Just Breathe

  ***

  Suddenly, my alarm is going off. I'm so glad the dream gave me a break and didn’t come back. It’s Friday, our first football game of the season. I decide to show some team spirit; instead of my usual drab colors, I slip on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt featuring our school mascot – a Knight in the real flattering garnet and gold. A smile plays on my lips knowing that Gabbi will get a kick out of this.

  As I park in the student parking lot Gabbi meets me at my jeep with Reggie. His arm is around her shoulders and they are giggling together. I guess they got pretty cozy real fast. I am so happy for her; I give her my best grin these days to show her how happy I am their new relationship. The first thing she notices is my infallible school spirit and she starts laughing. She ends up doubled over with Reggie giggling too, but both of us looking at her quizzically.

  “So glad I could amuse you.” I announce.

  She straightens up quickly and apologizes, “Sorry I couldn’t help it, you have not worn an ounce of color in a month. It’s so nice to see you in something other than black.”

  I ask with a smile while teasing her, “And that is funny how?”

  She just waves me off and asks, “We are on for tonight, right?”

  I nod with a smile, “Oh yes, looking forward to it.”

  Her eyebrows go up as she asks, “To what do we owe this new and improved Ever? Are you finished mourning?”

  I roll my eyes and shake my head smiling, “If you keep mentioning it I might regress.”

  She giggles and they walk off waving.

  Now, to tackle first period which is always the hardest because Michael is in that class and it’s World History, double whammy. Currently I am not a fan of any kind of history nor am I very good at it. I can remember anything from the periodic table but put historic dates in front of me and my brain shuts down. There’s no future for me there.

  I slowly walk into class early as I normally am. I would rather arrive first and watch Michael come in than vice versa. I hate that feeling when you walk in a room and everyone is staring at you. I would rather be the one doing the staring. I take my seat towards the back. The seat to the left of me is always empty now that Michael has found a new spot. The other three sides are all occupied.

  Sasha to my right is a pretty good friend. We start up a conversation about the impending game and our predictions for the outcome.

  Our teacher, Mr. Griggs walks in and greets us so I turn to face the front and notice in my peripheral vision the seat to my left is not empty as it should be. No, Did Michael come back?

  I‘m scared to look. My breathing starts to speed up. Slyly I turn my head to the left letting my hair fall into my eyes to mask my glance. My heart stops and my breath catches. It’s him, the boy from the lake. I turn the other way quickly and realize I am going to hyperventilate or faint. Ok Ever, you really didn’t see anything, there really is some logical explanation as to why this boy’s hands lit up like a Christmas tree in broad daylight. Calm down.

  Then I hear Mr. Griggs voice drone on about a new student. What? What did he say? I totally missed it. As I glance over to the left the boy is just sitting back down after being introduced and our eyes meet. He smiles and I blush feeling warmth spread through my face and down my neck. Wow, his eyes are so mesmerizing, he is gorgeous. I keep staring unable to break the lock of his gaze. They are the bluest eyes I have ever seen. They look like the color I would imagine the ocean to be.

  Suddenly I hear my name.

  “Ever Harding,” Mr. Griggs says loudly.

  I break my trance and look around, all eyes are on me. I stammer, “Um, Yes Mr. Griggs?”

  My body sinks further down into my seat.

  “Ever, can you please pair up with Mr. Tanner and show him the assignments for this week?”

  “Um yes, Mr. Griggs,” I mumble.

  Sasha bumps me with her elbow and asks, “What was that? You just phased out there for a sec.”

  I shrug my shoulders hoping not to draw any more unwanted attention.

  Tanner I think, what is his first name? I glance over at him and he has a confused, almost frown on his face and he is staring straight at me. The warmth from my blush spreads again. I look forward embarrassed. Maybe my mom was right and I am coming down with something. I put my hand on my forehead to feel for a fever but my head feels pretty normal.

  I lean over towards the new boy and without meeting his eyes ask, “Um, sorry I didn’t get your first name.”

  He backs away and stutters like I surprised him, “It, It’s Jack.”

  Then he glances the other way as if trying to avoid eye contact. His voice with just those two words rings in my ears. What the hell is wrong with me?

  I lean over and whisper, “I have fourth period study hall in the library at twelve, can we meet then to ah, catch you up on the assignments?”

  He nods without looking at me and looks up to Mr. Griggs. He doesn’t glance my way again through the rest of the class. When the bell rings I look over and he’s gone. I think I’m going crazy. Where is Gabbi when I need her?

  Second period creaks slowly by because I want to be somewhere else. I practically run to English Lit to find Gabbi talking to Reggie. Lucky me, now I have to share her during our only class together. I sit down and she glances toward me smiling but does a double take when she sees my face.

  “What is it?” she asks.

  “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  I take a deep breath and spill it.

  Luckily Reggie is looking the other way talking to another friend. I give her the condensed version starting with yesterday at the lake. I had vowed not to mention it to anyone but now I reason, if anything happens to me at twelve, at least one person knows something.

  Gabbi’s mouth drops open but before she can respond our teacher walks in. I hold my breath for a minute concerned that Jack might have this class too? I scan the room and find he isn’t here. I take a deep breath, thank God.

  My mind drifts as our teacher, Mrs. Pine starts discussing West Side Story a story I’ve read a thousand times already.

  I imagine walking into the library and Jack showing me that he has flashlights for hands. Maybe he is really an alien from another planet coming to take people back with him. I know fifth grade imaginings. I met Gabbi when I moved to Pahrump in fifth grade. She was my first friend and she’s been the only really close one I’ve had through the years. We used to play in her tree house that is nestled in a huge oak in the middle of her two acre backyard. It is one of those multi-level thingys. I guess her dad wanted her to only have the best of everything being an only child. We would make up these stories about aliens coming down through the tree to abduct us and how life would be so different on another planet. We had the mysterious planet all figured out down to the clothing they wore and the language they spoke. Maybe we were on to something after all.

  I smile at the memory and glance over at Gabbi. She is looking at me with a questioning look. I brush her off and focus on Mrs. Pine.

  Class drags on forever. Finally as we walk to our lockers Gabbi is able to react to my story.

  “Oh my God, are you really going to meet him in the library? Maybe you should skip it and say you forgot.”

  I shake my head, “Mr. Griggs asked me to help him. I’m probably making more out of this than it really is. I’ll be fine Gabbi.”

  I realize that I sound a little more confident than I feel.

  She raises her eyebrows, “Okay I will leave my phone on during my next class. Text me as soon as you are done. I want to hear everything.”

  I take a deep breath and start walking in the direction of the library.

  As I walk through the doors I spot him. He is seated at a table in the far corner facing the window. The library doesn’t have the best view. Directly outside the bank of windows is the parking lot where students park. Across the street is the park where I spent my first class a while back when I was mourning Michael. Wait where is tha
t flutter in my stomach when I think about him. Hhhmmm not there. Maybe I am finally getting over him.

  I feel a new flutter, or more like a nervous rumbling.

  As I approach Jack, he turns and smiles, “Hey, you made it.”

  As I smile back that familiar warm feeling spreads through my face and down my neck again. This time I hold his gaze. I could get lost in those eyes. They are almond shaped and the bluest I have ever seen. Getting a better look, I notice his brown hair is a little shaggy on top and falls across his right eye at times. He is a little lanky but still strong looking.

  I don’t know what it is about this guy but I am speechless. He offers the chair next to him so I slide into it. I have to make myself stop staring. I glance at the table and books piled in front of us. Don't make a fool f yourself Ever.

  He asks, “So what should I do to catch up in Mr. Grigg’s class?”

  I grab his book thankful to have something other than those eyes to focus on and explain, “Each week we are responsible for reading two chapters and completing questions with a project.”

  I continue, “Um, It’s all listed in the syllabus.”

  He nods as I talk and smirks occasionally. My breath catches when I look up and find a little tilted smile at the corner of his lips. His full lips with that smile are so captivating and I lose track of where we were.

  He asks, “Which classes do you have left?”

  I have to think for a minute, my mind is scrambled.

  “I have biology next,” I answer nervously.

  He smiles again and tells me, “So do I, will you show me the ropes in that class too?”

  I reply quietly, “Definitely.”

  Okay Ever, two classes with him, at some point you're going to have to get it together.

  Suddenly the events from the day before surfaces in my mind, causing me to frown and glance at his hands. He looks down at his hands at the same moment and then averts his eyes with a questioning look. I glance away embarrassed. His hands look normal, I’m just crazy.

  He asks meeting my gaze again, “So do you eat lunch?”

  I smirk, “Yes.”

  “Will you show me where the cafeteria is?”

  I smile and stand eager to focus on something before I make a fool out of myself for staring. What is wrong with me?

  As we walk down the hall and when I look up, I make eye contact with Michael. He is standing by his locker looking from Jack to me and back with a curious expression. I take the opportunity and give just a hint of a smile. Ha! Let him be jealous it serves him right. This day is shaping up after all.

  We enter the cafeteria and I immediately spot Gabbi and Reggie in the middle set of tables. They are sitting with Jamie and Roberta. I guide Jack to their table and everyone looks up as I introduce him.

  Gabbi grabs my arm when we sit and whispers, “He is a cutie.”

  My lips turn upward, “I know right.”

  ***

  My normal lab partner in biology is a girl I don’t really care for but I have to put up with anyway. Her name is Julia and she is the obnoxious version of Gabbi, if you can imagine. She doesn’t ever stop talking about other people. It’s different than Gabbi though because she talks down about them as if she is better than everyone else. She is tall, blonde and skinny. She always has the latest and greatest in clothes, shoes and whatever else, which doesn’t help with her snob problem. Obviously she has a lot of issues. But who am I to point fingers?

  When Jack and I enter the classroom I decide to steer us in the direction of a different lab table. We sit down and I begin to arrange my things. The next thing I notice is Julia leaning against the table with her arms crossed and a dirty look plastered across her features.

  “Well, I guess I’ve lost my lab partner, Huh.” she spits out.

  I look at her with an equaling glare and say, “Guess so.”

  I feel like we’re five year olds comparing mud pies while sticking our tongues out at each other.

  Jack speaks up uncomfortably, “Sorry I didn’t know, I can find another lab partner.”

  Julia looks at him like she just noticed he was sitting there and turns around on her heel to head back to my old table.

  Jack apologizes again and I shake my head, “You did me a favor.”

  Our eyes meet again and I feel warmth again. Either I have a huge blushing problem or I'm getting sick as my mom thought.

  Class begins and I glance at Jack to find him staring at me. I blush for the millionth time and look the other way. What is it with this guy? After class I tell him to have a good weekend and we part in opposite directions. I am now looking forward to Monday morning. I think history might turn around for me after all.

  ***

  As I walk to my car I glance around and see Jack getting into an older yellow convertible 356 Porsche. I know this because that is the car my brother can’t stop talking about. He got his license this year and begs my parents almost everyday for that car. So funny how things go around in circles.

  I don’t know if he saw me as he drove out of the lot because as usual, Gabbi was running to me yelling, “Tell me everything. You didn’t text me. I have been dying.”

  I smile and tell her the short truth, “There is really nothing to tell. You saw him at lunch. His hands look normal. Obviously I was hallucinating and saw nothing at the lake. He is a nice guy that I am helping with homework, end of story.”

  I never mention how the warmth spreads when he smiles at me but then again that is a crazy girl’s thoughts just like the lights I thought I saw on his hands.

  She puts her hand on my shoulder and exclaims slyly, “Ever Harding I haven’t seen that smile in a long time. Do I detect a little like with this new boy?”

  I shrug her hand off but can’t lose my smile, “No Gabbs just friends.”

  She nods with her knowing smile. She is so silly. I climb into my jeep and tell her through the window, “Goodbye Gabbi. Don’t forget to pick me up at seven for the game.”

  She starts walking and calls over her shoulder, “Of course I won’t forget.”

  On the drive home I decide to go to the lake for a swim. I need a good swim. I make a quick stop at home for my suit and towel before the drive over. I wonder… but then push it out of my mind. It was a fluke that Jack was at the lake the last time I was there.

  5

  The Lake

  When I pull up to the lake I notice a local fisherman towards the opposite bank. It looks like he is the only other person here besides me. I knew I couldn’t get lucky three times in the same week with no one here. Oh well, I will just have to keep my swimming on this end of the lake and hope I don’t disturb him.

  I get started and find my groove. The water is still warm. I can feel all the tension falling away as my body moves. I swim for about forty five minutes. It clears my mind and my body glides into the routine it knows so well. I'm focused and concentrating.

  Suddenly I hear a huge splash. I stop and tread water looking around the lake finally finding the spot where the splash was made. It was toward the opposite bank. I look for the fisherman from earlier but he must have left. That’s weird.

  I start swimming again and then I spot it, a large snake barley exposed in the water gliding through the water in my direction. Its head looks to be the size of my hand and I realize, I’m in trouble. Just great, this is what my mom was afraid of. I start swimming faster to the opposite bank and then I look up. Jack standing there with his arms crossed watching me swim for my life. Unbelievable! It looks like he has a smile on his face too. Anger surfaces in me. He should be helping instead of smiling at me. There must be something wrong with this boy.

  My heart is racing and I glance back. The snake is gaining with about fifteen feet between us but I’m about ten from the bank of the lake. I push my body to go faster. As I reach the bank, Jack offers his hand to help me out of the water. I glance back and the snake has made a detour to the other side of the lake losing interest in me.

&
nbsp; I refuse his hand and look up as his lip turns up for that adorable half smile and warmth spreads through me.

  I savor it for a moment but then I realize how his lack of help pissed me off.

  “Were you just going to stand there and watch me get eaten?”

  He is watching the snake for a moment. He averts his eyes and stares at me. This time I get a frown that turns into a smile.

  “I knew you would be fine because you’re a good swimmer.”

  I ramble on, “How do you know that I’m a good swimmer? I could have been killed? You should have gone for help.”

  He touches my shoulder for reassurance causing me to jump back. It feels as if a spark of electricity runs through my shoulder where he touched me.

  “Sorry,” he mumbles sadly and turns to walk out of the grasses.

  I just stand there dumbfounded. What was that? Maybe this guy is bad news. I probably need to go before something else happens.

  I gather my shorts, shoes and shirt and start walking toward my jeep which is in the opposite direction from where Jack walked. He didn’t even say goodbye, whatever.

  As I near my jeep I look up to find him leaning against it with his arms crossed and he’s obviously amused by something. I keep walking past him with the intention of hopping in my jeep to leave. I can’t deal with this right now. He blocks my way when I try to get in and looks down at me with a sad expression. I get a chill down my spine.

  “What?” I ask him.

  He steps out of the way staring down at me and apologizes, “Sorry I didn’t run for help. I thought you would be fine. Look here you are, fine minus the bruised ego.”

  I whirl around, who does this guy think he is?

  “Bruised ego! I could have really gotten eaten while you just stood there and watched.” I exclaim baffled.

  He chuckles with his little tilted smile and assures me, “Ever, I would never let that happen to you, aren’t you over reacting a little.”

  I shrug my shoulders and reply sarcastically, “Guess we’ll never know what you would have done, will we?”