The Star of All Valleys

  Chapter 21

  The long days of autumn passed by. Willy and her young family slipped easily into a routine of school, pre-school, writing, and all the normal activities of living. Halloween was eagerly anticipated and Willy spent time sewing costumes. Allison decided to be a pink bunny after much vacillation. Willy finally just took her to a fabric store and bought the material before Allison could change her mind again. Once the outfit was finished, there was no more uncertainty.

  Jeffy always knew what he wanted to be--a cowboy.  She made him a bright red Western shirt to go with his Levis and hat. He already had a toy holster and pistol set. He was upset for a while when Willy refused his request for fancy cowboy boots, but she finally won him over by reminding him that Mr. Bell had worn regular boots when he rode his big horse, Smoky.

  After the flurry of Halloween activities and trick-or-treating was over, they next looked forward to Thanksgiving. They were planning a trip to Portland to visit the grandparents.

  That visit was warm and fun and a nice change from their routine. They visited several of Willy's relatives and she took her kids to the school she had gone to when she was little. There were even some of her old teachers still in the area and they were thrilled when she paid them a visit and showed off her own family.

  Allison was working hard in kindergarten and brought lots of holiday decorations home. By Christmas, the house was gaily decorated. They worked together to get ready for holiday visits from both sets of grandparents.  Willy's parents were going to drive to Kent and spend Christmas Eve and the next week with them. Ryan's mother and father lived in California now and were flying in for a few days between Christmas and the New Year on their way back from visiting Ryan’s sister in Montana.

  Willy was hoping that they could all fit into the house together. The Milton's were planning on staying in a motel since they were very fussy about their sleeping arrangements. Willy knew better than to try to insist that they stay with her. They could certainly afford the motel and if it would make them more comfortable, she was happy to cut down on the stress of trying to find sleeping room in her already bulging house.

  Allison had worked hard teaching some Christmas songs to Jeffy that she had learned in school. They were planning a program for Christmas Eve and had gotten the costumes ready that they would wear for their little nativity pageant.

  The week before Christmas, a large package arrived from Max. He had been writing about twice a month but hadn't sent a package since school started. The kids were excited and wanted it opened right away. Willy cautiously opened the outer box to be sure that whatever was inside was wrapped. There were presents for each child and Willy and even one for Aggie.

  Allison was worried that they hadn't sent anything but a Christmas card to Max. Willy was a little upset that he had kept in such close touch that his memory remained strong in Allison’s and Jeffy’s minds. She had hoped that they would have forgotten their summertime friend by now, but the letters had been eagerly read and saved and discussed. Willy was just as happy to get a letter from Max as her children, but it didn't help to ease the hurt in her heart. The yearning for his company was still there.

  The packages were added to the others under the tree. Willy yielded to Allison's worried request that they hurry and get something to send to Max so he wouldn't think that they had forgotten him. They thought long and hard about something that they could send and finally Willy hit on just the thing. She had heard a radio announcement about a company that shipped frozen salmon for Christmas gifts. That would be an impersonal gift that would show they remembered. She phoned in the order and was assured that the package would be delivered on Christmas Eve day.

  The little pageant turned out well. Grandparents are easy to please and enjoy any efforts of their grandchildren. It was fun to have them and Aggie share this special time. They all enjoyed the activities of Christmas Day together.

  The phone rang in the middle of the afternoon. It woke Jeffy from a much needed nap. Willy had joined him since the kids had awakened the whole houseful of people at four-thirty in the morning so they could see if Santa had come yet. They were all exhausted by afternoon. Willy picked up the phone, still half asleep. "Hello," she said, groggily.

  "Merry Christmas from Wyoming!" the cheerful voice at the other end cried. "You sound like you just woke up!"

  "Max!" Willy instantly came awake at the familiar voice. Her heart leaped with joy.

  "How was your Christmas?" he wanted to know.

  She visited with him a little and thanked him for the exercise video he had given her, then asked if he wanted to talk to the kids. Allison was so excited to be able to thank Max for the stuffed horse he had given her. When it was Jeffy's turn, he told all about how he could drive the toy jeep over the hills he made with some rugs.

  "I barbecued the salmon steaks today for Christmas dinner," Max told Willy. "They were delicious. My parents said to tell you hello and wish you a Merry Christmas from them."

  After all the pleasantries were over and the children were happily back to playing with their new toys, Willy tried to get off the phone, but Max had something else he wanted to say. "Willy, can I ask you something?"

  "Please, don't spoil everything by starting on that old subject again," she begged, thinking she knew what was coming.

  "Well, that isn't the subject I was going to start on, but I do want you to know that I haven't changed my mind. I think about you every day."

  "Max," Willy began to withdraw from him.

  "Don't worry, this is something entirely different," he told her. "I just wanted to know when Allison and Jeff's birthdays are. I don't want to forget them on their birthdays."

  Embarrassed by her unnecessary comments, she told him the birthdates, but added that she didn't want him to send any presents. "You've spent a lot on these Christmas gifts. A card is enough for their birthdays. It would probably be better if you just gradually stopped writing so they could forget you. It isn't likely that we'll ever see you again." She knew her words would hurt him, but she had to let him know that her mind hadn't changed either.

  "Please don't make me do that, Willy," he asked. "I could no more forget you than I could forget my own family. You all mean a lot to me. I won't send presents if you insist, but let me keep writing to you. I won't even call any more if you say so. It's been wonderful to hear your voice."

  Willy relented a little, "Yes, I'm glad you called.  The kids loved to be able to talk to you and thank you for the nice presents. You must have spent a lot of time picking them out."

  "You don't know how many times I've had the phone in my hand to call you. I really have exercised a lot of restraint. I just couldn't stand to let today go by without talking to you. I hope you're not upset."

  "No, I'm not upset. I just don't see any future in it so I'm trying to let you know that it would be better for everyone if we broke the connection."

  "Willy, I can't break the connection," Max said, anguish filling his voice. "I'll always hope that you'll change your mind and let me see you again. Don't push me away."

  Knowing that this conversation was getting out of hand, Willy compelled herself to bring it to an end. After she had said goodbye and hung up the phone, she was startled to look up and see her father standing there, leaning against the doorframe.

  "When you love someone, Willy, and they love you back, there will never be any peace for either of you as long as you stay apart. Do you love him enough to open your heart to him?"

  "I can't let him in my heart, Dad," Willy cried. "I've got a husband!"

  Her dad moved to her and pulled her to his chest. "Willy, your husband is dead.  Why are you holding on to such a detrimental belief that you can never love again? It isn't a natural thing for a young woman to push love away. Talk to your daddy."

  Willy rested her head against her father’s shoulder. He had comforted her in just this way many times before. She knew he wouldn't give any advice that wasn
't in her best interest. She lifted her head and tried to explain her feelings of obligation and the promise she had made to Ryan at his death.

  After he had listened and let her talk herself out, he made an observation. "Willy, it appears to me that you are not entirely comfortable with the commitment you have made to be true to Ryan's memory. If it was what you really wanted to do, your heart would be at peace. I think that the unrest and unhappiness you feel is because, in your soul, you know that you need to love and be loved--by someone living. It is a rare person who can enjoy the blessing of having two great loves in one life."

  Willy looked into her father's wise eyes and saw there the love and concern he had for her. His words struck a chord deep inside her and she knew that she would have to spend some time thinking through his words and trying to straighten everything out in her mind.