.”

  The bigger pirate carefully looked at Peppita, then at the other three. He grunted angrily and slapped the Captain Wook with the back of his hand. “You fool!” he shouted. “Do you think I am stupid? Do you think a lab coat is all there is to a scientist? And glasses make them chief scientists? Not by a long shot!”

  “I… I don’t understand,” the pirate captain stumbled.

  “There is more to a chief scientist than a lab coat and glasses,” the bigger pirate explained. “How often do I have to explain it? Chief scientists also have vials with bubbling liquids in different colors. Do you see any vials? Do you!?”

  “No, admiral Beex. Sorry, admiral Beex.”

  “Those are merely normal scientists. This is a waste of my time! I will take them nevertheless as compensation for this attempt to deceive me. Have them transported down to my planet immediately.”

  “Yes, admiral Beex! Thank you, admiral Beex!”

  The two pirates left and the door closed again.

  “What just happened?” Peppita asked. “Did anyone understand what they were talking about?”

  “I didn’t really listen,” Flinton confessed. “I watched the force field the whole time. It is a standard mean field. A fitting name, since it is really nasty. I don’t think there is a way we can get through it.”

  “Never mind the force field,” Kip cired. “Did you hear what they said? We are specimen. Maybe they want to do experiments on us. Or keep us as slaves. Or zoo animals. Or eat us. Or even worse.”

  “I don’t think so,” Grongl said. “Don’t you see what’s going on here? Obviously we are some kind of currency for them. Which is actually a really good idea. Gold and similar materials do not have the value they had in ancient times. Today we can simply make more of everything. Scientists on the other hand are quite rare. I think I’m beginning to see their point.”

  “Currency!?” Peppita screamed. “Are they crazy? Nothing good can come from such an absurd thing as money. The whole concept is idiotic. I was stranded on a primitive finance planet once and there is no way I’ll stand for this. I simply refuse to be someone's currency.”

  “Nevertheless it is an interesting system,” Grongl pondered. “Apparently the pirates use scientists in order to pay for rights and privileges that would otherwise be distributed by conflict. A quite peaceful solution, actually. Well, taking us hostage might not be the most peaceful solution, actually, but still.”

  “I don’t care about their intentions or reasoning behind it,” Peppita shouted. “We are getting out of here! They said we will be transported down to a planet. That will be our chance. We wait until they bring us to the shuttle, then we overwhelm the guards, take control of the shuttle and escape. Simple as that. Since they think we are just scientists they will never expect us to use brute force.”

  “It’s better than your last plan,” Flinton admitted. “But I guess that’s not a big achievement.”

  The doors opened again, this time two pirate guards were on the other side of the force field. They were Hironi as well, but they were younger and their skin was much brighter. Nevertheless they made the overall impression of being actually not that bright.

  “Those are the ones we should transport down?” one of them asked.

  “Guess so,” the other one replied.

  “Think we should stun them?”

  “I don’t know. They look weak.”

  “But remember last time? They talked and talked until my head hurt. Better stun them.”

  “Alright, setting my blaster to stun.”

  “Me too.”

  “Stun was the green button, right?”

  “Not sure.”

  One of the pirates drew his blaster and swung out the cylinder. Like all Hironi blasters there were six differently colored buttons on the cylinder, each activated a different firing mode. One of these settings was stun, the other five were lethal, one of them even for the wielder. The decision to design a weapon that can stun and kill at the same time is regarded as dangerous by most races and giving those weapons to pirates with limited mental capacity was simply an accident waiting to happen. Nevertheless Hironi blasters were the dominant weapon among pirates, mostly because they like the colors. The biggest disadvantage, its difficult handling, was simply countered by a children’s rhyme, which the pirate recited while examining the buttons on his gun.

  “Orange quickly kills a foe,

  green is powerful, but slow,

  red to drill through thick cement,

  blue’s used for dismemberment,

  if you don’t want to make a mess,

  purple ends their consciousness,

  yellow’s power is even greater,

  press it and you’ll leave a crater.”

  After saying the poem out loud, both pirates had a hard time interpreting its meaning.

  “So it’s purple, isn’t it? Consciousness has something to do with stunning, right?”

  “No you idiot. Consciousness is when you cut someone’s arms or legs off.”

  “No, cutting someone’s arms off is making a mess. The boss told me that once.”

  “So blue then?”

  “Or maybe purple. I really don’t know.”

  Fortunately one of the pirates remembered the last part of the rhyme just in time.

  “If you don’t know what to select,

  don’t know which color is correct,

  if all the thinking hurts your head,

  just hit them with your fist instead!”

  As Peppita regained consciousness she was smart enough not to open her eyes. Instead she played possum so that she could mount a surprise attack. The room she was in was cold, obviously they had been transported. She felt vibrations, they must have been on some kind of small shuttlecraft. Peppita made sure she could move her arms and legs freely and to her surprise she was not bound. The pirates probably underestimated her, exactly as she predicted. She waited for the perfect opportunity and saw it as she heard footsteps directly in front of her. The second she opened her eyes she pushed herself off the wall she was leaning to and threw a punch powerful enough to knock the patrolling guard on the ground. His glasses shattered, his lab coat was torn and slowly Peppita came to the realization that she just punched her first officer by mistake.

  “I am sorry,” she apologized. “I thought you were a pirate.”

  “No problem, captain. An easy mistake to make. No hard feelings.”

  “What happened? Are we on a shuttle? We have to take out the guards and take control over this vessel.”

  “I’m sorry captain, but there is no way we can do this. This is only a landing capsule, without guards or the possibility to manoeuvre. Basically they just threw us overboard together with some scientists from the station.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me?”

  “Flinton said it might be safer that way. He brought you here to this… safe room. In order to protect… you from the scientists. Definitely not the other way round. Anyway, now that you are awake I suggest we go to the main room. Grongl talked to the other scientists and found out something interesting.”

  Peppita and Kip left the small supply closet.

  “Status report!” Peppita demanded.

  “The situation is the following,” Grongl explained. “We are currently on our way down to the planet in an unmaneuverable landing pod. We, that is us four and 26 scientists. I already talked to them, they listened to the guards and have interesting information. Our suspicions were correct, th
e pirates use scientists as a form of currency. Apparently this began after an incident at Void Station, but unfortunately I have no idea what transpired there. In any case, after that incident pirates all over Hilbert Space began capturing and stockpiling scientists. We are now brought to a planet controlled by Admiral Beex and are his property. And that is not the worst part. This planet is nothing more than a wallet for Admiral Beex. It has a breathable atmosphere but not much more than that. Admiral Beex does not provide water or food, there is no protection from the dangerous wildlife and escaping seems impossible. It is hell down there.”

  The more she found out about the planet, the more Peppita’s eyes began to glow. “Dangerous wildlife?” she asked. “Fighting for our bare survival. That sounds terrific. How long till we get there?”

  “I think it’s only a matter of minutes.”

  “That should be enough,” Peppita said with a wicked grin on her face. She climbed on Flinton’s shoulders, so that everyone could see her. “Ok, listen up, everyone. I am Captain Peppita and I am taking charge here now. We are about to embark on a dangerous planet and surviving will not be easy. Most of you are used to lab conditions and comfortable quarters, but we will find none of those things where we are going. It will be hard work, but if you follow my lead we can do it. We should start preparing right away. First of all we’ll need weapons. The pirates took most of our possessions, but that simply means we have to improvise. This landing pod does not offer much, but we will nevertheless dismantle it if necessary. Where you see a metal pipe, I see a club. Where you see a small