Lovefool (Introduction)

#58 SHAPE OF MY HEART

  She couldn't remember much. Mia woke up with fever and didn't need a thermometer to confirm this. Everything hurt. Something inside her head kept exploding repeatedly. It was this kind of suffering, which creeps up on you when you don't pay attention, and you have no chance to win this battle. She was lying on the floor in her bathroom. Without moving, she looked around. The door was partially open and evening light came into the apartment through the windows with open curtains. Everything was a blur. Mia tried to focus on her well-known furniture, but she couldn't manage it. She looked around again, slowly. Her head wasn't only exploding, every little move was painful. In addition, her stomach seemed to have a life of its own. Mia felt like one pulsating, burning wound and she hadn't enough strength to get up. It is often difficult to describe pain, because everyone reacts so differently to it.

  She stared to the ceiling and tried to focus.

  Then, she heard something. The door opened and something came into the bathroom. It was too quick to see and even if it were slow enough, Mia would have been able to identify it. It was big like a person. Mia tried to think who could wander through her apartment without saying a word. She lost her consciousness again.

  After a moment, Mia woke up again. The shadow of her latest memory was gone. She felt worse than before. It was impossible to imagine that she could feel even more pain than before. Her head was pulsating rapidly and her lungs were heavy like iron. Her stomach was a territory of intense pain and she suffered more and more. She got used to gradually increasing soreness. After every visit to Jonas, she was suffering more. Compared to today’s situation, previous visits were peanuts. Meanwhile her pain was chronic and started to be her new best friend in this life. This time, she was a prisoner of her suffering and couldn't move.

  Again, Mia saw a shadow of someone and tried to convince herself that she was hallucinating. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe deeper. She needed some air. Here, the air was so dry and it was hard to breathe. The dry air got stuck in her throat and scratched her. It seemed to protest on its way down to her lung. Fever just gave her the rest.

  Mia heard something, but it didn't bother her right now. Even if Jonas came here and smiled like a winner who took it all, she would stay here lying without moving. She was tired. She was so tired of being strong, assertive and hunted. She was tired of living, feeling and breathing.

  Someone came towards her and bent down. Then, she felt that someone touched her head. This hand wasn't cold. This hand wasn't warm, either. It was gentle and somehow surreal.

  Mia opened her eyes and saw deep blue eyes staring at her. Normally, she would throw Julian away. She would ask him to leave immediately and she would be even more embarrassed than she was this morning. However, this morning was so long ago, there was an ice age between then and now. In addition, she hadn't enough power to push him away.