Every Wrong Reason

  Nick’s hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing it. “Can we see her?” he asked. “Just for a minute?”

  “She’s still asleep from surgery,” Dr. Miller warned. “But you can see for yourself that she’s still alive. I know how scary losing a loved one is.”

  I was sure she did. But the possibility of losing Annie felt like the absolute worst kind of pain. I couldn’t believe that anyone loved his or her pet as much as I did. Nobody else would feel it this acutely.

  Nick grabbed my hand and pulled me after Dr. Miller. We followed her back to the post-op room where Annie was laid out on a metal table. Her fur had been cleaned everywhere and shaved where she needed stitches. Her middle was wrapped tightly. Her rounded chest moved up and down, stuttering a little in between her shallow breaths.

  “It’s hard for her to breathe right now,” Dr. Miller explained. “But that will heal.”

  Nick asked some logistical questions about home care while I walked to her side and gently trailed my fingertips over her plush ear. “Hi, baby girl,” I whispered. Tears sprang up in my eyes and fell before I could stop them. “I’m so sorry.” She made a whimpering noise and lifted her nose as if she could smell me. I spread my fingers out on her back and buried them in the thick softness of her fur.

  Nick sidled up to me, pressing his chest into my side. He reached out and covered my hand with his. “You’re a tough one, Annie girl,” he murmured. “Small but fierce.”

  The sincerity in his voice did something inside me. It felt like a wrecking ball as it crashed through my system, upheaving everything I thought I knew about life, love and living.

  “You didn’t drive here, did you?” he asked me. His fingers moved over mine, stroking gently. I didn’t know if he was caressing Annie or me.

  “Mrs. Dunn dropped me off.”

  “Come on, then,” he murmured. His lips were right at my ear when he said, “I’ll give you a ride home.”

  He took my hand and led me to the receptionist desk. I stood there dumbly while he filled out some paperwork and handed over his credit card. There was some small part of me that suggested I object to this. I should pay for this, right? I wasn’t even sure what exactly he was paying for.

  I realized I didn’t have my wallet, though. I only had my cellphone and house keys. My purse was still at home.

  Nick finished up with the receptionist and led me outside. The late afternoon had turned to dusky evening. The breeze had chilled again and the wet puddles of melted snow were starting to freeze.

  I shivered against the change of weather. My jacket wasn’t enough to keep out the chill.

  Nick noticed immediately, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his body. I loved the feel of his skin through his cotton shirt. I loved the hardness to his body, the lean muscle he worked so hard to keep. I loved that this was so familiar, that this was what I needed.

  We reached his old Subaru Forester and I couldn’t help but smile. His car was even older than mine and had a bajillion miles on it. It was actually a decently reliable car, but it was just so old. He had always threatened that once it died for good, he was going to buy an old conversion van for the band.

  Thank God it had never come to that while we were still together.

  He opened the door for me and I climbed into the achingly familiar cab. I settled back in my seat and inhaled the scent that was his car, that was him, that was him in his car and years and years of memories.

  He walked around the front and climbed in next to me. With a sly grin, he asked, “Did you miss her?”

  I found myself smiling back. “I think I did.”

  He looked forward again and started the car. The radio was on softly and he pointed to it, “This is a band I’m thinking about going to listen to.”

  I sat quietly while the haunting sound filled the car. The girl had one of those instantly memorable voices, smoky, sexy and ethereal all at the same time. The instrumentation was incredibly good as well. There was something missing, though.

  Nick noticed and said, “They need drums. And they need to grow up a little. But they’re good.”

  “They are good,” I agreed.

  I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn’t look at him. A sudden strong punch of sorrow hit my gut and I didn’t know how to recover from it.

  I realized this was the only glimpse of Nick’s new life I would get. I gave him up. I gave this up. We would never talk music again. I wouldn’t get to go to shows with him anymore or listen to bands he wanted to go see. I wouldn’t get to hear him play his guitar or make up new lyrics to songs on the radio- usually about something dirty.

  I wouldn’t get to see him live out this new leg of his life. I wouldn’t see him in his dream job or where it would take him. I would miss it all.

  I was choosing to miss it all.

  He pulled into the driveway and I couldn’t let the night end. I couldn’t let him leave me. I wasn’t ready for it yet. The car idled quietly. He was waiting for me to get out.

  “Have you eaten anything?”

  He turned to face me. I couldn’t look at him, but I felt the intensity of his expression, the raw concentration in his gaze. “I haven’t.”

  I tilted my head and my gaze fell on his long fingers wrapped around the bottom of the steering wheel. “Do you want to come in? The least I could do is feed you.”

  His voice dropped low and rough. “I’m not hungry.”

  I licked my dry lips. “Come in anyway.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  29. I don’t know how to stop loving him.

  I jumped out of the car, too nervous to hear him tell me no. I fumbled for the keys in my pocket and exhaled a whoosh of breath when I heard the car shut off and his door open and shut.

  My fingers were still trying to work the keys in the lock when his body heat warmed my back and his hand settled low on my hip. His other hand covered mine with the keys and made them work for me, shoving the key into the lock and turning it.

  We stumbled into the dark house, my feet causing the problems when they tripped on the rug. Nick caught me by squeezing my waist, yanking me back against his chest. My heart kicked into a gallop and my breath hitched in my chest.

  His palm slid forward and splayed over my stomach, pressing hotly even through the layers of my jacket and long-sleeve tee beneath.

  I could feel the hammering of his heart against my back, his ragged breath as it flowed in and out of him unevenly.

  His head dipped until I felt his lips against my neck. “Kate,” he whispered and I shivered from the tickle of his mouth.

  There was a pause between us as if the world stopped turning and time froze. I took in a breath and held it while I waited… waited for him to do something, to not do something, to turn around and escape.

  That waited pause lasted an eternity. My fingers tingled from the fierce silence, the utter stillness. I thought I would die from anticipation.

  Then everything burst into motion at once.

  The keys jingled as he ripped them from the deadbolt and threw them on the ground. He slammed the door next, shaking the walls with his intention. I stood motionless, too afraid to move, too much of a coward to take what I wanted.

  In the end, I didn’t need to take anything. Nick did the taking for the both of us.

  His hand wrapped around my bicep and turned me to face him. My eyes were adjusting to the dark, but I didn’t get a chance to take him in before his mouth descended on mine, consuming me with his dizzying kiss.

  His mouth moved against mine with a hunger that made me weak. I responded immediately, as desperate and greedy for him as he was for me.

  He tasted me with his tongue, his teeth, his entire body. Everything about this kiss was designed to bring me to my knees with the weakness I still had for this man… the weakness I would always have for him.

  His fingers fumbled with the zipper on my jacket, desperate to tear it off. I couldn’t form rational, cognizant thoughts through my haze
of lust and exhausted emotions. I couldn’t do anything but feel and touch and give Nick exactly what he wanted.

  But I also knew I wanted this.

  Him.

  I wanted him.

  It had been so long. It had been too long.

  Despite our separation, my body was used to having this man whenever I wanted. There was a sharp familiarity between us, an aching intimacy that could not be denied. I knew every angle of this man; I knew how his hipbones felt in my hands, the press of his naked thighs against the inside of mine. I could close my eyes and conjure him in seven years of intimate nights, lust in his eyes and perfect knowledge in his hands… in his body.

  I couldn’t say no to this.

  I couldn’t deny him tonight.

  I needed him too much.

  He succeeded with the zipper, growling in victory. He pushed it off my shoulders, turning it inside out in his fury to get it off me. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, flapping their huge wings with ravenous anticipation.

  He kicked my jacket out of the way as he pushed me back against the door. I hit it with a thud, clutching his shirt for support.

  He was too impatient for that. He didn’t care if I was settled or not. And I loved it. I loved his greedy hurry… his intense need.

  “This,” he rasped, tugging at my shirt.

  I helped him this time. We yanked it off together. My fingers went to the hem of his t-shirt. “This,” I mimicked. He ripped it off with one hand.

  We collided again, both of us frantic to feel the other. My body pressed into his naked chest and I moaned from the feel of it. My arms wound around his neck and I plunged my fingers into the soft tendrils of hair at his nape.

  “Nick, I can’t stop,” I whimpered.

  “Don’t,” he ordered coarsely. “Don’t stop. Don’t you dare fucking stop.” But then he did.

  He pulled back and stared down at me. Even in the darkness, I could see the hunger in his eyes. He looked ready to consume me, to pull me completely into his body until we were one without question. Until I could never separate myself from him again.

  I tilted my chin, knowing he would meet me, knowing he couldn’t help himself. Except he didn’t. I tugged on his neck, hoping to bring his mouth to mine, but he kept his distance.

  “No.” I sucked in a breath as disappointment ripped through me. I abruptly wanted to cry. But then he said, “Not like this. Not here again.”

  In the next second, he swept me into his arms, cradling me against him. I let out a squeak of surprise, grabbing for his neck again as he turned suddenly and headed for the stairs.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Bed,” he grunted as he took the stairs two at a time. “Our bed.”

  My eyes bulged. I didn’t know what to think about that. I felt like I should protest. Hot sex in our entryway, against the wall, that was one thing. We’d done that already. There hadn’t been any consequences.

  Er, not many anyway.

  But the bed. Our bed? That meant something different… something more.

  I was just about to protest or suggest someplace else- like the kitchen table- when his head dipped down and he bit my nipple. I squeaked again, completely taken off guard.

  His answering growl did something to my insides. Like melted them completely. His head dropped again and he licked me through my bra, soothing the small sting of pain.

  He tripped on the last couple steps and nearly dropped me. He caught me just in time and steadied out, laughing at his clumsiness.

  I found myself smiling when he tossed me on our unmade bed. I landed in a tangle of sheets and blankets, bouncing once.

  He didn’t waste any time getting back to business. He tugged on my rain boots, throwing them over his shoulders. His palms rubbed a hot path up my thighs and flicked the button of my jeans off.

  I watched him in complete fascination. He watched me just as closely. His eyes roamed over my body, eating up every inch of exposed skin. His searing gaze lit me on fire, turned my body into a panting, wanting mess.

  I pulled the straps of my bra off myself. I couldn’t wait for him. I wanted him to see me like this. I wanted him to admire all of me. I wanted him to touch me… taste me… and never ever stop.

  When I reached around and unclasped my bra, then pulled it from my chest, his breath caught in his chest and he stared at my breasts as if he couldn’t look away, as if he would die if he did.

  His mouth descended on my nipple and the moan I let out when his tongue came into contact with my skin was a sound I had never made before. I was sure of it. I had never been this desperate… this needy. I had never needed him so badly before. Needed him like I needed to breathe.

  Needed him like I couldn’t live without him or his touch.

  Or at least not in a very long time.

  After he’d spent equal time with each breast, he stood up slowly, reluctantly. His eyes never left me, even while his hands had to. He worked his jeans off, then his boxer briefs.

  He stood before me for a few heart-stopping seconds and it was my turn to take my fill of him. My heart stuttered in my chest and my fingers tingled with anticipation.

  Had there ever been a more beautiful man?

  I scooted back on the bed as he crawled over me, covering me completely with his length. He kissed my hip and I jerked from the sensation. His chuckle sent warm breath floating over me and I shivered again.

  “So ticklish,” he murmured. His lips trailed over my abdomen and I tried not to wiggle. He kissed the place just below my belly button and then again before moving on.

  His body hovered over mine like a feral animal, like some primal creature from a different world. He was so sexy, so incredibly enticing and oh so dangerous.

  I couldn’t help but feel threatened by his power, his utter dominance of me. I couldn’t help but acknowledge that he was about to ruin me completely.

  That I would never recover.

  His mouth moved to my breasts again and I wiggled beneath him, suddenly hating the slow build. I needed this now. I needed him now.

  I settled my hands on the sides of his face and begged, “Nick, please.”

  He looked up at me, lust, hunger and something so much deeper reflecting in his darkened gaze. “Do you need me?” His fingers settled on the inside of my thigh, pushing it to the side.

  His words made me breathless, left me gasping for some purchase on reality. I held his face in my hands and nodded, unable to speak the words.

  He kissed my neck, my jaw, my lips. Then he pulled back so he could watch me while he pushed into my core, filling me completely with him.

  My back arched off the bed and I wrapped my arms around his neck again, pulling his face to mine.

  He took me wildly; he took me with savage need and unrelenting power. He took me in a way that proved he was just as desperate as I was. I could do nothing but wrap my legs around his hips and hold on.

  Just when I thought we were nearly finished, just as I started to reach for that tingling cliff of perfect insanity, he slowed down. The abrupt change of pace surprised me and I tilted my hips, telling him what I wanted.

  I needed him to finish. I needed him to keep his pace and never stop.

  “Nick,” I whimpered.

  “Kate,” he growled against my sweat-dotted neck. “Like this.” He took my arms and stretched them over my head. He held them there with one hand while he found leverage with the other. I could do nothing but hug my thighs tighter around his waist and offer up my control. “I need you like this.”

  I thought he had been amazing seconds before, but this was something else entirely. I sighed in pleasure, my eyes fluttering closed, unable to stay open against the intensity of this moment.

  He turned something desperate and greedy into something so achingly sweet I felt branded by it. He was leaving his mark, his name tattooed on my soul.

  I gasped for breath as he worked us closer. He drew out each moment, making them all memorable, promising nothing
else would feel this good or be this complete.

  Nobody else would ever make me feel like this.

  Nothing else could reach this absolute height of ecstasy.

  When he finally pushed me over the edge, my entire body trembled from the force of it. He followed after me, chasing the same blissful blindness I still quivered with.

  He collapsed on top of me, his skin heated and slick with sweat. We were stretched out on our bed diagonally in a sleepy tumble of limbs. His hand settled on my bare abdomen and his nose trailed up the line of my jaw, teeth nipping playfully, lips kissing, tongue tasting.

  “God, we’re good at that,” I teased.

  He replied with a drowsy, “Mmm…”

  I snuggled closer to him. He shifted back and I missed the touch of his body immediately. The emptiness between us was too big, too cold. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me to him before I could panic.

  We adjusted on the bed until his chest nestled against my back and his arms hugged my middle, holding me to him with a tightness that made me feel safe and satisfied. My eyelids drifted close and the exhaustion from the day, from Annie’s accident and from the most mind-blowing sex of my life caught up to me all at once. I couldn’t fight it anymore.

  I knew there were things to talk about. I knew doubt would find me in the morning, quickly followed by regret and probably fresh heartbreak. But I physically couldn’t make my mind worry about that right now. I couldn’t make myself care.

  Sensing I was slipping, he leaned over me and rubbed his roughened scruff against my check. I felt myself smile, but I couldn’t make my eyes open.

  “Kate,” he coaxed in a tone that dripped with contentment and amusement. “Katie,” he whispered. “We need to talk.”

  “Mmm,” I agreed. “In the morning.” I wouldn’t ruin this. Not tonight. This had been too perfect… beyond perfect. This had redefined the entire meaning of perfect for me and I refused to give that up tonight.

  “Katie,” he murmured. “This changes things.”

  I yawned. I was past the ability to speak. Sleep took hold and pulled me under, sending me into the peaceful slumber of relaxed dreams and the wonderful feeling of the most beautiful man’s body entwined with mine.