Jake Understood

  When my phone rang Friday afternoon as I was getting ready to leave work, I had a feeling it was her. Having mostly texted while apart, we rarely spoke on the phone, but something just told me she’d call me when she received my package.

  I picked up. “Hey, you.”

  “Jake…”

  I closed my eyes at the sound of her sweet voice. I hadn’t heard it since she left, and it reawakened the physical need that I’d managed to keep at bay this week.

  “Nina…”

  I immediately snuck into an empty conference room and shut the door.

  “Oh my God. Your present came,” she said, sniffling.

  “Are you crying?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh, man, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  “It’s okay. It’s all good.” She cleared her throat. “When? When did you do this? How did you do it?”

  “I used the picture of him in your room. I waited until you went away to start, so you wouldn’t notice it gone.”

  The sketch was of Nina’s brother Jimmy and my sister, Amanda. In the drawing, Amanda is whispering something into Jimmy’s ear as he laughs with a beaming smile. It was based on Nina’s comment that she wondered if they were conspiring in heaven to bring us together. In case she didn’t recognize the resemblance, I’d captioned it: Heaven’s Conspirators (Jimmy and Amanda). I was pretty confident, though, that my interpretation of both was spot on. Jimmy’s eyes came out particularly lifelike.

  Sending it was a risk that I hoped didn’t backfire. It was an extremely personal gift, not only for her but for me.

  “I can’t thank you enough for this. Words can never express how precious this is to me. I…love…” she hesitated.

  My heart was racing. Was she going to say she loved the portrait…or me?

  “I know. I know,” I said, not wanting her to say those words because they would completely undo me.

  “What did I ever do to deserve this?” she asked.

  “Just the fact that you would ask that question is the essence of why I…” Now, I was the one hesitating. Why I what? I finished my sentence. “Why I adore you.”

  It felt like a safer word than love, less likely to do irreparable damage if things didn’t work out. And it was the damn truth. I adored her.

  “I adore you, too,” she said. “Not only for this, but because you brought me back to life. Thank you.”

  Long after we hung up, those bittersweet words wouldn’t stop repeating in my head all the way to Boston.

  ***

  If the earlier part of the holiday break represented realizing the depth of my feelings for Nina, the second part marked the unraveling of my sexual control.

  It was Saturday night, New Year’s Eve. As always, I’d spent the day with Ivy before heading home to Allison’s house.

  My family’s New Year’s Eve tradition was to gorge on Chinese food. Every year, Cedric would come home with two large boxes, complaining about how long he had to wait for the takeout. The association between Chinese food and New Year’s Eve always baffled me, but it seemed like everyone in Boston had the same idea. This year was no different.

  My nieces were begging to stay up until midnight, and per usual, my sister gave in. Cedric and I had just finished up a card game while my mother and Allison watched the Times Square festivities on television.

  The fortune cookies left over from our dinner were strewn about on the table. One in particular seemed to be calling to me. I remembered what Nina told me during our Chinese karaoke date. Take the one facing you.

  Cracking it open, I chuckled because the fortune spoke volumes about my feelings toward her: It’s easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

  Ain’t that the truth.

  Even though you could have pretty much applied that message to anything, for me, it related to the intensity of the sexual frustration I was experiencing at the moment.

  And the only woman I wanted was hundreds of miles away.

  As I stared into the fire and fantasized about her, my phone buzzed with the words that set the tone for the rest of the night.

  I wish you were here.

  My mouth filled with moisture as my heart raced. I typed.

  Jake: I was just thinking the same thing about you.

  Nina: I’m supposed to be going out tonight, but I really don’t feel like it.

  Jake: Why not?

  Nina: For one, I’m going to be freezing my ass off.

  Jake: That would not be a good thing. I’d really miss your ass.

  Nina: LOL.

  Jake: Where are you going?

  Nina: Some friends from high school found out I was in town, contacted me on facebook and invited me to a party. I’m all dressed up, but I’m not sure I’m gonna go.

  Jake: Show me what you look like.

  Nina: Okay, hang on.

  My pulse raced as I held the phone and waited while my dick rose to attention. Was I really so hard up that merely anticipating a picture of her had just given me an erection? I was just so desperate for a look at her again.

  The situation in my pants was no better once the image popped up. Nina had taken a selfie in the mirror. She was wearing an emerald green fitted dress. It wasn’t low cut, but anything fitted looked indecent on her bountiful rack. Her hair was off her forehead, accentuating the light blue of her eyes that glowed in the bathroom lighting. Her expression reflected a shyness as if she were reluctant to take the picture.

  I just kept staring at it. At her. I pressed down on the photo and saved it to my camera roll. My phone buzzed.

  Nina: No comment?

  Jake: I’m still looking at it.

  Nina: Oh.

  Jake: You look incredible.

  Nina: Thank you.

  Jake: I almost wish I didn’t ask to see it.

  Nina: What are you doing tonight?

  She changed the subject, causing me to wonder if I’d made her uncomfortable.

  Jake: Staying in. My family pigged out on Chinese food earlier. I’ll stay up to watch the ball drop then go to bed sometime after.

  Nina: You’re not going out? With anyone?

  Jake: No.

  Dread set in as I stared at her question again, realizing that she likely wasn’t just referring to tonight. What she probably wanted to know was whether there was another woman in my life. After all this time, I’d never made it crystal clear to her one way or the other. Of course, there was someone else but not in the way she might have wondered.

  Nina: Does whatever you have to tell me involve someone else?

  I was shitting a brick.

  The Chinese food seemed like a really bad idea as nausea suddenly consumed me. Refusing to tell her about Ivy over the phone, I froze, not knowing how to address her question. That talk needed to be done delicately and in person so that I could look her in the eyes and assure her of my intentions.

  I typed.

  Jake: Not in the way you might think.

  I closed my eyes, so disappointed in myself for letting this situation go on for as long as it had.

  The phone vibrated.

  Nina: Do you have a child?

  My response was immediate.

  Jake: No

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  The wheels had clearly been turning, probably for months as she played private investigator in her head while trying to figure out my deal. My heartbeat accelerated as I took the phone upstairs, closing the door for privacy then locking it.

  I dialed her.

  It rang once before she answered right away. “Hello?” Her voice was groggy. It sounded like she was congested.

  “Are you crying?” I asked.

  “No.”

  My tone was stern. “Don’t lie to me.”

  “Yes,” she said softly.

  “Listen to me, Nina. We do need to talk, but it’s something I was really hoping to discuss with you in person. This is all my fault for being afraid to open up to you for
so long. But here’s what cannot wait a second longer: You absolutely need to know right now that you are the only person in this world that has my heart, and nothing that I have to tell you will change that.”

  It was as if what I’d just said went in one ear and out the other when she asked, “Is someone sick or dying?”

  “No…no, nothing like that. It’s a complex situation, and I’m not sure how you’re going to view it. If you insist that I tell you tonight, we’ll have the talk now, but I’d really appreciate the opportunity to do it face to face when you come home next week.”

  “I’m sorry, Jake. I just…it’s been so hard. My imagination has been running wild for a long time. I’m scared I’m going to lose you.”

  She was scared. I remembered Cedric’s words and took her fear as a sign that she really did love me.

  I love you, too, baby. I just can’t say it yet.

  “Don’t be scared. You won’t lose me. I’ll always be your friend and more if you’ll have me. Please trust that as long as you want me to be around, I will be.”

  She sniffled. “Okay, I’m going to trust you on this, and you’re right. We shouldn’t be discussing anything important over the phone.”

  “Thank you. I’m glad you agree.”

  “I’d come home early, but my mother arranged for a memorial service for Jimmy at the church the Friday evening before I leave.”

  “It’s only one more week. It’ll fly by.”

  I stared at the ceiling and listened to the faint sounds outside my foggy window. Holiday revelers must have been entering and exiting the trolley that ran down Beacon Street. Many were probably headed to the First Night celebration downtown.

  Nina and I remained quiet until I was the first to speak again. “I’m sorry if I ruined your night.”

  “My night isn’t ruined, but I’m definitely not in the mood to go out anymore.”

  “Good. Don’t. Stay on the phone with me. My family is downstairs, but despite that, I was feeling really alone tonight for some reason—until now. You’re the only person I want to ring in the New Year with.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “You said you’re not in the mood to go out. What are you in the mood for? Tell me.”

  “What am I in the mood for? Are you trying to have phone sex with me or something?”

  “I wasn’t.” I snickered. “But if I were, your calling me out on it just now would’ve ruined it.”

  “Sorry.”

  “No apologies needed, because I wasn’t trying to have phone sex.”

  “Right.”

  “By the way, if you change your mind and decide you’d rather go out, just say the word. I wouldn’t blame you. You’re all dressed up in that pretty little dress with nowhere to go now.”

  “Not true.”

  “You’re still thinking of going out?”

  “No…I mean, I’m not wearing the dress anymore.”

  A dull ache developed in my groin upon hearing that.

  “You’re not?”

  “No.”

  “You took it off?”

  “Yeah, I was uncomfortable.”

  My next question sounded almost urgent. “What are you wearing?”

  “I’m in my bra and underwear under the covers.”

  I had to catch my breath.

  “Nina?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you trying to have phone sex with me?”

  “You just asked me what I was wearing. Isn’t that the universal phone sex lead in? I still maintain you were trying to have it with me.”

  “Well, I wasn’t considering it until you told me you were practically naked. There’s only so much a man can take.”

  “You do typically exercise a frustrating amount of restraint, though.”

  “You think I’ve wanted to restrain myself?”

  “No. That’s the thing. You look at me like you want to devour me, but you act the complete opposite, like you’re afraid of breaking me or something. I’m stronger than you think.”

  “You’re partly right. You’ve become my best friend. I’m very protective. You know that. I’ve been gentle with you. But that’s only one side of me.”

  “And the other side?”

  “You haven’t experienced it yet.”

  “I want to know that side of you, too. I really wonder what that’s like.”

  I was horny as fuck and had no willpower to resist where this was going. I just wanted her. Period. Weaker by the second, the repercussions of letting go just didn’t matter to me anymore or at least for the moment.

  “I can assure you, there’s nothing gentle about the way I want to fuck you. Was that what you were wondering about? I’ve barely touched you because once I start, I’m not going to be able to stop, and you’re not gonna want me to.”

  “Tell me what you want to do to me.”

  “You really want me to do that?”

  “Yes.”

  You asked for it.

  “There is a difference between having sex and fucking. You’ve never come. You’ve never screamed out in pleasure because it felt so amazing that you thought you were losing your mind. You’ve never been fucked, Nina. I want to show you what that’s like in every way. I want to fuck your pussy, your ass, your mouth and make you feel so insanely good that you’ll beg me to keep filling you. And by the end, if I haven’t ruined you for everyone else, then I haven’t done my job.”

  Those words could never be taken back, but it felt so damn good to let them out. Now, it was clear that we had officially ventured into unchartered territory.

  She let out a long, shaky breath. “Wow…okay.”

  “Was that direct enough for you?”

  “Yeah. Actually, it reminded me of what you said to me in your room that one night. I’ve replayed that one a lot in my head. But you were definitely more specific just now.”

  “Well, I’m sick of hiding it. And a lot’s changed since then in terms of my willpower, and by that, I mean I don’t have much of it left. You know what my fortune cookie said tonight? It said, ‘It’s easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.’ I can guarantee you if you were here right now, I would not be holding back. Whether that’s right or wrong, I’ve reached the end.” My voice lowered to a whisper. “I need you.”

  My body buzzed at the sound of her soft voice in my ear. “Do you want to see me?”

  “You mean, go there? Come see you? I’ve considered that, actually.”

  “No. I meant…my body.”

  Where was she going with this?

  My dick twitched. “You’re gonna show me your body?”

  “You undress me with your eyes a lot. I love when you do that. But do you want to see what I actually look like?”

  Holy shit.

  There was only one sane answer to that.

  “Fuck yes.”

  Then, everything just went quiet except for the fact that I felt like I could hear my heart pounding. I could hear things shuffling in the background. What was she doing? Was she taking everything off?

  The wait was killing me. Running my hands through my hair in frustration, I had no idea what exactly she’d be sending, whether it would be a video or a photo. My body temperature was rising by the second, so I lifted my shirt over my head and threw it across the room. My cock was so engorged that it felt like it was burning a hole through my pants, which I ended up taking off, too. My legs stiffened as I stretched under my blankets and tried to relax my breathing. I prayed no one in my family knocked on the door and ruined this for me. Just the thought of seeing her naked was putting me over the edge. An out of control excitement ran through me like a teenager watching the opening credits to his first porno. This night was definitely turning into an unexpected surprise. And I was all in.

  “Okay…” she said after returning to the phone. “I took a still with my webcam. I’m gonna email it to you, okay?”

  “Yeah,” I breathed out.

  More waiting.

 
“I’ve never done anything like this before. I just sent it. Now, I’m nervous.”

  “Don’t be. I don’t have to look at it if you don’t want me to.”

  Fuck that. A warning of imminent death upon opening wouldn’t have been able to stop me from clicking on that picture.

  “I can’t believe I just sent that to you.”

  When my email notification sounded, I swallowed in anticipation, opened my laptop and clicked on the message. It took several seconds for the attachment to open, and my face was burning up with each second that passed.

  When the image finally loaded, everything went still as I took in the sight before me. In the photo, Nina was sitting on her bed, leaning slightly to the side with her knees curled in. Her face was also turned sideways as her hair fell over her left breast. Her right one was completely exposed, showcasing a large, flat nipple that was a beautiful shade of light pink. Her breasts looked even bigger than I imagined. Saliva pooled in my mouth from the need to suck on them. Although she wasn’t wearing any underwear, you couldn’t see her pussy, only the side of her ass. It was a classy pose that reminded me of something I would have sketched. God, she was beautiful.

  “You’re not saying anything.”

  Expressing with words what the picture made me feel seemed impossible. My voice was strained. “You’re exquisite.”

  “Was it what you expected?”

  I couldn’t take my eyes off it. “Far more.”

  Not only was I so extremely turned on by what the picture did clearly display but also by the cruel tease of what it didn’t.

  “Will you send me a picture of you?” she asked.

  My dick was so hard that my briefs were barely able to contain me.