Hate to Love You

into two French braids. She was tugging on one, her head tilted to the side as she continued to assess me.

She pointed. “You spilled.”

I saw some napkins in her hand and grabbed them, using them to dab at myself. “No, shit, Sherlock.”

She only laughed. “What are you doing over here? You look like a creeping psycho.”

I almost smiled. “That’s the point. I want people to feel weird and look away.”

“You’re the only person I have ever met who wants to look like a creeping psycho.” Her hand dropped from her braid to her hip. She glanced around. “For real, what are you doing here?” Her eyes landed on the men’s restroom. The women’s was on the other side of the concession stands. “Ah. Let me guess. You’re waiting for . . .” She raked me over again, chewing the inside of her lip. “No. You’re not the type to wait for some secret hot boy. You’re waiting for your brother, right?”

“Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner, Vanna.”

“Ha!” But she was laughing until the color faded from her face, along with her smile. “Wait. Your brother knows about me, doesn’t he?”

I nodded, saying softly, “He’s the one who called me about it.” I tossed the last of the soda and juggled what was left of the popcorn to the side. I touched her arm, but when she jerked, I withdrew. “Sorry. I didn’t think.”

“No.” Her smile was shaky. “It’s fine. I—”

She cut off as Gage suddenly showed up. He rounded the post, an irritated scowl on his face. “Where’s the pop—” He saw Casey, and the words stopped. “Oh.” A transformation came over him. Annoyed Gage disappeared and instead soft Gage—the one who would blow on my cuts so the antibacterial ointment wouldn’t sting so badly—showed up. Technically, my injuries weren’t ever his fault, but it hadn’t mattered. My big brother took care of me. That was the guy standing in front of us. He ran a hand through his hair, saying to Casey, “I didn’t see you there.” He glanced to me, an unspoken question of what he should do.

Casey stuck her hand out, a determined look on her face.

“It’s nice to meet you, in an official capacity.” Her eyes flicked to me and back. “I had no clue Kennedy had a brother, or that you were her brother.”

“Yeah.” He put his hand in hers, treating it as if it were made of glass. “That’s my sister, proud to be related to me.”

I shot him a look.

He ignored me.

Her mouth firmed, and she pumped his hand in one forceful motion. “It feels wrong. We’ve partied together, and I didn’t know the real you.” She was forcing a cheerful tone in her voice.

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat.

Gage may have sounded uncomfortable, but he wasn’t. His eyes had softened, a tenderness leaked from his voice, and if he could’ve floated forward on a magic carpet and taken her in his arms, he’d already be singing “A Whole New World.”

Casey tucked some invisible strands of her hair behind her ear. They weren’t loose. Her two braids were tight, but she was still making sure they were nice and secure. Her cheeks were blossoming with a nice, soft shade of pink, and I was about to vomit.

It was love behind the football post, not love at first sight.

“You two are obviously interested in each other.”

Gage shot me a look, hissing, “Kenz!”

Casey laughed, glancing to the ground for a second. “It’s fine.” Another impish smile tugged at her lips. “I mean, you know. Obviously. Duh. That’s why I’m even talking to Kennedy.”

“Thanks.”

She touched my hand, as if to say she was sorry, but her eyes were all for Gage. I was clueing back to the realization that this was how most girls looked at my brother.

Gage was puffing his chest out, as if he were a goddamn knight in shining armor.

I lifted the half-empty popcorn container. “Whoa. Look at that.” My acting skills sucked, but I was committed. “I have no clue how that happened. I’ll be going to refill this. And, um—”

“Okay. Yeah.” Gage touched my arm and nudged me out of the way. He stepped closer to Casey, and they were gone after that.

I could’ve done jumping jacks naked and gotten arrested, and I didn’t think they’d notice.

I went back to the concession stands, but I asked a guy if he wanted the rest of my popcorn. His eyes lit up, and it was another rendition of love at first sight, with him and the popcorn. “Hell yes.” He grabbed it before I could change my mind, and I only bought a new soda.

I was returning with it, but there was no sign of Gage or Casey. I spotted them sitting in a corner on our team’s section. Kristina, Sarah, and Laura were on the row in front of them.

I’d been rejected.

By my own brother.

“Loser.”

Wha—

No way.

I rounded, my neck stiff as Becs and Aby approached. They were dressed similar to Casey, in full Dulane University gear. The only differences were that instead of sweatshirts, they were wearing tight, long-sleeved shirts, their hair was up in high ponytails instead of braids, and they both had lots of glitter on their faces.

I asked, “Did you actually just call me that?”

They stopped and shared a confused look. “What?” Becs asked. “Shay told us to greet you like that. We thought it was an inside joke.”

“Shay did?”

She nodded.

Aby, too.

Becs frowned. “It wasn’t this whole thing where we were supposed to call you that, and you’d know immediately it was from Shay, then dissolve in laughter? It wasn’t that sort of thing?”

“No.” But goddamn. It was a good prank. “What do you want?”

Becs barked out, “You’ve grown some more teeth since the abortion discussion.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I had teeth then, too.” I pointed to my mouth, baring them. “See. Razor sharp. Took a bite out of both of you, if I remember correctly.”

Becs said, “Uh. No.”

“Well.” Aby lifted her hand before letting it drop just as quick. “Kinda. Yeah.”

“Whatever.” Becs rolled her eyes. “You weren’t in class on Friday. Shay said he’d tell you, but since you’re here and I’m sure Shay had more important things to deal with, I thought I’d mention it.”

“What?”

“We got assigned our presentation on Friday. We have to do a whole paper and present it later, but I saw Linde last night, and he mentioned maybe starting the research tomorrow.”

“What’s our topic?”

“Social media and how it has affected politics.”

“Oh.” I was surprised. “That actually sounds fun.”

She gave me the once-over. “Yeah. Fun. Sure.”

“We’re starting tomorrow?”

She nodded. “The guys said they have your contact info, but yeah. We’ll meet in the library sometime in the afternoon or evening. I have a ton of other homework to do, too.”

“Okay.” My Sunday was now planned. Sunday Funday.

Someone called out the name Becca, and she waved at them. She said to me, pointing over her shoulder, “My friends are calling. See you tomorrow.”

Aby waved, and I was left with another discovery.

I half-whispered to myself, “Her name isn’t actually Becs?” That made a whole lot more sense.

I started for the opposing team’s section, but realized I wasn’t sitting with Gage anymore. I could sit on my own team’s side, and with that, I rotated swiftly, but stopped again.

Wait.

I came because of Gage.

I didn’t have to watch at all, but halftime ended, and the teams returned from their locker rooms. They ran past me, and I saw Shay in the middle of the pack. His head was bent forward, listening to one of the coaches who was running beside him.

I was conflicted.

I might hate his personality, but I couldn’t deny how good he looked in his football uniform. The shoulder pads. The tight white pants that ended on his calves. And how dark and sweaty his hair was. It stuck up in all the right spots. The black spots under his eyes were smudged, but in a hot way, and I faltered.

Then Linde jogged past, and seeing me, he flashed a blinding smile. “You better be cheering me on, Kennedy Clarke. You hear me? I want to hear you yelling.”

Everyone started to clap as they ran past, and feeling myself smiling, I shifted the soda to the side. I began to clap, and by the time the last of the team was on the field, I was hollering and hooting with the best of them.

I stayed, but only for Linde.

And maybe Shay’s backside.





We won seventeen to ten.

The opposing team got a field goal in, hence the last three points, and when that happened, our side acted as if we’d been punched in the balls. Even the girls winced. Sure, the other team’s offense was finally picking up, getting some drive into their runs, but it was the end of the game. The clock ran out, and it didn’t matter. A cheer went up after that, and a bunch of guys sitting near me proclaimed “GOTTA GET DRUNK NOW!” That warranted its own set of cheers.

I was walking down the path toward the parking lot. A lot of others, like parents and little children, were heading out at the same time. Some other students, the quieter, more reserved and sane ones, were in my mix as well. I spotted Kristina lingering on the edge of Casey, Laura, Sarah, and now my brother’s group. They formed a circle, and some of the other guys were joining them. There was a whole ton of students staying back, no doubt making plans for the after-game drinking. That was what Gage usually did. Aby and Becs (now Becca) were standing with their own clique, too, and some guys.

“Clarke.” A sweaty and heavy arm came down around my shoulders.

I tensed, but it was Linde. “Congrats on the big win.” I punched his shoulder in a manly and macho way.

He laughed, and his arm fell back to his side. I looked around. We were getting a few looks, but it was Linde. I was okay being known as his friend. I asked, “We’re doing the library tomorrow?”

“That’s what I was going to tell you. Shay was supposed to mention it, but he said he forgot.” He continued walking beside me, his helmet swinging by his side. “I had another favor to ask of you.”

“Sure. What is it?”

“Shay said you might know the girl who was raped.” He glanced over his shoulder, back to the football field.

I hadn’t been thinking about it, but it hit me then. “That guy’s a football player.” Casey was here and talking with my brother and looking as normal as ever. Well, not really. She was wearing a baggy sweatshirt. That wasn’t normal Casey wardrobe. A tight tank top was, but everything else was normal for her.

“He got suspended. They didn’t even let him suit up.”

“Really?”

“A bunch of us came forward and told Coach. They don’t mess around, especially if there’s a court case or media. Listen, the favor I wanted to ask you.” He stopped. People began to stream around us. “You know the girl?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

He shifted his helmet to his other hand, then back again. “Um. You heard in class that day, about my sister.”

“I remember.”

“Do girls know about your friend? I mean, the guys know, but guys don’t say that stuff to girls.”

“Oh.” He was asking about rumors? “Are you asking if it’s been spread around, because if you are, you’re asking the wrong person. I talk to you, a few others, and that’s it. I’m the furthest from ‘in the know.’”

“She hasn’t said anything?”

“I said something to her, just so she knew I was there if she wanted, but that was it. I haven’t pushed her to do anything.” I began scratching at the top of my arm, half-covering my body. “She’s here. She seems kinda normal, but I don’t know the process for that stuff.”

“She’s not.”

“What?”

That word came out clipped and almost harsh. He softened it this time. “She isn’t okay. My sister did the same.”

“Yeah?”

“She didn’t want to accept what happened to her, so she pretended it didn’t. But it did, and it ate at her on the inside. Your friend, whether she says something or not, can’t lie to herself. If she’s here and she’s acting normal, she’s not.”

“What can I do? Besides just be there for her, I mean. I can’t make her say anything.”

“I know, but just be there for her. Often. Keep a watchful eye out. You know what I mean?”

I thought so. I looked past his shoulder to where their group was starting to venture our way. Gage wasn’t with them anymore, and I frowned. I scanned the rest of the crowd, but couldn’t see him.

“That’s weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head.

“What?”

“Oh. Just.” I waved it off. It really wasn’t a big deal. “It’s nothing. My brother was with me today, and he went and sat with her. He knows. He’s the one who told me.”

“Why would he do that? Why would he sit with her?”

“What?” I was still looking for Gage, but Linde’s sharpness caught me off guard. I focused on him again, fully. “My brother just wants to help. He was worried I’d been with her, that I could’ve been a target, too.”

“Some girls don’t deal with it the right way. Some girls cling to the nice guy who comes next in line, and they think that’s going to wash away the shit they’re feeling inside. It never works. Tell him to back off her. She needs good female friends, that’s it. Family, too, if they’re good to her.”

I hadn’t thought of that, but it made sense. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”

Casey saw us talking, and a small frown tugged at her lips. Her eyes clouded, and she slowed to a snail’s pace. Kristina and the others noticed and started glancing back at her, also wearing frowns.

Casey’s gaze drifted to Linde and then back to me. A question formed there.

“Go,” I said it softly and reached out for Linde. I pushed him, the slightest of touches. “She’ll know we’re talking about her.”

The football team was completely gone. Linde was the last, and he was gaining more attention. I didn’t care about me this time, I was worried about how Casey would take it. She knew my brother knew, and she knew someone else knew, but it was starting to sound like the rumor was circulating among the guys. I didn’t know the protocol—if guys freely shared when one of their own assaulted someone or if it was even like that. But I knew it wasn’t normal for guys to come forward against one of their own, especially a football player. That was good. If I knew anything, I knew that much. If Casey did come out, she’d be believed.

Or I hoped she would.

Kristina and the others were almost to me, and when they started to show signs of slowing to talk, Casey spoke up, “Can you guys give us a minute?”

Kristina frowned, all of them did, but they kept on ahead.

She waited till they were far enough away not to overhear. “Is that the guy?”

My eyes widened. “What?”

“You said a guy knew, not your brother, but someone else.”

“Oh.” My mind was racing. What was the right play here? “No, he isn’t that guy.”

“Oh.” Air left her, and her shoulders relaxed.

“But he knows.”