Complicate Me

  “Good,” was all he replied.

  “I’m sorry I snapped at you,” I said, changing the subject but not dismissing the emotions that now lay between us.

  “I’m sorry that shark hit my board.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  He nodded. “You know I would never let anything happen to you.”

  I smiled. “I know.”

  “You did a really good job, though.”

  “Not really,” I chuckled.

  “I think you singing Brown Eyed Girl attracted that shark to come see you.”

  I slanted my head to the side, my curiosity eating me up. “How do you know that?”

  “You’re my brown eyed girl.” He grinned. “Come on, Half-Pint, I’ll walk you back to your house. It’s getting late.”

  “Okay.”

  He grabbed his board and we walked beside each other, barely talking the entire hike back to my house. He normally waited until I was on my front porch to leave. My house was three stories high and had a wooden deck leading to the front door. I slowly opened the door, but before I stepped into the foyer, I found myself doing something I never had before.

  I turned around.

  He was still there, watching me.

  I shyly smiled and he waved goodbye. I ran up to my room, closing the door behind me, leaning against it. I caressed my lips one last time and then…

  I licked them.

  The same fluttering feeling I felt that entire afternoon stayed with me for the rest of the night.

  A few days went by and then it was my 11th birthday. My parents threw an intimate birthday party for me at their restaurant, inviting close family and friends. I wasn’t one for big extravagant things. I learned later in life that I really was just a small town girl. All the boys spoiled me with gifts. I had more boy clothes than I knew what to do with, much to my mama’s dismay.

  “Did you have a good birthday party, Half-Pint?” Dylan asked, putting his arm around my shoulder.

  “I did.”

  “My gift was the best, wasn’t it?” Jacob chimed in, tugging me away from Dylan.

  I giggled. “I loved all of them.”

  “It’s okay to be honest, Half-Pint, you can tell them that my gift was your favorite,” Austin added, smiling and throwing the football up in the air, Lucas intercepting it.

  We threw the football for the next hour and soon it was time for everyone to go home. It was Sunday night and we all had school the following morning.

  Lucas’ family was the last to leave, like always.

  "Come on," he directed with a nod to follow him.

  “You’re leaving.”

  “My dad just opened up another beer, you know what that means.”

  I trailed behind him to the same spot we were at the other day with the nervousness bubbling up from my belly to my throat.

  Is he going to kiss me again?

  He turned. “Here,” he said, handing me another wrapped present.

  “I already opened your gift.”

  “Nah, my mom got that. This one is from me. I bought it with the money I made from mowing lawns this past summer.”

  “Oh.” I slowly unwrapped the long rectangle box and slid the lid off. “Bo,” I whispered out loud, surprised and looking back up at him.

  He reached for the shark tooth necklace from the box and moved behind me. “I found it in Old Pa’s antique store. To be honest, I don’t even know why I went in there. I hate that store. Old Pa says it’s legit. It’s from a baby shark that got lost in the inlet a few years back. He saved the shark, but it left behind this tooth. He found it a few weeks ago in his nightstand, he completely forgot about it and decided to turn it into a necklace.” He paused. “Maybe it was the same shark that bumped my board so I had to get it for you.”

  “Was it expensive?”

  I could feel him smiling as he clasped the silver chain into place. It hung right in between my breastbone.

  “Only you would ask that.” He spun me, placing his fingers on the tooth. It appeared smaller in his grasp. “The chain is white gold.” His knuckles brushed against my skin, making me feel warm all over.

  What is happening to me?

  It was my favorite gift. “I love it, thank you, Bo, I’ll never take it off.”

  And I didn’t.

  Until one day…

  I did.

  I spent all my money on that necklace and didn’t think twice about it. I wanted her to have it. I wish I could tell you why. All I knew was the moment I saw it, I had to make it hers. I chucked it up to the fact that it could have been the same shark that hit my board, not realizing that maybe it was because that same day we shared our first kiss and I wanted her to remember it, always.

  Carry it around with her.

  A memory ingrained.

  The symbolism behind it wasn’t something I realized till I was older.

  By that time, it was too late.

  “I love you, Half-Pint, you’re my best friend,” was all I could say.

  It was natural, normal. I wanted us to stay exactly that way. Losing her wasn’t an option for me and I knew that at thirteen years old.

  Shit I knew it even before then.

  She smiled, big and wide. “I love you, too.”

  ***

  The rest of the school year went flying by, and it was once again summer, our favorite time of the year. The island was packed with tourists and the high season had begun. There were only two months out of the year where Oak Island was crowded with random people from all over the world. Living in a small Southern beach town, everyone knew everybody, you couldn’t walk anywhere without someone knowing your name. Town gossip ran rapid and everyone knew everyone’s drama and business, nothing stayed behind closed doors. I never paid any attention to it.

  None of us did.

  “Come on, Lucas, just take her out for a burger. She’s been fawning all over you since the beginning of the school year and that was almost a year ago. She’s hot. Why you keep ignoring her?” Jacob asked as we pedaled from the beach to Alex’s house.

  “Because she’s dated every guy in our grade, the girl’s been ridden more than my damn bike.”

  “That’s the point.”

  “Not for me.”

  “Lucas, don’t you want to do something? I mean your hand must be gettin’ tired,” he laughed.

  I glared at him.

  “Whatever, man, it’s your dick. I’m just trying to help you. That’s what friends do for each other. You know I got to third base with Lesley and Dylan is almost to second with Riley. Austin is still young but shit, man, he’s already tongue kissed a girl. What have you done, Lucas? Jack shit.”

  My mind went to Alex, it wasn’t a tongue kiss, but it was still a kiss. I never told any of them what happened and neither did she. That should have been the first giveaway that it meant something, but how much can something mean when you’re that damn young?

  Surfing, the boys, and Alex, that was my life. That’s all I understood. That’s all I knew.

  It was the first time we hid something from them, but it definitely wouldn’t be the last. We never brought it up again either.

  We didn’t have to.

  The truth hung around her neck.

  “How do you know that?” I asked, breaking away from my thoughts.

  “Are you for real? Unless you done something with Alex that we don’t know about, then the only action you’ve seen is what you find in them nudie magazines. We all love Alex. You know that. But she’s a kid. You’re thirteen, not far from being fourteen. Man up!”

  I sighed, annoyed with his stammer and the fact that he read my mind or maybe I was just paranoid. “I don’t want to ask her out. I don’t even like her. Why would I ask someone out if I don’t like them?”

  He glared over at me like I’d grown four heads. “Bro, you do realize that you just sounded like a pussy, right? Please tell me you know that?

  I rolled my eyes.

  “You ask a g
irl like her out for one reason and one reason only. Do I have to spell it out for ya, Lucas?”

  “I get it.”

  “No I don’t think you do.”

  “Shut your trap before I shut it for you,” I argued.

  He laughed. “Awe, why so sensitive? Are you hiding something?”

  “No.”

  “What? Do you like Alex? Is that what this is about?”

  “No,” I adamantly repeated.

  “Good. She’s like our little sister. If you did, I might have to beat the living shit out of you. You know we all would. It’s not like that with her, for any of us,” he reminded me, adding to my confusion and insecurities of what Alex and I should be to one another.

  “I know that.”

  “I’m glad. She’s a kid, Lucas.”

  “We’re all kids,” I stated, trying to sway the conversation away Alex without being overly obvious.

  “No shit. But an eleven-year-old girl because that’s what she is, even though she would probably tackle me to the ground before admitting it,” he chuckled at the thought and so did I. “To an almost fourteen year old boy is way different. She hasn’t even grown into her body yet. Trust me, Alex is going to be fucking gorgeous. Which is all the more reason that we have to protect her. You want her datin’ some guy like us? You know how we are when she’s not around.”

  I nodded. “Why are you lecturing me on shit I already know? You’re beating a dead horse. I’m fully aware. Relax.”

  “Then ask Stacey out.”

  I sighed, knowing I didn’t have much of a leg to stand on. Everything he said was true. Alex was young and she was like our little sister. I blurred the lines with that kiss and I needed to make my way back over to the side with the rest of the boys.

  It’s where I belonged.

  “Fine. I’ll ask her out on a date just to shut you up.”

  “That’s all I ask, brotha’.”

  The next day I asked Stacey out on a date.

  This would be the first time that I walked away from Alex.

  But definitely…

  Not the last.

  “Whatcha’ doin’?” Alex prodded, walking into my bedroom as I’m playing with my phone on my bed. It was an early birthday gift. She scooted next to me, moving my arm so that she could lay in the crevice of my chest.

  “Nothin’ much. What are you doing here? I thought you were going to town with your mom today?”

  “We are,” she snickered. “But she had to talk to your mom about something important and told me to come wait up here with you.”

  “Don’t want to go shopping, huh?”

  She pouted, glancing up at me. “Do I ever?”

  “It might not be so bad, Half-Pint. It’s not normal that you don’t like to go shopping.”

  She sat up, facing me with her legs tucked under her tiny frame. “Do you?”

  “Do I what?”

  “Like to go shopping?”

  “Hell no.” I sat up against my wall.

  “Well then. Why would I?”

  “Because you’re a girl.”

  She punched me in the chest.

  “Ouch!” I rubbed where she hit me. “What was that for?”

  “You know why,” she giggled, seeing that her weak ass punch had an effect on me, dwindling sideways on my bed.

  I shook my head. “You’re so violent.”

  “I learned from you,” she justified, pointing at me, sitting upright.

  I laughed because it was true.

  “You meeting up with the boys?”

  “Nah, I’m meeting up with Stacey in a few hours.”

  “Stacey?” she asked, taken aback. “Who’s Stacey?”

  “The girl from the beach.”

  With widening eyes she sat up straighter, trying to appear much older than she actually was. “The big boobed girl?”

  I grinned to keep from laughing. “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why are you meeting up with her?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know, we’re hanging out.”

  “Oh.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

  She lowered her head to my comforter and started picking at the seams. She only did that when she was nervous. “Is this a date?” she muffled.

  “I guess.”

  “Oh.”

  “Why you keep sayin’ that?”

  “No reason,” she lied.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothin’.”

  “You know you can’t lie to me, so why don’t you just tell me what the sad voice and sappy face is for?”

  She scowled at me. “I’m not lying.”

  I stood, folding my arms over my chest and cocking my head to the side. She knew I wouldn’t let her leave my room if she didn’t tell me the truth. I would get it out of her, one way or another.

  “I thought you didn’t like her. You said you didn’t,” she finally answered.

  “I never said that,” I stated, taking in her solemn demeanor.

  “Oh.”

  “Will you stop speaking in code?”

  “I’m not,” she scoffed, moving her legs to hang over the edge of my bed.

  “I told you she’s just a girl and she is. That’s all.”

  “Then why are you going on a date with her, if she’s just a girl?”

  “Because that’s what boys do.”

  Her lips parted, displaying her bright red tongue. She must have been sucking on a cherry lollipop, our favorite.

  I almost smiled. “It’s not a big deal, Half-Pint,” I confessed, rubbing the back of my neck.

  She nodded, her eyes shifting to the door behind me.

  “Well…” She leaped from my bed to stand in front of me, barely meeting my chest, and I was reminded how small she really was, how young she really was.

  “Have fun on your date.”

  My eyebrows lowered. “Why you actin’ like this?”

  “I’m not acting like anything,” she replied, shrugging, the attitude evident in her tone. “I’ll see ya later.” She stepped aside and walked toward my door.

  “Alex,” I called out, forcing in the breath I hadn’t realized I held. “You’ll always be my brown eyed girl.”

  I stopped dead in my tracks.

  “You’ll always be my brown eyed girl,” he confessed in a tone I’d never heard before.

  My heart beat rapidly with each passing second, and the longer I stood there not saying anything the more I felt it.

  “I know,” I softly spoke, with my mouth dry and my heart heavy.

  I didn’t know whether to smile with delight over the fact that he would always be my best friend or to cry with devastation knowing that maybe he’d never be anything more.

  Would there ever be an Alex and Lucas or were we doomed to be Bo and Half-Pint for the rest of our lives?

  “Alex! You ready?” Mom yelled from the bottom of the stairs, breaking the simple words that held us together.

  I didn’t dare turn around to look at him. I pretty much ran down the stairs and into my mama’s car. I spent the rest of the day in town with her.

  “Honey, what about this one?” Mom prodded, placing the hanger in front of me.

  I eyed it up and down. “It’s a dress.”

  “Yes. It’s a very nice dress.”

  Which actually wasn’t that far off from the truth. It was light yellow with spaghetti straps, shorter than I was used to but not entirely hideous. The material was soft at least.

  “Okay.”

  “Really? You’re not going to fight me on this?”

  “No.”

  “Are you sick?”

  I smiled for the first time since I left Lucas’ bedroom. “No.”

  “What do you want?” she quickly added, making me laugh.

  “Nothin’, it’s a nice dress.”

  She skeptically looked me over for a few seconds and then nodded to go pay.

  “Everythi
ng alright?” she asked on our way home.

  I shrugged.

  “What’s going on with you?”

  “Why do you think something’s wrong?”

  “Alex, you let me buy you a dress and I didn’t have to bribe you.”

  I sighed. “Lucas is going on a date,” I blurted, surprised by my own honesty.

  “Ah.”

  I met her eyes. “What?”

  “So that’s what’s upsetting you,” she stated, looking back at the road.

  “It’s not upsetting me.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me.

  “Not that much,” I added, facing in front of me.

  “Those boys are growing up, Alex. They’re going to start dating. I mean Lucas will be fourteen soon.”

  “Yeah so what? I’ll be twelve soon, too.”

  “Right. But it’s different for boys than it is for girls.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that their interests may change.”

  “That’s stupid,” I scoffed, disappointed.

  “Yeah but your interests will change soon, too.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

  “You’ll see.”

  “Mom, we’ve been best friends since the day I was born. I’ve done everything with them. Are you saying that it won’t be like that anymore?”

  She contemplated what I said. “Not exactly. I have no doubt y’all will always be close. You don’t have any siblings, Alex, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am that I’ve never felt guilty about not giving you someone to play with. We didn’t have to. You had them boys. All I’m sayin’ is that things may start to change on how much time y’all will have for each other.”

  “Because of girls?”

  “Yes, honey, and boys.”

  I grimaced. “I don’t like boys.”

  She laughed. “You love them boys,” she clarified.

  “Yes but they’re different. I’m talkin’ about the boys at my school. I don’t like any of them.”

  “Right. Do you like any of your boys? Lucas, maybe?”

  I leaned into the headrest. “No.”

  “No?”

  “I don’t know. Lucas and I have always had a different relationship than I’ve had with the rest of them.”

  I caught her nodding from the corner of my eye. “I know.”