Broken Wings

  Every day thereafter, he gave me a nice hello before class began. I could see the looks of confusion, even anger, on the faces of the snob birds, and I smiled to myself. I was actually beginning to enjoy being good. People, I discovered, wanted you not to be a problem so much that they were more trusting and gullible. My grades improved, and then, unbeknown to me, Mr. Bloomberg had all my teachers fill out a behavior report. It was sent home by the end of the week, and at dinner that night, Daddy surprised me by bringing it to the table and announcing what it was.

  Mother held her breath as he took it out of the envelope and unfolded it.

  Daddy put on his glasses and sat back.

  “Apparently,” he began, “every one of your teachers has indicated a significant improvement in your classroom decorum and your work ethic.”

  He lowered his glasses on the bridge of his nose and peered over them at me.

  Mother released a deeply held sigh of dread.

  “Also apparently, your experience in the real world, namely a jail cell, has awoken you to the potential consequences of your misbehavior. I say ‘apparently’ because I’ve been disappointed in you many, many times before, Teal.”

  “Well, if all of her teachers have only good things to say,” Mother interjected, “then certainly…”

  Daddy held up his hand and she caught her next words in her throat.

  “I need to see consistency. I want to see a report like this every week from now on.”

  He folded the paper and put it back into the envelope.

  “I understand, however, that you and your brother had a good heart-to-heart talk about all this and about your future,” he said.

  “They did?” Mother asked, looking from me to him.

  I could see it coming. “Why wasn’t I told about that?”

  “Carson volunteered the assignment. You’d have to speak to him,” Daddy replied.

  I winced at hearing my talk with my brother referred to as an assignment. Didn’t anyone in this family do anything because they really felt like doing it? Was everything a responsibility, an obligation? Was it the same for all families or just mine?

  “Well,” she said. “He didn’t mention it to me when I saw him today. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

  “To return to my point,” Daddy said clearly, showing he didn’t like to be interrupted, “you complained about the private school and apparently won over your brother’s support.”

  “She did? He did?”

  “Amanda, please. I don’t know if you realize the opportunities and advantages you have attending this school, Teal. Your classes are smaller, aren’t they?”

  “Some are,” I said.

  “As you can see from this report, your teachers give you more individualized attention,” he added, waving the envelope. “And more to the point, your behavior and achievement at public school have been deplorable. There is nothing I would like more than saving money. I would love you to be able to attend public school and be successful, but you haven’t been able to do that, and I can see you’ll be watched over more closely here. However,” he concluded, unfolding his napkin to indicate the conversation was ending and we were to concentrate on eating, “should you have a successful year and still wish to return to a public school, we’ll discuss it. And,” he added before I could protest, “you can thank your brother that you even have that. There are other places, not so pleasant, I was beginning to envision you in, Teal. Just continue to watch your step, young lady.”

  He turned to the maid, and she began to serve dinner. Mother, still upset about being out of the news loop, pouted.

  “I just don’t understand it,” she said, “I just don’t. Carson never keeps anything from me. We’ve always been so close. As close as any mother could be with any child,” she added.

  I couldn’t help the tears that burned under my eyelids. We’ve never been close, I thought. And then it came. It just burst out of me, riding atop a magic carpet of pain and rage. I couldn’t help it.

  “He told me he’s giving Ellery an engagement ring. Supposedly he gave it to her this past Wednesday,” I said, sounding nonchalant about it.

  Mother’s mouth dropped open so wide, her yet to be chewed pieces of lettuce and tomatoes dripped over her lower lip. Daddy glanced at me, and I knew immediately that he had known. Carson had confided in him, and what he had told me was to be our special secret, our first brother-sister secret, was really not any such thing. It made me feel better about betraying him. I would have an answer when he learned about it.

  “A formal engagement? A ring?” She turned to Daddy. “Did you know about this, Henderson?”

  He shook his head and went back to bis salad.

  “First I’ve heard,” he said, but anyone objective who heard him say it would know he was lying. Mother, of course, chose to believe him. She turned back to me.

  “What did he say exactly?”

  “I don’t remember his exact words,” I replied.

  “Well, not exactly then. What?”

  “He just said he was giving her a ring and would tell you at the end of this weekend. Oh,” I said, making it sound like a small added detail, “and they would be married in June.”

  “June!” She threw down her fork. “There’s not enough time between now and June to do a decent wedding.”

  “Maybe they’ll elope,” I offered, and she opened and closed her mouth.

  “They will not. They most certainly will not. Henderson?”

  He shrugged.

  “I don’t expect they would,” he said. I was sure he already knew every detail of Carson’s plans.

  “This is… astounding,” she muttered. She had turned a bit white and looked like she was going to have a panic attack. “I’ve got to get right on the phone with Waverly Taylor.” She started to rise.

  “Amanda,” Daddy snapped. “How can you do that? Maybe Carson hasn’t even given Ellery the ring yet. You will have to wait and hear it from him. Sit down,” he ordered.

  Mother froze and then, as if her body had turned to pudding, poured back into her chair.

  “But… this is a crisis, Henderson, a true social crisis. Do you know how hard it is to book the club for a wedding, or any decent hall, with such short notice? These things are planned nearly a year in advance, maybe two. You don’t know about such things,” she lectured him. “You’re too busy in the business world. This is my world.”

  “Nevertheless,” Daddy said calmly, “you’ll have to wait to see if the event is indeed going to take place. Right now all you have is Teal’s report of a conversation she had with Carson.”

  Mother thought a moment and then turned to me.

  “You are telling us the truth, aren’t you, Teal? I mean, this isn’t one of your terrible lies, is it? Please, be honest,” she pleaded.

  “It’s what I remember,” I said practically under my breath, and started to eat. I glanced at Daddy, who was looking at me angrily again. He was sure to run off and tell Carson what I had done.

  Mother lost her appetite. Then she said she had a terrible migraine headache and went up to her room. Daddy pounced on me the moment she left us.

  “Why did you do that? Why did you tell her Carson’s plans?”

  “I didn’t see how it would matter,” I said.

  “Of course you knew it would matter. You can be very mean, Teal.”

  “I’m not mean,” I said, my tears now clouding my eyes. “It just came out.”

  “Your brother obviously meant to present it as a surprise to her. He was wrong to confide in you, and all that you have done tonight is reinforce the belief that you cannot be trusted. Trust is something that has to be earned, and frankly, I can’t see how you will have that with anyone,” he lectured.

  “You hate me!” I screamed back at him.

  “Lower your voice.”

  “You’ve always hated me, right from the time I was born.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “I’m not being r
idiculous, Daddy. You know it’s true and I know it’s true.”

  “I don’t hate you. How can I hate my own flesh and blood?” he challenged.

  “You can. You don’t even believe I am your own flesh and blood.”

  “What? That’s enough. You’re walking on the edge of a cliff, Teal.” He pointed his right forefinger at me like the barrel of a pistol. “If I ever hear such nonsense from your mouth again, I’ll…”

  “Have me burned at the stake. I know,” I snapped, and rose.

  “You haven’t been excused, young lady,” he shouted after me. “Teal Sommers.”

  I kept walking and then charged up the stairway to my room and slammed the door shut. For a few moments I stood there listening. Would he come up after me? I heard nothing and relaxed.

  About two hours later, I went downstairs again. I had left in the middle of my dinner and I was still hungry, so I headed for the kitchen to get myself a snack. Daddy was in his den watching television. It was rare that he sat with Mother and me and watched television. He had his own set and liked to watch shows he said we wouldn’t appreciate. To ensure his privacy, he actually locked his den door. More often than not, the three of us were like strangers in a hotel, each of us off doing his or her own thing, meeting in hallways, mumbling good night or good morning.

  I made myself a sandwich with some of the chicken that had been put away and ate it at the breakfast table. It was nearly nine-thirty now. Del would be getting off work at the pizza parlor in a little over a half hour, I thought. I had spoken to him almost every day, but we hadn’t seen each other since I was at his house. He told me that someone from the social services department had made another visit to his house and given his mother another stern warning.

  Why was it such a battle to have a family, to be a family? Why did people who should love each other hurt each other so much? All that week I had been fantasizing about us, imagining Del and me together with his little brother and sister, imagining us running off and living happily somewhere by ourselves. We didn’t need parents. They didn’t want us anyway. We’re too much of a burden. We’re in the way of their selfish happiness, I thought.

  It wasn’t really such a fantasy, I told myself. He and I are strong enough to work, to support ourselves and two little children. We could go someplace where no one knew us and where no one would interfere. I was sure that in time I could convince him to do this.

  As I made my way back to my room, pouting and hating being under house arrest, I saw Mother had left her purse on the entryway table. She often did when she came home excited about something and anxious to get on the telephone with her girlfriends.

  After being sure no one was around, I opened her purse and sifted through it. As I expected, there was money folded, crushed, and crumpled. I took it out slowly and unfolded the bills. I had nearly four hundred dollars in hand. I knew I was taking a very big chance, but I had to see Del. I had to begin to convince him that my fantasy could be a reality for us.

  I hurried around to the French doors that opened from the sitting room to the patio on the west side of the house and slipped out, taking care to keep the doors from locking behind me, but making sure they looked locked. Then I ran as fast as I could down the driveway. About a half mile or so down our street, there was a gas station and a quick-stop store. I used the pay phone and called a taxi. Fifteen minutes later it arrived and I had it take me to the mall. I arrived just as Del was finishing his cleanup and closing down the ovens.

  “Hey,” he said, seeing me, “I thought you were home in chains.”

  “I was,” I said, “but I broke out.”

  He laughed.

  “I’ll just be a few more minutes,” he said, and I waited for him outside. Because so many of the stores were closed or closing, the mall was nearly empty, with just a few stragglers here and there. I saw none of my old friends, but I wasn’t upset about that. I didn’t want anything to distract me and Del.

  “So,” he said, coming out, “how did you manage this?”

  “I just snuck out,” I told him.

  “Oh, no. They’re not going to have the police looking for you again, are they?”

  “They won’t discover I’m gone. My mother is having a social and emotional crisis, and my father is locked in his den. They rarely come to my room when I close the door. I got a cab and came here, so my father can’t call the police and claim one of his vehicles has been stolen.”

  Del shook his head.

  “I’ve got to get home,” he said. “I’m worried. My mother was acting weird this morning. I can catch the bus in a few minutes.”

  “We’ll just take a cab. I have money,” I told him, and showed him.

  “Wow.”

  “I can get more, Del. We can save it up as I get it until we have enough,” I told him as we walked out of the mall.

  “Enough for what?”

  “Enough to run off together. With Shawn and Patty Girl,” I quickly added.

  He stopped and looked at me, a small, incredulous smile on his lips.

  “Run off? To where?”

  “I don’t know. We’ll plan it out. We can go almost anywhere we want if we have enough money, can’t we?”

  “If your father went ahead and sent the police after you when you were gone a few hours, what do you think he’ll do if you left like that?”

  “I don’t care. Once I’m gone, he won’t care, either.”

  Del shook his head.

  “Here’s a start,” I said, showing him the money again. “I have nearly four hundred dollars here. Take it and hold it safe for us.”

  “I can’t keep taking money from you, Teal. How are you getting it?”

  “It’s all around the house, like dust,” I said. He stared at me. “My mother doesn’t even know how much money she leaves about and doesn’t worry about it in the least.”

  “It’s still stealing, even if it’s from your own mother, Teal, and if I take it, I’m an accessory to the crime.”

  “It’s not a crime!” I insisted. “Oh, Del, don’t you see? It’s a real chance to be happy.”

  “You’ve been with me only once, and you’re ready to spend your whole life with me and help me care for my brother and sister?”

  “Yes,” I said as firmly as I could. “And stop shaking your head. It’s true, and it’s a good idea.”

  He walked on, pensive.

  “What did you buy Shawn and Patty Girl with the hundred dollars?” I asked.

  “Clothes they needed.”

  “See? It was a good thing, then. Why shouldn’t they have what they need? Why shouldn’t all of us, you and me included?”

  “I don’t know,” he said.

  “Well, I do, Del. We should and we will.”

  He said nothing. We paused at the bus stop.

  “We can take a taxicab,” I reminded him.

  “The bus is good enough.”

  “Don’t be so afraid to use my money. You’ll get home faster, Del. It’s better that you get home faster, isn’t it?”

  He looked up the street. There was no sign of a bus yet, and the street looked desolate and dark. Then he turned back to me. I knew it was painful for him to say it, to admit it, but he did.

  “Yes. It’s better I get home faster.”

  I smiled.

  “Good.”

  “But listen to me, Teal. You can’t buy love. That’s just something that happens on its own. It takes time sometimes.”

  “I’ll wait,” I said, smiling. “You’re worth it. We’re both worth it.”

  He shook his head again and then smiled.

  “Okay, we’ll see,” he finally relented.

  To me it was like being promised a life of rainbows.

  We made our way to a taxi stand and left for his house. The moment we arrived, Del knew something was very wrong. The front door was wide open.

  We paid the cab driver. Del hesitated after he got out.

  “You should stay in the taxi and go right home,”
Del told me, his eyes fixed on the open door. “You don’t want to get involved in anything now, not after all the trouble you got yourself in before.”

  “It’s all right. Let me be sure you and the children are okay first.”

  Slowly, we both approached the front entrance. We heard some laughter and Del’s shoulders relaxed.

  “It’s just her and her sick girlfriend LaShay Monroe. She’s bad news,” he told me. “She’s connected to some Jamaican drug king and gets my mother smoking pot and doing other things,” he revealed. Although he didn’t go into detail, I could see from his face that the other things were better not mentioned in any detail.

  We walked into the house and looked through the living room doorway. His mother and a tall, thin Jamaican woman were sprawled on the floor with their backs to the sofa. The room reeked of marijuana.

  “What are you doing?” Del asked.

  They both stopped laughing and looked up at us.

  “Uh-oh, it’s the voice of my conscience,” his mother said, and they both laughed again.

  “You’re disgusting,” Del spit at her. “Where’s Shawn and Patty Girl?”

  “They’re sleeping. Stop being such a long face. You remind me of your father. Who are you?” she demanded, turning to me.

  “None of your business,” Del told her.

  “She looks like someone’s business, mon,” LaShay said with a smirk, and Del’s mother and she went into another fit of laughter.

  “For your information, Ma, if you remembered half the stupid things you do, you would remember she helped me lift you off the floor and get you into bed the other night,” he told her.

  His mother stopped smiling.

  “Watch your tongue, boy.”

  “Couldn’t you at least close the front door? Does everyone walking by in this neighborhood hafta know what you are doing in here? You know that could bring more trouble down on us,” he chastised.

  How strange it was to see the son being more responsible than his mother, I thought.

  “Who cares what this neighborhood thinks?”

  “You’ll care if they call social services,” he said.