Half Heart

Nothing was said to me about fleeing to my bed that day. But while I sobbed with my head in the pillow, I did think of something wonderful. The reason I never saw Kirken was because he was always in the kitchen, right? No one ever said I couldn’t go into the kitchen. So I decided to visit him, and while I’m at it, see if he knows where I could find a grimy place under the palace.

  No one had told me where the kitchen was, but I knew most kitchens were in the same place; conjoined to the dining room. With that in mind it wasn’t hard for me to find it.

  It was a small little place, and none too fancy. The door to the kitchen on the side of the dining room was nice and white washed, but the other side was different you couldn’t even tell it was the same door. It was cracked and dirty, and there was no paint. The faces in the kitchen were all sullen, as if there was no hope for the future. They worked without looking up from what they were doing, and their conversations lagged. For a few moments no one even noticed me. Then a plump lady with her sleeves rolled up and her hands kneading bread dough looked up, her eyes in alarm. I thought she was about to scold me for being where I shouldn’t, but instead she said, “Is there anything I can do for you miss?”

  I pressed my lips together for a moment. “I’m looking for Kirken.”

  The lady looked surprised, but not startled. She wiped her hands on her apron. “He’s in the back room.”

  “Thank you,” I said as I made my way through another smudged door. He was at the back of the room standing at a wash bin. My heart dropped. He was washing dishes, and there were more pots and pans and fancy silver dishes than I had seen in my life. Not to mention the basket of cutlery to be washed, to the side of it all.

  “Kirken?” I said, almost timidly.

  He turned slowly, his head ducked and his eyes cast down as usual. He was about my height, though he might be a bit taller if he wouldn’t hunch. That was why I thought he was a small man. His big brown eyes were alarming, and his tousled blonde hair shown he hadn’t had a bath in a while. His clothes were torn and old. I looked down at my own. They weren’t gowns I had brought from home, that was for sure. They were much lighter, supposedly for the warmer weather, but you could never be sure. I watched as Kirken’s eyes kindled.

  “Prin…” He shook his head. “Layla. Can I do something for you?”

  I just stared at him for a moment. Then I knew what I had to do. “No. I was just lonely.” I put my hands in the sudsy basin and started to help with the wash.

  He looked at me with alarm “Oh, no, I don’t need any help.” He wouldn’t meet my eyes.

  “There’s nothing else to do in the wretched palace.” I continued washing. He did need the help if he was going to finish this load by tomorrow. He didn’t say anything else, and we washed in silence for what seemed an eternity. It seemed awkward, not having conversation, but he seemed used to it. Well, I wasn’t. “Are you a sorcerer?” I asked.

  His eyes shot and met mine. “I–” Then they trailed down back into the water. “I don’t know.”

  That was odd. How could he not know? “Have you ever tried flying?”

  Kirken shook his head. “I’m afraid they’d would get angry at me.” He swallowed hard. “I’m a cook,” he said with dejection.

  “What about your father, was he a sorcerer?” I dropped a dish into the water, splashing myself.

  “I… I didn’t know my real father. Or my mother. The man I called father was old, and he had been the cook for half a century.”

  Poor boy! How could people be let to live like this? If I had the power, I knew I would stop it all, free every underpaid or abused worker in every kingdom. But I didn’t. “Then perhaps you should try!” I exclaimed. “I could help you. I have a sorceress friend that I could ask advice from. When do you get breaks?”

  Kirken’s breath quivered. “I don’t get breaks. The closest thing is when I bring your meals to you in your room, but you have starting coming to dinner.”

  “Then I shall stay in my room night and day,” I proclaimed.

  Kirken looked up. “But I thought you were ordered not to, by Emperor Aduhlajh,” he said, hushed.

  “Aduhlajh–Shmadulajh. I don’t care what he says. I’ll do as I please.” I smiled, feeling triumphant. Then I felt my face turn a sickly green. “The worst he can do is marry me.”

  “Would he do that?” Kirken asked, sounding concerned.

  I thought for a moment. “I suppose he could.” After all, I was in his kingdom, as his prisoner, and there really wasn’t anything I could do. But I wouldn’t let it happen. I would kill myself before it happened, but I wasn’t about to tell Kirken that. It was bound to worry him. “Oh,” I suddenly remembered. “Do you know of a place, perhaps under the palace, that is deep and full of grime, by any chance?”

  Kirken’s face turned to hard lines for a moment, as he went deep in thought. “You might try the dungeon. It isn’t used anymore, not since Aduhlajh has stopped punishing sorcerers for crime. They always escaped anyway.”

  “Ah, yes!” I exclaimed. “The dungeon!” I wiped my hands on my gown. “Thank you Kirken!”

  I ran out of the kitchen and down the hall. The dungeon. Why hadn’t I thought of that before? It was so obvious. And since it wasn’t used, it would be much easier to enter without being noticed.

  I was barefoot on the stone floor, for there was no need for shoes here. The air was always warm, although warm wasn’t always pleasant. I held my skirt in my hands, wishing they were trousers. My hair was lose over my shoulders. Causality was normal here, and I was afraid I was getting used to it.

  Now, where to find the dungeon.

  That was one thing I had forgotten to ask. But how hard could that be? It was the lowest part of the palace, as far as I knew. So, if I found a staircase leading down below the first level of the palace, wouldn’t that direct me rightly? It was inevitable.

  I wandered into a room full of books and scrolls and such. I supposed it to be a library. I decided to pull a few books of the shelves, just to see if there was any secret doors. You could never be sure.

  “The Art of Sword Making,” I read the titles. “A Thousand Tales of Death and Torture,” I shivered. Then I saw something I could use. “How Sorcerers Fly.” I took it off the shelf and opened it. I was surprised at what I saw. The pages were blank, no words, not even one. I flipped through it again, just to be sure. It was a thick book, about five hundred pages. It was odd for it to be blank.

  I was about to put it back on the shelf, when I notice the keyhole on the wall where the book had been. My hand immediately went to my pocket. Could the key fit? Oh, could it? I managed to keep myself from getting excited, for there was a chance I could be wrong. For how could the keyhole be here all the time, and not already be found by another body? These books did look a bit dusty. They probably hadn’t been touched in years, or at least this shelf. The keyhole was at eye-level for me. Most people here were much, much taller. Except for Kirken, of course. They wouldn’t have been able to see it from where they stood. Could that be what had kept it from being noticed?

  I put my key to the hole, then thought better. I put it back in my pocket and started taking the books off the shelf. I coughed, dust swirling, ancient dust. It was at least an inch thick in places. I dusted the shelf off with my hand once it was clear of books.

  I heard voices, footsteps coming down the hall.

  I tried to feel anxious, but I desperately wanted to know if the key fit, without being caught. I ran and shut the door quietly. It was two familiar voices. One sounded like Soea, whom I hadn’t seen in days. That was no loss, though.

  I waited until they passed before I took the key back out of my pocket. I brought it to the lock, and held my breath. I pushed it in and turned.

  A click.

  I let my breath out as the wall let down, just the wall from that shelf. It was like a sideways door, but a small one. The air through the door was foggy with dust, and there didn’t look to be any light. But I had to see what was t
here.

  I put the key back in my pocket and began to lift myself onto the shelf. Suddenly, I heard the doorknob turn to the library. It scared me so that I fell. Oh, whoever it was had just ruined everything! They would send me away, and explore it themselves, and take whatever–

  “I don’t need to worry,” I whispered, watching the books jump back onto the shelf. It was as if they were covering for me, making sure I was the only one who knew my secret.

  The door swung open, and in walked a being with soft footsteps. I didn’t turn around; I didn’t want to know who it was. Then I heard a laugh, and I knew.

  “Is it a game of yours to lay on the library floor? Does it make reading easier for you?”

  Only one person laughed and taunted like that. One person that I despised beyond all. “Soea, I have no desire to look at your face.”

  He chuckled. “Close your eyes then, for I have business with you.”

  I jumped up and spun around. “Don’t you get it? I hate you! Why do you laugh so, why do you play so when I know you hate me back? You’re so difficult to understand, and, and,” I began stuttering, searching for words, “and I don’t even want to know why.” I rested my evil gaze on him.

  But still he smiled!

  “I know you hate me. And I could make you love me at any second if I wanted to.”

  “No you couldn’t. It’s not possible.”

  “Oh, dear girl, anything is possible when you’re the top sorcerer of the world.”

  I wanted to laugh. Oh, how badly I wanted to laugh at his dramatic remark. There was no way he was the top sorcerer of anything.

  “If you only knew, little princess.” Soea came forward, took my head in his hands, and kissed me on the forehead. My feet were glued to the floor, and I shook all over with defiance.

  “How dare you touch me.” But I couldn’t move. I didn’t know why. But I wouldn’t let myself believe that it was him.

  “I dare because I can.”

  “You said you had business.” I wouldn’t let my eyes meet his.

  “Oh, yes, I wanted to tell you that if you’re not careful, you will be married to Aduhlajh. I wanted to warn you, because I pity anyone in bond with him. You’re too beautiful, my dear. Do something to yourself, go kiss a frog or something. Save yourself!”

  “Why would you care?” I spat out.

  He took my by the shoulders. How badly I wanted to wrench free, hit him in the head, scream I hate you a million times and run away. But I couldn’t. “You have helped me,” he smiled.

  My face was full of disgust, but I could feel fear behind it all. He did have powers, and I had to admit it. But it scared me. “You’re welcome,” I swallowed hard.

  Soea let go of me and through his head back, his laugh was more than I could bear.

  “I’ll see you tonight!” He bellowed, slamming the door behind him.

  I sank to my knees. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t want to be weak. With him as my enemy, all was hopeless. How did he know to find me in the library? He must always know where am. That eliminated the option of sneaking away. He had the power to make me helpless, so there was no way of fighting back.

  For once, I knew I was defeated.