Quo Vadis: A Narrative of the Time of Nero

  Chapter XVI

  BUT Chilo did not appear for some time, and Vinicius knew not at lastwhat to think of his absence. In vain he repeated to himself thatsearching, if continued to a certain and successful issue, must begradual. His blood and impulsive nature rebelled against the voiceof judgment. To do nothing, to wait, to sit with folded arms, was sorepulsive to him that he could not be reconciled to it in any way. Tosearch the alleys of the city in the dark garb of a slave, through thisalone, that it was useless, seemed to him merely a mask for his owninefficiency, and could give no satisfaction. His freedmen, personsof experience, whom he commanded to search independently, turned outa hundred times less expert than Chilo. Meanwhile there rose in him,besides his love for Lygia, the stubbornness of a player resolved towin. Vinicius had been always a person of this kind. From earliest youthhe had accomplished what he desired with the passionateness of one whodoes not understand failure, or the need of yielding something. For atime military discipline had put his self-will within bounds, but alsoit had engrafted into him the conviction that every command of his tosubordinates must be fulfilled; his prolonged stay in the Orient, amongpeople pliant and inured to slavish obedience, confirmed in him thefaith that for his "I wish" there were no limits. At present his vanity,too, was wounded painfully. There was, besides, in Lygia'sopposition and resistance, and in her flight itself, which was to himincomprehensible, a kind of riddle. In trying to solve this riddle heracked his head terribly. He felt that Acte had told the truth, and thatLygia was not indifferent. But if this were true, why had she preferredwandering and misery to his love, his tenderness, and a residence in hissplendid mansion? To this question he found no answer, and arrived onlyat a kind of dim understanding that between him and Lygia, between theirideas, between the world which belonged to him and Petronius, and theworld of Lygia and Pomponia, there existed some sort of difference, somekind of misunderstanding as deep as an abyss, which nothing could fillup or make even. It seemed to him, then, that he must lose Lygia; andat this thought he lost the remnant of balance which Petronius wished topreserve in him. There were moments in which he did not know whether heloved Lygia or hated her; he understood only that he must find her, andhe would rather that the earth swallowed her than that he should not seeand possess her. By the power of imagination he saw her as clearly attimes as if she had been before his face. He recalled every word whichhe had spoken to her; every word which he had heard from her. He felther near; felt her on his bosom, in his arms; and then desire embracedhim like a flame. He loved her and called to her.

  And when he thought that he was loved, that she might do withwillingness all that he wished of her, sore and endless sorrow seizedhim, and a kind of deep tenderness flooded his heart, like a mightywave. But there were moments, too, in which he grew pale from rage, anddelighted in thoughts of the humiliation and tortures which he wouldinflict on Lygia when he found her. He wanted not only to have her, butto have her as a trampled slave. At the same time he felt that if thechoice were left him, to be her slave or not to see her in life again,he would rather be her slave. There were days in which he thought of themarks which the lash would leave on her rosy body, and at the same timehe wanted to kiss those marks. It came to his head also that he would behappy if he could kill her.

  In this torture, torment, uncertainty, and suffering, he lost health,and even beauty. He became a cruel and incomprehensible master. Hisslaves, and even his freedmen, approached him with trembling; and whenpunishments fell on them causelessly,--punishments as merciless asundeserved,--they began to hate him in secret; while he, feeling this,and feeling his own isolation, took revenge all the more on them. Herestrained himself with Chilo alone, fearing lest he might cease hissearches; the Greek, noting this, began to gain control of him, and grewmore and more exacting. At first he assured Vinicius at each visit thatthe affair would proceed easily and quickly; now he began to discoverdifficulties, and without ceasing, it is true, to guarantee theundoubted success of the searches, he did not hide the fact that theymust continue yet for a good while.

  At last he came, after long days of waiting, with a face so gloomy thatthe young man grew pale at sight of him, and springing up had barelystrength to ask,--"Is she not among the Christians?" "She is, lord,"answered Chilo; "but I found Glaucus among them." "Of what art thouspeaking, and who is Glaucus?" "Thou hast forgotten, lord, it seems,that old man with whom I journeyed from Naples to Rome, and in whosedefence I lost these two fingers,--a loss which prevents me fromwriting. Robbers, who bore away his wife and child, stabbed him with aknife. I left him dying at an inn in Minturna, and bewailed him long.Alas! I have convinced myself that he is alive yet, and belongs in Rometo the Christian community."

  Vinicius, who could not understand what the question was, understoodonly that Glaucus was becoming a hindrance to the discovery of Lygia;hence he suppressed his rising anger, and said,--"If thou didst defendhim, he should be thankful and help thee."

  "Ah! worthy tribune, even gods are not always grateful, and what mustthe case be with men? True, he should be thankful. But, unhappily, he isan old man, of a mind weak and darkened by age and disappointment; forwhich reason, not only is he not grateful, but, as I learned from hisco-religionists, he accuses me of having conspired with the robbers, andsays that I am the cause of his misfortunes. That is the recompense formy fingers!"

  "Scoundrel! I am certain that it was as he says," replied Vinicius.

  "Then thou knowest more than he does, lord, for he only surmises thatit was so; which, however, would not prevent him from summoning theChristians, and from revenging himself on me cruelly. He would have donethat undoubtedly, and others, with equal certainty, would have helpedhim; but fortunately he does not know my name, and in the house ofprayer where we met, he did not notice me. I, however, knew him at once,and at the first moment wished to throw myself on his neck. Wisdom,however, and the habit of thinking before every step which I intend totake, restrained me. Therefore, on issuing from the house of prayer, Iinquired concerning him, and those who knew him declared that he wasthe man who had been betrayed by his comrade on the journey from Naples.Otherwise I should not have known that he gives out such a story."

  "How does this concern me? Tell what thou sawest in the house ofprayer."

  "It does not concern thee, lord, but it concerns me just as much asmy life. Since I wish that my wisdom should survive me, I would ratherrenounce the reward which thou hast offered, than expose my life forempty lucre; without which, I as a true philosopher shall be able tolive and seek divine wisdom."

  But Vinicius approached him with an ominous countenance, and began in asuppressed voice,--"Who told thee that death would meet thee sooner atthe hands of Glaucus than at mine? Whence knowest thou, dog, that I willnot have thee buried right away in my garden?"

  Chilo, who was a coward, looked at Vinicius, and in the twinkle ofan eye understood that one more unguarded word and he was lost beyondredemption.

  "I will search for her, lord, and I will find her!" cried he, hurriedly.

  Silence followed, during which were heard the quick breathing ofVinicius, and the distant song of slaves at work in the garden.

  Only after a while did the Greek resume his speech, when he noticed thatthe young patrician was somewhat pacified.

  "Death passed me, but I looked on it with the calmness of Socrates. No,lord, I have not said that I refuse to search for the maiden; I desiredmerely to tell thee that search for her is connected now with greatperil to me. On a time thou didst doubt that there was a certainEuricius in the world, and though thou wert convinced by thine own eyesthat the son of my father told the truth to thee, thou hast suspicionsnow that I have invented Glaucus. Ah! would that he were only a fiction,that I might go among the Christians with perfect safety, as I went sometime since; I would give up for that the poor old slave woman whomI bought, three days since, to care for my advanced age and maimedcondition. But Glaucus is living, lord; and if he had seen me once,thou wouldst not have seen me again, and in t
hat case who would find themaiden?"

  Here he was silent again, and began to dry his tears.

  "But while Glaucus lives," continued he, "how can I search for her?--forI may meet him at any step; and if I meet him I shall perish, and withme will cease all my searching."

  "What art thou aiming at? What help is there? What dost thou wish toundertake?" inquired Vinicius.

  "Aristotle teaches us, lord, that less things should be sacrificed forgreater, and King Priam said frequently that old age was a grievousburden. Indeed, the burden of old age and misfortune weighs upon Glaucusthis long time, and so heavily that death would be to him a benefit. Forwhat is death, according to Seneca, but liberation?"

  "Play the fool with Petronius, not with me! Tell what thy desire is."

  "If virtue is folly, may the gods permit me to be a fool all my life. Idesire, lord, to set aside Glaucus, for while he is living my life andsearches are in continual peril."

  "Hire men to beat him to death with clubs; I will pay them."

  "They will rob thee, lord, and afterward make profit of the secret.There are as many ruffians in Rome as grains of sand in the arena, butthou wilt not believe how dear they are when an honest man needs toemploy their villainy. No, worthy tribune! But if watchmen catch themurderers in the act? They would tell, beyond doubt, who hired them, andthen thou wouldst have trouble. They will not point to me, for I shallnot give my name. Thou art doing ill not to trust in me, for, settingaside my keenness, remember that there is a question of two otherthings,--of my life, and the reward which thou has promised me."

  "How much dost thou need?"

  "A thousand sestertia, for turn attention to this, that I must findhonest ruffians, men who when they have received earnest money, willnot take it off without a trace. For good work there must be good pay!Something might be added, too, for my sake, to wipe away the tears whichI shall shed out of pity for Glaucus. I take the gods to witness how Ilove him. If I receive a thousand sestertia to-day, two days hence hissoul will be in Hades; and then, if souls preserve memory and the giftof thought, he will know for the first time how I loved him. I will findpeople this very day, and tell them that for each day of the lifeof Glaucus I will withhold one hundred sestertia. I have, besides, acertain idea, which seems to me infallible."

  Vinicius promised him once more the desired sum, forbidding him tomention Glaucus again; but asked what other news he brought, where hehad been all the time, what he had seen, and what he had discovered.But Chilo was not able to tell much. He had been in two more houses ofprayer,--had observed each person carefully, especially the women,--buthad seen no one who resembled Lygia: the Christians, however, lookedon him as one of their own sect, and, since he redeemed the son ofEuricius, they honored him as a man following in the steps of "Christ."He had learned from them, also, that a great lawgiver of theirs, acertain Paul of Tarsus, was in Rome, imprisoned because of chargespreferred by the Jews, and with this man he had resolved to becomeacquainted. But most of all was he pleased by this,--that the supremepriest of the whole sect, who had been Christ's disciple, and to whomChrist had confided government over the whole world of Christians, mightarrive in Rome any moment. All the Christians desired evidently to seehim, and hear his teachings. Some great meetings would follow, at whichhe, Chilo, would be present; and what is more, since it is easy to hidein the crowd, he would take Vinicius to those meetings. Then they wouldfind Lygia certainly. If Glaucus were once set aside, it would not beconnected even with great danger. As to revenge, the Christians, too,would revenge but in general they were peaceful people.

  Here Chilo began to relate, with a certain surprise, that he had neverseen that they gave themselves up to debauchery, that they poisonedwells or fountains, that they were enemies of the human race, worshippedan ass, or ate the flesh of children. No; he had seen nothing of thatsort. Certainly he would find among them even people who would hide awayGlaucus for money; but their religion, as far as he knew, did not inciteto crime,--on the contrary, it enjoined forgiveness of offences.

  Vinicius remembered what Pomponia had said to him at Acte's, and ingeneral he listened to Chilo's words with pleasure. Though his feelingfor Lygia assumed at times the seeming of hatred, he felt a relief whenhe heard that the religion which she and Pomponia confessed was neithercriminal nor repulsive. But a species of undefined feeling rose in himthat it was just that reverence for Christ, unknown and mysterious,which created the difference between himself and Lygia; hence he beganat once to fear that religion and to hate it.