The Hawk: Part Nine

  On Wednesday morning, Renee woke to Ann again asleep in the middle of the bed. Then Renee recalled how just hours ago, Ann had stood next to Renee, calling for her mama. While half conscious, Renee had lifted Ann onto the mattress, then quickly fallen back to sleep. Maybe Ann’s presence had stirred Renee from a bad dream, plenty of reasons for fretful rest, she mused, staring at Ann and Sam, both still with eyes closed. Renee blinked away tears, then rose from bed, careful not to disturb them as she grabbed her robe, then put on her slippers. That morning she wouldn’t rejoin them. Her rosary waited on the coffee table where she had left it last night. Ritchie was still among them, no one had called to tell Renee otherwise, and her prayers were necessary to keep him alive.

  After using the bathroom, Renee headed to the living room, finding her rosary lying next to Sam’s. They had sat out here until late, offering their supplications not only for Renee’s brother, but Brenda, the couple’s children, the rest of the Nolan clan, and for the Snyders. Renee had spoken to Lynne yesterday afternoon, hearing how fragile Lynne sounded. Yet other than prayer, there was little Renee could do, not that Lynne had sought more than Renee’s appeals on Eric’s behalf. Lynne knew what Renee’s priorities were and as Renee collected her beads from the table, she immediately laid those concerns at Jesus’ feet. Grasping the beads, she ran her fingers over them, mentally preparing herself for whatever the day brought. She hoped it was closure for Lynne in the guise of Eric’s return. And as for the Nolan family…. Renee inhaled deeply, uncertain what would be best for Brenda, Marie, Gene, and the rest. Ritchie had serious internal organ damage, as well as a badly broken left leg and hip. Several broken ribs would take ages to heal, if Ritchie managed to pull through. Renee’s nursing instincts told her that this patient might be better off dead, but that information was tainted by her knowledge of his drinking. What Renee had often feared had come true, but thankfully no one else had been harmed in the crash.

  Renee tried to pray, but couldn’t concentrate; Brenda had seemed disconsolate yesterday when Renee saw her in the hospital. Only Renee and Sam realized it was the same one that Frannie had been in over a year ago, although Renee was sure Lynne had considered that when she and Laurie had stopped there right after Renee left. Renee had been touched by Lynne’s thoughtfulness, for her father had mentioned it to her when she returned to see her brother. Ritchie had looked so helpless, a tube taped to his mouth, for he couldn’t yet breathe on his own. Renee had held his hand, offering gentle squeezes, wondering if he was aware of any of them. Brenda had sat on Ritchie’s other side, which had surprised Renee for how strongly Brenda had spoken about the impending divorce just days ago. But in that room, Brenda looked as if an alternate reality beckoned. If Ritchie survived, did Brenda think he’d stop drinking? He would leave the hospital sober, but Renee didn’t expect that would last longer than it took him to realize a long rehabilitation loomed. Renee wanted to be optimistic, but her knowledge highlighted the stumbling blocks in Ritchie’s way.

  Yet, why had this occurred? She gazed at beads she’d had for years, a gift from Sam when he came home from his own stint in rehab. Renee had always assumed Ted had chosen this rosary on his brother’s behalf, for Sam had been in the hospital all that time. The beads were periwinkle blue; sometimes Sam said they matched her eyes. She smiled, then wondered if that was sacrilegious. Then she closed her eyes, thinking of how great was her parents’ sorrow, as though they had allowed this accident to happen.

  Marie had gripped her beads all morning, then again that afternoon when Renee returned. Sam had accompanied Renee, but they had left the children with Frannie. Paul and Ann didn’t know about the accident; yesterday morning they had been told that Renee was visiting her parents, and in the afternoon Sam had simply said they had errands to run for Thanksgiving. Neither child had complained, for they were happy at the Canfields, and the Aherns hadn’t been gone long, plenty of others wanting to support Marie and Gene, Brenda and the kids. When Renee and Sam arrived to collect their children, Frannie had hugged Renee tightly, then grasped Renee’s hands not merely like a sister-in-law or a woman who had spent time in that same hospital a year ago. Frannie regarded Renee as another mother who might pray with a heart similar to that of Mary.

  Tracing her beads, Renee wondered how Mary felt throughout her life with the subtle awareness that her only son was…. Early on she had been told Jesus would be the most high Son of God. But even though Mary was without sin herself, she was also that man’s mother, loving him with her beautiful, willing heart, then watching him die so painfully. Tears fell from Renee’s eyes onto her beads as she considered her own mother and Frannie. Then Renee gazed toward where her husband and children still slept. This newfound vulnerability was another facet of parenthood; had Lynne ever felt it, Renee wondered. Of course Lynne knew it as a wife regarding Eric, but Jane’s life had never been threatened. Renee went to her knees and the first supplications she made were for herself and her best friend, that while their husbands had been in perilous circumstances, may their children be spared such harm. And for them to accept God’s will no matter what it might be.

  Renee spent much of that morning at her brother’s side or comforting those in the waiting areas. She also pondered how to tell Paul and Ann what had happened; Sam had taken Paul to school, then planned to do the last-minute grocery shopping with Ann in tow. When Renee returned for lunch, she and Sam would share this situation with their children. Not that either child knew Ritchie very well; they had only met him once. But if he pulled through, Renee would spend some of her time assisting in his recovery. She didn’t want her children to revisit what was still fresh in their minds, but with the Canfield kids already aware, there was no way to shield Ann and Paul from this truth.

  Maybe they would take it as well as they had the station wagon, or Paul would again quickly forget the significance. If the children were older, they might understand the reason their uncle had crashed his car. Renee wasn’t going to explain Ritchie’s drinking problem, perhaps the basic truth would be best; he had gotten into an accident, was under doctor’s care. Renee would exclude the what if’s until absolutely necessary.

  Driving home, she wasn’t sure if she would go back later that day. Sam would probably appreciate a break, even if it was just to double-check their kitchen cupboards. When Renee arrived, Lynne’s car was parked in front of the house, making Renee smile, then wince. She would be glad for the company, but most likely Eric was still away. Renee parked in the driveway, and as she approached the house, she saw Paul peeking through the curtains, a smile on his face.

  He opened the door for her, was wiggling with excitement. “Uncle Laurie’s here,” he said. “Aunt Lynne and Jane too. Can they stay for dinner?”

  Renee hugged her son, then kissed the top of his head. “They’re coming for dinner tomorrow.” She glanced at where Lynne sat on the sofa, Laurie beside her. Ann and Jane played with dolls on the floor, then Sam stepped into the room. He looked tired, but his smile lifted Renee’s heart.

  “Hello,” he said, stepping her way. He picked up Paul, then put his other arm around Renee. Usually Sam wasn’t that demonstrative, but Renee coveted the affection. “Lunch’s about ready,” Sam added. “You hungry?”

  Renee nodded, then looked at Paul. “What’d Daddy fix?” she asked him.

  “Um, sandwiches?” He gazed at Sam, then shrugged. “I dunno, but I’m hungry too.”

  Renee glanced at Lynne, who blew her a kiss. Then Laurie did the same, making Renee giggle. “Seems you’re having a party. Good thing I’m here.”

  “Yeah, good thing. Mama, where were you? Daddy and Ann walked to school all by themselves.”

  Paul sounded worried and Renee stroked his cheek. “I’ll tell you after lunch. Let’s eat, I’m starving.”

  Paul laughed, then wriggled to be set down. Sam did so, then embraced Renee, whispering in her ear, “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” As they parted, Renee blinked away tears. Sam headed t
o the kitchen while Renee walked toward the sofa. Laurie went to his feet, giving her a hug. Then he helped Lynne to stand.

  Laurie and Renee traded places, and the women simply held each other’s hands. Lynne was too large for Renee to embrace properly, and if they had, Renee might truly fall apart. Lynne’s eyes were red, also haunted. Renee’s brother might be injured, but at least she knew where he was. “How’re you feeling?” Renee asked, her voice no more than a squeak.

  Lynne tried to smile, but she ended up shaking her head. “How’re you?” she asked.

  “Okay.” Renee gazed at where all three kids now played together, Laurie squatting beside Paul, blocks in their hands. “It’s good to see you.”

  “I needed to get out so Laurie called Sam and….” Lynne placed Renee’s hands on the baby. “Starting to feel a little stir crazy, I’ll tell you.”

  “I bet. A few others are feeling like that too.” Renee thought of how shaky Tommy had been yesterday, not to mention some of Brenda’s relatives, women as well as men, looking in need of a drink. “Let’s eat, we’ll feel better after that.”

  Lynne nodded, then looked at the children. “Do you want us to go afterwards?”

  Renee also gazed in that direction. Then she met Lynne’s eyes. “Actually, do you mind staying? It might be easier with you here.”

  Lynne wore a small smile. “Of course.”

  “Good. Oh, but if you wanna go home, I mean….” Renee sighed, not wishing to keep Lynne away from her house.

  “If he comes home and I’m not there, he’ll manage. Maybe that sounds a little selfish of me, but it’s not cold out and we left the sunroom doors unlocked. He can make his way inside and fall asleep on the floor if he likes. Right now I need to be around people.”

  As the baby rolled under Renee’s touch, both women nodded. “Well I need to be around you. And you too,” Renee said, gently patting Lynne’s belly. “Let’s go see what culinary feats await us.”

  “I brought a pie,” Lynne said.

  Renee stared at her friend. “What about for tomorrow?”

  “I’ll make more this afternoon, or tomorrow morning. But I woke up feeling so, well, you know.” Lynne sighed, then glanced at her daughter. “I felt like I did when Eric was back, but wouldn’t see me. Oh, I was so cross with him,” she chuckled. “Then I baked and he got better. Maybe that’s all I need to do.”

  “Maybe.” Renee quickly offered a prayer on Eric and Lynne’s behalf. “Well, if there’s pie, I wonder if there’s something to go with it.”

  “I think there is,” Laurie said, then he laughed, getting off the floor. “C’mon kids, let’s wash up.”

  Paul and Ann were on their feet, running toward the bathroom. Jane was right behind them as Renee and Lynne headed into the kitchen.

  After lunch and dessert were eaten, Sam ushered everyone into the living room. He broke the news gently, but Paul started to cry while Ann trembled in Renee’s grasp. Jane began to whimper due to the bleak mood, but Laurie noted that Uncle Ritchie was in a very good hospital; Laurie had been there and had talked with their Grandpa Nolan. And that while there wasn’t much they could do but wait, they could pray, and know that their prayers were being heard.

  Paul stared at Laurie. “Are you sure about that?”

  “You bet. God hears all our prayers.”

  The little boy went from his father’s grasp toward where Laurie sat in a corner chair. “Are you Catholic?” Paul asked Laurie.

  Laurie smiled, shaking his head. “No, but I talk to God pretty often and since your uncle’s accident, I’ve been talking to him every day. Actually, since I heard about you and Ann.” Laurie placed his hand along the top of Paul’s head. “When Lynne told me you were coming to live with Sam and Renee, I prayed for you, because I know it’s been a hard few months. I asked God to take care of you, just like I’m asking him to take care of Uncle Ritchie and his family. And while I don’t know what’s gonna happen, here we are all together, and tomorrow’s Thanksgiving, and we’ll be together then too. Your daddy is the best chef I know, and believe me, in New York there’s a lot of good ones.” Laurie chuckled. “I can’t wait to taste your dad’s Thanksgiving turkey.”

  Paul smiled, then looked back at Sam. “Are we still having Thanksgiving dinner?”

  “Of course,” Sam said.

  “And are Johnny and Brad still coming over?” Paul asked.

  “Yup,” Sam said. “And Aunt Vivian too.”

  Paul nodded slowly. Then he gazed at Renee. “What if Uncle Ritchie dies tomorrow?”

  Renee sighed softly. “If he does, we’ll be with those we love most. I’ll go to the hospital to say goodbye to him. But I won’t be gone long.”

  “Can I go with you?” Paul asked.

  Renee glanced at Sam, whose eyes were wide in his face. Then she gazed at Laurie, who offered a gentle nod. Renee stood, then walked to where Paul remained near an uncle he knew well. She knelt in front of her son, wiping away his few tears. “Yes Paul, you can say goodbye to Uncle Ritchie.”

  As Renee spoke, Lynne quietly gasped, but Renee didn’t take her eyes from the child who nodded vigorously. Maybe this would be the closure Paul needed, if indeed Ritchie didn’t make it. Renee felt a wound was healing as she embraced her son, who gripped her tightly. Laurie joined their hug, then Ann ran toward them, adding her frame. As Jane and Sam became a part of the scrum, Renee could hear Lynne’s soft cries. Renee would comfort that woman in due time. For now she consoled a little boy being further knit into this clan.

  Chapter 165