The Colloquies of Edward Osborne, Citizen and Clothworker of London

  CHAPTER III

  _Ye Disposition & Economy of Master Hewet's House_

  My Master's House had six Stories, the lowest of which was sixty Feetabove the River. First came the Kitchen, which, being partly sunk in theArch, might, if not in a Bridge, have been counted parcel-underground.It had a Casement just over the Key-stone, and no thorough Draught; theLarder being a Lean-to or Afterthought, stuck outside like a Bird's Nestagainst the Wall. Level with the Strete lay the Shop, with a smallWare-room or Writing-closet adjoining; and, behind it, three Steps aboveit by Reason of the Kitchen beneath, the common Sitting-room,overlooking the River. A narrow, steep Stair led to the Floor above,which had Mistress _Fraunces's_ Sleeping-chamber, wherein lay Mistress_Anne_, over the Shop, and a Summer-parlour, which for that it had aBalcony over the River, commonly went by the Name of the Balcony Room.It was hung with blue Buckram; and, by Reason of its Pleasantness,Mistress _Fraunces_ made it her chief Sitting-room, while Mistress_Anne_ played with her Dolls. Also there was a Closet wherein lay _Tib_.Above this was a large Chamber that covered the whole Floor from Frontto Back, with a Window at either End; and, because of its projecting andoverlapping the Floor below, was sundry Feet the longer: this Room waswonderful pleasant, and commonly called the Green Lattice, orLattice-room, from having a large green Lattice that overlooked the_Thames_. In my Master's early married Days, which he was wont to sayhad been, like those of many a young Husband, his poorest and happiest,he had been glad to let off this Chamber to a Lodger.—His Father dying,and leaving him Money, he left the retail for wholesale Business, gaveup his Lodger, and used the best Chamber himself; but with Wealth came,as usual, a Counterpoise: his Wife died untimely in this same Chamber;whereon he conceived a Dislike of it; and Mistress _Fraunces_ thencoming to reside with him and occupying his old Quarters, he mounted upto the fourth Story, to a Room that o'erlooked the Strete. Above thiswas _Tomkins_' Attick, and, last of all, our Loft. The Wind whistledfearsomely up there, o' Nights, and made the Walls rock round us; notthat there was often any one wakeful enough to mind it.

  In the Green Lattice, though unoccupied, there stood a carven Oak Bed,with dark green Hangings, lined with yellow Fustian, and Linen a Miraclefor Whiteness, ready for any chance Guest. I thought, boy-like, as Iglanced in, passing up and down, 'twas fit for the Sleeping Beauty tolie in during her Trance of a hundred Years. There was a great Jar ofdead Rose-leaves, that smelt rarely; and I always had the Notion theyhad been gathered by Mistress _Anne's_ Mother. I wondered, with astrange yet pleasing Awe, whether her Ghost ever walked here, now thather little Girl passed Hours in the Room by herself, singing over herDolls; and thought it might perhaps steal softly in and keep about herwhen we little wisted.

  _Tib_, the Cook, made and kept but few Friends. She was turned of Forty,and had a notable scorched Face, that looked like a Kitchen Fire. Alsoshe was a Woman of much Thirst, both for Ale and News; and would havebeen counted a notable cleanly Woman, had she not been so dirty. ForExample, she would set the House afloat with Bucketfuls of cold Water,till only _Noah's_ Dove could have found Rest for the Sole of its Foot;and yet, the next Minute, would fling a Tub-full of Dish-water straightinto the River, on the Heads of any Passengers that might hap to beshooting the Arch. She got into Trouble, once or twice, for this.

  Now, when I fell into my daily Course, Part of my Time was spent underthe Eye of my Master, and within hearing of his pleasant Talk, Part inrunning about the Town, and Part with _Tomkins_; so that I was happyfrom Morning to Night. For, _Miles_ not being fond of waiting upon thepoor lame Journeyman, I made it a Labour of Love; and he, being atender-spirited Man, very sensitive to small Kindnesses, took hugely tome, as I shortly did to him. He had a busy Mind that was always at Work,and his Occupation leaving him much Leisure for Headwork, he was alwayschewing the Cud upon this or that Problem he had conned at odd Minutesout of his old Books, or brooding upon Mysteries that were harder tocrack, and less safe for an unlearned Man to meddle with. Also he had amechanical Turn, which he exercised at what he called his Play Hours,thereby only exchanging one hard Work for another; but he was so fond ofit that I was always glad to see his little File and Pincers in hisHand. Thus it came to pass, that he never cared to stir from his Attickinto the World beneath, (though I found, afterwards, he generallycontrived to creep out somewhere on Sundays when we were all in Church,)for, he said, Air he had plenty of, Exercise was a Misery to him, and asfor Company, had he not all he cared for, already? A few kind Words fromMaster _Hewet_, continual Chat with me, a bright Glimpse of Mistress_Anne_, and a Visit now and then from Mistress _Fraunces_, were all hehad and all he liked. For Mistress _Fraunces_ he had a wonderful Respectand even Admiration; commending her gentle Temper, womanly Carriage, andpleasant Voice; and bidding me note, (which I did on his naming,) thatshe had, for her Years, the finest Hand that a Woman was ever gracedwith. I said I wondered she had never married. He said, "Aye, indeed,what can the Men have been about?" with a little Smile that I did notfeel to be quite respectful; and I wondered that even the gentle_Tomkins_ must have his Fling at single Women.

  Mistress _Fraunces_ was used to accompany my Master to the Hall Dinners;indeed, being a Sister of the Company, she was liable to a Fine if shedid not, except by Reason of Illness. However, now and then, she stayedaway; and then, when my Master returned, she would ask him with greatInterest what had been served up; and, being a shrewd Marketer, wouldprice each Item as he went along: thus,—

  "Well, Brother, and what did you have to-day?"

  "Why," saith he, "there was a Porpoise, to begin with."

  "A Porpoise!" then cries she, "oh! what a nasty coarse Fish! They areseldom or never now seen at Table. Well, what else?"

  "Two Congers and two Turbot."

  "Ah! of course, Nobody would touch the Porpoise. Congers, the largest in_Wetfishmongersrow_, six Shillings each, this Morning. Turbots,three—eighteen. Well?"

  "Sirloin of Beef—Half a Veal—a standing Coney with a blue Ribbon roundhis Neck."

  "Hold, Brother, not so fast. Beef, we all know, is a Penny a Pound—wethank King _Harry_ for that. I saw Half a Veal to-day at Half-a-crown."

  "Two dozens Pigeons."

  "Two Shillings."

  "Some of your _French_ Kickshaws—'_Pettiz Birds rostez_.' ... And'_pain-puffe avec un cold bakemeat_.'"

  "We have that every Sabbath," quod she, dryly, "without its fine Name. Isuppose you had Sweets."

  "Oh, yes; _Leche Lombard_; Pears _en serop_; Fritters, Doucettes, and_une grande Custard_."

  "Come," saith she, "that was pretty well—enough, and no Profusion. Butthe Porpoise spoiled all. And they might have given you a Swan insteadof a Coney. But stay; had you no _Mortreuse_?"

  "No _Mortreuse_."

  "Out on it!" quod she, "then I would not have given a Fig for yourFeast. There's nothing you had, that we can't have at Home, saveMortreuse: I shall not rest till I know how to make it."

  At this Time, every one in their House seemed, according to theirseveral Dispositions, peaceful and happy; e'en _Tib_, after her Manner,whether eating a plentiful Meal, setting the House afloat, stretchingforth of the Kitchen Window in the full Tide of Gossip with the Maidnext Door, or hemming a Lockram Pinner. She and _Miles_ were Friendsto-day, Foes to-morrow. One Minute, she would be giving him aSop-in-the-pan; the next, basting him with the Ladle. One Day, becausehe had soiled her fresh-scoured Floor with his muddy Shoes, sheprotested he should clean it; they had a real, earnest Fight, which aMan should be above having with a Woman;—and he pulled out a Lock ofher red Hair, a small one,—which she snatched up from the Floor andpocketed, saying she would shew it to Mistress _Fraunces_. Howbeit, shedid not.

  I affected a quieter Companion in the Attick; and one not without hisTeaching, for he was letterish after his Fashion, and had been in_Paul's_ School. And, among his much used Books, there was _Lilly's_Grammar, and even _Prudentius_ and _Lactantius_; and another, in hisEyes worth all the Rest, calling it "real Literature," and the others"mere Blotterature," a J
oke of old Dean _Colet's_. This precious Volumelooked to me mighty dull, being full of algebraic Signs; but he earnedmany a Headache over it, and gave me a Headache too, sometimes, intrying to help him.

  Pleasant Hours those were! in that quiet Attick, with the _Thames_trembling in silver Light far below, while the Watermen clave it withtheir Oars to the mellow Song of "Heave ho, rumbelow!" and "Row theBoat, _Norman_!" The Blackbird sang as cheerily as if he were in thegreen Woods of _Kent_; and ever and anon the pretty Laugh of Mistress_Anne_ would be heard from the Green Lattice, or she would peep in andsay, "Have a Cake, _Edward_?" "Have a Cherry?" and leave her little Giftand run away.