Rock Notes

  Chapter Eight – Old habits never die

  Sometimes time is a healer in itself. Seasons are changing and now the fall is fast approaching. I feel a slight crispness in the early morning air as I sit on my balcony having coffee. I have kept busy most days with my writing. I had some earlier pieces I was working on long ago that resurfaced in my mind to rewrite now and I still have all the gathered information I was writing on the band. Thinking of the band, they send me a text now and again which is very nice. Kent tried to send me a big kiss from him, but his lips just came cross my computer screen blurred, I laughed at that. I haven’t heard a word from Rand though, since his text asking me why? I have been following them from afar, from my computer.

  I knew after my father passed that they returned to Philly for a time to write some new songs. Raeford keeps in touch with Jillian so she in turn always tells me, although I try to play it off, pretending not to be interested, but inside I am waiting for tidbits of information like a dog waiting for a water bowl on a hot summer’s day.

  Last week while we were at the gym Jillian told me that the band was heading west for at least a month plus. They had several local shows and a friend’s place to crash at for the month or two. I was missing that I wasn’t going to be with them on the West Coast but figured I could just go on the internet and follow along with their travels. I knew down the road I would need to touch base with them to finalize some of the items I was placing in the book, but I wasn’t even putting a time table to that just yet. In the meantime I was looking to hire a literary agent to field my writings to a publishing house.

  I found Cecile Brookes by accident. Jillian and I had gotten into a routine of hitting the gym three days a week to keep me busy and her in shape although Jillian is always in beautiful shape. We had finished a work out and had gone to have a light latte. While we were ordering, we saw a petite but very outspoken girl walk in. She told the barista that she would have her usual as she approached the counter. She smiled cheerfully at Jillian and I, and then walked over to us.

  “You’re Madison Tierney, hi, I’m Cecile Brookes” She introduced herself telling me she was a literary agent. “I’ve read some of your work, and I followed your column years ago. I don’t really care for the columnist that replaced you.”

  I was taken back as I didn’t know that some people actually knew of me. As I was thanking her, she decided to just come over and join us. When you get three girls together for a chat anything and everything are topics for discussion. It didn’t take long for me to warm up to Cecile; she was like a bright glass of fresh squeezed orange juice carrying you through the day, so sunny and happy. I told her I was seeking out a literary agent and you would have thought she just won prom queen. She was over the moon with enthusiasm. I discussed briefly the book I was working on about Rolling Isaac’s and she hung on my every word.

  “Madison, can you take me to see their rehearsal location and The Wall? Maybe, when the band returns I can see them play? This way once I’ve read your book I will have the complete picture of your work. I can get you in the door, across the publisher’s desk and to print.” I agreed to take her out there one day. She and I actually shook on the deal to work together giving me a nice feeling of anticipation and friendliness.

  After our first meeting by chance, she was off and running to assist me. Jillian was a great judge of character and she was right on board with me taking her on to help.

  Usually daily, Cecile would text me or call with a simple question about something I had written about the band. She seemed to take my work seriously. Most mornings of late, after touching base with her I would go online and catch a brief review of the band from the show the night before, or see where their tour was heading. This morning, there was a video feed that was taken by a fan. They had titled it “Randevouz.” I was curious so I hit play and enlarged the screen size and turned up the volume on my computer. It wasn’t the music that had me so surprised as it was one of Rolling Isaac’s that played loudly, and I began to tap my finger to the side of my computer to the tune. I was hit with the visual of Rand, kissing one girl and moving his hand down the curves of her back and then leaving her and walking further down the back of the stage area and pulling in another girl and almost stabbing his tongue into her mouth and the person recording the video zooming into this as they kissed. He sat down and brought her onto his lap and as she straddled his waist with her legs, they never broke their kiss. I closed out the video feed. I was blankly staring at the monitor as my phone rang.

  “Hey Madison, that Rand is one sexy guy. I just saw a video of him, the fans love him! What’s not to love, he’s a total package.” Cecile’s voice bellowed in her description of him. Not that I didn’t know how intoxicating he was, but I played off the video saying I hadn’t seen it. My stomach wrenched. I had seen it and couldn’t shake it from my head. I could see only one way to push past this. I decided to throw myself into planning my upcoming birthday. Thomas, Jillian and Cecile had asked how I planned to spend my birthday, so I decided to focus on that. I needed to put Rand’s sexual pursuits in the back of my mind.

  “Cecile, Rand is Rand, that’s how the band guys roll, oh by the way I have put some thought into my birthday.” I continued trying to quickly change the subject with her.

  I entertained years back and had dinner parties with Thomas’s business associates. I decided I wanted a party to lighten my solemn mood of late and have it at my home. The guest list would be limited to close friends of mine as my family was all gone now. I told them they could choose a theme for the party, provide the food and beverages, and I would leave to give them time to put it together and surprise me. My idea went over well with them all. Thomas and I had been continuing a nice, friendly talking relationship since my father’s passing and I had met quite a few people at the gym being there several days a week. Jillian took the liberty of letting them know.

  They had a few weeks of planning and they did party planning justice. On my birthday afternoon I left the house in a limousine and was scheduled to be pampered and puffed at the spa for hours. It was a well appreciated treat bought buy Thomas to make me enjoy this special day from the start. After I was all refreshed I dressed in new backless black tunic-style dress and black heels, I was ready to attend my own surprise party.

  As I walked up my front door, I really wanted to open it and have Rand there to embrace me and see me gaining confidence again and feel his arms wrap tightly around me as he wished me Happy Birthday. I turned the knob to my door and there stood Thomas front and center surrounded by many. Thomas pulled me in and embraced me; he lightly trailed his hand down the exposed back. Despite his touch and the warmth of his hug, this is not what my body was craving. I glanced toward the back of my living room and there stood a familiar, smiling face, Raeford.

  I ran over and hugged him so tightly. I actually bypassed other close friends but once I wrapped my arms partially around him I felt a secure feeling cover my entire soul. I was so happy that he was there. I asked the dumb but obvious question with excitement in my voice, “Is Rand here? Is he coming?” Raeford said he thought he was coming, but he did not elaborate as Raeford was not a man of many spoken words. When we looked around, Rand was not there.

  Thomas made his way over to me and forced his hand in between myself and Raeford to introduce himself. Thomas said, “Hello I am Madison’s husband Thomas.” I looked at Thomas and then he corrected himself in saying he was my ex-husband. He did say though that he was hopeful one day again we would make it legal. Raeford greeted him pleasantly just as Jillian swooped in eagerly to take her new man into her arms. Raeford turned to Jillian and said quietly, “I think it would be better if Rand doesn’t show.” I meant to question Raeford as I heard his words so lightly, but then I was so quickly spun around and hugged by another guest.

  I drank so much throughout the evening. I enjoyed being with everyone and letting loose in my own environment and since I didn’t have to be driven home or cared for, if
I got to tired or felt too drunk I could simply crash in my own bed at the top of the stairs. I caught glimpses of Raeford and Jillian kissing in the hallway, the kitchen and even out on the deck although it was pretty chilly. I was thinking if Rand were here that would be us out there in the cold air, and I would have his warm lips conquering my mouth and his body embracing mine. We would hold ourselves so closely and be wrapped in one another’s warmth. I faintly heard the doorbell ring, but I suppose someone answered it because when I got toward the living room the door was closed and the bell never sounded again.

  In the foyer several gifts were left, I didn’t want to open any until the next morning, tonight I just wanted to enjoy the evening and the company. It was later that I went to use my bathroom upstairs and I crossed the foyer to the step landing and saw a pile of floral bouquets in that area all stacked on top of one another.

  There were so many. I looked to Thomas standing several feet away, “Thomas what is all this, they’re lovely?”

  “You had a delivery.”

  “But so many?

  “All for you Madison, the roses are pretty but you’re beautiful.” I thanked him as he seemed to surely be taking the credit for this lovely gesture.

  I entered the bathroom upstairs. As I fumbled for the light on the side wall, the window to the front of the house allowed me the nighttime’s street view. I saw a vehicle with the headlights on and a person climbing into the front seat with dark hair just touching below the shoulder of their jacket. By the time I got closer to the window and opened it up, they had pulled out and were driving down the street. I shook my head, and told myself I was wishing something that wasn’t and that I had way too much to drink.

  As the party was dying down, Jillian hugged me and whispered in my ear, “I’m sorry Rand was a no show, I wasn’t sure if he would be here that’s why I didn’t mention it to you earlier. But I love you so happy birthday! And please don’t be mad at me, but I’m bailing and taking Raeford home with me now!” I didn’t blame her, he was one chiseled, hot man and she deserved him. I was going to tell him to tell Rand hello or some other stupid thing since I’d had too much to drink, but I just thanked him so much for coming. I watched his ass the entire way as they left my house; Jillian was one lucky girl this evening.

  Thomas stayed on to help clean up and Cecile was still talking to us as she headed out the door. I hugged her and thanked her and asked her if she was okay to drive. We decided that if the weather permitted, to go out to one of the orchards in Bucks County the next morning. We wanted to get some pumpkins and definitely pumpkin pie and then stop at the band’s rehearsal studio as Raeford told me where to find a hidden key so I could get in and show her the place. Raeford said he may be there as well and he could talk to her briefly.

  The house was quiet now as we stopped playing the music and I fell into my sofa and closed my eyes. Thomas had remained. He came over to me and leaned into me and kissed me slowly. I drank a lot this evening and even just the sensation of lips crossing over mine, made me tingle. I pulled Thomas into the sofa with me and continued to kiss him. He gingerly took his lips down to my neck and climbed on top of me, keeping me pinned to the flat of the sofa below. I could feel that he wanted me. Silently in that moment of us kissing, he was telling me that he needed me. I was looking up at him from beneath his hold. “Madison you are so beautiful. I should have never let you go.” I pulled him in again and I swirled my tongue deep in his mouth, I was feeling so aroused, but not by Thomas, just by the act of kissing him, licking his lips and feeling him fill my mouth with his passion. I felt I was using him as a replacement for the desire I wanted to feel, and the taste I yearned for from Rand. Thomas pulled me in and I turned slightly, satisfied to have been kissed and so passionately. I closed my eyes and sighed and pretended to pass out so that he would not continue.

  He rose and kissed me on the forehead and spoke, “Madison, I still love you, and I know you love me.” I heard him walk away as he gathered a blanket from the other room and I felt him cover me halfway. I heard the front door shut as he left my house. I opened my eyes as I laid there and thought of nothing but Rand. I sat up for a bit and began to write another love note for Rand, in my notebook.

  Rand:

  In an old attic trunk you store away treasures and keepsakes. Some may be good, some maybe unfavorable and many were part of your life that made you grow. I have stored a memory away of my marriage to Thomas. That time was wonderful, but the ending destroyed me. Now one of the trunk’s contents has escaped the confines, climbed out and dusted itself off. This is Thomas. He has reinvented himself to come back to me thinking I will just fold and crumble and welcome him back and become his wife again. I don’t know why I am writing this to you, but I feel that you should know that had I not met you this may have been an option for me. It was meeting you that made me something more.

  Time that passed after Thomas left me and then our divorce put me at the lowest point I can remember. Reaching out to you with confidence to write again and your taking me along with you and the band was a fit in my life that has made me better. I know I still have feelings for Thomas. I just can’t turn them off, but it’s different now. The feelings that I have for you are what I turn to in my every day thoughts as of late. I believe fate has also come from my stored trunk in the attic and become the force or principle believed to predetermine events. As I am torn with feelings that tug in my heart, I am certain you are in my life now for a reason and the timing of us sharing moments and touches and kisses may become our wonderful destiny.

  Maddy xo

  I fell asleep with my pen and notebook spread on my chest. I was awakened midway through the night when I heard an awful rendition of the Happy Birthday song being left on my answering machine and I heard chuckling from girls in the background. As I made my way to the kitchen for a huge drink of water and to take a few aspirins to prevent my morning hangover I hit the play button and heard the song again. It was from Rand. He was drunk, it sounded in his singing voice and I heard girls with him asking him who is Madison that you are singing to, who is she?…he simply said to them in a cold tone, no one, let it go. This was the Rand of late that I was seeing all too often on the internet and now hearing him not in a manner I would fantasize about. Back in my bed I turned to my side and placed my notebook on the flat of the comforter and began to write, all I kept thinking about was Rand.

  Rand:

  I would never want to change you as you are so different in ways that I think we complement one another. But, I don’t now at this moment if I can ever really be with you or if we will ever make that step to be a couple. I see so many photos of you and fan made video clips that make my stomach turn. Not as jealousy but that we share moments together and then I see a clip of you with another in a stolen moment. It makes me believe that our time spent together may have no special meaning to you. I want to feel safe again in life, have that person as my rock, build that relationship…but you to me are unsure, the flight risk, and the wanderer.

  This doesn’t mean I have no feelings for you because of this as my feelings are so intense for you. But how do I get us, if there is to ever be us, on the same page. I don’t think I could ever be truly intimate with you and not wonder about you off at the next concert in another city. I trust you when you are near; it is the distance that I fear. I too have been drawn back at moments to Thomas and that is not fair to you although I don’t think you even know that at all. I guess, who am I to question your ethics and morals and actions when I am no better? I wish some of our habits could change or we could work on them together. Maybe one day I will have the voice to share these thoughts with you.

  Maddy xo

  I am not sure when I finally closed my eyes to the dark of the night, but I was sleeping very deeply under my comforter when I heard my phone sound again in the early morning hours. I reached to my nightstand and picked it up to see Cecile’s name and knew she was wide awake and cheery already. Her message was –


  Up, Up, Up. We have a nice day planned. I’ll be over soon. I am so looking forward to seeing The Wall you write about and their studio.

  I dragged myself to the shower; I put it on a cooler setting and stood in the center cursing at the chill but letting it awaken my senses and banish any arousal resulting from thoughts of Rand. I was up now and knew Cecile would be eager and full of excitement today. I decided with the autumn coolness now upon us that I would wear a rust colored sweater and I pulled on my low rise jeans and boots. Definitely not flip flop weather anymore. I grabbed a multi shimmered scarf and looped it around my neck and took my camel colored jacket.

  It was the beep, beep, beep that told me Cecile had arrived. One beep I would have known she was here, but three possibly four…I heard them all. As I climbed into her car, I programmed her GPS with the address for the band’s location. Before we got there we stopped at one orchard and another small pumpkin stand along the way. I actually got a cider donut and some coffee at one as I had not eaten since earlier last night at my party. As we drove along the road, the fall foliage was in full glory. The colors were so beautiful and vivid, it was almost as if they were painted rather than naturally occurring. It happens like this every season for several weeks. The leaves are beautiful and then as fast as they turn brilliant and lovely they drop and we know winter has begun. But I was soaking in the sun coming through the windshield and watching all the orange and golden colors bounce about outside from the trees as the rays pierced through the branches.

  “Here we are, we have reached our destination,” Cecile exclaimed, sounding too much like the GPS voice, as we turned down the winding road that led up to the barn and the house off in the distance. “This is so beautiful; it looks like a canvas painting.” It did indeed, it was lovely. My eyes looked to the house and I didn’t see any activity or any vehicle parked out front. At the barn there was one unfamiliar car parked there. It may have been one of the band members’. I know it wasn’t Rand’s. I pointed out where Cecile should park. As we walked up to the barn, Cecile pulled out her phone and was taking many photos. She even wound up getting one of me with all the autumn colored trees and the barn off in one corner of the photograph. She snapped it and showed me. It was a great photo, because I knew I was thinking of Rand, and being here at his place.

  I found the key that they kept hidden but I didn’t have to use it as the main door was open. When we went in I hollered. “Hello is anyone here?” as the entire rehearsal area was not lit up. Slowly coming out of the darkness was Raeford, “Hey, good morning Madison, how are you feeling? Oh, hey Cecile, nice to see you again.”

  “I’m feeling better, I drank too much. Hey, thanks for coming last night. Are you alone here?”

  “No.”

  I got flutters in my belly thinking Rand was near. “I got your company now,” Raeford said. And right he was, since Cecile and I arrived he wasn’t alone. He told us he was gathering some things from the barn to take back to California early tomorrow. I did not question where Rand was especially after my early morning sing along. Cecile was in a sprint up to The Wall, examining everything and there was plenty of memorabilia to absorb. She asked if Raeford would answer some questions for her and I hit him with a stack of my own notes that I wanted him to look over as a second set of eyes from the band’s perspective.

  I was just walking about in the studio and I said, “Are you both okay for a bit, I want to just go outside and take a walk and get some air?” They told me to go ahead that they’d be fine.

  As I opened the outer door I sucked in the cool refreshing air and it filed my lungs and revitalized me. I walked over to Cecile’s car because I had left my voice recorder there and wanted to get some thoughts out. I sat in the car with the door partially open. I decided that I felt too weird being here without Rand and wanted to tell him that I was at least here as a courtesy. I pulled out my phone and sent him a message.

  Rand, I wanted to tell you I stopped here at the rehearsal studio, I ran into Raeford and he said it was okay. He is still here. He and Jillian got reacquainted last night, they are very striking together. Rand…can we talk sometime soon?

  There was too quick of a message received back from Rand.

  Madison, I have tried to talk to you. I’ve texted you about three times a day for these past months. I know that’s over one hundred messages.

  I was suddenly confused; I knew I never received any. I replied –

  I never received any of them.

  Rand sent me his reply –

  I never could press the Send button.

  I started to cry, my tears chilled against my cheeks as the air from beyond the open car came through to me. The car door opened wider and there he stood. It had been so long since I had seen him live and in person in front of me. It was almost like a mirage. I wiped my tears with my hand, looking in the other direction as he bent down into the door and took hold of my right hand. I rose up from the car seat and suddenly locked into an embrace with him. Rand pushed me to the side of the car and rested his hands above me, trapping me in his hold. He looked down at my tear filled eyes and began to kiss me slowly, first my forehead, then my bridge of my nose, I closed my eyes. I’d wished for this to happen for so long and I felt his tender lips sweetly kiss my eyelid. He then moved to my lips, possessing my mouth as he took over.

  He deeply kissed me, claiming my lips in every wet taste and lick. I had known I felt this passion for him for so long. Being away from his attention and kisses made me yearn for him and want him so much more. I didn’t want this to stop. I lifted my hands up under his jacket and under his shirt to feel his naked skin that warmed under my touch. I played with each of his nipples and licked his lips as he moaned from my playful touches. He dropped his arms and reached back behind me to lift me up; I pulled my arms out and clasped them behind his neck tightly. He carried me the long way across the landscaped, autumn colored lawn and up the steps and he set me down on the porch bench as he opened the front door. With the door open, he came over picked me up again and carried me into the house, he closed the door with his foot and up the steps we went. We went to the end of the long hall to his bedroom. It was opulent and beautiful with cathedral ceilings.

  I came to rest as he laid me on his king sized bed that had a beautiful atrium window view just behind. We hadn’t spoken a word. I sat up slightly only to have him remove my jacket one sleeve at a time and then tear off my scarf and sweater. With him next to me, I slid off his leather jacket and took his shirt up over his head. He tugged at my boots and tossed them someplace in the room. I laid back down into the softness of the comforter. He undid my belt and the zipper of my jeans. Pausing, he took my scarf and tied my hands gently together at my wrists and placed them up above my head. He removed his boots and started to kiss me just teasingly on the mouth and then continued downward. My chest heaved, straining toward his mouth; I lifted to meet each kiss. I wanted his mouth on every inch of my body.

  “Rand, I’ve missed you.” I lightly sounded in between my catching breaths.

  “You’re so beautiful, so beautiful. Madison, I need you.” There was desire in his voice. I knew I wanted him. Rand began to pull my jeans down my thighs. My lower body flushed in anticipation of his touch. He didn’t miss the opportunity to lightly lick my belly jewel. He smiled like he had claim on that part of me too. He spread his tall, spectacular body alongside of me. With my hands still tied together at my wrists, I brought them down toward the zipper of his jeans. With one quick move on my scarf, he untied it like pulling apart a ribbon from a gift. I opened the button and unzipped his pants. I could hear his breathing become more rapid.

  “Rand, I want to feel you so bad,” as I reached lower in to his jeans following the zipper down with my fingers. I felt him harden and noticed how aroused I had made him. Rand then moved up over top of me and said, “I want…” he paused, “we cannot do this now, we have company and the front door’s unlocked.”

  He was now positioned on all fou
rs over me his jeans undone, his naked chest and he was looking out from his bed through the large window to the sidewalk that wound from the studio to his door. Approaching the house was Raeford and perky petite Cecile. I rose up to take in their arrival. I laid back in the bed for a moment savoring being here with him like this and wanting him so, and then a doubt appeared in my thoughts of him just last night singing drunk with girls.

  I reached over and found his shirt and helped him back into it only I stopped to kiss his chest so deeply not wanting this moment to really end. He dressed me and fixed my hair tucking some behind my ears. We headed down the steps as the door opened. “Rand, this is Cecile my literary agent.” I made the introductions and it didn’t take long for Cecile to lock on to Rand’s blue eyes and sexy bed-tossed look and she was like a melted chocolate bar. Rand made her acquaintance and then he and Raeford headed to the bar for drinks. I looked at Cecile to see her still unable to move. I tugged at her arm and pulled her forward with me. We joined them for some drinks, only I opted for water since I was still playing catch up with my feeling a bit hung over and now majorly love starved.

  I apologized for putting Rand on the spot, but Cecile wanted to ask him a few questions. He smiled at me calmly in a way that made it obvious he expected me to make it up to him. Cecile asked him if he had any favorite towns to play in, or any favorite songs that they played. She asked him what his inspirations for songs were. During her brief Q & A session she complimented him on his talents and said she hoped to see them live in concert.

  “That can be arranged Cecile, Madison can get passes anytime,” he assured her.

  Then she put the question out there, “Rand, I know you love music, but do you have any other love interests?” Cecile dove in without hesitation.

  “Well actually I have one immediate love interest,” he hesitated and then focused on meeting my eyes, “and that would be that I would love to take Madison for the rest of the day to New Hope to enjoy her birthday that I missed.” With that, Raeford surely got the hint and he escorted Cecile with him to the front door. I walked with Cecile and told her we would catch up later. She looked back to Rand like a deer caught in headlights, just like most other women, she was completely awe struck.

  Rand and I left the house, although I wanted to run right up the steps taking two at a time and jump right into the center of his bed again. He took hold of my hand and said, “Madison, spend today with me.”

  I could not offer any refusal, and truthfully, I didn’t want to. There was something about the tone of his voice that directed me. It took me on a path closer to his heart. I finally saw his Hummer when we left the house; it was parked down past where Cecile was. I guess he had come up while we were in the barn earlier and I never looked around for vehicles after we first arrived. Rand held my hand and rubbed the pad of his thumb over my hand in tiny patterns. We traveled through the beautiful pallet of fall and were soon on River Road heading into downtown New Hope.

  This is a quaint town of many shops and eateries and just a great place to spend a day walking about and enjoying being outdoors before the colder weather. I enjoyed this afternoon so much strolling in and out of stores and being looked at and smiled to by strangers that passed us. He held me tightly with his arm around my waist while we were in the shops, sometimes letting his fingers drop into the back of my jeans, touching my naked lower back. Then he would again grasp my hand tightly before we left each storefront, like he was worried I would disappear. We passed a furniture shop that had antique pieces inside, so we ventured in and there was a lovely old roll top desk. It was so large with plenty of writing space on the top. I sat in the chair and almost immediately felt like this desk was made for me. I wondered about the history of it. I wanted to know who once used this desk. Rand had to pull me out of the seat or I would have remained there for a long time. I traced my hands over the wood surface and told him I loved this desk as we walked on to the next store.

  As we passed several shops, we came upon one that had artisan jewelry and we inside, only to see some of the finest handmade pieces. I was taken by a piece that caught my eye in the window. It was a crystal heart bracelet. The bracelet displayed a large sized heart dancing with sparkles in the afternoon sun. It was laid on a silver and leather cuff. I hadn’t even shown it to Rand or made an attempt to single it out, but as we entered the shop he asked the jeweler to bring it from the window to us.

  “Madison, I didn’t get you anything for your birthday, I want you to have this heart. It shines just like you,” he smiled as he spoke. I was thrilled. How did he know I looked at that piece? It was lovely. I also thought the cuff was similar to the one he wore to remember Ashley. I was touched. I reached up and pulled him in to give him a lingering kiss. I wanted to express my thanks but I knew words wouldn’t be enough. When we finally broke the kiss, the jeweler and his assistant laughed and said, “We do have custom engagement rings too.” Rand and I just laughed and I smiled happily as he secured my new bracelet on my wrist and he pulled my wrist closer to his lips and gave it gentle kiss.

  We had worked up an appetite as I had not eaten too much today and my stomach needed food. Rand and I stopped earlier while shopping and sampled an autumn beer selection at one of the local bars on the main road, but I was in need of real food. Rand offered up, “Do you want to eat here or we can go pick up some food and I can cook you a birthday dinner?” Without hesitation I pulled him in the direction of his vehicle, I knew he could cook and I wanted nothing more than just his attention and to be alone with him in anyway that I could.

  What a great cook he was, I was admiring him from across his kitchen island. He moved between the counter, stove, and the cutting board without hesitation. I watched every movement. I was even mesmerized by him chopping up the mushrooms. With his traveling with the band for the last month he had no food in the house, but we stopped at the market on the way back and he seemed to know exactly which isle had the ingredients to complete my birthday dinner. My only contribution to the dinner was to go to his bar and decide on a bottle of wine. That was a difficult selection process as he had many. I finally found one that was labeled CrossBarn, and I pulled that from the holder. Cross reminded me of his awesome chest tattoo and barn, his home. Being a writer I am always looking for hidden meaning in words and items.

  This line of thinking made me want to text Jillian. I wanted to thank her for the party last night and talk with her about what happened here with Rand and me today. I grabbed my phone as Rand was busying himself in the kitchen. I sent her a text;

  Hey girl, I wanted to thank you for the party last night, it was fun, I drank way too much. Also it was great seeing you with Raeford. I saw him today when I was at the rehearsal studio with Cecile. I was wondering why Rand never came last night, but I didn’t want to ask him, he and I spent the rest of today together, first with interrupted passion thanks to Cecile but, I will fill you in on the details later as I’m still at his house. We went to New Hope, walked around and had a great day. He bought me a beautiful heart cuff bracelet. I am having the best time with him.

  What hit me next was the aroma as Rand seared the scallops. I finished up my text to her –

  I have to go; Rand is making dinner and it smells way too good to stay out here in the den.

  Her reply came quickly and was brief –

  Enjoy the food and him. I am cheering for you both. I was so happy to see Raeford I wish he was staying here longer. But you go girl, I don’t want to keep you especially from him.

  The smell from the kitchen pulled me in, and I actually snuck a fork full of the wild mushroom risotto. I could not believe how pricey some little mushrooms can be. Once I tasted it though I realized they were worth the price.

  Our dinner was terrific. I couldn’t have been in a more content setting. Rand’s presence was awesome and I found myself captivated by even the mundane things he would do. I watched him use his fork, I watched him with every bite of his food. I could not stop watching this
man. For dessert he recreated the warm apple dessert we had once in Austin only he topped his off with extra whip cream and one lit candle. He brought this into the sunroom for us to devour, again without any forks. This time the Happy Birthday song was perfectly in tune. As I made a wish before I blew out the candle, I took his hand into mine and I closed my eyes. I knew exactly what I wanted to wish for. I wished that I could fill his heart as I knew he was doing a wonderful job of satisfying mine. As we hand fed one another he looked a bit sad.

  I asked, “Are you sad I’m another year older than you?”

  “Madison your age doesn’t matter to me, I’m just sad time is not in our favor. I have to get to the airport tonight. Raeford and I have to get back to California.”

  He took a huge swipe of the whip cream from the dessert and placed it right under my throat, at the top of my chest, “But I have right now and I am going to enjoy this.” He began to lick the cream off me as he laid me down on his sofa.

  Playfully we finished every last piece and then continued with our own type of sweetness as we snuggled there for the rest of the time we had. Our lips just could not stop reaching toward one another as we kissed, trailing kisses across one another’s neck. Neither of us let the passion reignite to the level it was earlier. I knew I wanted to be with him, but still had so many uncertainties of what he wanted with me in the long term, if there was any long term for us.

  Seeing the recent videos online of him while traveling, there were so many girls at his disposal. I knew that he was heading back to that lifestyle all too soon. For now though knowing he was leaving shortly I pressed my head up into the fold of his underarm and rested myself comfortably. He stroked my arm with long sweeps making me quiver for more, absently twisting my new cuff bracelet.