Tell Me Why
Tell Me Why
By Jason Wallace Poetry
******
Published by:
Tell Me Why
Copyright © 2014 by Jason Wallace Poetry
I tried to stop your leaving.
Tell me why.
So what if I kicked you out?
Tell me why.
I knew that you didn’t need me.
Tell me why.
The words wouldn’t come from my mouth.
Tell me why.
After all this time,
You’re always
On my mind.
Tell me why.
I don’t miss you anymore,
But I don’t miss you any less.
You know I’m no good at lying.
Tell me why.
I paint this pain
With my fingertips.
Tell me why.
I’m reaching out
For your sweetened lips.
Tell me why.
Maybe you are
The only one I will ever miss.
Tell me why.
You meant more to me
Than the ones before.
Tell me why.
You were no better than them,
But I loved you more.
Tell me why.
I die day by day.
Tell me why.
I don’t mind
That you’re now away.
Tell me why.
I almost want to love to hate
That you’ve been gone for forever,
And an eternity longer, I will have to wait.
Tell me why.
I had to end the fights
That we had so many lonely nights.
Tell me why.
I know it’s why I’ve been alone
And why the queen of my world
Has never reclaimed her throne.
Tell me why.
Though I understand,
I still need some words.
Tell me why.
It’s been so long that
It still hurts.
Tell me why.
If it makes no sense,
It still won’t matter,
And there’s been no one since
That morning when you slammed my door.
Tell me why.
I don’t know what I go on for.
I know why.
I almost hold out hope
That you might come back home,
Though home is no longer home…
And I’ve been a year on my own.
I don’t know why.
I loved you so much
That my heart would break
Every moment when I saw you take
Another piece of me away,
Knowing that I was your toy
When you’d come to play.
Tell me why.
Really, just tell me why.
You admitted, in the end
That you’d used me, had taken me for granted,
And could only pretend
That I was more than just a mat on the floor.
You walked in and walked on me.
Tell me why.
I still can’t see how I let that be
How you made it, how you lost all
That you felt before.
Tell me why
That was such fun
To chew up and spit out
The very one
That gave you his whole world,
That forgave the mistakes that
You swore you would
Never ever make again.
I was a fool, less than a friend.
Tell me why.
Tell me why, oh why, why you did that to me.
I don’t deny that I should’ve seen sooner
And forced you to flee, but
I couldn’t give up until you pushed
Me over the edge.
I grew too tired to evermore beg.
I hope you’re happy.
I really do.
After all of this, I’m always thinking of you.
Tell me why.
Please, tell me why.
You forgot about me so long ago.
Tell me why.
I wish that I could let myself let you go.
But I can’t.
Tell me why.
Tell me.
Tell me why.
Bonus Material
Somewhat My Heart
In the place of our love,
You filled in with hurt,
Colored unimaginable ,
Unfulfilled first,
And I wasn't enough,
And I knew that so much
I tried so hard to make it all work
But you went away worrying and wasted,
Wasting my time
With all those lies,
You always despised, delicate, forgetting the worth
Is it a shame
That the one not to blame
Is the one missing the one
That was there only in name
I made mistakes,
But everything I gave,
You would find some way to take
For granted and never grant me
Anything but nothingness,
An unpainted pain until the day that it came
That you left me so alone and so, you walked away
The door that slammed in my face
Left an imprint on all of me to date
And I just can't wait until it will wash away
And leave something sweet in place of the taste
Of bitterness of soul,
Of emptiness so whole,
Shattered but put back together by
The only semblance of simplicity,
Which is always my hate
Though I know I don't
Really feel that way
I never forgot you, and I would have caught you
If you would have let me know that you were falling...
Away
You moved on so easily
Like I was only a filler of time
But all that you would ever be to me
Was more than you minded, what I wanted,
Mine, all mine
And I can't rewind,
But I can't go forward
I don't want anyone...
Like I wanted you
I don't need a thing
That won't need me back
And maybe just lie
And tell me that I
Am everything and anything
When I am nothing and emptying
All of my heart... and falling apart,
And giving into misery, missing any bit of memory
Of something better than
Both of us divided, than all of us untied
Meant to be together, but that was just some lie
Twisted, unfailing, but really failing
Because we believed that we could somehow be
Unified, united, so very delighted... in a kind of wonderful
When it was denied
The only person that I've ever been
Has been a lingerer, a longer,
But never strong enough to begin
To let go of so much of you,
Knowing that my only
Happiness, too
Was wrapped up in wrong
And stolen by the words of a woman
So selfish, untrue,
Melodic, apathetic,
Angelic, and new,
Turned into torment, burned by the bliss,
Beleaguered by all of the bullshit I no longer miss
Bu
t I do sometimes still miss you
I do once in a while wish that I didn't lose
The unbridled, never requiting, uncaring one
Who gave me these scars
For some kind of fun
And then took her heart back
Like it was never for me,
A joke that she played because we couldn't be
The things that we stated,
You loved not, only hated
To try them with me
And now that you've been gone for so long,
I wish you well and hope that he
Can make you as happy
As I tried to bring
You up from your silent, unspoken, broken hole
I didn't have strength, and you would not go,
But for someone other than
This man that I am,
You'll give your all
I will leave it alone
I will probably keep missing you
Oddly, keep wishing you
Weren't the way I know that you are
Partly pathetic, and somewhat my heart
Let You In
I don't wanna be around
If you don't want me
I can't fight for this
If it's fake
I can't escape how I feel
Wanting to know
And hoping it's so....
Real
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
I've said so much
That now I want to take back
I promised I'd love you
But do I know how to act
Now that I thought
About how much doesn't add up
Can you be so honest with me
And give me truly my needs
Will I ever be enough
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
I fell so fast
That I didn't think
Wanting it to be right
But now not sure if it's really you
If it's honestly
Anything to keep
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
I know that right now
I can't help but hide
How I feel tonight
A total change from it all
Can't let you know
That I have my doubts
That it wasn't worth the fall
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
Please tell me the truth
Do I have you
Or is there someone else
Have you lied to me
And let me act so blind
And make a fool of myself
Can I take the pain
That you might put me through
What if it's a lie
And I've given into you
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
Sometimes, I know that I
Can't trust like you'd want
But if you saw my life
You'd understand
How messed up
Everything really is
And how I can't feel
That I've done the smart thing
But maybe still...?
Sometimes, I....
Can't let myself trust
No one's ever been true
So I know that I must
Believe in it all
Believing in you
Or nothing makes any sense
So can I let go
And let you in
If I let you go
Maybe that's ok
So should I let you in
Should I be afraid
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