RoomHate

  In the restroom, I leaned against the sink as I took my phone out.

  Justin: You were right.

  What did that mean?

  Amelia: Right about what?

  After waiting for five full minutes, I decided to head back to the table.

  “Everything alright?”

  “Yes. Everything is fine.”

  “I was thinking we could drive back to Newport, maybe take an evening walk down Main Street and stop for coffee or ice cream, whichever you prefer.”

  Truthfully, I wanted to go home, take off my heels, and soak in a nice hot bath.

  “That sounds great,” I lied.

  My phone vibrated again. This time, I looked down on my lap to sneak a peek at Justin’s response.

  Justin: I didn’t stay because of the gig at Sandy’s.

  Justin: I could have gone back to New York.

  Justin: I wanted to stay.

  Those words ensured that I was a complete goner for the remainder of our time at The Boathouse. I didn’t respond to the text, but that was mostly because I didn’t know what to say. He may not have necessarily expected a response. My heart just felt inexplicably heavy.

  Back in the car, we’d just gotten back to Newport when Will said he needed to run into a convenience store for a minute. Out of nowhere, my nose started running. I badly needed a tissue, so I opened the center console in the hopes of finding something to wipe my nose with. While I didn’t find a tissue, my hand did stumble upon something: a men’s gold wedding band.

  What the fuck?

  My heart started to pound furiously.

  Are you kidding me right now?

  The asshole was probably buying condoms for a tryst with me. Without thinking it through, I got out of the car and slammed the door. I wasn’t in any mood for a confrontation and honestly didn’t care enough to ream him out. All I cared about was going to see Justin. Looking down at my phone, I realized he would still be playing the last set at Sandy’s, which was about a half-mile walk from my current location. Running in my heels, I panted as I made my way across downtown Newport.

  I stopped to catch my breath before entering the restaurant. Because it was cooler tonight, Justin was performing on the inside stage. I snuck inside and hid in a corner where he couldn’t see me but where I could still watch him. This had to be close to the end.

  His voice suddenly vibrated through the mic. “This last song goes out to all the people who’ve ever had a certain kind of friend who drives you crazy—the kind that gets under your skin and stays there even when they’re not physically present. The kind with dimples you’ve been dreaming about since you were a kid. The kind with seafoam green eyes you get lost in. The kind that’s confusing as all hell. That kind. If you can relate, this song is for you.”

  Oh my God.

  Justin began to play a cover of a song I recognized. It was Realize by Colbie Caillat. Attempting to listen to the words, I couldn’t decipher it all because I was too transfixed on the way he was singing it. The lyrics were mostly about realizing true feelings and how sometimes they could be one-sided. During most of the song, his eyes were closed, even though he was playing the guitar. He didn’t know I was here, and I was pretty sure he was thinking of me. I didn’t know whether I should leave. It felt like I was invading his privacy somewhat. It was doubtful that he would have chosen to sing this song to my face.

  When Justin finished the song, he thanked the audience and immediately got up. Ignoring the bevvy of women trying to approach him for an autographed CD, he instead just took off to the back of the restaurant. I needed to decide whether I was going to make my presence known.

  Still in the corner of the room, I felt my phone vibrate.

  Justin: Done for the night. Heading home. Everything kosher?

  Amelia: Not exactly.

  Justin: ???

  I opted to pretend that I hadn’t heard the song or what came before it. None of it was meant for my ears. Making my way back outside, I typed.

  Amelia: I’m fine. I just got to Sandy’s. I’m outside.

  Within ten seconds, the door opened, and Justin was outside carrying his guitar.

  The anger was written all over his face. “What the fuck?”

  “Hi to you, too.”

  “What happened?”

  “Your suspicions about his character were correct.”

  “Did he try to touch you?”

  “No. He didn’t lay a hand on me.”

  “What did he do then?”

  “He neglected to mention that he’s married.”

  “What? How did you figure that out?”

  “I found a men’s wedding ring in the center console of his car.”

  “Fucker.”

  “Thank you for looking out for me.”

  “I guess old habits die hard.” He stared up at the starry sky. “Anyway, I’m sorry you wasted your night.”

  “The only thing I’m sorry about is missing your performance. I left him at the Cumberland Farms convenience store and ran here as fast as I could but didn’t make it in time.”

  “You didn’t miss much.”

  “Why is that?”

  “I felt a little off tonight.”

  “I bet that’s just your perception.”

  “No. I was distracted.”

  A group of girls came outside and lingered around him. One of them approached him with a CD. “Would you mind signing this, Justin?”

  “Not at all.” He was very gracious about it.

  She squealed before scurrying away with her friends.

  I chuckled. “So, you think I could bum a ride off a local celebrity?”

  “I don’t know. Your house might be too far out of my way.” He nudged his head. “Come on. I’m parked in the lot across the street.”

  I loved riding in Justin’s Range Rover because his intoxicating smell was tenfold inside of it. Leaning my head against the seat, I closed my eyes, so incredibly happy to be with him. It hit me that there were really only a matter of days left before he’d be gone back to New York. I’d be closing up the house, and I wouldn’t see him every day anymore.

  When I opened my eyes, I realized that we were going over the Mount Hope Bridge. He was driving off the island.

  “Where are we going?”

  “We’re taking a little detour. That okay with you?”

  Excitement filled me. “Yeah.”

  Forty minutes later, we arrived in Providence, the city where I lived and where we grew up.

  “I haven’t been back here in ages,” he said.

  “You’re not missing much.”

  “It’s more like I try not to think about what I’m missing.”

  We drove through our old neighborhood and eventually made our way down the packed streets of the city’s East Side. When he turned onto a particular side street, it finally hit me where he was taking me. As if it were reserved for us, there was an open parking spot right in front of the little red theater. Justin parallel parked and turned off the ignition.

  He sat there for a few seconds then turned to me. “It looks open. You think they still have a midnight show?”

  “I haven’t been here in years. We could check it out.”

  I never expected this trip down memory lane.

  Justin walked up to the scruffy old man behind the counter. “You still showing indie films?”

  “Whatever you want to call them.”

  “When’s the next movie?”

  “Ten minutes.”

  “We’ll take two tickets.”

  “Number one to your left.”

  “Thanks,” Justin said before leading me into the dark theater.

  Looking around, I said, “I’m so glad you thought of this.”

  “Do you remember this actual room?” he asked.

  “I do.” I pointed to the middle. “We used to sit right about there. It smells worse than I remember.”

  “It does smell pretty raunchy.”

  There was only
one other person in the theater, a man sitting diagonally across from us.

  The lights dimmed, and the feature presentation started. Within a few seconds, it became abundantly clear that while the little red theater looked physically the same, everything else had changed.

  The opening sequence featured a musical montage of women sucking different men off. It seemed our little red movie house had completely lost its innocence in the years we’d abandoned it. It was now a porno theater.

  When I looked over at Justin, he was laughing so hard he was practically crying.

  I whispered, “Swear to me you didn’t know.”

  He wiped his eyes. “I swear to God, Amelia. I had no clue. Did you even see a sign…anything?”

  “No. But there never really were signs indicating what was playing, so I just assumed…”

  “You know what they say about assuming things…”

  “You make an ass out of you and me?”

  “Close. Sometimes when you assume things, you accidentally end up in an adult movie theater watching anal.”

  He pointed to the screen, which displayed nothing but a gigantic ass getting screwed. “Our little red theater has been corrupted, Patch.”

  To make matters worse, the only other patron in the place seemed to be jerking his hand up and down under a blanket. We both stared over at the guy then erupted in laughter.

  “Do you think that’s our cue to leave?” I asked.

  “It might be.”

  A new scene suddenly popped up on the screen. It wasn’t as hardcore as the other and seemed more cinematic, like an actual film as opposed to a cheap triple X video. The music was softer. The snippet featured two guys going to town on a girl slowly and sensually. She was giving oral sex to one while the other guy was going down on her. We were supposed to be leaving, but I felt frozen in my seat, unable to take my eyes off of it. I knew Justin was watching it too because he was quiet. The entire thing lasted about ten minutes.

  When it was over, I looked over at Justin who was just staring at me. Had he been watching the movie, or was he watching me watching the movie? Did he know I was aroused by it? In any case, he didn’t make any snide remarks, and he certainly wasn’t laughing at me.

  When he finally spoke up, his voice sounded strained when he whispered in my ear, “You want to stay?”

  “No. We should go.”

  “Okay.”

  When I started to get up, he put his hand on my arm to stop me. “I need a minute.”

  “Why?”

  He just stared at me like I should have known why.

  I figured it out. “Oh.”

  I didn’t know what turned me on more, watching that scene or knowing that Justin was hard from it. It was all too much for me. He closed his eyes for about a minute then looked over at me. “It’s not going down.”

  “Staying in here isn’t going to help.”

  “Probably not.”

  “Let’s just go.” I didn’t mean to laugh, but it was pretty funny.

  We both got up and exited the theater. I tried really hard not to look down, but my eyes betrayed me as they wandered to the bulge straining through his jeans. Dirty thoughts flooded my mind. I wished things were different because I could think of a million ways I could help him take care of it.

  The ride back to Newport was quiet. The sexual tension in the air was thick. My nipples had turned to steel, and my panties were soaked knowing that he was probably still hard. It occurred to me that certain situations could be even more arousing than sex itself, those situations where you wanted something so badly but couldn’t have it. My body was experiencing an impossible state of arousal.

  We pulled up to the house. When he shut off the ignition, he leaned his head back against the seat and turned to me, looking as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.

  Breaking the ice, I said, “Thank you for attempting to make my night better.”

  “Attempt is the operative word. It was an epic fail.”

  “No, it wasn’t.”

  “It wasn’t? I accidentally took you to see a porno and got a boner in the process. What the fuck…am I fifteen?”

  “I was turned on, too. It’s just not as obvious.”

  “I know. I could tell. That was what…” He hesitated and shook his head. “Never mind.”

  “Well, anyway. It was still better than the date with Dr. Danger.”

  “I can’t believe that asshole. I should go to the hospital and beat the fuck out of him tomorrow.”

  “He’s not worth it.” I glanced out the window. “Anyway, we should go inside.”

  “Yeah.”

  Back inside the house, we lingered in the kitchen. I wasn’t ready to go to sleep, even though it was well past one in the morning. Neither of us budged.

  “Jesus, it’s so late, but I’m not tired at all,” I said.

  “If I make some coffee fusion, will you have some?”

  “Yeah. I’d love some.” I smiled.

  I watched his every move as he prepared the coffee.

  I love you.

  God, the thought had just come out of the blue from my subconscious mind. From time to time, those three words would just play in my head when I was with him. I did love him, just as much as I always had. But I needed to control these feelings, otherwise I would be setting myself up for major disappointment.

  His back was to me when he said, “Jade is coming back in a few days.”

  My heart sank. “Really? Are you going back to New York with her?”

  “No. After she leaves, I’ll stay an extra few days to fulfill my promise to Salvatore.”

  “Oh.”

  He placed a steaming hot mug in front of me. “Here you go.”

  “Thank you.”

  Over the past forty-eight hours, it seemed that something between us had shifted. Maybe his change in attitude was a result of the impending end of summer.

  Sipping the coffee, I said, “I don’t think either one of us will be going to sleep anytime soon after this.”

  “Might as well just stay up.”

  Over the next two hours, Justin and I just talked, opening up about the things that we’d missed in each other’s lives. I found out that before he moved to New York, he’d actually completed a semester at Berklee College of Music in Boston but couldn’t afford to continue. His parents had refused to fund his education if he chose to major in music. Instead, he moved to New York and took odd jobs and gigs until he eventually went back to school, majoring in business with a minor in music. He told me he met his ex-girlfriend Olivia a few years after he moved there. They lived together for a couple of years and stayed friends even after he broke up with her. She’d been his only serious girlfriend before Jade. He said Jade believes that the ex wants to get back with him, even though Olivia’s with someone else now. In between those two relationships, he’d slept around with his fair share of women. I appreciated his being candid with me, but it still hurt to hear that.

  I told him stories about my time at UNH and how I chose to major in education because it felt like a solid choice, not because it was something I was passionate about. I admitted that even though I enjoyed teaching, it felt like there was something missing, something else I was supposed to be doing with my life that I hadn’t figured out yet.

  Amped up on the coffee, we had literally talked through the night. I was still wearing the black dress from my date. At one point, I went upstairs to use the bathroom. When I came back down to the kitchen, he was sitting on a stool by the window, tooling around with his guitar.

  The sun was starting to rise over the ocean. His back was facing me as he started playing Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles. I leaned against the doorway, listening to his soothing voice. The more I paid attention to the lyrics, the more they seemed metaphorical. The past decade had been like a long season of darkness and regret when it came to Justin and me. This reconnection was really like the sun coming up again for the first time in a long time. O
f course, he’d probably just chosen to sing it because the sun was literally rising. Still, I couldn’t help where my mind travelled, especially on no sleep.

  Stop falling in love with him again, Amelia.

  How exactly was I supposed to change how I felt? I couldn’t. I just needed to learn to accept that Justin was with Jade. He was happy. I needed to somehow figure out how to be his friend again without getting hurt in the process.

  When the song finished, he turned around and saw that I’d been watching him.

  I walked over to where he was sitting and gazed out. “The sunrise is beautiful today, isn’t it?”

  “Really beautiful,” he agreed, except he wasn’t looking at the sun at all.

  CHAPTER 8

  Jade was arriving tomorrow, and that was making me feel very much on edge.

  I needed to talk to someone, so I coerced my friend and co-worker, Tracy, to come for a visit to the island. She met me for lunch at the Brick Alley Pub in town. I hadn’t seen Tracy since right after the school year ended. With her kids’ busy summer schedules, she hadn’t been able to break away until now.

  The first half of our lunch date was spent over nachos, giving her the full back story of my history with Justin and rehashing what had happened at the beach house up until now.

  “God, I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes,” she said. “What are you going to do?”

  “What can I do?”

  “You could tell him how you feel about him.”

  “He’s with Jade, and she’s a really good person. I can’t try to make a play for him right under her nose if that’s what you mean. I won’t do that.”

  “But he obviously wants you.”

  “I wouldn’t say that.”

  “Come on…the song he dedicated to you? Sure, he didn’t know you heard it, but clearly he’s got lingering feelings.”

  “Lingering feelings are one thing…acting on them is totally another. He’s not going to leave his gorgeous, talented, Broadway star girlfriend, who’d been there for him when I wasn’t, just because some old feelings were rekindled. Jade’s a great girl.”