Sweetest Sorrow

  They drove for a little over an hour longer, until they reached the North Carolina border, and found a small motel just outside of the city of Greensboro. Genna stepped into the small room and threw herself down on the bed. Lying back, she spread her arms out and kicked her shoes off as Matty tinkered with the air conditioner and cranked it the whole way up.

  Cold air blasted out of it as it rattled as loud as the damn truck, cooling Genna's sticky skin. From the corner of her eye, she watched Matty pull off his shirt and toss it to the floor before unbuttoning his jeans. "I'm taking a shower if you want to join me."

  "No, it's okay," she muttered, fighting back the voice in the back of her mind chastising her. What the fuck is wrong with you? Look at him! Go forth, and get soapy wet with that motherfucker! "I'm just gonna lay here and cool off and you know… probably never move again."

  Matty finished stripping, leaving a trail of clothes leading to the bathroom. Moments later, the soothing sound of rushing water met Genna's ears, nearly lulling her to sleep. No rest for the wicked. Sighing, she pushed herself up and rubbed her tired eyes.

  It hadn't even been a full day yet. The small alarm clock on the nightstand beside the bed read a quarter till two in the afternoon. Almost seventeen hours had passed since she stood on the street corner in the darkness and watched her life incinerate before her eyes. She still felt the explosion in the tension in her muscles, a vibration in her bones as her body trembled. A flurry of emotions battled for control—lingering sadness, sheer terror, and a sense of uneasiness—twisting her insides and leaving her a tangled mess of frayed nerves.

  She felt like she didn't know herself anymore, much less the guy naked in the bathroom. For all intents and purposes, Genevieve Galante and Matteo Barsanti had died in Little Italy… so who were they?

  Her gaze turned to the bathroom door as it stood cracked open. Matty was all she had now, the only thing keeping her grounded, keeping her feet planted on the shaky ground. Well, him and… little him.

  Genna's hands drifted to her stomach.

  Or her. Whatever.

  It was much too soon to tell, given the baby resembled a lima bean at that point, but the doctor had assured them everything seemed fine. They'd stopped at a small hospital in New Jersey, where Matty had assured her they'd be safe, but Genna wasn't a fool to think anywhere was beyond her father's reach. They'd lingered in the area just long enough to catch their breath, long enough for Matty to get his hand on a couple burner phones for them to use in case of an emergency.

  Genna sighed, grabbing the map she'd found in the glove box of the stolen truck—or borrowed truck, as Matty had called it. We'll leave it somewhere for them to find, just as soon as we're out of the area. She spread the map out in front of her, smoothing out the creases as her fingers scanned the area around their current location.

  The water in the bathroom shut off, the only noise the drone of the air conditioner. Matty strode back out, a white towel loosely wrapped around his slim waist. Heat rushed through Genna. Her face flushed as she impulsively scanned his chest, her gaze lingering along the trail of hair running down his toned stomach. She averted her eyes, so not to be caught gawking at him, but his amused chuckle told her he'd noticed the attention.

  "Any luck?" he asked, plopping down on the bed beside her without bothering to get dressed. Genna fought to keep her eyes to herself, but all of that glorious bare skin was much too tempting to ignore.

  "Any luck with what?" she mumbled.

  "With finding somewhere to go."

  "Oh, no." Focus on the map, Genna, not the man. "Not yet."

  "You've got the entire country in front of you," Matty said. "We can go anywhere you want. Just take your pick."

  Easier said than done. She scanned the area, tracing her fingertips along the highways. "It's just... I can see it all, and I know what it is, but that doesn't tell me anything about what it's like. All these red and blue roads, weaving together, going here and there... they're kind of like veins, you know? You can tell me where they go and what they do, but it says nothing about the person they make up." She groaned before he even had a chance to respond. "That probably makes no fucking sense."

  "It makes perfect sense," he replied, reaching over and grasping her hand to still it. "Kind of profound, actually. Must not have fried your brain, after all."

  "Damn near."

  "And I get it. It's not easy deciding the future."

  "So how do I choose? How do I know?"

  He gazed at her. "How did you know about me?"

  "I didn't," she said. "I still don't. I don't know anything. But it was a feeling I got. You know, it... you... well, it just felt right."

  "Then that's how you choose," he said. "We settle down when something feels right."

  "What if it never does?"

  "It will," he assured her. "Besides, silver linings, Genna. If we don't know where we're going, we'll never really be lost, right? Wherever we end up will be where we're supposed to be."

  He made it sound so simple. Genna glanced back down at the map, reading the neighboring city names. "You know there's a town called Climax near here?"

  "There's also a High Point."

  "No shit?"

  "Saw a sign for it earlier. Climax and High Point."

  "Huh." She scanned the area again, finding it. "That's kind of redundant, don't you think?"

  "Redundant, maybe, but there's nothing wrong with that," he said, running his hand up her inner thigh. "You can never have too many, well, you know..."

  She shivered as his fingers grazed her through her jeans. Clenching her thighs closed, she smacked his hand away. "Ugh, not now."

  "Why? Need to brush your teeth?"

  "As a matter of fact, yes."

  "Don't worry about it," he said. "I just won't kiss you."

  "Yeah, because that's romantic. Besides, I'm all dirty and sweaty and yucky."

  "So?" He leaned over to kiss her neck. "I'm just gonna get you sticky, anyway."

  Laughing, Genna pushed him away. "How can you even think about sex right now?"

  "I'm a guy," he said, shrugging as he stood up. "It controls me more than I control it."

  Matty dropped his towel, his naked body emphasizing his point. He was hard. Before Genna could say anything, her cheeks flushing at his obvious arousal, Matty snatched up his discarded filthy clothes and put them back on.

  She watched him incredulously. "What are you doing?"

  "Getting dressed."

  "Those clothes are disgusting."

  "Yeah, but they're all I have."

  "So?"

  "So I can't go out naked, Genna."

  "What? Why?"

  He laughed. "Pretty sure that would warrant an indecent exposure charge."

  "No, I mean why are you going out?"

  "Maslow's hierarchy of needs." He glanced at her as if that explanation should clear up her confusion. "We have to fulfill the bottom before we can work our way toward the top."

  "Okay, Mr. Ivy League... drop the Confucius and put it in my terms."

  Matty pressed his palms against the bed as he leaned over to kiss her, not at all bothered when she kept her lips clamped shut. She did need to brush her teeth, after all. "We need things from the store."

  Ah. "Why didn't you just say that?"

  "I did."

  She stared him in the eyes, drinking in the devotion shining out at her. Past it, though, she sensed the sadness. He was putting on a brave front, but she knew him well enough to see he was torn up inside and barely holding it together. Something had clawed its way under his skin, piercing his strong armor.

  Climbing to her feet, Genna sighed. "Let's go."

  "Stay here." Matty held his hand out to stop her when she started toward the door. "It's hot, and you should just relax. I'll grab whatever you need."

  "Really?"

  "Yes."

  "But I—"

  "Just tell me what to get, Genna."

  "Munchies," she said. "Cheetos,
and cookies, and maybe some beef jerky."

  "Okay."

  "Oh! And some chocolate! A Kit-Kat! No, wait, a Snickers bar! Or better yet, one of those ice cream Snickers bars. Hell, two of them. One for now, one for later." She paused. "Oh, Now & Laters. You should grab some of those, too."

  He chuckled. "Candy. Got it."

  "And some Coke."

  "The soda?"

  "No, Matty, the fucking powder." She rolled her eyes. "Of course the soda."

  "Should you have that? You know, since you're pregnant? It's got caffeine in it."

  "Are you really going to deny me? Me, the mother of your child?"

  She'd been teasing him, but her words sparked something in his expression—something she too felt churning in her gut. It was a twisting, a slap of sobering reality. She was the mother of his child.

  Holy Hell.

  "Of course not," he said. "What else?"

  She rambled on and on, blurting out everything she thought of, from clothes to toiletries. He balked at a few of her requests, like razors and underwear, his slight discomfort amusing Genna.

  "I'll probably need some other girly things," she said, quirking an eyebrow. "So maybe I should just, you know… go along."

  Matty pulled the truck key from his pocket as he motioned toward the door. "Come on, let's go to the store."

  Smiling as he conceded, Genna followed him, the heat blasting her as soon as she stepped outside, so intense that it stole her breath. Ugh, I wanted to go why? Matty started the truck, hesitation in his movements when he stuck the key in the ignition. The ancient vehicle rumbled, lurching as he put it in gear and pulled away from the motel. He drove onto the highway, finding a department store not too far away.

  Once inside, Matty grabbed a cart, and Genna strolled beside him through the brightly lit store.

  "We do have money, right?" she asked, grabbing a bag of chips and tossing it in the cart. "We're not shoplifting this shit, right?"

  "Right." He eyed her peculiarly. "Why are you asking?"

  "Well, for one, because it's way too hot outside to be running from theft prevention," she pointed out. "And because we haven't really talked about things like money. I know I don't have any. I don't have anything, except maybe my charm at this point, so I wasn't sure..."

  He stopped the cart in the middle of an aisle. "I told you if you stayed with me that I'd take care of you, and I meant that, so don't worry about things. Let me worry. You just keep being you."

  "I wanna help, though. I wanna do my part."

  "You already are," he said, pulling her to him, his hand pressing against her stomach. "You're doing your part, Genna."

  "Don't try that sexist shit out on me," she said, poking him in the chest. "I won't be one of those barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen kind of women."

  "Thank God for that," he said, his expression serious. "The kitchen is the last place you ought to be hanging out in."

  Genna rolled her eyes, pushing away from him, and strolled down the aisle. Nothing else was said about it as they went through the rest of the store, covering every base, the cart close to overflowing. When they reached the register, Matty tossed everything up on the conveyer belt as Genna grabbed a soda from the small, refrigerated case. She unscrewed the cap, sipping on the Coke and watching their bill mount.

  Matty glanced at her, raising his eyebrows. "Your soda."

  She held it out toward him. "You want some?"

  "I want to pay for it."

  "Oh."

  She let the cashier scan it before taking another sip. Matty paid their total with a thick stack of cash and led her from the store, to the truck baking in the blistering sun out in the parking lot. Genna tried to help with the bags but Matty waved her away.

  Sighing, Genna climbed into the cab of the truck and kicked off her shoes, propping her feet up on the cracked dashboard. The heat made it hard to breathe, the air hazy, her clothes sticking to her skin. After loading the bags onto the rusty truck bed, Matty climbed in beside her.

  The engine rumbled when he started it, the truck violently shaking before shutting right off. He had to turn the key three times to get it to stay cranked.

  "I don't think this truck is going to last very long," she warned.

  "It'll be fine," he said, a hint of aggravation in his tone as he raised his voice. "Just stop worrying."

  Genna stayed quiet as they drove back to the motel. She didn't offer to help then, knowing he would refuse her again. Instead, she went straight to the bathroom and tore off her grubby clothes before climbing into the shower. The icy cold water stung her skin, making her shiver as it pelted her full-blast. No hot water. Awesome.

  Closing her eyes, Genna leaned back against the shower wall and slid down into the tub. She bent her legs, wrapping her arms around them, as she rested her cheek against her knee. Tears stung her eyes, streaming down her cheeks, the lump in her throat making it hard to breathe.

  Genna's entire world had been turned around and she didn't know which way was up anymore. Where was she going? What was she doing? She had left it all behind, everything she had ever known gone, and there was no going back. Her life, gone forever, leaving her a semblance of a person she only vaguely recognized.

  And that terrified her.

  The swell of emotion overwhelmed her, swallowing her in darkness, as she sat in the tub and sobbed. She got so lost in the moment that she didn't hear the door open, didn't hear the heavy footsteps through the bathroom.

  The shower curtain yanking open startled her. Alarmed, she sat up with her back straight, her eyes meeting Matty's as she shivered. He gazed down at her, the vibrant blue shadowed by exhaustion. Genna hoped the water washed away evidence of her tears but his sorrowful sigh and the deepening of his frown suggested otherwise.

  Reaching over, Matty turned off the water and grabbed a white threadbare towel. Wordlessly, he wrapped it around her as he helped her to her feet. He pulled her into his arms and carried her back into the room, laying her down in the bed.

  Matty held her, his arms wound around her, as her tears came out full-force again. She cried herself way past exhausted, falling into a deep, torturous sleep, her mind refusing to shut down even though her body had long ago threw in the towel on consciousness.

  Images flashed in her mind, brutal memories pelting her, ripping her right back to that moment, back to the city. Blood red paint glistened under the streetlight, sparkling like a stunning ruby. The neighborhood was still—too still, in fact. It was as if someone had pressed pause on the universe.

  Unnatural.

  Genna stood on the corner in Little Italy, her heart beating so hard she felt it in her throat. The thumping echoed in her ears in harmony with the footsteps along the pavement behind her. Slowly, Genna turned, her breath catching.

  Matty.

  He swaggered past, brushing against her, his cologne swarming her like a cloud. Closing her eyes, she breathed him in. Something about his scent relaxed her, a subtle spicy aphrodisiac that was uniquely him. It was home.

  When Genna reopened her eyes, she stared at his back, watching him walk away. It was like he hadn't even seen her standing there, waiting. He swung his car keys around a finger, the sight making the hair on her arms prickle from alarm. Something was wrong... so very wrong. What was happening? Where was he going?

  She opened her mouth to call his name but no sound came out. Matty continued on, unlocking the driver's side door of the Lotus with his key.

  No. This wasn't right. What was he doing?

  Genna tried to go after him, to warn him, to stop him, but it was as if a wall stood in front of her, blocking her, locking her in place.

  An invisible boundary separating them.

  Matty climbed in the car and shut the door. As if in slow motion, Genna stared through the back window, watching his shadowy figure as he stuck the key in the ignition. Frantically shaking her head, she screamed until her throat felt raw, her lungs scorching, but the neighborhood remained death
ly silent, abnormally still.

  One second... two seconds... three seconds passed, counted by the beats of her frenzied heart, as Matty turned the key. Silence reigned for what felt like an eternity.

  In the blink of an eye, it was all gone.

  BOOM

  Gasping, trying to catch her breath, Genna sat straight up, blinking rapidly to adjust to the darkness. No. No. No. Her hands pawed at the bed, feeling only sheets.

  No warmth. No body. No Matty.

  "Matty?" she yelled, panicked, as she climbed out of the bed.

  The door to the motel room opened, a burst of warm air rushing through. Matty stepped inside, clutching a cell phone.

  Matty.

  Genna ran right at him, leaping up, jumping into his arms. Legs wrapping around his waist, she buried her face into his neck, trying to ward off tears as her body shook.

  "What's the matter, baby?" he asked, kicking the door closed behind him before carrying her over to the bed. "What's wrong?"

  "I woke up and you were gone. I thought… I mean…"

  Matty dropped his phone down onto the mattress as he hugged her, rubbing her back. "Reception in here was shit so I stepped outside, trying to get a better signal."

  "Who were you calling?"

  "A friend," he said. "The one who helped us with everything. I was seeing if he knew of anywhere safe, you know… if he knew a place where we could settle for a while, get us out of these motels."

  "Did he?"

  "He's going to get back to me."

  She wanted to ask more but the words wouldn’t form as he pulled her back into the bed, holding her.

  "I'm here," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

  Chapter Two

  "Did you hear? Can you believe it? They said he's up in surgery right now."

  "Is he going to make it?"

  "Maybe… who knows? Does it even matter? I just can't believe the guy's not dead yet."