L'homme qui rit. English
III.
In the interior of the van there were two other inscriptions. Above thebox, on a whitewashed plank, a hand had written in ink as follows:--
"THE ONLY THINGS NECESSARY TO KNOW.
"The Baron, peer of England, wears a cap with six pearls. The coronetbegins with the rank of Viscount. The Viscount wears a coronet of whichthe pearls are without number. The Earl a coronet with the pearls uponpoints, mingled with strawberry leaves placed low between. The Marquis,one with pearls and leaves on the same level. The Duke, one withstrawberry leaves alone--no pearls. The Royal Duke, a circlet of crossesand fleurs de lys. The Prince of Wales, crown like that of the King, butunclosed.
"The Duke is a most high and most puissant prince, the Marquis and Earlmost noble and puissant lord, the Viscount noble and puissant lord, theBaron a trusty lord. The Duke is his Grace; the other Peers theirLordships. _Most honourable_ is higher than _right honourable_.
"Lords who are peers are lords in their own right. Lords who are notpeers are lords by courtesy:--there are no real lords, excepting such asare peers.
"The House of Lords is a chamber and a court, _Concilium et Curia_,legislature and court of justice. The Commons, who are the people, whenordered to the bar of the Lords, humbly present themselves bareheadedbefore the peers, who remain covered. The Commons send up their bills byforty members, who present the bill with three low bows. The Lords sendtheir bills to the Commons by a mere clerk. In case of disagreement, thetwo Houses confer in the Painted Chamber, the Peers seated and covered,the Commons standing and bareheaded.
"Peers go to parliament in their coaches in file; the Commons do not.Some peers go to Westminster in open four-wheeled chariots. The use ofthese and of coaches emblazoned with coats of arms and coronets isallowed only to peers, and forms a portion of their dignity.
"Barons have the same rank as bishops. To be a baron peer of England, itis necessary to be in possession of a tenure from the king _per Baroniamintegram_, by full barony. The full barony consists of thirteen knights'fees and one third part, each knight's fee being of the value of L20sterling, which makes in all 400 marks. The head of a barony (_Caputbaroniae_) is a castle disposed by inheritance, as England herself, thatis to say, descending to daughters if there be no sons, and in that casegoing to the eldest daughter, _caeteris filiabus aliunde satisfactis_.[1]
"Barons have the degree of lord: in Saxon, _laford_; _dominus_ in highLatin; _Lordus_ in low Latin. The eldest and younger sons of viscountsand barons are the first esquires in the kingdom. The eldest sons ofpeers take precedence of knights of the garter. The younger sons donot. The eldest son of a viscount comes after all barons, and precedesall baronets. Every daughter of a peer is a _Lady_. Other English girlsare plain _Mistress_.
"All judges rank below peers. The serjeant wears a lambskin tippet; thejudge one of patchwork, _de minuto vario_, made up of a variety oflittle white furs, always excepting ermine. Ermine is reserved for peersand the king.
"A lord never takes an oath, either to the crown or the law. His wordsuffices; he says, Upon my honour.
"By a law of Edward the Sixth, peers have the privilege of committingmanslaughter. A peer who kills a man without premeditation is notprosecuted.
"The persons of peers are inviolable.
"A peer cannot be held in durance, save in the Tower of London.
"A writ of supplicavit cannot be granted against a peer.
"A peer sent for by the king has the right to kill one or two deer inthe royal park.
"A peer holds in his castle a baron's court of justice.
"It is unworthy of a peer to walk the street in a cloak, followed by twofootmen. He should only show himself attended by a great train ofgentlemen of his household.
"A peer can be amerced only by his peers, and never to any greateramount than five pounds, excepting in the case of a duke, who can beamerced ten.
"A peer may retain six aliens born, any other Englishman but four.
"A peer can have wine custom-free; an earl eight tuns.
"A peer is alone exempt from presenting himself before the sheriff ofthe circuit.
"A peer cannot be assessed towards the militia.
"When it pleases a peer he raises a regiment and gives it to the king;thus have done their graces the Dukes of Athol, Hamilton, andNorthumberland.
"A peer can hold only of a peer.
"In a civil cause he can demand the adjournment of the case, if there benot at least one knight on the jury.
"A peer nominates his own chaplains. A baron appoints three chaplains;a viscount four; an earl and a marquis five; a duke six.
"A peer cannot be put to the rack, even for high treason. A peer cannotbe branded on the hand. A peer is a clerk, though he knows not how toread. In law he knows.
"A duke has a right to a canopy, or cloth of state, in all places wherethe king is not present; a viscount may have one in his house; a baronhas a cover of assay, which may be held under his cup while he drinks. Abaroness has the right to have her train borne by a man in the presenceof a viscountess.
"Eighty-six tables, with five hundred dishes, are served every day inthe royal palace at each meal.
"If a plebeian strike a lord, his hand is cut off.
"A lord is very nearly a king.
"The king is very nearly a god.
"The earth is a lordship.
"The English address God as my lord!"
Opposite this writing was written a second one, in the same fashion,which ran thus:--
"SATISFACTION WHICH MUST SUFFICE THOSE WHO HAVE NOTHING.
"Henry Auverquerque, Earl of Grantham, who sits in the House of Lordsbetween the Earl of Jersey and the Earl of Greenwich, has a hundredthousand a year. To his lordship belongs the palace of Grantham Terrace,built all of marble and famous for what is called the labyrinth ofpassages--a curiosity which contains the scarlet corridor in marble ofSarancolin, the brown corridor in lumachel of Astracan, the whitecorridor in marble of Lani, the black corridor in marble of Alabanda,the gray corridor in marble of Staremma, the yellow corridor in marbleof Hesse, the green corridor in marble of the Tyrol, the red corridor,half cherry-spotted marble of Bohemia, half lumachel of Cordova, theblue corridor in turquin of Genoa, the violet in granite of Catalonia,the mourning-hued corridor veined black and white in slate of Murviedro,the pink corridor in cipolin of the Alps, the pearl corridor in lumachelof Nonetta, and the corridor of all colours, called the courtiers'corridor, in motley.
"Richard Lowther, Viscount Lonsdale, owns Lowther in Westmorland, whichhas a magnificent approach, and a flight of entrance steps which seem toinvite the ingress of kings.
"Richard, Earl of Scarborough, Viscount and Baron Lumley of LumleyCastle, Viscount Lumley of Waterford in Ireland, and Lord Lieutenant andVice-Admiral of the county of Northumberland and of Durham, both cityand county, owns the double castleward of old and new Sandbeck, whereyou admire a superb railing, in the form of a semicircle, surroundingthe basin of a matchless fountain. He has, besides, his castle ofLumley.
"Robert Darcy, Earl of Holderness, has his domain of Holderness, withbaronial towers, and large gardens laid out in French fashion, where hedrives in his coach-and-six, preceded by two outriders, as becomes apeer of England.
"Charles Beauclerc, Duke of St. Albans, Earl of Burford, BaronHedington, Grand Falconer of England, has an abode at Windsor, regaleven by the side of the king's.
"Charles Bodville Robartes, Baron Robartes of Truro, Viscount Bodmin andEarl of Radnor, owns Wimpole in Cambridgeshire, which is as threepalaces in one, having three facades, one bowed and two triangular. Theapproach is by an avenue of trees four deep.
"The most noble and most puissant Lord Philip, Baron Herbert of Cardiff,Earl of Montgomery and of Pembroke, Ross of Kendall, Parr, Fitzhugh,Marmion, St. Quentin, and Herbert of Shurland, Warden of the Stannariesin the counties of Cornwall and Devon, hereditary visitor of JesusCollege, possesses the wonderful gardens at Wilton, where there are twosheaf-like fountains, finer th
an those of his most Christian MajestyKing Louis XIV. at Versailles.
"Charles Somerset, Duke of Somerset, owns Somerset House on the Thames,which is equal to the Villa Pamphili at Rome. On the chimney-piece areseen two porcelain vases of the dynasty of the Yuens, which are worthhalf a million in French money.
"In Yorkshire, Arthur, Lord Ingram, Viscount Irwin, has Temple Newsain,which is entered under a triumphal arch and which has large wide roofsresembling Moorish terraces.
"Robert, Lord Ferrers of Chartly, Bourchier, and Lonvaine, has StauntonHarold in Leicestershire, of which the park is geometrically planned inthe shape of a temple with a facade, and in front of the piece of wateris the great church with the square belfry, which belongs to hislordship.
"In the county of Northampton, Charles Spencer, Earl of Sunderland,member of his Majesty's Privy Council, possesses Althorp, at theentrance of which is a railing with four columns surmounted by groups inmarble.
"Laurence Hyde, Earl of Rochester, has, in Surrey, New Park, renderedmagnificent by its sculptured pinnacles, its circular lawn belted bytrees, and its woodland, at the extremity of which is a little mountain,artistically rounded, and surmounted by a large oak, which can be seenfrom afar.
"Philip Stanhope, Earl of Chesterfield, possesses Bretby Hall inDerbyshire, with a splendid clock tower, falconries, warrens, and veryfine sheets of water, long, square, and oval, one of which is shapedlike a mirror, and has two jets, which throw the water to a greatheight.
"Charles Cornwallis, Baron Cornwallis of Eye, owns Broome Hall, a palaceof the fourteenth century.
"The most noble Algernon Capel, Viscount Maiden, Earl of Essex, hasCashiobury in Hertfordshire, a seat which has the shape of a capital H,and which rejoices sportsmen with its abundance of game.
"Charles, Lord Ossulston, owns Darnley in Middlesex, approached byItalian gardens.
"James Cecil, Earl of Salisbury, has, seven leagues from London,Hatfield House, with its four lordly pavilions, its belfry in thecentre, and its grand courtyard of black and white slabs, like that ofSt. Germain. This palace, which has a frontage 272 feet in length, wasbuilt in the reign of James I. by the Lord High Treasurer of England,the great-grandfather of the present earl. To be seen there is the bedof one of the Countesses of Salisbury: it is of inestimable value andmade entirely of Brazilian wood, which is a panacea against the bites ofserpents, and which is called _milhombres_--that is to say, a thousandmen. On this bed is inscribed, _Honi soit qui mal y pense_.
"Edward Rich, Earl of Warwick and Holland, is owner of Warwick Castle,where whole oaks are burnt in the fireplaces.
"In the parish of Sevenoaks, Charles Sackville, Baron Buckhurst, BaronCranfield, Earl of Dorset and Middlesex, is owner of Knowle, which is aslarge as a town and is composed of three palaces standing parallel onebehind the other, like ranks of infantry. There are six covered flightsof steps on the principal frontage, and a gate under a keep with fourtowers.
"Thomas Thynne, Baron Thynne of Warminster, and Viscount Weymouth,possesses Longleat, in which there are as many chimneys, cupolas,pinnacles, pepper-boxes pavilions, and turrets as at Chambord, inFrance, which belongs to the king.
"Henry Howard, Earl of Suffolk, owns, twelve leagues from London, thepalace of Audley End in Essex, which in grandeur and dignity scarcelyyields the palm to the Escorial of the King of Spain.
"In Bedfordshire, Wrest House and Park, which is a whole district,enclosed by ditches, walls, woodlands, rivers, and hills, belongs toHenry, Marquis of Kent.
"Hampton Court, in Herefordshire, with its strong embattled keep, andits gardens bounded by a piece of water which divides them from theforest, belongs to Thomas, Lord Coningsby.
"Grimsthorp, in Lincolnshire, with its long facade intersected byturrets in pale, its park, its fish-ponds, its pheasantries, itssheepfolds, its lawns, its grounds planted with rows of trees, itsgroves, its walks, its shrubberies, its flower-beds and borders, formedin square and lozenge-shape, and resembling great carpets; itsracecourses, and the majestic sweep for carriages to turn in at theentrance of the house--belongs to Robert, Earl Lindsey, hereditary lordof the forest of Waltham.
"Up Park, in Sussex, a square house, with two symmetrical belfriedpavilions on each side of the great courtyard, belongs to the RightHonourable Forde, Baron Grey of Werke, Viscount Glendale and Earl ofTankerville.
"Newnham Paddox, in Warwickshire, which has two quadrangular fish-pondsand a gabled archway with a large window of four panes, belongs to theEarl of Denbigh, who is also Count von Rheinfelden, in Germany.
"Wytham Abbey, in Berkshire, with its French garden in which there arefour curiously trimmed arbours, and its great embattled towers,supported by two bastions, belongs to Montague, Earl of Abingdon, whoalso owns Rycote, of which he is Baron, and the principal door of whichbears the device _Virtus ariete fortior_.
"William Cavendish, Duke of Devonshire, has six dwelling-places, ofwhich Chatsworth (two storied, and of the finest order of Grecianarchitecture) is one.
"The Viscount of Kinalmeaky, who is Earl of Cork, in Ireland, is ownerof Burlington House, Piccadilly, with its extensive gardens, reaching tothe fields outside London; he is also owner of Chiswick, where there arenine magnificent lodges; he also owns Londesborough, which is a newhouse by the side of an old palace.
"The Duke of Beaufort owns Chelsea, which contains two Gothic buildings,and a Florentine one; he has also Badminton, in Gloucestershire, aresidence from which a number of avenues branch out like rays from astar. The most noble and puissant Prince Henry, Duke of Beaufort, isalso Marquis and Earl of Worcester, Earl of Glamorgan, ViscountGrosmont, and Baron Herbert of Chepstow, Ragland, and Gower, BaronBeaufort of Caldecott Castle, and Baron de Bottetourt.
"John Holies, Duke of Newcastle, and Marquis of Clare, owns Bolsover,with its majestic square keeps; his also is Haughton, inNottinghamshire, where a round pyramid, made to imitate the Tower ofBabel, stands in the centre of a basin of water.
"William, Earl of Craven, Viscount Uffington, and Baron Craven ofHamstead Marshall, owns Combe Abbey in Warwickshire, where is to be seenthe finest water-jet in England; and in Berkshire two baronies, HamsteadMarshall, on the facade of which are five Gothic lanterns sunk in thewall, and Ashdown Park, which is a country seat situate at the point ofintersection of cross-roads in a forest.
"Linnaeus, Lord Clancharlie, Baron Clancharlie and Hunkerville, Marquisof Corleone in Sicily, derives his title from the castle of Clancharlie,built in 912 by Edward the Elder, as a defence against the Danes.Besides Hunkerville House, in London, which is a palace, he has CorleoneLodge at Windsor, which is another, and eight castlewards, one atBurton-on-Trent, with a royalty on the carriage of plaster of Paris;then Grumdaith Humble, Moricambe, Trewardraith, Hell-Kerters (wherethere is a miraculous well), Phillinmore, with its turf bogs, Reculver,near the ancient city Vagniac, Vinecaunton, on the Moel-eulle Mountain;besides nineteen boroughs and villages with reeves, and the whole ofPenneth chase, all of which bring his lordship L40,000 a year.
"The 172 peers enjoying their dignities under James II. possess amongthem altogether a revenue of L1,272,000 sterling a year, which is theeleventh part of the revenue of England."
In the margin, opposite the last name (that of Linnaeus, LordClancharlie), there was a note in the handwriting of Ursus: _Rebel; inexile; houses, lands, and chattels sequestrated. It is well_.