The Girl in a Swing

believe in it any more - it hasn't meant anything for a long

  time - is that what's troubling you?'

  'No-o!' she cried, as though to say 'Please stop!'

  Now I was beginning to feel distinctly worried. With one

  arm about her waist, I gently turned her to front the water

  once more and spoke with my face close beside hers.

  'Darling, don't be afraid to tell me; please don't. Whatever

  it is - anything at all -1 swear it won't make the slightest

  difference to me. If you were in the biggest legal jam in

  the world I'd get you out of it, come hell or high water. Tell

  me, have you been married before? Are you legally - you

  know, technically - married now, perhaps? Is it something

  like that?'

  Now she found her tongue, though plainly with an effort.

  Turning her head, she looked me in the face.

  'No, Alan, no! I'm not married and I never have been. That

  you can believe absolutely. I just feel - well, I just feel I

  can't be married to you in church, that's all. It will have to

  be - you know - in an office or something.'

  I was baffled. I believed everything she had told me. Kathe,

  however, was obviously not at all the sort of girl to take a

  stand on principle over something like atheism or agnosticism.

  Yet what other explanation could there be?

  'Kathe, dear, please don't think I'm making a silly fuss

  about nothing. Honestly, I really hate to distress you like

  this, but it is rather important, for one or two reasons. You

  see, first of all I happen to feel that I ought to get married

  in church. I do hope that doesn't sound priggish or selfish.

  But on top of that my family - my mother, my sister, several

  other people - they're all going to feel the same. And - and

  - well, you know - the neighbourhood - all the people who

  know me - they'd be bound to think it was rather odd 135

  they'd wonder why, talk about it and all that. It can be as

  quiet as you like - just the family, if you'd prefer - no fuss

  at all - that'd be quite all right. But if there's no legal

  reason - you said there wasn't, and so of course there isn't it

  really would be best, believe me.'

  Kathe stood back a little and paused. Although there were

  tears in her eyes she now seemed to have recovered her selfpossession.

  'Alan, dearest, are you saying that otherwise it can't happen?'

  As I hesitated she went on, 'Please don't say that. I can't

  - I can't explain: but please, please do this one thing for

  me and don't ask why. I promise I'll be the best wife to you

  that ever a man had. One day, perhaps, I'll be able to

  explain.'

  What could I say? My passionate adoration, my faith and

  trust in her, my almost-continuous sense of the miraculous,

  incredible generosity of her love for me - these had transformed

  my life, my hopes, my plans, all that I was living for.

  Hard as it was, and against my principles too, for her sake

  I would have sacrificed more than this.

  There could also be no doubt, however, that it was a

  considerable blow and extremely awkward. But since I had

  decided to put a good face on the business, I'd better start

  thinking how best to handle it. I needed advice - I needed

  to talk it over with someone.

  'All right, darling,' I said. 'I will do as you ask, and I'll do

  it with a good heart, too. It'll be a bit tricky, but we'll get by

  all right, I'm sure. I tell you what, let's slip back to the hotel

  and have a drink, shall we? And then perhaps I'll make a

  'phone call and we'll decide how to fix it all up to suit you.

  Let's leave the clothes until this afternoon - there'll be

  plenty of time for them as well, so don't worry. And you'll

  have carte blanche - got it? If you don't make the very most

  of it, we shall be having our first quarrel. I want to see some

  heavy spending.'

  In the taxi she clung to me, kissing me again and again.

  'Alan, I'll never forget how kind and understanding you've

  been! Don't think I don't know how difficult it must be for

  136

  you. I really do. Thank you - thank you so much! I'll make

  it up to you: I'll make you as happy as the day's long, believe

  me!'

  Looking at her, it wasn't hard to believe.

  13

  BACK at the hotel, Kathe was quiet - almost subdued - but

  seemed also relieved, and restored to peace of mind. To see

  her seriously upset, and robbed of so much that went to

  make up her style and charm; her self-possession, wit, and

  her miraculous ballon - that vernal, floating quality, peculiarly

  hers, like a Brimstone butterfly on an April morning had

  not only distressed me but also made me feel a kind

  of guilt for having, however unintentionally, brought such a

  blemish about. The effect of her beauty and joyous, natural

  dignity being impaired in this way had been to make me,

  though blameless, ashamed of being human; rather as one

  might feel at coming upon, say, a Persian cat running hither

  and thither in traffic, scared out of its wits, or a tern lying

  on a beach, fouled by oil. True, Kathe was not of another

  species; but she was singular, not like ordinary people. It

  was entirely wrong that she should be exposed even to the

  risk of uglification, and it was up to me to make sure that

  it didn't happen again. For mine and everyone's sake, her

  beauty and unique charm must henceforth be guarded and

  protected, so that they could go on blessing the world; so

  that the rest of us could go on delighting in them. This had

  now become my responsibility.

  After we had relaxed and talked for twenty minutes over

  our drinks, I left her reading Vogue in a corner of the residents'

  lounge and went to telephone Tony Redwood.

  I was lucky enough to find him in and free to talk. As

  usual he was unexpected, reassuring, and as liberal in help

  as the good Samaritan.

  'Well, to start with, Alan, it doesn't matter two hoots

  whether you're married in a church or a registry office. Shall

  137

  I tell you how many regular communicants I've known who

  for one reason or another have been married in registry

  offices? A hell of a lot, anyway. If anyone happens to mention

  it to me, I shall simply tell them that as far as I know

  you're getting married in a registry office for reasons of

  mutual convenience connected with the fact that Kathe's

  from abroad and hasn't any relatives or family friends here.

  That's not in the least unusual. As for your own personal

  feelings, just forget them - put them entirely on one side

  until further notice. You both want to get married- that's the

  point. Later on, if Kathe's up for it and only if, I can conduct

  a service for you privately. But that'll be a concession on

  her part to your susceptibilities and mine - seeing that your

  personal beliefs are almost as extraordinary as my own. And

  for Pete's sake don't try to hurry it. What is it? - "The kingdom

  of God cometh not with observation." It's within you bot
h

  of you. If I can put my hat on and presume to advise,

  you mustn't forget that. What did you say, Alan? People

  talking? Well, all I can say is, I shall be one of them, loud

  and clear. You simply mustn't let it affect you. This is your

  wife and your marriage and nobody else's, and she comes

  first. You're worried about telling your mother? Well, if I'm

  sticking my nose in, punch it; but if it'll help at all, I'll drop

  round myself this evening and have a word with her and

  tell her you asked me to. It'll probably cost you about half

  a bottle of that manzanilla of yours next time we meet. You

  know I can't resist it.'

  About two minutes later he said, 'Well, look here, Alan,

  I'm in this with you up to the neck, so I'll tell you what. You

  say Kathe seems a bit upset about it and you obviously are,

  so if you like I'll pop up to London tomorrow and meet you

  both for tea. I can easily get an afternoon train from Reading.

  No - no trouble at all: the fox enjoys the run. But if you

  think I'm going to try to change her mind, forget it. I shall

  wear a collar and tie and talk about Mozart-didn't you say she

  likes music? Your friendly local eccentric.'

  'That's damned good of you, Tony,' I said. 'I really appreciate

  it. We'll meet your train.'

  'No, don't -'

  138

  'Yes, we will. You can't stop us. Come on, what time does

  it get in?'

  'Well, British Rail say it gets in at - let's have a look four

  thirty-five. I'm sorry I can't make it any earlier, but

  I've got a committee meeting. Now you go back and give her

  another drink; and have a nice day, as the Americans say.

  Mind you do, too, or I'll conduct a commination.'

  I returned to the residents' lounge greatly encouraged.

  That afternoon we bought an antique pearl cluster ring

  at Harvey & Gore for more than I had any business to be

  spending. Then we sauntered from one boutique to another,

  gazing in windows, strolling in and out of doorways and

  among displays of every kind of feminine luxury from novelty

  jewellery to evening dresses. At Janet Reger we bought two

  complete sets of satin underclothes - one apricot, the other

  ivory - frothy with lace, cool and smooth to the touch as a

  basket of greengages. At Brown's Kathe became mysterious,

  making me turn my back as she plunged here and there

  among the racks before disappearing into a changing cubicle,

  followed by a heavily-laden shop-assistant. Yes later, elsewhere

  - how can I remember where? - she called me in to

  pass judgement, turning this way and that between the enclosing

  looking-glasses, among a medley of discarded garments

  of every kind. So it was I myself who finally chose the

  flower-sprigged, apricot organdie and the white linen suit,

  while she countered with a silk sweater in thin rainbow

  stripes. A certain amount, however, had evidently been

  settled before I was summoned, for I caught glimpses,

  among folded tissue-paper, of a vivid pink cotton jersey and

  of something else in cream-coloured silk. Fortunately, I had

  my business as well as my personal-account cheque-book

  with me. (I have never been able to feel easy about being

  overdrawn, even temporarily.)

  Clambering out of the taxi that took us to Harrod's, I

  could not hold the heavy glass door open for her, being

  loaded like a camel with all manner of striped and sepia

  carrier-bags: and she, taking pity and my ready cash, left me

  to browse in the book department, returning half an hour

  later with two soft, lace-trimmed cotton sweaters which to

  139

  me looked exactly like vests; a green linen skirt and a white

  bikini.

  Then - for she seemed tireless - after a quick cup of tea

  and a bath at the hotel we had an early dinner at Bertorelli's

  and went, by her choice, to a production of Uncle Vanya. I

  remember it well, particularly the Sonya, who was totally

  convincing - plain, clumsy and very moving in the final

  scene.

  I accompanied Kathe up to her room. Having taken off her

  coat, she sat down at the dressing-table, slipped out her earrings

  and began brushing her hair; then, suddenly putting

  down the brush, she turned and kissed me 'by the pot', as

  they say, drawing my lips down to her own with hands

  pressed flat on either side of my face.

  'Would you like me to - m'm, m'm, let me go, I can't

  breathe! - stay until you're asleep tonight?'

  'No, because if you did tonight I shouldn't be able to go

  to sleep.' She paused and then, in the same matter-of-fact

  tone, added, 'But I'd like you to undress me, Alan, please.'

  I gave a little start. 'Sorry - did you say undress you?'

  'Yes, please.'

  It seemed to me that if we weren't going to be married

  in church it no longer made much difference. I was ready

  enough, if this was what she wanted. Indeed, I was beside

  myself with desire, my pulse beating so that I could feel it

  throbbing in chest and wrists, my lips dry for all her kissing.

  My voice came in a silly little, high-pitched gasp, and I

  hurriedly got it into register.

  'You mean - you'd like me to make love to you now,

  darling?'

  Kathe, who was hanging up her coat in the wardrobe,

  turned and stared at me in open-mouthed astonishment.

  'Good heavens, Alan! Do you realize how much you've exhausted

  me today already? I'm dropping!' She brushed the

  beautiful ring, with its five pearls, lightly down my cheek;

  then held it up, fingers outspread before my eyes. 'I'm tired

  out with all your generosity and kindness! Make love? You

  must be out of your mind! Who said a word about making

  140

  love? I said I wanted you to undress me.' And, as I stood

  staring and bewildered, she added, with a touch of pathos,

  'Well, don't you sometimes like to be made a fuss of?'

  So I undressed her, garment by garment. She was even

  more beautiful than I could possibly have imagined. I put

  on her slippers, wound up her watch and finished brushing

  her hair. It clearly gave her pleasure, but she was no more

  teasing me than Flick's Angela in the bath.

  'Put my dress on a hanger.'

  As I did so she strolled across to the open window, leant

  out and for a few moments remained looking down into the

  street before unhurriedly drawing the curtains. Then, still

  naked, she washed, bathed her eyes and cleaned her teeth.

  'Oh, how lovely to be tired!' Walking towards the bed,

  she stopped in front of the long glass on the wardrobe door,

  clasping her hands behind her head, turning this way and

  that and looking her reflection up and down.

  'M'm - 'think I'm nice?' she asked, as though in some

  slight doubt about it; and then, since I could find no reply,

  'Well, do you?' in a tone somewhere between anxiety and

  impatience.

  'Yes; very.'

  She turned round and looked at me, smiling. 'You've seen

  not
hing yet.'

  'Oh, no?'

  'No. You wait.'

  I swallowed. 'Right, I'll - er - do that.'

  She sat down in the dressing-table chair. 'Rub my

  shoulders. Little bit higher up. Oh, that's right! I think I'll

  go to sleep in my dressing-gown. Look, it's over there. Put it

  on for me, Alan, please.'

  When I had done as she asked she said, 'I'm sorry I was

  so silly last night, darling - about the dark. I really was

  awfully tired.'

  'You weren't silly, and you don't have to say you're sorry.'

  'Tell me that bit of Goethe again. You know, the bit you

  told me in the restaurant the evening when we almost said

  good-bye and didn't.'

  141

  With something of an effort I collected myself and began.

  'Kennst du das Land, wo die Zitronen bluhn?

  Im dunkeln Laub die Gold-Orangen gliihn,

  Ein sanfter Wind vom blauen Himmel weht.

  Die Myrte still und hoch der Lorbeer steht Kennst

  du es wohl?'

  She broke in,

  'Dahin! Dahin!

  Mocht ich mit dir, o mein Geliebter, ziehn!

  'And I will! Do put the bathroom light on, mein Geliebter,

  and a cushion in the door, like last night. It was so nice to

  see it still on when I woke this morning; just as if you'd

  been there all night, looking after me.'

  Most men, I thought, as I walked down the corridor to my

  room, would say I must be clean out of my mind. However,

  they were not acquainted with Kathe, or her ability to

  bend the dawn to touch the sunset. I had no idea where I

  was, except that I was going to make darned sure I wasn't

  anywhere else, ever again.

  By lunch-time the following morning I was in a fair way to be

  even further out of my mind. I had vaguely supposed that

  marriage in a registry office, while lacking both sanctity and

  style, was at least a swift, straightforward business. If not,

  then v.hat was the use of it, even to the heathen? A few

  inquiries, however, showed it to be no such thing. Not really

  wanting to ask advice on the telephone from my solicitor in

  Newbury (I liked Brian, but we had never been close friends),

  I called at a London registry office.

  The official who saw me, a Mr Dance, was at any rate a

  likeable fellow and obviously one who made a point of being

  helpful and courteous to everybody. He was also depressingly

  clear about the alternatives available.

  'In the first place, sir, there is the normal procedure, which

  is termed "certificate without licence"; and secondly, there's

  142

  procedure by what is called registrar's licence and certificate.

  The first is appropriate in the majority of cases; that is, when

  the parties wish to be married at an office serving an area

  in which one or both are resident. In this case one or both

  parties require a minimum of seven days' residence in the

  area before making application. Upon application being

  made, the registrar enters in his records what is termed

  "notice of intention" and the marriage may take place within

  a minimum of twenty-one days from the date of entry. That

  involves, therefore, a minimum of twenty-eight days' residence

  in the area by at least one of the parties.'

  'I see. And the other you mentioned?'

  'I should perhaps emphasize, sir, that the alternative, by

  registrar's licence, costs an additional twenty pounds.'

  'All right, carry on.'

  'In this case,' continued Mr Dance, 'one or other party requires

  a minimum of fifteen days' residence in the area before

  making application. He - or she - then applies for a

  registrar's licence and the parties may marry within a minimum

  of three days after that licence has been granted.'

  'Would it be granted to a foreign national?'

  'Oh, certainly, sir. That would raise no problems, provided

  the party's passport was in order.'

  'I see. Well, thank you very much.'

  'Do you wish to make either kind of application at the

  present time, sir?'

  'Well, I think perhaps I'd better put the lady in the picture

  first, and talk it over with her.'

  'Of course, sir. Well, please don't hesitate to call or telephone

  if you feel that I can be of any further assistance to

  you. It's what we're here for, you know.'

  Now however much moral support Tony was prepared to

  give, one thing I emphatically had no wish to do was to

  get married in the registry office 'serving the area in which I

  was normally resident'. Certainly, I had not supposed that

  Kathe and I could just walk straight into any old registry