Jennifer Crusie Bundle

  “Three of them before I was a sophomore,” Park said. “Didn’t it ever occur to you that maybe—”

  Melisande straightened suddenly and pointed one beautifully manicured claw at Park. “You are not marrying a cheap Italian tramp, and that’s final.”

  “Oh, no,” Gina moaned faintly.

  Park threw down his napkin and looked at his mother levelly. “I am marrying Gina. If you make me choose between you, I am choosing Gina. And if you ever say another insulting word to her, if you ever address her with anything but absolute respect, I’m never speaking to you again.”

  Melisande’s mouth dropped open.

  “I mean it,” Park said. “Don’t push me on this. I love her, and I’m marrying her, and that’s it.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Kent began. “You can’t—”

  “And that goes double for you,” Park said to him.

  Kent turned purple with indignation.

  “Good for you, kid,” Welch said. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

  “Then you’re no son of mine,” Kent said. “I disown you, you ungrateful whelp.” He turned his glare on Nick. “And you’re fired. In fact, you’re both fired.”

  “Oh, God,” Gina said.

  Then she put her head under the table and threw up.

  The rest of the table froze, and even Dennis suddenly seemed at a loss.

  “Uh, waiter?” Nick called. “It’s not a fork this time.”

  “Shut up,” Tess said, trying to peer under the table to see if Gina was all right.

  “Well, they were a hell of a lot faster when it was forks,” Nick said.

  “Gina? Honey?” Park had put his head under the table, too.

  Welch dipped his napkin in the glass and bent under the table to give it to Gina. “Don’t worry, kid,” they heard him say. “It’s that rich crap they serve here. Smartest thing you can do is get rid of it.”

  “My shoes,” Melisande said in shock. “They’re Manolo Blahnik, and she…she…”

  “I told you there’d be consequences,” Tess said.

  NICK HUSTLED the four of them out the door and into a taxi before any blood could be spilled.

  “I can’t believe it,” Gina said when Park had pulled her onto his lap to make room for Tess and Nick in the back of the cab. “I just can’t believe it. I barfed at The Levee on your mother’s shoes. Oh, God, I want to die.”

  Tess patted her hand, and Nick gave the cabby Park’s address.

  “I’ve ruined your life,” Gina said to Park as the cab pulled away. Her head dropped drunkenly on his shoulder. “I’ve ruined your life forever.”

  Park considered it. “How?”

  “I embarrassed you in that restaurant,” Gina moaned.

  “Actually right up until the time you returned your dinner, you were the quietest of all of us,” Nick said. “You’re probably the only one of us who wasn’t embarrassing.”

  “They’ll never let you in there again,” Gina sobbed.

  “At those prices, who cares?” Tess said.

  “And your parents will never speak to you again,” Gina wailed.

  “Get her the biggest diamond in Riverbend,” Tess told Park. “There’s no way you can repay her for that, but at least you can show your appreciation.”

  “It’s not funny,” Gina said. “It’s awful.”

  “It’s not that awful,” Park said. “They never liked me much, anyway. And let’s face it, I’m the only son they have. They’ll have to take me back. It’s not like they have a choice.”

  “They don’t deserve you,” Gina said.

  “Oh, I don’t know—” Park began.

  “No,” Tess said. “She’s right. They don’t. And I owe you an apology, too. I’m sorry I’ve been so nasty. Although you deserve some of it for two-timing Gina, you creep.”

  “He’s not a creep,” Gina said, leaning on him drunkenly. “He’s the most wonderful, thoughtful, darling, disinherited man on the planet, and I love him.” She looked up at him in the dim light of the cab. “And I threw up on his mother’s shoes,” she wailed. Her head dropped like a stone on his shoulder.

  “You know, she’s not a good drunk,” Nick said after some thought. Tess glared at him and he shrugged. “Just an observation.”

  “I think she’s perfect,” Park said. “I don’t deserve her.”

  “Oh, no, you do, you do.” Gina raised her head and stared into Park’s eyes. “But I don’t deserve you.”

  “I’m going to lose my Muscovy duck if this doesn’t lighten up pretty soon,” Tess said. “For heaven’s sake, Gina, all you did was blow dinner. It’s not like anybody died. Get over it.”

  Gina groaned and let her head plummet back onto Park’s shoulder.

  “Gina? Honey?” Park said, concerned, and Gina waved her hand, barely conscious as the cab slowed to a stop in front of Park’s apartment building. “We’re going to go now,” he said to Nick. “God, this was a terrible evening.”

  “I know,” Nick said in comfort. “But it’s over. And none of those disgusting people are talking to us anymore, so we’ll never have to do it again.”

  “Good point,” Park said. He got out of the cab and then helped Gina out. “You okay?” he asked her.

  “No,” Tess answered before Gina could. “I’m very confused.”

  “She’s my problem,” Nick said to Park. “Take yours upstairs and get some coffee into her.”

  “Let’s all have breakfast tomorrow before you go to work,” Tess said. “Pancakes. That would be nice. That might cheer me up. With pecans.”

  Gina moaned.

  “What work?” Nick said. “We just got fired.”

  “Right. I forgot. Sorry,” Tess said. “That was insensitive of me.”

  Park sighed. “Why not? Tomorrow at eight. Breakfast at the River Inn, and then we can go clear out our desks.”

  “You know,” Nick said to Park, “we’re not completely screwed here. We could go into partnership ourselves. Hell, we did all the work, anyway.”

  Park nodded. “I’ve thought of that before—”

  “The River Inn. Don’t you ever go anyplace that isn’t pretentious and overpriced?” Tess asked.

  “No,” Park said sadly. “I’m a product of my upbringing.”

  “Oh.” Tess winced. “Sorry. I’m being insensitive again. It’s because I’m drunk.”

  “That’s all right,” Park said. “I’m drunk, too, so it doesn’t hurt.” He bent to kiss Tess’s cheek, and Gina swayed dangerously against him as he moved. “Steady, love,” he said to Gina as he tightened his hold on her.

  “You’re a nice person, Park,” Tess said. “I forgive you the Tess Trueheart bit.”

  “Thank you,” Park said. “I forgive you the low-income-housing crack.”

  “I liked you both better when you were fighting,” Nick said. “This is kind of sickening, and I was nauseated to begin with.”

  When the cab was moving again, Tess put her head on Nick’s shoulder. “You know, now that you’re out of work, I should start looking for another place. You can’t afford to keep me any longer, and I’m not going to be working at Decker, that’s for damn sure.”

  “Okay,” Nick said. “Let’s get married while you’re looking.”

  Tess lifted her head from his shoulder. “Marriage? I can’t. I love you, but I just can’t.”

  “Why not? If this is guilt over sabotaging my career, lose it. The more I think about it, the more I think I had a career that needed to be sabotaged. The thought of not working for Kent Patterson anymore is strangely cheering.”

  “That’s not it,” she said. “It’s selfish. If I marry you, I end up living in the Crystal Palace and wearing somebody else’s clothes.” She shook her head. “It’s nothing personal. I love you. I tried to sacrifice for your career. I just can’t stand your life.”

  “I know,” Nick said. “You keep telling me. I can adapt. You can keep your clothes. We can paint the house red. Whatever it takes to g
et you.”

  “You don’t have to adapt. I’m just afraid to get married. You can still have me.” Tess let her head roll back against the seat. “In fact, you’ve got me.”

  “No,” Nick said. “I want commitment.”

  “You’re drunk. You don’t want commitment. You’re a guy. Get a grip.”

  The cab pulled up in front of Nick’s house, and he leaned forward to pay the cabbie before he opened the door and got out. He took Tess’s hand to help her out and then he walked her to the door, his arm tight around her shoulders. “We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

  “I didn’t do so good, did I?” Tess said, while he unlocked the front door. “Welch is still going to publish that damn book. And you don’t have a job. And neither do I, since Welch is going to sink me with Decker.” Then she brightened. “But on the other hand, I still have my jacket.”

  “In the morning,” Nick repeated, and gave her a gentle shove into the house before following her in.

  THE RIVER INN was brimming with hearty, smiling people when the waiter showed Nick to a table the next morning. Nick peered blearily over the top of his dark glasses, winced, and put his glasses back on.

  “Coffee,” he said to the waiter. “Very, very black.”

  “Very good, sir,” the waiter said.

  “Hurry,” Nick said, and concentrated on keeping his head from exploding while he waited for caffeine and relief.

  Park and Gina took chairs across from him just as the waiter delivered his cup.

  “Why the dark glasses?” Park asked.

  “Because I have the hangover from hell, and the sunlight makes my brain shudder.” Nick picked up his coffee and sipped it carefully.

  “Where’s Tess?” Gina whipped her head around like a hyperactive bird, bright and tensely eager to enjoy the morning. Too bright and eager. Her smile looked like it was strung from her ears.

  “Why aren’t you in excruciating head-banging pain?” Nick snarled at her.

  “Because she threw up again when we got home,” Park said. “I think she lost everything she’d eaten for the past month. Definitely got rid of the alcohol. Nothing left inside to make her sick. Smart woman. So what about breakfast?”

  “Do you mind?” Nick scowled at him. “What did you do—throw up with her?”

  “Me? Oh, I never have hangovers.” Park picked up the menu. “Crepes. How does cherry sauce sound, Gina?”

  “Wait a minute.” Nick put up his hand. “I’m the healthy one around here. I don’t drink, smoke, stay up late or run around with strange women. So why are you fine and I’m hung over?”

  “Lack of practice,” Park said. “You can’t just jump into debauchery one night and expect to get the hang of it by morning. It takes years. And anyway, Tess is strange.”

  “She is not,” Gina said from the depths of the menu.

  “Strange in a nice way,” Park amended. “But you’ve got to admit she’s different.”

  “That’s true,” Gina said. She peered cautiously at Park over the edge of the menu. “How about if I get waffles with blueberry sauce? Then maybe you can have some of mine and I’ll take some of your crepes?”

  “Great,” Park said, and Gina put down the menu and smiled at him shyly.

  Nick groaned. “It’s too early in the morning for young love. Knock it off.”

  “Hey, we’ve been putting up with you and Tess for weeks,” Park said. “By the way, where is Tess?”

  “Next door at the newsstand, arguing with the clerk.” Nick lifted his glasses and tried to find her through the sunlight that screamed through the restaurant. “I don’t know what she’s doing. I left her because I needed coffee.”

  “About this new partnership idea—” Park began and then stopped when Tess dropped into the chair beside Nick.

  “Mission accomplished,” Tess said. “So how are you all this morning? Still engaged?”

  Gina stiffened and looked at her with venom iced with despair.

  “Of course we’re still engaged,” Park said.

  Gina’s mouth fell open and she turned to face him. “You mean it?”

  He looked at her in surprise. “Of course I mean it. Why would I change my mind?”

  Gina blinked and swallowed. “Well, you were drunk when you asked me. And then I threw up in the most expensive restaurant in town in front of your parents and half of Riverbend society. And—”

  “I’m sober now,” Park said. “Will you marry me?”

  “Yes,” Gina said faintly.

  “Good,” Park said. “Let’s order breakfast.”

  Gina put her hand on his arm. “Don’t you care that you’ll never be able to go back to The Levee again?”

  Park patted her hand. “Gina, The Levee needs us more than we need them. We can go back anytime.”

  “Us?” Gina said.

  “Us,” Park said. “Are you going to make me propose again?”

  “Probably,” Gina said. “I’m having a hard time getting this.” She gazed up at him in watery disbelief, and then she began to smile through her tears. “Maybe last night wasn’t the worst night of my life.”

  “Well, personally I enjoyed the evening tremendously,” Tess said. “Which is why I just sent a thank-you gift to the Pattersons.”

  Nick looked at her suspiciously over his sunglasses. “What did you do?”

  “I sent them a nice gift subscription,” Tess said. “Delivered straight to their door every week.” She smiled. “For the next five years.”

  “A subscription to what?” Nick asked, fairly sure he didn’t want to know.

  “The National Enquirer,” Tess said.

  “Oh, no,” Nick said.

  “I thought about the Sun,” Tess went on, “because it had a lovely cover story about an alien having Elvis’s baby in a Stop-and-Go in Minnesota, but I decided that Melisande would rather know that the story about Roseanne Arnold having her thighs sucked is simply a vicious rumor. However, it is true that Liz—”

  “You sent my mother a five-year subscription to the National Enquirer?” Park said.

  “Well, Park, I had to,” Tess said. “Any fool knows Elvis was never in Minnesota. And I wanted your mother to have the best.”

  “Let me buy you breakfast,” Park said. “Did you say it’s delivered to the door?”

  “Every week,” Tess said. “And you know, I doubt she’ll be able to get it canceled. I understand it’s extremely difficult to duck the National Enquirer.”

  “Let me buy you lunch, too.”

  “MR. PATTERSON asked me to be his secretary,” Christine said to Nick when the four of them arrived at the office. “Did you get fired?”

  “Did it ever occur to you I might have quit?” Nick asked, exasperated.

  “No,” Christine said.

  Nick gave up. “Yes, I got fired.”

  “But it was my fault,” Tess said.

  “So where are we working now?” Christine said to Nick.

  Nick blinked. “You’re coming with me?”

  “It took me a long time to break you in,” Christine said. “Also, Mr. Patterson is incompetent.” She stared at Park. “Nothing personal.”

  “It’s all right,” Park said. “I know he’s incompetent. He fired me, too.”

  Christine remained undisturbed by the news.

  “Look, maybe if I talked to him—” Tess began, and both Park and Nick said, “No.”

  At that moment Kent came out of his office, followed by Welch.

  “We’re just leaving,” Nick said to Kent. “We’ll be out as soon as we’ve—”

  “Now, let’s not be hasty,” Kent said.

  “Hasty?” Tess said, outraged, but Nick clamped a hand over her mouth before she could go on.

  “Good thinking,” Welch said to Nick. “This is why I want you for my lawyer. You scope out the situation and move on it.” He turned back to Kent. “I mean it. The only way your firm is handling this book is if Jamieson and your son are in charge. I don’t want you any
where near my account. Got that?”

  “Hello?” Nick exchanged a look with Park. Then he smiled genially at Welch. “Well, that would be just fine with me, sir, but we’ve been fired. Sorry.”

  “Wait a minute—” Kent began.

  Welch grinned at Nick. “Thinking of setting up your own practice?”

  “Absolutely,” Nick said, and Park nodded.

  “Now there’s no need for that,” Kent said. “I may have let the wine do the talking last night, but I’m a big enough man to realize the error of my ways. You’re not fired.” He glanced at his son. “Either one of you.”

  “I’m marrying Gina,” Park said. “Get used to it or fire me again.”

  Kent smiled antiseptically at Gina. “Welcome to the family, my dear,” he said with absolutely no enthusiasm.

  “Thank you,” Gina said, and took Park’s hand.

  “Well, it’s a start,” Park said to his father. “Work on your warmth.”

  “And now Nicholas,” Kent said, turning to Nick and Nick said, “No.”

  “No?” Tess said, but for once Kent was ahead of her.

  “What do you want?” he said grimly.

  “Partner,” Nick said. “I deserve it. Give it to me.”

  “It’s a family firm, son…” Kent said.

  “Then adopt me,” Nick said. “Because I’m walking without it.”

  “And I’ll be with him,” Park said. “God knows, I’d never make it without him, anyway.”

  Welch looked at Tess. “You enjoying this?”

  Tess shrugged. “Moderately. I’m still not happy about that damn book.”

  “It’s a good book,” Welch said.

  “It’s a dishonest book,” Tess said.

  “Young lady, that’s no way to talk to your elders,” Kent said.

  “That’s no way to talk to my wife,” Nick said at the same time Welch said, “Shut up, Patterson.”

  Kent glared at Tess but tried to soften the loathing in his voice. “If you’re going to marry a member of this firm, my dear, you’re going to have to do some growing up.”

  “No, she doesn’t,” Nick said. “She stays the way she is. And technically she’s not marrying a member of this firm. She’s marrying me, and I’m still fired.”