Quo Vadis: A Narrative of the Time of Nero

  Chapter LII

  AND everything had failed. Vinicius lowered himself to the degree thathe sought support from freedmen and slaves, both those of Caesar andPoppaea; he overpaid their empty promises, he won their good will withrich gifts. He found the first husband of Poppaea, Rufus Crispinus, andobtained from him a letter. He gave a villa in Antium to Rufius, her sonby the first marriage; but thereby he merely angered Caesar, who hatedhis step-son. By a special courier he sent a letter to Poppaea's secondhusband, Otho, in Spain. He sacrificed his property and himself, untilhe saw at last that he was simply the plaything of people; that if hehad pretended that the imprisonment of Lygia concerned him little, hewould have freed her sooner.

  Petronius saw this, too. Meanwhile day followed day. The amphitheatrewas finished. The "tesserae" were distributed,--that is, tickets ofentrance, to the ludus matutinus (morning games). But this time themorning games, because of the unheard-of number of victims, were tocontinue for days, weeks, and months. It was not known where to put theChristians. The prisons were crammed, and fever was raging in them. Theputiculi--common pits in which slaves were kept--began to be overfilled.There was fear that diseases might spread over the whole city hence,haste.

  All these reports struck the ears of Vinicius, extinguishing in him thelast hope. While there was yet time, he might delude himself withthe belief that he could do something, but now there was no time. Thespectacles must begin. Lygia might find herself any day in a cuniculumof the circus, whence the only exit was to the arena. Vinicius, notknowing whither fate and the cruelty of superior force might throw her,visited all the circuses, bribed guards and beast-keepers, laying beforethem plans which they could not execute. In time he saw that he wasworking for this only,--to make death less terrible to her; and justthen he felt that instead of brains he had glowing coals in his head.

  For the rest he had no thought of surviving her, and determined toperish at the same time. But he feared lest pain might burn his life outbefore the dreadful hour came. His friends and Petronius thought alsothat any day might open the kingdom of shadows before him. His face wasblack, and resembled those waxen masks kept in lararia. In his featuresastonishment had grown frigid, as if he hid no understanding of what hadhappened and what might happen. When any one spoke to him, he raised hishands to his face mechanically, and, pressing his temples, looked at thespeaker with an inquiring and astonished gaze. He passed whole nightswith Ursus at Lygia's door in the prison; if she commanded him to goaway and rest, he returned to Petronius, and walked in the atrium tillmorning. The slaves found him frequently kneeling with upraised handsor lying with his face to the earth. He prayed to Christ, for Christwas his last hope. Everything had failed him. Only a miracle could saveLygia; hence he beat the stone flags with his forehead and prayed forthe miracle.

  But he knew enough yet to understand that Peter's prayers were moreimportant than his own. Peter had promised him Lygia, Peter had baptizedhim, Peter had performed miracles, let him give aid and rescue.

  And a certain night he went to seek the Apostle. The Christians, ofwhom not many remained, had concealed him now carefully even from otherbrethren, lest any of the weaker in spirit might betray him wittingly orunwittingly. Vinicius, amid the general confusion and disaster, occupiedalso in efforts to get Lygia out of prison, had lost sight of Peter,he had barely seen him once from the time of his own baptism till thebeginning of the persecution. But betaking himself to that quarrymanin whose hut he was baptized, he learned that there would be a meetingoutside the Porta Salaria in a vineyard which belonged to CorneliusPudens. The quarryman offered to guide him, and declared that he wouldfind Peter there. They started about dusk, and, passing beyond the wall,through hollows overgrown with reeds, reached the vineyard in a wildand lonely place. The meeting was held in a wine-shed. As Vinicius drewnear, the murmur of prayer reached his ears. On entering he saw bydim lamplight a few tens of kneeling figures sunk in prayer. They weresaying a kind of litany; a chorus of voices, male and female, repeatedevery moment, "Christ have mercy on us." In those voices, deep, piercingsadness and sorrow were heard.

  Peter was present. He was kneeling in front of the others, before awooden cross nailed to the wall of the shed, and was praying. From adistance Vinicius recognized his white hair and his upraised hands. Thefirst thought of the young patrician was to pass through the assembly,cast himself at the Apostle's feet, and cry, "Save!" but whether it wasthe solemnity of the prayer, or because weakness bent the knees underVinicius, he began to repeat while he groaned and clasped his hands:"Christ have mercy!" Had he been conscious, he would have understoodthat his was not the only prayer in which there was a groan; that he wasnot the only one who had brought with him his pain, alarm, and grief.There was not in that assembly one soul which had not lost persons dearto the heart; and when the most zealous and courageous confessors werein prison already, when with every moment new tidings were borne aboutof insults and tortures inflicted on them in the prisons, when thegreatness of the calamity exceeded every imagination, when only thathandful remained, there was not one heart there which was not terrifiedin its faith, which did not ask doubtfully, Where is Christ? and whydoes He let evil be mightier than God? Meanwhile they implored Himdespairingly for mercy, since in each soul there still smouldered aspark of hope that He would come, hurl Nero into the abyss, and rule theworld. They looked yet toward the sky; they listened yet; they prayedyet with trembling. Vinicius, too, in proportion as they repeated,"Christ have mercy on us!" was seized by such an ecstasy as formerlyin the quarryman's hut. Now from the depths they call on Him in theprofoundness of their sorrow, now Peter calls on Him; so any moment theheavens may be rent, the earth tremble to its foundations, and He appearin infinite glory, with stars at His feet, merciful, but awful. Hewill raise up the faithful, and command the abysses to swallow thepersecutors.

  Vinicius covered his face with both hands, and bowed to the earth.Immediately silence was around him, as if fear had stopped furtherbreathing on the lips of all present. And it seemed to him thatsomething must happen surely, that a moment of miracle would follow. Hefelt certain that when he rose and opened his eyes he would see a lightfrom which mortal eyes would be blinded, and hear a voice from whichhearts would grow faint.

  But the silence was unbroken. It was interrupted at last by the sobbingof women. Vinicius rose and looked forward with dazed eyes. In the shed,instead of glories not of earth, shone the faint gleam of lanterns, andrays of the moon, entering through an opening in the roof, filled theplace with silvery light. The people kneeling around Vinicius raisedtheir tearful eyes toward the cross in silence; here and there sobbingwas heard, and from outside came the warning whistles of watchmen.Meanwhile Peter rose, and, turning to the assembly, said,

  "Children, raise your hearts to the Redeemer and offer Him your tears."

  After that he was silent.

  All at once was heard the voice of a woman, full of sorrowful complaintand pain,--

  "I am a widow; I had one son who supported me. Give him back, O Lord!"Silence followed again. Peter was standing before the kneeling audience,old, full of care. In that moment he seemed to them decrepitude andweakness personified. With that a second voice began to complain,

  "Executioners insulted my daughter, and Christ permitted them!"

  Then a third,--

  "I alone have remained to my children, and when I am taken who will givethem bread and water?"

  Then a fourth,--

  "Linus, spared at first, they have taken now and put to torture, OLord!"

  Then a fifth,

  "When we return to our houses, pretorians will seize us. We know notwhere to hide."

  "Woe to us! Who will protect us?"

  And thus in that silence of the night complaint after complaint washeard. The old fisherman closed his eyes and shook his white head overthat human pain and fear. New silence followed; the watchman merely gaveout low whistles beyond the shed.

  Vinicius sprang up again, so as to break through the crowd to t
heApostle and demand salvation; but on a sudden he saw before him, as itwere, a precipice, the sight of which took strength from his feet. Whatif the Apostle were to confess his own weakness, affirm that the RomanCaesar was stronger than Christ the Nazarene? And at that thought terrorraised the hair on his head, for he felt that in such a case not onlythe remnant of his hope would fall into that abyss, but with it hehimself, and all through which he had life, and there would remain onlynight and death, resembling a shoreless sea.

  Meanwhile Peter began to speak in a voice so low at first that it wasbarely possible to hear him,--

  "My children, on Golgotha I saw them nail God to the cross. I heardthe hammers, and I saw them raise the cross on high, so that the rabblemight gaze at the death of the Son of Man. I saw them open His side, andI saw Him die. When returning from the cross, I cried in pain, as ye arecrying, 'Woe! woe! O Lord, Thou art God! Why hast Thou permitted this?Why hast Thou died, and why hast Thou tormented the hearts of us whobelieved that Thy kingdom would come?'

  "But He, our Lord and God, rose from the dead the third day, and wasamong us till He entered His kingdom in great glory.

  "And we, seeing our little faith, became strong in heart, and from thattime we are sowing His grain."

  Here, turning toward the place whence the first complaint came, he beganin a voice now stronger,--

  "Why do ye complain? God gave Himself to torture and death, and yewish Him to shield you from the same. People of little faith, have yereceived His teaching? Has He promised you nothing but life? He comesto you and says, 'Follow in my path.' He raises you to Himself, and yecatch at this earth with your hands, crying, 'Lord, save us!' I am dustbefore God, but before you I am His apostle and viceregent. I speakto you in the name of Christ. Not death is before you, but life; nottortures, but endless delights; not tears and groans, but singing; notbondage, but rule! I, God's apostle, say this: O widow, thy son will notdie; he will be born into glory, into eternal life, and thou wiltrejoin him! To thee, O father, whose innocent daughter was defiled byexecutioners, I promise that thou shalt find her whiter than thelilies of Hebron! To you, mothers, whom they are tearing away from yourorphans; to you who lose fathers; to you who complain; to you who willsee the death of loved ones; to you the careworn, the unfortunate, thetimid; to you who must die,--in the name of Christ I declare that yewill wake as if from sleep to a happy waking, as if from night to thelight of God. In the name of Christ, let the beam fall from your eyes,and let your hearts be inflamed."

  When he had said this, he raised his hand as if commanding, and theyfelt new blood in their veins, and also a quiver in their bones; forbefore them was standing, not a decrepit and careworn old man, but apotentate, who took their souls and raised them from dust and terror.

  "Amen!" called a number of voices.

  From the Apostle's eyes came a light ever increasing, power issued fromhim, majesty issued from him, and holiness. Heads bent before him, andhe, when the "Amen" ceased, continued:--

  "Ye sow in tears to reap in joy. Why fear ye the power of evil? Abovethe earth, above Rome, above the walls of cities is the Lord, who hastaken His dwelling within you. The stones will be wet from tears, thesand steeped in blood, the valleys will be filled with your bodies, butI say that ye are victorious. The Lord is advancing to the conquest ofthis city of crime, oppression, and pride, and ye are His legions! Heredeemed with His own blood and torture the sins of the world; soHe wishes that ye should redeem with torture and blood this nest ofinjustice. This He announces to you through my lips."

  And he opened his arms, and fixed his eyes upward; the hearts almostceased to beat in their breasts, for they felt that his glance beheldsomething which their mortal sight could not see.

  In fact, his face had changed, and was overspread with serenity; hegazed some time in silence, as if speechless from ecstasy, but after awhile they heard his voice,--

  "Thou art here, O Lord, and dost show Thy ways to me. True, O Christ!Not in Jerusalem, but in this city of Satan wilt Thou fix Thy capital.Here out of these tears and this blood dost Thou wish to build ThyChurch. Here, where Nero rules to-day, Thy eternal kingdom is to stand.Thine, O Lord, O Lord! And Thou commandest these timid ones to formthe foundation of Thy holy Zion of their bones, and Thou commandest myspirit to assume rule over it, and over peoples of the earth. And Thouart pouring the fountain of strength on the weak, so that they becomestrong; and now Thou commandest me to feed Thy sheep from this spot,to the end of ages. Oh, be Thou praised in Thy decrees by which Thoucommandest to conquer. Hosanna! Hosanna!"

  Those who were timid rose; into those who doubted streams of faithflowed. Some voices cried, "Hosanna!" others, "Pro Christo!" Thensilence followed. Bright summer lightning illuminated the interior ofthe shed, and the pale, excited faces.

  Peter, fixed in a vision, prayed a long time yet; but conscious at last,he turned his inspired face, full of light, to the assembly, and said,--

  "This is how the Lord has overcome doubt in you; so ye will go tovictory in His name."

  And though he knew that they would conquer, though he knew what wouldgrow out of their tears and blood, still his voice quivered with emotionwhen he was blessing them with the cross, and he said,--

  "Now I bless you, my children, as ye go to torture, to death, toeternity."

  They gathered round him and wept. "We are ready," said they; "butdo thou, O holy head, guard thyself, for thou art the viceregent whoperforms the office of Christ."

  And thus speaking, they seized his mantle; he placed his hands on theirheads, and blessed each one separately, just as a father does childrenwhom he is sending on a long journey.

  And they began at once to go out of the shed, for they were in a hurry,to their houses, and from them to the prisons and arenas. Their thoughtswere separated from the earth, their souls had taken flight towardeternity, and they walked on as if in a dream, in ecstasy opposing thatforce which was in them to the force and the cruelty of the "Beast."

  Nereus, the servant of Pudens, took the Apostle and led him by a secretpath in the vineyard to his house. But Vinicius followed them in theclear night, and when they reached the cottage of Nereus at last, hethrew himself suddenly at the feet of the Apostle.

  "What dost thou wish, my Son?" asked Peter, recognizing him.

  After what he had heard in the vineyard, Vinicius dared not implore himfor anything; but, embracing his feet with both hands, he pressed hisforehead to them with sobbing, and called for compassion in that dumbmanner.

  "I know. They took the maiden whom thou lovest. Pray for her."

  "Lord," groaned Vinicius, embracing his feet still more firmly,--"Lord,I am a wretched worm; but thou didst know Christ. Implore Him,--take herpart."

  And from pain he trembled like a leaf; and he beat the earth with hisforehead, for, knowing the strength of the Apostle, he knew that healone could rescue her.

  Peter was moved by that pain. He remembered how on a time Lygia herself,when attacked by Crispus, lay at his feet in like manner imploring pity.He remembered that he had raised her and comforted her; hence now heraised Vinicius.

  "My son," said he, "I will pray for her; but do thou remember that Itold those doubting ones that God Himself passed through the torment ofthe cross, and remember that after this life begins another,--an eternalone."

  "I know; I have heard!" answered Vinicius, catching the air with hispale lips; "but thou seest, lord, that I cannot! If blood is required,implore Christ to take mine,--I am a soldier. Let Him double, let Himtriple, the torment intended for her, I will suffer it; but let Himspare her. She is a child yet, and He is mightier than Caesar, I believe,mightier. Thou didst love her thyself; thou didst bless us. She is aninnocent child yet."

  Again he bowed, and, putting his face to Peter's knees, he repeated,--

  "Thou didst know Christ, lord,--thou didst know Him. He will give ear tothee; take her part."

  Peter closed his lids, and prayed earnestly. The summer lightningilluminated the sky again. Vinicius, by the lig
ht of it, looked at thelips of the Apostle, waiting sentence of life or death from them. In thesilence quails were heard calling in the vineyard, and the dull, distantsound of treadmills near the Via Salaria.

  "Vinicius," asked the Apostle at last, "dost thou believe?"

  "Would I have come hither if I believed not?" answered Vinicius.

  "Then believe to the end, for faith will remove mountains. Hence, thoughthou wert to see that maiden under the sword of the executioner or inthe jaws of a lion, believe that Christ can save her. Believe, and prayto Him, and I will pray with thee."

  Then, raising his face toward heaven, he said aloud,--

  "O merciful Christ, look on this aching heart and console it! O mercifulChrist, temper the wind to the fleece of the lamb! O merciful Christ,who didst implore the Father to turn away the bitter cup from Thy mouth,turn it from the mouth of this Thy servant! Amen."

  But Vinicius, stretching his hand toward the stars, said, groaning,--

  "I am Thine; take me instead of her."

  The sky began to grow pale in the east.