Lovefool (Introduction)

#26 MY GIRL

  His friend looked worried. Sebastian wanted to ask what is wrong, but he was too occupied with his own problems. He didn't see “his girl” (as he used to call Anna) for days and she didn't answer his calls. As if she disappeared and he even thought about calling the police to search for her using every means possible which would make this search easier.

  They were sitting face to face without looking at each other. They didn't exchange a word. They were two poor unfortunate souls contemplating about such similar things. Julian was ahead, he had already read the sorrows of his friend. It was always the same reason: a girl. This girl seemed to be important for him, even more important than all the other girls he dated before. She seemed to be an interesting person and wasn't speaking much. Sebastian wasn't the type of person who hardly talks. He was always talking. This change was interesting, but it wasn't new for Julian to see people changing their habits when in love. Sometimes you do strange things just to show yourself you are a good person for people you care about. He would be his old self again, when he would get bored with her. It was always so easy to understand Sebastian.

  It is either about a girl, honour or money. Other things were not worth mentioning. The troubles with girls? Oh, it was a piece of cake. Julian didn't intend to look closer into Sebastian’s love life. His own shoot of love was much more important. It was the first mystery in his life he was confronted with.

  Julian had read books about it. He even saw real love between human beings a couple of times. He knew some Romeos and Juliets. It was always a very strong connection when two people in love became almost one person and one heart. Their thoughts were almost the same, their state of mind was almost the same and their willingness to sacrifice for each other was always on their minds, even if it remained unsaid. It was a chain of love which connected them so deeply that they became more than humans. When people fell in love, they felt happy and lucky. However, not every love was so strong that the two were prepared to do anything for each other. If this was the case, human beings would have been shining like stars in the sky or like giant spotlights in theatres.

  Sebastian was thinking about a girl. She was surely a nice girl, young and fascinating, nothing else. Julian couldn't see the complete picture, because Sebastian wasn't sure about his feelings for her himself. That was the impression Julian could perceive from him. Furthermore, in his opinion it wasn't even important. As experience had taught him, Sebastian wasn't the one for deep emotions, he fell in love quickly and would flirt for a while. Sebastian kept getting together and breaking off again with girls he knew. But Julian could never understand how Sebastian could think the same way about himself, Julian. He was always talking nicely to girls, he was always lovely, paid some drinks, danced, smiled, but there was nothing else below the surface. He wasn't attracted by the human nature. The more indifferent it was to him, the more people saw him as an object of desire. Females felt sexual desire and males wanted to have him in their friends’ circle. Whatever!

  Therefore, Julian was sure: he had to find his girl. It was a completely different thing. He wasn't allowed to travel now. He had to stay with Sebastian and watch over him. He was Sebastian’s babysitter although his best friend didn't know it.

  It was annoying. Until now, he hadn't been limited and for the first time he felt restrictions. Until now, the rules of his so-called family had never been in discrepancy with his way. He felt worse than a teen that is not allowed to go to a party and was put under house arrest. He had so much more to do now but he was grounded. He had to stay in Warsaw. He was annoyed to be of interest, he had to control himself with the last energy remaining, full stop.

  While Julian was trying to figure out how to get information without breaking the rules, Sebastian thoughts changed direction.

  Sebastian used to think about Anna almost all of his spare time. In addition, even if he was busy, doubts surrounded him like a circle of enemies closing in. Now, as he was sitting in the sunshine looking at his best friend Julian, he realised how tired Julian was. Julian had changed a lot lately. It was noticeable not only because of his old new jacket. He wore his black leather jacket and looked more like a bad boy than like the Julian who came to Warsaw three years ago: polite, business-like and all Prince Charming.

  Julian didn't go to parties anymore, he didn't talk or laugh much and he was isolating himself. Julian gave the impression of being unsettled. He wore a smile on his face, but his joy was missing. He looked cool, but his eyes were concentrated and calm. He was still visibly smooth but unsettled as well. His moves became sharper, faster. Julian was like a wild mountain river: you never knew what you get and where you are.

  Sebastian didn't intend to ask his friend what was going on. It wasn't the way you talk with Julian. You rather tried to start with very different topics and then start to lead the discussion into the direction that was bothering you. Nevertheless, this time Sebastian had enough own problems to think about.

  Maybe this was the essential thing about their friendship. They could just sit in a club, drink a beer and think about their own things instead of forcing themselves to talk. They let their mind go every now and then; they looked into different directions and didn't look each other even when they were sitting facing each other.

  The club was quiet and closed. Bar stools were put on tables, the dance floor was empty and the light was minimal. They both enjoyed this quietness, even if they didn't talk about it.